Disclaimer: “Full Metal Panic!” and all of its characters were created by Gatou Shoji. They belong to him and were used without prior permission. No profit is made through this story.

Author’s note: English isn’t my first language. I apologize for any inconveniences caused by this.

Special thanks go to deleria for the beta and the encouragement. You rock, girl!

Constructive criticism, feedback and flames (directed at the story) are welcome. However, if you flame me as a person, I’ll send the Jindai High School Music Club after you. You have been warned.

---

Abyss

By Lee

© March 2004

---

Sergeant Sagara Sousuke sat huddled in a corner of a hospital waiting room, his usually vigilant eyes screwed shut in the vain attempt to keep away the images that haunted him. No matter how much he wracked his brain, how often he replayed every move, the design and execution of the trap had been flawless. 'It should have been safe.'

The device had been a simple trap he had rigged up to keep terrorists from tampering with the costume Chidori Kaname was to wear for a stage play. 'Those things are fool-proof. They don't explode. It wasn't supposed to explode!' It should have been safe. He was a professional, after all. 'Then, what went wrong? Did I miss something?'

Of course, Chidori had told him more than once that setting up traps was too dangerous and unacceptable, but he had calmly explained they were meant to improve her security. ‘There is always a small risk involved, but compared to the advantage of disabling the enemy…’

Only there was no enemy, no terrorists, and no war. The only one posing a threat in this ordinary Japanese High School was the professional mercenary sent to protect a precious Whispered. ‘There was no imminent threat. I had no reason to set up a trap in the first place.'

Sousuke drew a shuddering breath. When the device blew off right in Kaname’s face, he still had foolishly thought that everything would turn out okay. 'I made a mistake.’

For a moment, it had been absolutely quiet in the room. Kaname had just stood there, motionless, and he could see her shoulders squaring. Sousuke knew her well enough to know that he was in for trouble with a capital T, considering that the date of the play was close and the costume had been ruined. So he had waited for her to execute punishment with the paper fan she usually wielded like a weapon. But the punishment never came.

He still remembered vividly how she had slowly turned around, a look of utter surprise on her ghostly pale face. It was then that he noticed the remains of the metal coat hanger that had penetrated her neck directly above her left collar bone. Blood gushed out of the wound steadily, rapidly drenching her school uniform crimson. The surprised expression turned to one of realization and then the unabashed anger in her eyes burned through him with the destructive force of a nuclear explosion.

“Sousuke!”

It had been nothing but a soft hiss. Suddenly, her eyes had rolled back and she slumped to the floor boneless. His professional experience told him that the injury was grave, possibly lethal - judging by the color and amount of blood she was losing, an artery was nicked.

Blood. He stared at the dried blood on his hands, Kaname's blood. She had lost so much blood - 'Even if she survives, there's a high probability for brain damage.' He was a professional, supposed to stay cool and aloft. But Sousuke was only too aware of the complete and thorough hopelessness that overwhelmed him. Slight tremors ran through his body, fear choked him – in one word, he was in a mess. 'How can I protect you when I'm like this, Kaname?’

He recalled checking for a pulse and finding none, remembered the warmth of her blood on his face and hands when he had desperately fought for her life. He had breathed oxygen into her lungs until his head was ready to explode, hardly noticing the cracking noise when he had broken ribs to make her heart beating again. Through the dizzy haze in his brain he could hear someone screaming for an ambulance. He remembered the cold panic that had consumed him, and the stray thought that he would later on have to apologize to Chidori for taking her lips without permission. She would be mad, of course, and maybe he would end up being beaten into a bloody pulp, but she would forgive him, right?

'Kaname will survive. Everything will be all right.'

He repeated the thought over and over, like a mantra, clung to it in the desperate attempt to escape the inevitable truth. In retrospective, it was both laughable and embarrassing. Only an amateur would deny the facts and stick to childish hopes and wishes that had no chance of coming true. ‘Commander Kalinin will be furious if Kaname dies.’

After what seemed like a lifetime, the paramedics arrived, prying him away from her. Sousuke had watched them working on Kaname, recognized the practiced moves of professionals at work, detached and efficient.

‘When did I become so attached to her that it interfered with my efficiency?’

He almost lost her twice on the way to the hospital, but they brought her back just in time.

‘My responsibility.’

Then she was hurried out of his sight, into surgery. The nurses had ushered him to the waiting room when he had tried to follow, making it clear that any interference on his part would endanger the patient. It took him a while to get the bout of irrationality under control, pacing up and down in the assigned area like an animal in a cage. Dutiful, he had informed the Commander about what happened. He sat through a serious scolding by Miss Kagurazaka and answered endless questions by the police. Only too soon there was no more activity with which he could distract himself. There was no way to stop himself from thinking.

‘My fault.’

Time scattered to a halt when there was nothing left to do but wait. Wait for Kaname to pull through or the abyss to swallow him.

‘Please, don’t die.’

Whatever came first.

---

tbc