This filk combines two of my fandoms, Lord of the Rings and M*A*S*H.
The tune comes from a song used in a fifth season M*A*S*H episode titled
"Movie Tonight". I've heard the song's original title is either "I Don't
Want No More of Army Life" or "They Say That in the Army". The lyrics are
inspired by the Lord of the Rings trilogy (mainly the films as opposed to
the books).
This whole thing is completely silly, because I wrote it while in a
completely silly mood. And, of course, no harm is intended toward any
character or hair care product, and I'm making no money off this, so please
don't sue me. :-)
Enjoy!

A.S.R.

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Middle-Earth Lament
the Fellowship version

Though Aragorn may be king,
He's really such a dope.
Before he kisses Arwen,
He ought to use some soap!

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go west!

Gandalf the Grey Wizard
Is such a lousy liar
He claims to not do fireworks
So why's his beard on fire?

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go west!

Gimli has a secret
He keeps it to himself
He's really into dwarf-tossing
But please don't tell the elf!

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go west!

The members of the Fellowship
They all have made a bet
What's Leggy's favorite hairspray?
I hear it's Aquanet!

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go west!

Denethor has two sons
Boromir's the first
Just like his loony father
His mind's a little cursed!

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go west!

Pippin's curiosity
Will do him in one day
If he touches one more Palantìr
His brain will melt away!

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go west!

Meriadoc Brandybuck
Catches tons of flack
He's stealing Maggot's crops again
That kleptomaniac!

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go west!

Master Samwise Gamgee
Is great at rabbit stew
Whenever his friends eat it
They always want to spew!

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go west!

Our hero, Frodo Baggins
Sailed off to Valinor
We only hope he comes back
for "Lord of the Rings Four"!

Oh! - I don't want no more of Middle-Earth,
Elrond, I wanna go,
But Jackson won't let me go,
Elrond, I wanna go west-!