Pretty Fly For A Goth Guy

By Charles Xavier

(Parody of 'Pretty Fly For A White Guy' by the Offspring)

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"Happy birthday, my dear." Lord Godo gave a big happy smile as he entered Yuffie's room…which was completely filled with all sorts of Materia…too many, perhaps. "Hope you've enjoyed your very special day."

"Hai." Said the 17 year old Wutainese princess, sitting on her bed with a depressed look on her face. Godo knew from looking at her, that something certainly was troubling his daughter.

"Yuffie? Is there something wrong? You look a little pale tonight." Godo looked at her with concern.

"Dad…" She sighed. "…I was hoping to meet someone on my birthday. But it just turned that he didn't come at all."

"Oh, who might this be?"

"Well, I kind of have a crush on him." Godo jumped back at once…could it be? Could it be that his daughter may have finally found a real man? "So if I tell you his name, will you promise not to freak out?"

"Of course not, dear."

"His name is…" Yuffie bit her lip and spoke out: "…Vincent Valentine."

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I adore that Vinnie!

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What! What! What! What!

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I adore that Vinnie!

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What! What! What! What!

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I adore that Vinnie!

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What! What! What! What!

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'Cause all the fan-girls say he's pretty fly, for a goth guy!

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Staniv, Checkhov, Gorki and Shake suddenly burst into the room playing Yuffie's song with their large drums and guitars. The band began shaking up the room with their extremely loud rock music. Godo could do nothing at this moment now, but cover up his ears up while Yuffie sang…

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Ichi, ni, ban, yon, go, go, roku!

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You know it's kind of hard

Just to look for men today.

The guys in AVALANCHE

Look absolutely gay.

They do not have a brain

And they're all a bunch of apes.

But one guy stands out from them,

He's the one with the red cape!

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AAAAAA!

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So don't you scream! It's my dream,

To be the wife of that funky looking man.

He's got a Death Penalty, but can't he see,

I'm his biggest fan, I'm his biggest fan?

Reno of the Turks smells like a dried up turd.

At least he'll know he can

Always tease Elena.

The world needs Yuffentines.

Hey, Vince! Do that Chaos thing!

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I adore that Vinnie!

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What! What! What! What!

---

I adore that Vinnie!

---

What! What! What! What!

---

I adore that Vinnie!

---

What! What! What! What!

---

'Cause all the fan-girls say he's pretty fly, for a goth guy!

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I know we've different ages,

But I don't give a crap.

You know they say sometimes,

That opposites attract.

I may be real annoying,

And not mature at all.

But if Vince rejects me,

Then I'll kick him in the balls!

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AAAAAA!

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So don't you scream! It's my dream,

To be the wife of that funky looking man.

He's got a Death Penalty, but can't he see,

I'm his biggest fan, I'm his biggest fan?

Reno of the Turks smells like a dried up turd.

At least he'll know he can

Always tease Elena.

The world loves Yuffentines.

Hey, Vince! Do that Chaos thing!

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Now he once loved Lucrecia,

He lost her, years back.

Dr. Hojo took the glory…

Well, cut me some slack!

I think my Vince's so sad,

And he looks too grim.

But in his own mind,

He's the sexy beast within!

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I adore that Vinnie!

---

What! What! What! What!

---

I adore that Vinnie!

---

What! What! What! What!

---

I adore that Vinnie!

---

What! What! What! What!

---

Ichi, ni, ban, yon, go, go, roku!

---

So don't you scream! It's my dream,

To be the wife of that funky looking man.

He's got a Death Penalty, but can't he see,

I'm his biggest fan, I'm his biggest fan?

Reno of the Turks smells like a dried up turd.

At least he'll know he can

Always tease Elena.

The world needs Yuffentines.

The world loves Yuffentines.

So let's get some more Yuffentines!

So, Vince! Do that Chaos thing!

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After finishing her song, Yuffie's band left the room to give her father and herself the privacy they need. Staniv and the others waved and goodbye and slid the doors shut behind them.

"So, Dad? What do you think about Vincent?"

Yuffie looked around her room and saw no sight of her father, until she realized that he in fact was lying on the floor, passed out.

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Fin