Chapter Eight

I had been a quiet and tense week at the Tendo dojo.

For reasons that no-one could understand the mere sight of Ranma was enough to cause Akane to stutter uncontrollably and back nervously from the room. While this, at least from Ranma’s point of view, was a vast improvement over the seemingly random poundings he had been receiving over the previous weeks, to others it heralded signs that either;

1. Ranma and Akane were finally accepting their engagement and everything was going well (Soun).

2. Akane was losing the few marbles she had previously managed to retain and she was about to enter meltdown (Nabiki).

3. Akane was just going through one of those stages that all teenagers went through (Kasumi).

4. Things were building up to the cliffhanger at the end of the TV ratings period (Teri, as most of his education had so far been received from the television)

or

5. Good times were coming (the koi in the pond, after all they had had the pond to themselves all week).

Whatever the reason the dojo had been quiet.

Ranma however was wracked with guilt.

He had betrayed his fiances, after his, not really a date with Nabiki, they had kissed, hugged and stuff. And it was wonderful. Ranma, long starved of affection felt he should be walking on air, but somehow he knew what they had done was wrong.

‘If Akane just came out and pounded me’ he thought ‘it would all be better. Instead she looks at me with horror. She knows, she knows and she’s as disgusted with me as I am with myself.

‘All those times she called me a pervert, she was right.’

Pleased that the poundings had stopped, while believing he deserved a pounding was driving Ranma deeper into a shame and guilt spiral.

So Ranma became quiet and withdrawn, this worried Nabiki.

Nabiki was plagued with guilt as well.

‘Her own sister’s fiance, how could she?’

Part of her, was ecstatic. Over the past few months her and Ranma had grown closer and at the time their brief excursion off the path in the park had seemed but a natural progression in their developing relationship, but now with the behaviour of Ranma and Akane Nabiki was imagining this was all her fault.

Nabiki became cold and snappy, students at school were paying their debts off early to avoid the wrath of the ice-queen. Worse she was cold with Ranma when what she really wanted was to hold him again, she knew she shouldn’t be angry with him, it was her fault.

‘If only it hadn’t happened, we’d still be friends’ Nabiki would think ‘if only it would happen again.’

Inside Nabiki was just sad.

Sad and depressed, of all the people at school only Sayuri seemed to understand. At least Nabiki could smile about that, she had a friend.

8 8 8

On a Saturday afternoon the Tendo dojo usually rang with sounds of suffering practice dummies and breaking boards. But this Saturday the dummies passed the day in peace and the boards in one piece and it was to this oddly quiet residence that Mrs Yoshikawa wended her weary way.

Taking scant note of the notice at the entrance gates Mrs Yoshikawa made her way directly to the front door of the Tendo home and tapped firmly and precisely on the door.

Precision was an important factor in Mrs Yoshikawa’s life as was order and quiet. For Mrs Yoshikawa was a martial arts librarian. The lustrous black hair of her youth had long since faded and been replaced with a severe steel gray arrangement that looked solid enough to bounce a brick off. Thin and frail with piercing eyes that were able to both freeze noisy library visitors and decalcify their spines many took Mrs Yoshikawa for a lonely spinster, instead she had been married for fifty years to a martial arts podiatrist and had four children and twice as many grandchildren.

She had only a moment to wait before the door opened and a beautiful young woman opened the door.

Mrs Yoshikawa, fore-armed with knowledge of the residents of the house knew that this was Kasumi Tendo and thanked Kasumi politely as she was shown in.

Mrs Yoshikawa was please to see that all of the players were present as she was shown into the living area of the house, she took a moment to study each in turn and noted that there seemed to be something bubbling unpleasantly beneath the seeming placid surface of the dojo.

Mrs Yoshikawa sighed, there was no easy way to do this she thought “Good afternoon, I’m Mrs Yoshikawa, martial arts librarian.”

Ranma groaned another challenger.

“I’m not here to issue a challenge” she assured the assembled group “I’m here on Nerima Council business.”

“Martial art’s librarian” asked Nabiki dubious and intrigued.

“You’d be amazed at some of the more unusual martial arts.” Mrs Yoshikawa replied seeing a chance to establish her credentials and perhaps ease into the reason for her visit..

Nabiki raised an eyebrow.

“There are many unusual martial arts techniques Nabiki Tendo. For instance martial arts boomerang throwing!”

Nabiki cast a questioning glance at Ranma.

“I studied some of that, it was a long time ago” Ranma shrugged and then grinned “but it’ll come back to me.”

“Martial arts stand up.”

“I think we’ve already had that.” Nabiki replied glaring direly at Ranma.

“What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?” asked Ranma.

“I don’t know what do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?” asked Kasumi trying to get into the swing of things,

“A stick.”

Nabiki’s glare never faltered, the strain of the previous week was doing nothing for her sense of humour.

“Martial arts Elvis impersonating.”

Nabiki glanced across at Ranma who struck a typical Elvis pose and sang in a very good impersonation of Elvis “Uh huh huh, Uh huh huh.”

“Yeah yeah” squealed Kasumi.

“I’m all shook up” Nabiki deadpanned.

“Elvis impersonating?” Akane asked “Who would train…. I mean… Elvis?”

“Come on Pops is a master of Martial Art Elvis Impersonating.” Ranma proudly proclaimed and then in a quieter more conspiratorial tone continued “How do you think mom and pops got together?”

“You’re mother’s an Elvis fan too?” Kasumi gushed.

“Just a yes or no Ranma no ‘Uh huh huh’s’ please” Nabiki growled.

“Yeah yeah” grinned Ranma.

“I’m all shook up!” squealed Kasumi

“Martial Arts Elvis Impersonating?” Nabiki pondered briefly “Genma as fat Elvis?”

“Yeah, well when he and mom met he was still gold lame jacket Elvis he told me.” Ranma grinned “somewhere upstairs is pop’s rhinestone jumpsuit.”

“Martial arts double entendres” said Mrs Yoshikawa interrupting.

“I had a girl ask me for a double entendre once” Ranma paused “so I gave her one.”

Kasumi giggled, Nabiki looked aghast, Akane looked on in confusion.

“Martial Arts Accountancy.”

Nabiki looked at Ranma the question writ large across her face.

“Why do you think my balance is so good?” Ranma said.

“I don’t believe it!”

Ranma reached into a conveniently placed sub-space pocket and produced a certificate which he then handed to Nabiki.

“You’re a CPA!” shrieked Nabiki “Up until a couple of months ago you barely passed any of your classes and you’re a CPA?”

“Well that’s not quite true Nabiki-chan.”

Akane’s eyes would have narrowed at the familiarity but she was still thinking back over the conversation thinking she had missed something.

“I was doing very well in gym class.”

Nabiki glared harder.

“Who better to fight with the Tax Office?”

Nabiki glared harder still.

“It can be manly in insurance?” offered Ranma.

“PERVERT” Akane screamed bringing a 5 wood crashing down on Ranma’s head.

“Akane! What was that for?” Nabiki asked though she thought Ranma possibly deserved some punishment. She worked hard keeping the books for the household and there was a CPA living under the same roof.

“That double thing’ Akane spluttered “you heard him.”

“Do you even know what a double entendre is Akane?”

“No” Akane seethed “but it sounds French so it’s got to be perverted!”

“This is getting us nowhere” Mrs Yoshikawa interrupted looking down at the semi-conscious Ranma in shock “we have serious matters to discuss.”

Ranma shook his head and with some grudging support and a grated “CPA” from Nabiki rose to his feet.

Once Mrs Yoshikawa was certain she had everyone’s attention she started her story.

“Neolithic martial arts.”

Nabiki glanced at Ranma.

“Umm” Ranma’s brow creased in thought ‘Ah hah. Neolithic Big Wooden Club Strike.”

“You have got to be joking!” Nabiki glared at both Ranma and Mrs Yoshikawa.

“Many centuries ago” she paused “in Neolithic times in fact, the then tiny village of Nerima had a problem with martial artists.”

“Nothings changed then” commented Nabiki.

“No, but the village elders back then had a plan. A plan that would solve the problem of martial artists clubbing people at random” she paused a moment. “They consulted a local shaman who formulated the street plan for Nerima that we have today. The purpose of which is to funnel martial artists into open parkland and away from populated areas.”

Ranma and the others stared in disbelief at the martial arts librarian.

“How did the plan, design, uh whatever last so long?” asked Ranma.

“Martial arts librarianship is an extremely old art. For as long as there had been martial arts, there have been martial arts librarians. Storing the scrolls, copying scrolls, recording the important martial arts information of the day. The street plan for Nerima was of course, stored by an ancient martial arts librarian and as Nerima grew so did the Nerima Martial Arts Library and a martial arts librarian has been on retainer to the city for as long as Nerima has existed.

“Which brings me to why I’m here. Because the street plan was devised in Neolithic times, it is most effective in respect to Neolithic martial artists. But….”

“But?” Akane, Kasumi, Nabiki and Ranma echoed.

“The natives or in this case the Neolithic martial artists are restless.”

“Why?” Soun asked grateful for a chance to contribute to the conversation.

“Well,” Mrs Yoshokawa paused to look at Akane “it’s all Akane Tendo’s fault.”

“Mine!” shrieked Akane.

“Nice going Sis” smirked Nabiki.

“How?” Soun asked, now on a roll.

“Neolithic martial artists have very quaint marriage customs.”

“Well?” Soun prompted, almost beside himself with glee at the now major, or so he thought, part he was playing in the conversation.

“The Neolithic martial arts marriage ceremony consists solely of the female clubbing the male over the head.”

Nabiki and Kasumi snickered softly mindless of Akane’s glare.

“They actually have to use a club?” Ranma asked nervously.

“Not absolutely necessary, but for reasons of tradition it is preferred.” Mrs Yoshikawa smiled at Ranma “I wouldn’t be concerned if I were you about any marriage between yourself and a Neolithic martial artist, they are quite knowledgeable about Jusenkyo curses so if you did club a Neolithic martial artist it wouldn’t count.”

Ranma breathed a sigh of relief, secure in the knowledge he had avoided Neolithic matrimony.

“So what’s it got to do with me?” Akane prompted stealing Soun’s thunder much to his disappointment.

“So, thirty-two Neolithic martial artists have submitted papers to the Nerima Council advising of their marriage to one Akane Tendo.”

“Thirty-two husbands!” Akane shrieked.

“Oh my” gasped Kasumi.

“Is that legal?” asked Nabiki.

“Perfectly” replied Mrs Yoshikawa “special dispensation for Neolithic Martial Arts marriages it’s written into the by-laws of Nerima.”

“Oh Akane” Kasumi whispered “how did you find the time?”

Akane glared angrily at Kasumi who remained oblivious.

“And the energy” continued Kasumi wide-eyed.

“But isn’t bigamy or polygamy in this case illegal.” Nabiki asked.

“You could go to jail” Kasumi’s eyes widened further in shock at the thought of her little sister cruelly incarcerated.

“Special dispensation in Nerima” Mrs Yoshikawa explained again.

“Oh my” continued Kasumi still stuck on the thought of her sister going to jail and performed some rapid mental calculations. “Even with one conjugal visit a day, one husband would miss out on 4 months, another three wouldn’t get a look in during February and there’s just not enough days in any month for one poor man.”

Akane stared at Kasumi unsure of how to and unable to frame a suitable response.

Mrs Yoshikawa gazed in wonder at Kasumi and leant over to Nabiki and whispered “Is she often like this?”

Nabiki nodded and whispered confidentially “She just needs to get out more” as if that explained everything.

Ranma’s mind meanwhile had been working at a feverish pace since Mrs Yoshikawa had made her announcement regarding the recent changes in Akane’s marital status. While he was sensitive to the marital woes that could arrive to unexpectedly afflict people’s lives, due to his own problems in this area, this was too good an opportunity to miss.

“Oh woe” Ranma cried dramatically “oh woe is me. Betrayed and cast aside by an uncaring fiancé. Jilted for thirty-two other men.”

Nabiki snickered.

“Oh, poor Ranma” sympathised Kasumi.

“Hey!” said Akane.

Ranma continued, his knees obviously weakened by the shock gave way and Ranma clutched at the table for support. “The shame, the shame” he cried “oh, how can I show my face in public again.”

Soun, not renowned for his fast thinking and still recovering from the shock that his little girl had thirty-two husbands was only slowly waking up to the fact that something was interfering with the joining of the two families.

“So uncaring that she cast me aside unthinking of my poor tender heart!”

Soun was troubled, Genma was the brains of the operation, what would Genma do?

“Oh, it’s not made of wood” sniffed Kasumi empathetically.

‘What to do? What to do?’ Soun’s mind turned over once, twice before the motor engaged and his mental engine long idle started to pick up speed.

“Oh please” Akane grumbled rolling her eyes.

‘One daughter married, two unmarried’ Soun’s mind continued ticking over with all the grace, surety and precision of a dispeptic diesel.

“The disgrace is too much for me to bear I must end it all!” Ranma cried scrambling about for a suitable implement for suicide but only finding a spoon, which he commenced to brandish about in a self-menacing fashion.

Soun acting at last grabbed his closest daughter and threw her at Ranma.

“WAAAAH” Soun cried “ my baby just got engaged.”

Nabiki looked up at Ranma at whom she had just been thrown “I guess we just got engaged.”

“Is it always like this here?” Mrs Yoshikawa asked no-one in particular.

“Oh yes” replied Teri from his rug on the floor.

8 8 8

The living room of the Tendo house was in an uproar.

From Soun crying with joy at his middle daughter’s engagement and his youngest daughter’s marriages, though he was still a little confused about whether thirty-two husbands was a good idea. One small part of his mind figured that with Akane’s cooking skills being what they were the numbers would soon fall away.

Kasumi meanwhile was still pondering the logistics of having thirty-two new brothers-in-law and was becoming quite concerned about where they would sleep and blushing quite deeply when wondering if Akane would sleep with thirty-two husbands relying on her to perform her wifely duties.

Nabiki and Ranma meanwhile just stared at each other, wondering what to make of their sudden engagement and were conversing in quiet tones.

Relief seemed to be the common emotion. Suddenly the post date incident didn’t seem to be cause for guilt, or as much guilt, after all they were now engaged. Not that, they decided, anything needed to change because of their engagement, they would continue as before. While neither particularly wanted to be engaged, they decided they could work through it together and if they worked as a team could not see how their fathers could force them into anything.

“Besides” Ranma confided “this does mean when can, you know do …….stuff.”

“Stuff?” whispered Nabiki.

“But not in bushes” Ranma whispered back.

“You mean kiss” Nabiki offered leaning in close to Ranma and placing a hand on his chest “and cuddle.”

“Um…. yeah” Ranma answered blushing furiously.

Fortunately up until this point in Ranma and Nabiki’s conversation Akane’s mind was wholly occupied by the horrible realisation that she may be a pervert.

‘A normal person wouldn’t have thirty-two husbands, I’m a pervert’ Akane reeled ‘next thing I’ll be stealing boy’s underwear and peeking into the boy’s showers at school.’

Akane glanced over at Ranma and Nabiki noticing for the first time how close they were standing and ‘hey isn’t his hand on her waist!’

“HEN-TAI…PERV-ERT” Akane yelled punctuating each syllable with a blow from an eight iron.

Nabiki interposed herself between her now recumbent fiancé and raging sister “Excuse me Akane, but that is MY fiancé you are pounding and I have no problem with him, so BACK OFF!”

“But……but” Akane spluttered wilting under Nabiki’s gaze.

“You know Akane, if you were a Neolithic martial artist that would make thirty-three.” Kasumi keeping score.

8 8 8

‘This’ Mrs Yoshikawa decided ‘is a lot more difficult than I originally thought it would be.’

“Excuse me!” Mrs Yoshikawa called trying to restore order.

Peace or at least silence descended upon the Tendo household. Akane glared across at a suddenly smug looking Nabiki who was holding a nervous Ranma’s hand, though he did not seem to be trying to extricate himself from her grasp.

“If I may continue” Mrs Yoshikawa glanced around at those present.

“OK” she continued “the Neolithic martial artists aren’t very happy that Miss Tendo has not commenced her married life, ie. moved in with her new husbands and are revolting.”

Mrs Yoshikawa glared at everyone in turn daring them to make the obvious joke and seeing that no one was going to, continued.

“My sources have informed me that one particular clan is going to use this current little crisis to take over Nerima.”

“Clans?” asked Ranma.

“There are four clans. Each clan is named after their spiritual guide, an animal and each clan member makes a pilgrimage to Jusenkyo to bathe in the pool of their namesake.” Mrs Yoshikawa paused a moment to let this sink in.

“They actually curse themselves on purpose” Ranma said disbelievingly.

“Yes, it’s part of their initiation to become a full member of one of the clans. The Dire Wolves, the Cave Bears, the Sabre-Tooth Tigers and the worst of the lot, possibly the only clan that is irredeemably evil. The Fluffy Bunnies!”

“The Fluffy Bunnies” giggled Akane.

Mrs Yoshikawa showed no sign of amusement “Yes, the Fluffy Bunnies, they model themselves on a miniature lop-eared rabbit called Bun-Bun.”

“Bun-Bun” Ranma whispered softly.

“You’ve heard of him?” Mrs. Yoshikawa asked surprised.

“Met him,” said Ranma.

“A rabbit?” snickered Akane’

“A psychotic rabbit with a switchblade and a Glock with a laser sight!” Ranma countered.

“Oh really?” Akane laughed “are we talking about the same thing?”

“Cute, long floppy ears, chews things…”

“And possibly the most amoral creature to ever walk upon the earth.” added Mrs. Yoshikawa

“It’s a rabbit” countered Akane.

“I think we’re getting off track here’ Nabiki interjected

“He knows the dreaded lop technique.” Ranma continued reminiscing.

“Lop technique?” asked Akane suddenly interested.

“Where the death blow comes from behind!” Ranma finished.

“Behind” said Akane twirling about to see, only to have Ranma poke her in the back of her head with his finger.

“Behind.”

“Hey!”

“Children! Mrs. Yoshikawa interrupted “we have some serious issues to discuss here. Now, if you don’t mind.”

8 8 8

Hinako lay perfectly still.

She could feel the unbearable weight of the sunlight crashing down upon her eyelids causing unspeakable pain to course through her brain. Though she tried not to frame any thoughts whatsoever, even thinking was painful, one thought, one prayer kept passing through her mind ‘I hope Death comes quickly……. and on tiptoe.’

It was then with the slow and painful rising to full awareness that Hinako noticed something, some weight was pressing down upon her chest.

‘It’s small’ she thought ‘Oh my god it’s a rat, a rat has crawled up onto my chest while I’ve been asleep, it’s been overcome by the alcoholic fumes I’ve been breathing out and it’s died!’

Hinako froze fearful of disturbing the creature, even if it was dead or dead drunk, when suddenly it started to move.

“Oh my head” a small voiced groused.

In act of bravery or possibly supreme foolhardiness Hinako opened one eye and peered fearfully down at her chest.

“Morning” the small figure greeted Hinako grumpily “you will note I made no mention of good.”

Hinako made no attempt to nod a she was unsure whether this simple task was within her grasp at this moment or if her head would remain attached to her neck. She thought back over the previous night to see if she could make any sense of what she was seeing.

She and Eri had gone out clubbing to celebrate their becoming flatmates. She had no trouble maintaining her adult form as a seemingly endless parade of deadbeats and losers had ‘volunteered’ their services to help her maintain her ki level. There must have been more of them than she realised for here she was next morning and still adult.

Which she considered a good thing, a nine year old with a hangover could not be seen as socially acceptable. Some tired, alcohol and hangover befuddled part of Hinako’s mind pondered that for a moment and decided that losing custody of herself due to allowing a minor to drink would be difficult.

Sometime during the night they had been joined by A-chan who had been attracted by the endless parade of perverts flocking to Eri and Hinako’s table.

By the end of the night it was ‘A-chan’, ‘E-chan’, ‘H-chan’ and drinks all round.

Which brought them to this morning.

“Morning A-chan.” Hinako groaned.

“I though I heard something moving” came a voice from the bedroom door and possibly the grave.

Hinako pondered for a moment if she could turn her head to look at Eri. When she finally decided movement of any kind could not be much worse than what she was already experiencing slowly turned her head towards the door. There framed in the doorway was an immaculate Eri.

“How” Hinako rasped pondering the immeasurable distance between how Eri looked and how she sounded..

“Martial Arts Deportment.” Eri replied as she staggered across the room and gently lowered herself onto the bed beside Hinako.

“Ah.”

“You look” Eri managed to say “like I feel.”

“Urrgh.”

“H-chan?”

“Urrgh?”

“Same thing next Friday night?”

Hinako rolled her head to look at her friend and struggled to maintain her focus “Oh, definitely.”

8 8 8

Genma was home. Or at least Japan. Certainly, he would admit he was as far from Nerima as he could get and still be on the same island.

Happy could not begin to describe how he was feeling. It had not been a happy trip.

‘You would think’ Genma pondered with four legs that at least one of them would be a sea leg.’

Unfortunately for Frank and Genma, especially Frank, Frank had been cursed with landlubbers legs, all four of them. Subsequently Frank spent almost the entire trip draped over the railing of the ship heaving and wheezing dramatically as a panda can.

Unable to even produce a sign for the entire trip Frank clutched tightly to the railing with his front paws and clutched not at all with his stomach to the small tidbits Genma fed him. Now that they had landed Frank was bemoaning his fate, doomed to lose all his lovely panda fat on an interminable boat trip.

‘Ship voyage’ Genma corrected.

‘Whatever’ groused Frank in reply.

Having snuck off the ship Genma and Frank’s only hurdle to returning to Nerima was escaping the shipyards and hiking

‘Wasted, wasted away’ Franked moaned via sign ‘there will be nothing left of me but skin and bones.

‘Look. Look’ he gestured to his coat ‘my fur is losing it’s shine, I’m becoming ugly.’

‘Drama queen’ Genma signed unsympathetically.

The two pandas crept as quietly as they could through the maze of containers and warehouses, ducking back behind corners whenever they spotted workers or guards.

Genma sighed deeply, it was going to take them all day to get out of the shipyards at this rate and they still had a long journey ahead of them.

‘At least’ he thought ‘we haven’t been spotted yet.’

It was then Genma heard the horn sound behind them.

8 8 8

“So you see there are two issues here. One, stop the Fluffy Bunnies from taking over Nerima” Mrs Yoshikawa glared at Akane at this point as if daring her to laugh.

Akane maintained a stony faced silence.

“And two, arrange divorces for Akane, unless she likes the idea of being married to thirty-two Neolithic martial artists.”

Mrs Yoshikawa and the others turned to Akane waiting for her reply.

“What! Of course I want divorces” Akane screamed “AAARRRGGGHHHHH!”

“No need for histrionics” Mrs Yoshikawa reprimanded “a simple yes or no would have sufficed.”

Kasumi giggled and Nabiki looked amused, Ranma maintained a neutral expression while Soun looked lost. Teri smiled, though that may have been attributable to wind.

“Well, fortunately the solution to both problems is the same, you need a champion, preferably family or close friend of the family……..”

“Say a sister’s fiance?” offered Nabiki.

“Exactly” smiled Mrs Yoshikawa “Someone to challenge the Neolithic martial artists or just convince them to accept your request for a divorce.

“However, I would suggest that more than one champion would be required in this case and no females, unless you want a few more marriages.”

“I know just the people to help me out” Ranma grinned.

“Are you sure you don’t want to check them out and maybe keep one?” Kasumi asked Akane innocently.

Mrs Yoshikawa’s face almost split from her smile, Ranma and Nabiki clutched each other and roared with laughter, Soun just waited for Akane’s answer.

8 8 8

Late afternoon had done little to help A-chan, E-chan and H-chan.

The merest sound was enough to send lances of pain driving through their skulls, they had each in turn struggled to prepare some small morsel to eat, but the thought of performing such an action was as far as any of them got. Instead they lay side by side, or in A-chan’s case atop of H-chan on H-chans bed.

They would probably have and fully intended to do so, lay on H-chan’s bed until late Sunday if not for a persistent knocking of the apartment door and it was only the silent agreement formed between the three of them that the offending party should be killed as quickly and as quietly as possible that made them leave their resting place. With cat-like tread the three crept silently towards the door. A-chan considered for a brief moment summoning her mallet and pummeling the unknown knocker into paste. But memories of the satisfying thwack sound made when mallet strikes pervert only conjured images of pain so instead A-chan grabbed an errant shoelace and proceeded to plan methods of quiet strangulation.

H-chan silently blessed her door hinges as the door swung silently open to reveal a duck.

For a moment the three friends stared silently at each other and then at the duck, which in turn stared silently back at them.

“Hello” said the duck in a clear and pleasant female voice.

E-chan and H-chan stared.

A-chan was not to be denied however and leapt forward lassoing the duck about the neck.

“Die!” A-chan hissed angrily commencing the tighten the shoelace.

H-chan recovered first and grabbed A-chan hoping to preserve the duck’s life but instead ended up swinging the two around her head. Unfortunately E-chan’s head was in the flight path of duck and A-chan and the resulting collision rendered all three unconscious.

H-chan swayed dizzily for a moment until she too fell into blessed unconsciousness.

8 8 8

Genma and Frank turned slowly with their front paws raised above their heads.

There behind them was a dark green Mini with a white roof.

Frank and Genma looked at each other, then back at the Mini, there was no one behind the wheel. Frank glanced nervously at Genma who was walking around the small car. As Genma came to the driver’s door it swung open of it’s own accord, Genma smiled broadly at Frank and slid inside.

Frank with memories not altogether pleasant of the last trip taken with Genma smiled back nervously and walked around to the now open passenger door and climbed in.

Frank looked across at the panda seated beside him wearing dark glasses and reached for the second pair of glasses on the dashboard.

‘Ah well’ Frank thought ‘if you can’t beat ‘em.’

He held a sign up for Genma ‘Hit it!’

Hit it he did.

8 8 8

A-chan and the duck who they had learned was named Brunhilde stared at each other across the table while H-chan held he head in her hands still trying to stop it spinning and E-chan quizzed the duck.

“So let me get this straight. You’re a magical guardian animal?”

“Yes.”

“We’re magical girls?”

“Yes.”

“And we’re supposed to be fighting for…”

“A disco free world and instant noodles.”

“Whatever happened to Love and Justice?”

“It was taken” Brunhilde replied and sighed “all the good ones were taken.”

E-chan nodded her head sagely and carefully, while A-chan continued to stare daggers at Brunhilde.

H-chan’s head stabilised for a brief moment “Does the transformation cure hangovers?” she asked hopefully.

8 8 8

Nabiki walked Mrs Yoshikawa to the door. Nabiki felt uncomfortable under mrs Yoshikawa gaze for some reason she could not fathom as if she was somehow being judged, but why or for what?

Mrs Yoshikawa held a small piece of paper out for Nabiki. As Nabiki touched the paper a small shock caused her to snatch her hand back.

“What was that for?”

“You may have talent Nabiki Tendo” Mrs Yoshikawa held out a business card to Nabiki.

Nabiki stared at the card as if she expected the card to bite her.

“It’s perfectly safe” Mrs Yoshikawa looked intently at Nabiki “come see me at the library Nabiki Tendo, we should talk.”

“Sorry” Nabiki smirked “but I’ve got plans to make a lot of money.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised at how much a martial arts librarian makes Nabiki Tendo. It won’t hurt to talk”

Nabiki glanced at the business card, when she looked up Mrs Yoshikawa was gone.