CHAPTER 8

Final Chapter

Well, let them panic. Sometimes you had to be where you could breathe, where the rush of waves could soothe like music and nothing hurt anymore. Kane leaned his hands on the log rail, looking down at the beach, taking deep breaths. How was it when they'd eloped to marry he'd been on a high yet today he'd never been so nervous in his life? Last night he'd tossed and turned and in the short time he had slept every dream had been a nightmare.

It had been a mistake to visit his old home. It was as if yesterday, like it had always known and always been waiting for him in the musty damp smell of the abandoned house, had seeped into his skin like a poison. Whatever he did, wherever he turned, he could never run away from the fact he was Richie Phillips' son. Strangers remarked on the resemblance, looking at him in exactly the same way Dani used to look at him when he'd first returned to the Bay, and, jeez, all he ever had to do was catch his reflection in a mirror and except for the eyes Richie Phillips stared back at him.

The nightmares had had a new twist last night. Sometimes he was the little kid screaming as he was thrashed by his Dad, sometimes he was Richie himself curling the bike chain round his fist, and he was so scared, so very, very scared, of turning into his father and hurting Kirsty. Already he looked like him, what if it was in his blood, what would he do, how would he live, if he ever lost her? Because he'd give her up and have his heart ache for the rest of his life rather than put her through what he'd been through with Dad. And then the sea breezes came, warm and gentle, carrying the cries of the gulls and the scent of the ocean, and the white, foamy waves swept across the river, tugging at his heart, calming him, reminding him the love he and Kirsty shared was so strong, so unbreakable, that he could never, never in a million years, never till the end of time, ever hurt her.

Gradually his breathing slowed and he began to think more clearly though he wasn't yet ready to go back. Irene was probably making frantic phone calls to Flynn, Jesse, Alf and the rest, casting anxious glances at the clock, counting down the precious, flying, irretrievable minutes. But it'd be okay, Tasha would calm her down. Tasha would be waiting patiently, watching the gulls dipping and spinning and gliding over Summer Bay, and understand a childhood.

XXXXX

Dani gasped when she realised just how far down the ground was. But she couldn't face meeting anyone just yet and she so much needed to get away from all these wedding preparations, to clear her head for just a little while.

When they'd first moved to Summer Bay Caravan Park Kirsty had often done The Jump, for the sake of it, because the annex was there and because she could, leaving Dani with her heart in her mouth and Jade almost crying with fear. Dani and Jade could never understand Kirsty's constant need to run or climb or play footie, not even when they were kids, and they understood it even less now they were older. It messed up hair, broke nails, smeared make-up. Kirsty only laughed and didn't care when they told her that.

Dani never dreamed there would come a day when she too would be leaving via The Jump, but now here she was sitting on her bedroom window sill on Kirsty and Kane's wedding day, dressed in old jeans, trainers and a casual summer top, dangling her legs above the roof of the annex, being stared at from the wall by a black cat who until the unexpected interruption had been peacefully basking in the sun. Several minutes passed by without any more action and the cat, concluding the show had been cancelled, was in the middle of a leisurely half stretch, when Dani finally found her courage and jumped, closing her eyes and heaving a sigh of relief as her feet safely touched down on the flat annex roof. Now there was no going back. The window was still within her reach but just that little bit too high to haul herself back up.

She cautiously made her way to the edge of the roof, twisted her body round and gingerly lowered herself from the roof to the garden wall. Alarmed at this sudden turn of events, the cat leapt quickly leapt off the wall it hadn't reckoned on sharing and shot through. Dani jumped down on to the soft grass and watched the animal thoughtfully. Some people believed it was lucky to have a black cat cross your path, some people believed it was unlucky. Well, everything had changed now. What she'd decided, what she'd told Kirsty and Jade...she had to live with that decision forever, whether it was right or wrong.

XXXXX

Kirsty was still crying. She never thought she'd be crying on her wedding day, but she was, like she'd never be able to stop, Dani's words had made her cry so much.

"Hey, you're ruining your make-up," Jade said gently, hugging her.

"I don't care," Kirsy sobbed into her shoulder.

"And my dress."

"Sorry. I'm so sorry." Kirsty gulped.

"It's okay. It's okay, Kirst, I'm sure we can start all over again."

"But what if we can't? Jade, what if we can't? Why did Dan have to choose today of all days to say everything she said?" said Kirsty, and cried fresh tears.

XXXXX

The coast road was a long, curving road, the first picturesque glimpse visitors had of Summer Bay, the image those who had left the little seaside town carried in their hearts whenever they thought nostalgically of home. Along with the diner and the wharf, it was a popular meeting place, its curve making it easy to see people, even from a distance. So Dani knew it was Kane as soon as she stepped on to the coast road.

He hadn't seen her. He looked too deep in thought to notice anybody, like all that mattered was the sea he was staring down into. It was strange that he should be here too. Her feet had taken her there because of a dream, because the coast road was just a few minutes away from the caravan park, where she could while away a precious half an hour in peace, gathering her thoughts before anyone missed her. Because no one would ever know how much it cost her to do what she'd done. Not even Kirsty.

Dani absently trailed her hand along the log rail, brushing off the sand, like when she was a kid she would often pick up a twig to run along the railings, with Kirsty and Jade closely following because in those simple days the twins always wanted to do whatever Dani did. Once, Mum said, coming home from the large city park, the three of them had walked, one behind the other, each running a twig the entire length of the park railings in an almost perfect sequence, making so many people smile on that gloomy Sunday afternoon.

She bit her lip and began walking towards him, curious about why he was there, reassured there were people around and a constant swish of traffic, because in the nightmares still she feared him. She had almost reached him when a loud crash, like the thunder that had terrified her when she was small, startled her, and Kane looked up at the sudden movement.

"The hell houses are being knocked down," he explained. "Good riddance to 'em."

Dani nodded agreement, following his gaze opposite the sea where a fog of dark grey smoke rose from the distant hill that fringed Summer Bay. "Didn't you use to live round there?"

"Yeh, a long time ago." He swung round, looking anxious. "How come you're here? Is Kirsty...?"

"She's fine. I could ask you the same question."

He shrugged. " Needed to be on my own a while. Sometimes the nightmares..." Kane glanced back down at the sea as if it held all the answers.

"Yeh. I have them too."

"Dani, I didn't mean...You know if I could only change what happened...?"

"I know." She had attended enough mediation sessions with him by now to know he was sorry though nothing could ever take away the pain. "But we can't change the past, Kane, only the future. We can change what we are. And I'm not going to be a victim anymore. I can do things I never thought I ever could. You know, for the first time in my life today I even left the house through the window? Maybe that's all down to the message in the dream too."

"Funny, I always went in through the window when I was a kid!" He half smiled, wary, because nothing had ever come easy in his life. "What dream? What message?"

Dani took a deep breath. She was still shaking. "No matter how hard it is to break away from the past, we have force ourselves to let go."

XXXXX

Krsty and Kane decided to call their first baby Jamie. James Daniel. Jamie because Kane vaguely remembered a little kid he used to wish was his kid brother.

"Yeh, I love it," Kirsty said. "You know, it's funny, I'm almost certain I knew a Jamie too when I was a rugrat myself. Probably my imagination. But I love it for another reason. We have the Jay of Jade."

Daniel because Dani had given so much.

XXXXX

The sunlight had been dancing quietly on the walls and the waves were lapping rhythmically against the shore when Dani told Kirsty and Jade of her dream.

"Summer Bay had suddenly become much, much higher above the sea but I could still see you and I knew, even through the noise of the storm, you could somehow still hear me. I was yelling for you so loud, Kirst, I was so scared you'd fall and be smashed against the rocks or be swept away by the sea and I'd never see you again. But you just kept on walking towards Kane..." Dani was trembling at the memory, the dream had been so vivid, and Jade put her arm round her shoulders.

"Dani, I'm okay, I'm okay, it was just a dream," Kirsty said emotionally, taking her sister's hands in her own.

"It seemed much more than a dream though. Afterwards I sat there for ages thinking about it. What it all meant, why Gran and Grandad were there, why we were all kids, even why you..." she smiled tearfully at Jade "...had that big doll you used to take everywhere."

"Abby," Jade said, smiling quietly. "Who could forget Abby? I thought she was real. I thought she was our other..." she hesitated before she added the word "twin."

"Jade, you'll always be my twin! Yeh, sure, Laura might be my real twin, but I didn't grow up with her, I didn't fight with her or tell her all my secrets like I did with my true twin. And, Dani, you'll always be my sister, nothing's changed, I still care about you both so much."

Dani gulped back a sob. "Gran and Grandad really loved each other, didn't they? Sometimes when they babysat and you guys were fast asleep Gran would make my hot milk and tell me the story of how they met. It was at kindy and they hated each other at first! Till the day Grandad made Gran cry real bad when he pushed her over, and he was so sorry that he picked her loads of flowers and got in heaps of trouble because he trampled all over the headmistress's private flowerbed. And, Jade, you loved that doll, Abby, it really would have broken your heart if you had left her behind. Funny what people do for love."

"Dani, I never meant to hurt you." Tears were streaming down Kirsty's cheeks.

"That dream was so real. There were all those rocks and the sea and the storm, and Kane...Kane, he climbed right on up there for you and grabbed your hand. And, you know, if you HAD had turned back, if you HAD listened to me..." Dani shuddered as an ice cold shiver ran through her "...you would have fallen down on to the rocks. I would have killed you, but up there, up there with Kane you were safe. And I think...I think the dream was telling me if we can never let go of the past we lose everything we have today. I love you, Kirsty. And I know Kane loves you too and he'll always be there for you. I'll always be here for you too, for you and Jade. Yeh, and I guess Kane too, he's part of the family now."

Nobody could tell who was crying most. Nobody knew how the first tearful hugs quickly turned into high-fives and nobody thought for a minute of saying thankyous or loveyous, the tears simply mixed in with laughter and they shouted "cool chicks" and then "cool chooks". Sisters forever. It was Dani who broke away first, sniffing, wiping her eyes with the tips of her fingers.

"I better go, guys, I've a wedding to get ready for. I hear the bride will look beautiful." And she smiled at Kirsty before she left.

XXXXX

They had chosen to know the sex of the baby and the nursery, the little corner room that caught the gentle sea breezes in summer and the warmth of the sun in winter, was already crammed with toys, lovingly furnished and decorated, freshly painted blue. His favourite colour. There was still a splash of blue paint on his hand, where he'd been repainting a patch of wall that he felt wasn't quite perfect, and he so much wanted everything to be perfect, and he'd still managed to be totally shocked, after nine months of waiting and preparation, when Kirsty, terrifed and happy, had announced the baby was on its way.

"He has your eyes, Kane," Kirsty said.

He held his son for the very first time, unable to speak because of the lump in his throat and the rush of love overwhelming him. She stroked the baby's head, smiling at the expression on her husband's face, while he didn't dare move, terrified of breaking the spell of this tiny person staring up at him. At last his voice came, husky and faraway.

"I swear I'm gonna be the best Dad ever, Kirst. I'm gonna take him to play footie and teach him how to swim and when he starts school I'm gonna go see his pictures on the walls and talk to his teachers, betcha he'll be so smart, but you know what? I won't care if he's not smart, just so long's he's happy 'cos I never want him to be scared or lonely or hurt."

"Kane, I love you so much," Kirsty whispered, reaching for their son as Jamie's eyelids fluttered back into sleep.

He gently placed his forehead against his wife's. "Babe, didn't even know what the word meant till I met you. I love you and Jamie more than anything else in the whole world. Always."

XXXXX

The ship was rocking gently as they looked towards the sun-dappled sea, as the passenger who'd taken their photo walked away.

"You better get used to having your piccy taken, Kane, like me," Kirsty whispered.

"You got tickets on yourself since you won gold swimming for Oz!" Kane whispered happily back.

But when he straightened Jamie's hat Kirsty noticed him swiftly brush a tear from the corner of his eye.

"Kane, you okay?" she asked, concerned.

He grinned. "Apples, Kirst. I got everything I ever wanted."

"Me too." Kirsty said, slipping her arm into his.

And like queen of the river, dignified and proud, drawing admiring glances from the distant watchers on the shore, the ship glided gracefully towards New Zealand, the first country they would visit on the world cruise.

Captain Kane Phillips grinned as his wife, giggling like a kid, rammed his captain's hat back down on his head, and he kissed her, lifting their small son on to his shoulders, as the sunlight shimmered on a timeless green ocean where the waves rolled over and over. What dreams may come on those waves that kiss the distant shores, tumbling and crashing, then soaring and dancing. What beautiful dreams come true.

END

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow, finished, and just in time, I go on hol Sat! :o)))

That might be the last story I write for quite a while though, it's getting so difficult to find the time. BTW can anyone tell me exactly what "heavy traffic on this site" means? I did an internet search and figured out it's when ppl hit on the same page but how many ppl make heavy traffic? One? Ten? Twenty? Or is it just this site stuffing up? Only sometimes when I post a new chapter and I go to read if it's okay it won't let me go into the chapter, I just get the "heavy traffic" message and I'm really curious.