Kay, well, let me just start out by saying that I (of course) don't own ER.
If I did (can you say it with me?) Romano would be alive. Not ONLY would
he be alive, but he'd be well... and of course, he'd be with Elizabeth.
::sigh:: If only they would've hired ME to write their shows. But, they
didn't... and, I'm not making a cent off of any of this.
Let me also say that I've been on a music kick lately, so, a lot of my
stories may be based on songs... you are forewarned. This one is based on a
song, but I'll wait to tell you which one it is. You'll see soon enough.
Background information: Mark has died. But in the world I've created there
is no Ella. (Sorry, I love children... just not writing about them.) Uh, and
Romano never lost his arm. Nor did he die. *grumble grumble*
Here we go....
Elizabeth Corday sat staring out the window. She heard the sounds of the
rain pelting the window and watched silently as the droplets ran down the
window. She had always been an admirer of rain. There was something so
peaceful about it, so serene. It made her think of better days, of times
when she felt complete. But tonight, the rain took on a brooding presence,
and she quickly reminded herself that she hadn't been complete in a long
Not since Mark died.
That was the first time in her entire life she'd felt complete happiness.
Not when he'd died, of course, but when they were together. Elizabeth
stared out the window remembering how much she loved him. How much happier
she had been when in his arms, and she couldn't help but smile. It was,
indeed, the happiest time of her life. Suddenly everything that had ever
gone wrong was forgotten, everything was okay when her and Mark were
together. It was as though the world didn't matter. Only what they saw in
each others eyes, and that, she remembered, had been everything.
But nothing lasts forever. She had come to realize that.
The saddest time in her life had been perpetual since Mark's death. She
never felt alive, she never felt free, and she never felt loved. It was as
though the entire world had stopped turning for Elizabeth Corday. And in
many ways, she guessed, it had. Mark was the only true happiness that she
had ever known...
And now he was the only true sadness.
She sighed as she continued staring out the window. The weather was bleak,
ironically matching her disposition. She usually adored such weather, but
tonight it was a cold reminder of how her life would never be the same.
She sat in the chair completely silent, listening to the rhythmic sounds of
her own breathing.
She was alone.
But in her imagination, she pretended she was with Mark. She closed her
eyes and she could feel his arms around her, holding her. He was
whispering in her ear, telling her that she was beautiful, and that
everything would be all right. And she believed him, because he was there.
She felt him bring a hand to her cheek and caress her jaw as she looked
deeply into his eyes. She saw the love embedded in his soul there, and she
was complete once again. Looking in his eyes she saw the happiness she
once knew, and it made her feel whole. She inhaled deeply, pretending she
could smell him. That irreversible scent that was Mark Greene. She loved
it. She loved him.
But as the grandfather clock chimed signaling 12 O'clock, Elizabeth was
brought back to reality in a painful moment where she remembered once again
that she was alone.
She knew it wasn't healthy to go on like this, but in actuality, she didn't
care. She didn't care how unhealthy it was to pretend that the only thing
that had ever made her happy was still here. And she didn't care how many
painful realizations she had to go through when she finally realized over
and over again that it was all in her imagination. Because for a fleeting
moment, she was loved. She was complete. She was whole. And however
unhealthy that might have been, didn't matter.
She felt the tears stinging at the back of her eyes, like a million needles
pricking the sensitive area. She hated that feeling worst, she decided.
Not the moment of crying, not the actual tears flowing, not the sad truth
of admitting defeat. No, she hated most of all, the second before the
tears came. That burning moment in which one does one's best to hold the
tears inside. The one moment when the pain seemed most unbearable.
Because one was suffering from two feats at once: The cold hard reality of
the pain at hand, and the task of not allowing oneself to cry. Yes, it was
in this moment she felt most helpless, and she hated every moment of it.
"Tearless grief bleeds inwardly." She had once read that somewhere, or seen
it printed. Where, she couldn't remember.
She knew it was true. If one does not cry, the pain only worsens. But
what whomever issued that quote had forgotten is that tearful grief also
Because tears of such pain, such sorrow, that one cannot hold them in
mangle the heart. The pain itself does enough of that, but the tears
worsen the situation considerably.
But still, she didn't hate to cry. It gave her something to do. Something
to think about, something to concentrate on. And if she had nothing to
concentrate on, her thoughts would only lead her back to the painful memory
And on this rainy night, that was too much to bear.
The forecast for the city of Chicago looked bleak, mirroring perfectly the
way of Elizabeth Corday's life: Bleak, hopeless, teary, completely and
Her only hope was gone. The life she once knew was over, and though she
was a brilliant surgeon, there was nothing she could do to resuscitate it.
She remembered once when she had looked to the future for hope. The hope
of her and Mark together, growing old, dying. She closed her eyes at that.
Death. The inevitability of it frightened her now as she sat in the
freezing house once made warm by love.
She now looked to the future with despair, with caution. The only thing
that gave her hope was the past, and the life she had once known, but had
But still, outside, the rain fell down heavy on the streets of Chicago, as
people roamed the city. Some happy, some loved, some wonderful, and some,
like Elizabeth Corday, completely hopeless.
There will be more to come.
I know, I know, I have about 6 stories I'm working on. And I was going to
try to write the next chapters in either "Invisibility" or "Never Been All
Right"... But this had been brooding in my mind since last night (err... this
morning at 3:00)... and I just had to get this first chapter out.
Reviews Please... they make me feel happy... and warm and fuzzy inside.