_ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _
Merry read the ad in the newspaper.
"Jay Leno sucks, we're having him replaced. If you want to take over the
Tonight Show, call..."
Merry figured, what the hell, it had to be better than his job as a gas
station attendant where he worked with Pippin. He called the number.
The next month....
*Cue Johnny Carson Tonight Show theme*
Merry walks out on stage from behind a curtain, wearing a multi-colored
tweed suit and rubbing his hands together, while grinning at the audience.
"Hello!! Hiya, everybody!! Well, how is everybody tonight?! Did you all
hear about this in the news? Elf Legolas Greenleaf had to be admitted to
the hospital after sitting down on his own bag of arrows. Boy, now, that's
a dumbass!" says Merry.
The theme music kicks back in as everyone in the audience laughs.
After a little while, Merry says they have to go to break. Merry goes back
behind the curtain to go to the bathroom. When he gets back there, Pippin
comes barging up, clenching his teeth. "How dare you get your own tv show!
Who do you think you are? You think you're above me?! You're not better
than me, I'm better than you! You're nothing!!" says Pippin.
Merry just shrugs and keeps going towards the bathroom. "HOW DARE YOU GET
YOUR OWN TV SHOW!! I should have a tv show, not you!! ARRGGH, I can't stand
you having all that spotlight!!" says Pippin.
Merry looks annoyed, and looks at him. "Look, Pippin, the fact is I DO have
my own tv show, and you don't. Just just get over it and be happy for me!"
Merry goes to the bathroom.
"Be happy for you? Be happy for you? Well, we'll see." snarls Pippin. He
takes off running out of the building, looking angry.
Merry's show is a raging success and everybody loves it. Merry is smothered
in popularity and attention.
That night, Pippin is driving to Merry's house. "Aaaarrgh, I've got to stop
him!" says Pippin.
Merry is laying on his couch one night watching tv. Suddenly, a brick flies
through the window.
There's a note on the brick that says, "You're going to die".
Merry gets up and goes to look out the window to see who's there. He sees
Pip hiding in the bushes.
"You ass! What are you doing?!" snarls Merry.
"Think you're some kinda wonder boy, don't you?" says Pippin, standing up.
"Pippin, why do you have a tire in that bush with you?" says Merry.
"YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN I AM!!" roars Pippin.
"What are you doing, you weasly little bastard?" says Merry.
"I wanna remind you, Merry! Remind you of the gas station and of the fact
that you're just as common as I am!" says Pippin. He picks up the tire, but
Merry wrenches it out of his hands. Merry climbs out of the window and
beats Pippin on the head with the tire. Merry puts Pippin inside the tire
and rolls the tire away.
The tire rolls out into the street and gets hit by a car.
"Oh, no! I didn't mean that to happen!" says Merry.
Frodo is driving the car and he screeches to a stop. "OH, NOOOOOO!!" says
Frodo. Frodo gets out of the car and looks in the tire. "Pippin!! What the
hell are you doing here?!" says Frodo.
"Visiting with the jackass." says Pippin, laying on the ground with his
eyes closed and blood coming out of his mouth. "Pippin, you can't go flying
into the street like that, somebody could run you over." says Frodo.
"I'm gonna get a restraining order against him! He's gone psycho." says
Merry. "Come on, you two, you can't let this fame come between you! You
can't let it destroy your friendship!" says Frodo.
"I hate him! I deserve to be in the spotlight. I can sing. He's never even
asked me to be on the show." says Pippin.
"Look, we can't just have anybody on the show." says Merry. "Come on, you
guys, try to make up..." says Frodo.
Pippin gets up out of the tire and flips off Merry. "Screw you!" he says,
and starts limping away. "I should have my own show..." he says.
Frodo starts crying as Merry goes back inside.
The next day....
Merry is preparing to go on for his show, when Pippin runs up behind him
and stabs him in the back. "Pippin! Why!" says Merry, falling over.
"I WANT THE FAME!! I WANT THE FAME!! I WANT THE FAME!!" screams Pippin,
kicking Merry in the nuts. Pippin pulls out a machine gun.
"Pippin..." says Merry, gasping for life.
"This is for that story where you sold me into slavery." snarls Pippin,
about to shoot Merry with the
machine gun. Suddenly, Frodo runs up and grabs the gun out of Pippin's hand
before Pippin realizes what's happening. "Frodo! How dare you! Can't you
see I'm trying to do something?!" says Pippin.
"Pippin, you need help! You've lost your mind!" says Frodo. "I don't need
any help, I just need to..." says Pippin, and he kicks Merry. "KILL..." he
says, and kicks Merry again. "HIM!" he finishes.
"PIPPIN, NO!!" says Frodo, trying to restrain Pippin. Suddenly the machine
gun goes off in Frodo's hand and fires everywhere. People fall dead all
around them, and Merry dies.
"What have you done!" says Pippin. "It's all your fault!" says Frodo.
Pippin punches him. "Don't try to blame this on me! I only wanted to kill
that damn Merry!" says Pippin. "I can't believe this..." says Frodo.
"Neither can I." says Pippin.
"Well, do you want to go out and get something to eat?" says Frodo. "Yheah,
let's get outta here." says Pippin.