|A Week From the Journal of Avalanche
Author: CallistoLexx PM
A week of Lance's daily journal entries. (Rated for a couple of bad words.)Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Words: 2,502 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 04-20-04 - id: 1828490
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A Week from the Journal of Avalanche
Today was…normal. Or as normal as this place can get. Pietro won't leave Jaye alone, keeps asking her about teaching a lot of different units. I think he's just trying to get bonus points. I don't think that our new teacher is buying it though. It sounds like she keeps hissing at a wooden owl to shut up and telling it that she won't give in to corporal punishment. But I could be mistaken. A visit to the X-Mansion yielded a few more lawsuits for Xavier. You think he would've learned by now not to take uninterested teen mutants into a museum. Maybe old dogs can't learn new tricks. I was able to confirm a date with Kitty for tomorrow night. Adam distracted Peter for a few minutes so I could talk to Kitty alone. But I don't think our resident light bender will be able to go to the X-Mansion for a while, though, for fear of his safety. On the other hand, I'm sure that Peter would love nothing more than to pound Adam into the ground for grabbing his ass. Kitty wouldn't be happy with Tin Grin if he beat up her little shopping buddy. Note to self: Talk to Adam about this. Maybe he'll agree. Another note to self: Make sure this little thought doesn't find its way to Carly, she'll go ballistic. But she owes me now after tonight. She and Lifeline got into a fight in the Mess Hall at suppertime. I got caught in the crossfire and it took me an hour to wash all the pie gunk off me. Really must make them pay.
Why do I even try anymore? I should just give up here and now. As if a date with the beautiful Kitty would ever turn out well. What happened, you ask? What happened is that Peter crashed the date, caused a scene and, ultimately, beat up Adam who crashed his crashing. On the bright side, Kitty's unbelievably ticked off at the useless hunk of scrap metal for pounding Adam (which I did not encourage. Adam came of his own volition and it was his own idea.) But she's also mad at me. I think it's because she was told that I ordered Adam to assault Peter. I just asked the guys to distract Peter, not molest him! It's not my fault that Adam came up with his own ways of distraction! Unfortunately, I think I just made her more mad after some crack about Peter protesting the attention a bit too much and his being interested in her because he's in denial. It sounded worse when it was spoken than it did in my head. I really didn't mean it the way it sounded! Kitty's the hottest girl on the planet! Why'd she get so insulted? The guys are getting a real kick out of this. Both her boyfriends are in the doghouse. I really hate my friends sometimes. The war between Carly and Lifeline has been kicked up a notch. She filled his office with this weird green slimy stuff. Todd says it wasn't his, but I'm not sure if I should believe him. But he and Lifeline seem to like each other so I've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Lifeline retaliated by setting up a "Tar and Feather" trap. Unfortunately, it missed firing on Carly and hit Beach Head. I think that Carly's really going to go out for blood now. No one hurts her family and gets away with it. She's also set her sights on Peter after this horrible evening. I don't envy ol' Tin Grin. He deserves everything he's going to get. I wonder if Carly will let me in on whatever dastardly plot she has forming…
I think corporal punishment is starting to look very good to Jaye right about now. Pietro keeps hitting on her. She's about ten minutes away from squishing him like a fly. I think the first clue that Speedy was sweet on our teacher was when he gave her the Wooden Owl that was all for the corporal punishment. Do you think that's an omen? I give it to the end of the week until Pietro will be forced to take a trip to see Lifeline. Assuming that the medic is still sane at that time. Carly struck again. She tied all his shoes together in knots so tight the only way to undo them was to cut them apart. Now he has shoes without laces. He's not happy. And that's not all she did. I don't know when she did it, but now all his pants have been turned to shorts, he has only black knee-high tube socks, and, according to the vindictive feral, all his underpants were replaced with g-strings. And I know she has more planned. She's contracted Todd, Xi, and Althea to exact revenge on Peter for her. She doesn't want to have to divide her thoughts between two vendettas. She says it makes a person sloppy and the revenge not as sweet. Sometimes I think the girl is criminally insane. I think phase one of Operation Avenge the Colorful involves shaving cream, green Jell-O mix, and super glue. That's as much as I overheard before I left the room. I think I'm too scared to know what those items are going to be used for. But I do anticipate a green tinted metal man. Kitty won't talk to me. Jamie told the Triplets that she had Amara burn the flowers I sent her. What can I do to tell her I'm sorry? What can I do to make her listen?
I think Carly's little g-string plan backfired on her. I actually think Lifeline likes them. His counterattack for the tampering of the clothes was, in a way, revenge on the whole base. He gave her catnip. But even while out of it, she was already able to launch a retaliatory strike. She helped B.A. cook supper. Right now Lifeline has nearly half of the base in the Med Building. They all have food poisoning and I don't think anyone's going to want to be entering there for a while, until it has a chance to be aired out. I think that's the last time that Lifeline will be giving anyone catnip. Pietro gave Jaye a big box of candy. Fed her that lame line about "did it hurt when you fell out of heaven because you sure do look like an angel." She smacked him with a ruler. I can almost swear that I heard a bunch of voices screaming out in joy. But that could just be my inner voices seeing that obnoxious twit get smacked. I wish I had gotten that on tape. That was a moment to live over and over again. Apparently the Avenge the Colorful team didn't use the shaving cream in their plan, they were just talking about it. What they did was replace Peter's after-shave with the Jell-O mix and super glue. So after his hands were finally unstuck from his cheeks, he was still green. I would be scared if I didn't want to spend the next few hours laughing. I sent Kitty another bouquet--twelve long-stemmed sterling roses. I also included one of those sappy romance classics CDs. The Triplets have yet to hear from the Multiple News Network on how Kitty reacted to them. I really hope she'll accept my apology. I really didn't mean it how it sounded!
Why? Why do these things happen to me? Kitty's still mad at me but forgave that stupid Russian hunk of junk! She felt so sorry for him after seeing him green and bleeding! What do I have to do? Go into a power flux and have another seizure? Maybe my getting sick will get a little love flowing my way. The Lifeline/Carly war is the war that keeps on kicking. Lifeline has been unable to retaliate due to the severe food poisoning epidemic. Cat-girl's sources say that the medic is knee deep in smelly bodily discharges. I do not envy him the slightest little bit. The MNN also reports that Kitty was warming up to me but is now angry with me because of the people I live with. Can I help it if I have bad luck? The longer this goes on, the more my earlier idea of a power flux seizure is looking good. At least then I could forget about my problems! Pietro's not taking no as an answer. He took my idea and gave Jaye a bouquet of roses. She whacked him upside the head with them. Another funny moment. He spent the rest of the day in the bathroom crying over a long scratch from a thorn. Avenge the Colorful launched another scheme. They took all the water out of the pool and funneled it into Tin Grin's room. That was just to hold them over until they figured out where they can hide the Limburger cheese in his room. They're thinking either under the floorboards or in the ventilation shafts.
Psyche Out is insane, as usual. Thinks I'm a bit too dependent on my relationship with Kitty. What does he know? The cheese has been placed in both places. I don't want to know where they got it all, but they did. Under every floorboard in Tin Grin's room and in his ventilation shaft. I'm not in a hurry to go into his room. But then again, when am I ever? There was another Pie fight in the Mess Hall. But that was after Carly painted obscene pictures on every wall in the medical building. They weren't obscene in the sex sense of the word but in the violence. Do you remember that robot destruction film that Beach Head forced us to watch? Well, the pictures are reminiscent of that. Not very pretty. Though the wall directly behind Lifeline's desk is a close-up shot of a person mooning the whole room. Lifeline isn't happy. To say the least. Pietro took a day off from Operation Date the Teacher. Jaye couldn't be happier. I pooled my money together and took up a collection (you have no idea how many people donated to get me out of the sad kicked puppy mood) and sent Kitty as many roses as I could afford. If she doesn't forgive me soon, I'll go crazy.
It happened. It's the end of the week and Pietro is in the med ward. He has a concussion. Jaye threw the Wooden Owl at him. I never knew that she had such good aim. Kitty has finally forgiven me. She loves the roses. And the beautiful silver necklace I bought her. Note to self: Make sure Carly doesn't find out you stole from her stash. The War is at a cease-fire. Hawk was caught in the crossfire and yelled at them both for three hours. I'm not sure but I think he made Lifeline cry. Neither is allowed to pull any pranks or strikes for a month. I don't think either is going to last that long. Until this, I never knew how juvenile a grown man could act. So Carly and Bree like to talk about his sex life. Get over it! Your family is supposed to embarrass you! That's why they exist! Adam and Peter have made up. Apparently the reason for the fondle was that Adam tripped over a throw rug and ended up hitting the lower portion of Tin Grin while trying to regain his balance. I'm not sure if that's true, though. I think that Adam just wanted to be allowed back in the mansion. But either way, I think everything is back to normal. Well, as normal as this bunch gets. However you look at it, though, I need a vacation. A nice long vacation.