A Week From the Journal of Bender

Sunday:

L'amour. It's in the air. Spring always brings the love out in people. The trees are budding, the snow is melting, and the birds are making little birdie babies. And we mutants don't fall immune. Everybody is in love. Althea and Todd are so cute with their lovey-dovey ways and wide mooneyes. Pietro has himself and his burgeoning crush on our lovely teacher. Personally I find the age difference kind of oogy, but it would become less so if Harrison Ford suddenly took an interest in little ol' me. The things that hunk of masculinity does to me in my dreams…woof! Cover Girl and Low Light are happily in bliss. Lance and Kitty and Peter are together again in their kinky little relationship. Lifeline and Bree are fantabulous, stable role models. Even Carly's gotten in the mood. She loves her ever-present—and utterly annoying—feud with Lifeline. Now don't get me wrong, I love Carly Babes like a sister. Like an obnoxious, embarrassing, psychotic sister whom you don't want to publicly admit being related to, but a sister nonetheless. Maybe I could teach her to be more of a lady, less aggressive. I wonder if Cover Girl would like to help. Pietro, too. He's kind of ladylike. Oh, and then we could set her up with someone. But who? Hmm…I'll have to give that some thought. And what about me, you must be asking. Well, I have my eye on a certain someone. He is, sadly, taken. Oh, what I wouldn't' give to have a perfect world with my sweetie pie. Who is he? A perfectly lovely Cajun by the name of Remy LeBeau. But he's in love with the Goth Wonder so I'll just have to settle for fantasies and plenty of looking. Ah, c'est la vie, I suppose. But one day my prince will come!

Monday:

Incroyable! Jamais dans les nuages! You'll never believe what happened to lovely little me today. I told you before about my accidental fondling of Peter's posterior, didn't I? And it was an accident! Well, he doesn't believe me when I say I'm not interested in him! I wasn't staring at him! He was talking to mon coeur, Remy, and now the ane inélégant believes I was staring at him! As if I'd ever be interested in Peter! He's the scum that lives on scum! I have much better taste than that! So what did I do in light of that accusation? First I delivered a scathing rebuttal that would make even sailors blush (you know, I think I did make Shipwreck blush.) After my speech was made, I wanted to emphasize my point so I reached for the man nearest me and planted a kiss right on the lips! Man! Remy is the best kisser! No lie. Nice, full lips, nice movement…surprisingly soft hair! I could tell, my fingers were nestled in the dark strands. Hoo boy! I think I need a cold shower. But I'll tell you one thing, Rogue is one lucky lady! Now shall I move on with the other aspects of my day? I shall! Operation Feral be a Lady had a decent first day. I was able to contact help from Pietro, Cover Girl, Jaye, and Bree. Our first mission was a shopping trip. We would've brought our beloved feral along, but last time she punched out my favorite clerk. Talk about embarrassing! Tomorrow her personal involvement will begin. She has enough time now since there's a forced one-month cease-fire in the feud. In an attempt to score points with Teacher Jaye, Pietro bought her a periwinkle lingerie set. His firm little behind got whooped a couple of times with a wire hanger. I'd say that Jaye is less than amused with his antics. I can't say as I blame her. He's trying too hard. He needs to properly woo her. Romance! It's making a comeback! The couples are still going strong. All are happy. Or, as happy as they can be. After all, in Lance's case, how happy can you be when your Lovey dates other men? Hold on a minute, I think I hear something…I'm back. Bree's staying over night. She and Lifeline got into an argument about her helping out with Carly, his dreaded enemy. She says that she called him a big baby and told him that he had a lot of groveling to do to get out of the doghouse. I feel so sorry for them. I thought they were so happy, but I guess a war can even make enemies of lovers.

Tuesday:

The Metal Man is now upset at Remy because I like him better. Talk about an ego! On the bright side, Kitty has only one boyfriend at the moment. Peter is in trouble once again! At least something good came of this whole debacle. Lance has some alone time with his Lovey. Lifeline has been going around like a kicked puppy since last night's fight with his lovely Bree. He looks as though he doesn't know what to do to get her to forgive him. Or maybe it's that he doesn't know how to get her to see his side. Last night she kept me up for hours telling me that she loves him but this little feud with Carly is beyond juvenile. We all know that the war would instantly end if he'd agree to treat our feral when she's sick. That's how it all started! So what if she and Bree like to talk about his sex life. At least Bree has someone to talk to. And at least she isn't as much a prude as he is. If he'd just loosen up, he'd have a whole lot more fun, I'm sure. Oh well, I'm sure they'll work it out eventually. Operation Feral be a Lady had an interesting second day. Carly is rather suspicious of us. She's wondering why we bought her a bunch of clothes. I don't think she really likes them. She says they're too flowery. Too girly. She'll get used to them. I'm so glad that Bree has agreed to assist our efforts. She helps put Carly at ease, though we all now know too much about Lifeline's sex life. Do we really need to know he has a birthmark in the shape of a heart on his butt? I think not! Tomorrow we work on the makeup.

Wednesday:

All is still good on the Lance/Kitty front. She's completely ignoring Peter who's still upset at Remy who, along with Rogue, is getting a big ol' kick out of all this. I thought Remy would be mad at me for accosting his person, but he surprised me. He's amazingly okay with it. I wonder if I do have a chance with him. Pietro has slowed down in his quest to win Jaye's heart. Today he gave her a fruit basket in his own twist on the "give your teacher an apple" thing. He didn't get beaten, so I'd say that he's now making progress! You go girl! Er, uh, boy! Lifeline was making headway with getting Bree to forgive him until he found out that we all now knew more about his sex life. Needless to say, he had a hissy fit. His loving wife then proceeded to nag about him all through day three of Operation Feral be a Lady. Carly wore a lovely floral skirt and embroidered top that we got her. She had on these pretty golden sandals. We then got to work on her makeup. No more dark colors for her! Nope, not for her. We put her in feminine pastels and glossy lipsticks. I think she's catching on to the makeover, but we pointed out that she had nothing better to do so she went with it. I think she may just like the finished project. Though I have to admit, I never knew how tiring giving makeovers could be!

Thursday:

Today on Operation Feral be a Lady, we tried to work on the hair. Tried being the operative word. The moment anyone mentioned scissors or hair dye or bleach, she went ballistic. The only ones not to get injured are the girls who were all smarter than Pietro and myself and didn't push the subject. I had forgotten how much Carly loves her hair. It's downright frightening. She so much reminds me of Catra from He-Man. I mentioned that to her. That's her new codename since she grew out of her "let's make toasters explode" phase. Finally, I thought the spark love would never end. Now I just need to figure out whom we should set her up with. The girl needs a date. She very badly needs a date. Pietro got Jaye a bouquet of flowers. Got smacked with them again. Some of the pollen from the flowers got into his scratches and was kind of burning. He was sent to Lifeline, who spent more time crying about his fight with Bree than he did patching up the speed demon. Bree is living with her husband again, though the Cold War is still on. She's still angry with him for his juvenile behavior. She says, and I quote, "It's not as if I'm inviting everyone to watch us in the bedroom!" It's not as if most normal men don't talk about sex and the like. She really does have a point. Kitty's no longer ticked off at Peter, who still is ticked off at Remy, whom I was able to snag another kiss from. That was fun. But now Rogue has joined the "Angry at Remy" club. Remy is incredibly laid back. He thinks this is all one big joke. I'll let him keep thinking that. After all, it allows me to spend time with my perfect crumb cake. Though I think our little friendship may be in danger now that Roguey is mad at him, so I may have to cool it for a while. I'm starting to think that I love people from New Orleans; they seem to be rather laid-back. That must be because of Mardi Gras. I love it! I really must organize a vacation sometime…

Friday:

The Cold War is nearing its end, I believe. Lifeline has a grand romantic dinner planned for Bree. I expect that by this time tomorrow, Bree will have more bedroom gossip for Carly. And Bree isn't the only one that will be attending Romantic Dinners tonight. Joining her—though not literally—are Pietro and Jaye (I anticipate a crippled mutant to come back,) Todd and Althea, Lance and Kitty, Remy and Rogue, and Carly and Joshua. Joshua is the hunk o' man I found to set Carly up with. She was looking extra attractive if I do say so myself. Stunning black dress, hair up in curls, perfect makeup. A real lady if I do say so myself. Everyone is out on their dates right now so it's just us single people here. It's rather lonely. I'd love nothing more than to go observe how everyone is doing in the romance department. The anticipation is killing me! Will they make up? Will they break up? Will Carly and Joshie kick it off? I need to know and I need to know now!

Saturday:

The Cold War is over, but I don't think that the feud is. But Bree is working on that, I'm sure. I'm happy that they're happy. Remy and Rogue are back together and happy. And the biggest surprise is that Lance and Kitty finally had a date that didn't end in disaster! I'm so proud of them. Of course Todd and Althea's date went well. There's always go well. They took the spaceship out for another joyride, but I don't think that they're going to get in too much trouble for it. After all, while they were out they were able to give it a tune-up. They brought it back in better condition than it was when they took it out. Jaye went straight from Pietro's dinner to General Hawk's office and that little meeting resulted in a restraining order against Pietro. Our little white haired devil is now on private tutelage and will have to take private lessons from Roadblock for the next few months. Poor Roadblock. Let's hope that Pietro's love doesn't shift from Jaye over to Roadblock. How amusing would that be? But I do have some bad news. Carly and Joshua didn't hit it off as I had hoped. Apparently he spent the whole night singing my praises. Girly didn't have much fun and didn't act too much like a lady as I had hoped. And she's now unbelievably angry with me. I think she may just team up with Peter to get back at me, but I can't say for certain. All I know is that I don't think I'm going to want to be going anywhere near her for a while. But I would still like for her to be a lady, I think she'd be a nice lady. I wonder if the Fab 5 would consider taking on this special case. If anyone can make a Lady out of a Feral, it would have to be them. I should go write them a letter now!