A Week From the Journal of Quicksilver

Sunday:

These past couple of weeks have sucked. Sucked with a capital S. I've finally found a woman worth my time and what does she do? She ignores me! Me! I'm the most perfect specimen of masculinity and she ignores me! Me! How can she ignore me! I mean, I'm perfect! I've tried flowers, gifts, chocolates and she still ignores me. What haven't I tried yet? I think I may have to be more creative. I still can't believe she had General Hawk write out a restraining order against me. I just want to worship her like the near-perfect being she is. So Jaye is a little screwy with the animals talking to her and everything, but I'm kind of screwy in the way that I'm the most perfect being to have ever lived so I'd say we're even. What oh what can I do to get her to look my way? I think it's time to enlist help in my romantic endeavor. But whom can I go to? Lance…obviously he won't do. He has the poor taste to be in love with KITTY. Todd…maybe. Adam…scary thought, but maybe. Shipwreck? I'd go to Lance before him. After all, Lance doesn't get zapped by lightning on a regular basis. Maybe the girls are a better option. Althea…not her, she likes the Toad. Wanda…never had a boyfriend. Oh my, I think I'm going to have to go to the X-Geeks for this. At least they understand Romance. I'm sure it won't be as painful as I'm imagining it's going to be. I hope it won't anyway.

Monday:

I've been to the X-Geeks and they have agreed to help me. So have Xi and Adam, both of whom can use their invisibility to deliver my gifts. Not that I couldn't use my super speed, but that could just end up driving my lovely Jaye that much further from me. No, I need messengers for this endeavor. The Geeks, no, I was asked to call them my Love Advisors—little price to pay to get my Lovely in my life—gave me a few ideas. More flowers, jewelry, play into her interests. They suggested that I call her friends back in Niagara. Xi and Adam are getting me the names and numbers now. It pays to have invisible friends. I hope that they'll be willing to help me. What I wouldn't give to have Jaye's love. Why, I'd even give up my perfection. Wait, no I wouldn't. Perfect is what I am! Why should I have to give up perfection? But I would give up most anything else.

Tuesday:

I called Jaye's friend Mahandra today. After she finally stopped laughing, she told me she'd help me. Apparently Jaye likes beer. Beer and all other forms of liquor. Except the foofy drinks. She doesn't like the foofy cocktails. Mostly beer. So that gave me an idea. First, I need to get a fake I.D. Then I need to make a trip to a liquor store and get a wide selection of exotic, imported beer. After I get the beer, each bottle will be adorned with a bright bow and a lovely picture of my perfect self. Pretty good idea, huh? If Jaye's interest is beer, that's what she'll get. That will make her love me, I'm sure! I told Adam and Xi my plan. My genius is wasted on them. They spent two hours laughing. Two full hours! The good thing is that they got such bad cramps from the laughing that they had to go see Lifeline for painkillers and muscle relaxers. It serves them dingledorks right. They don't get romance. Not at all.

Wednesday:

Well, Operation Lady Love didn't really work out too well for me today. I got the fake I.D. and then got arrested for having it. I was yelled at for three hours for buying it and getting caught in a liquor store. But there was no punishment since Shipwreck had never heard of the store before and liked the wide selection of alcohol and the fair prices. Go me! I think that cops should start carrying around fur-lined cuffs. They're gentler than those torture devices they have now. I have matching bruises on my wrists. I'm going to sue them for police brutality. How dare they bruise me! Tomorrow I'm going to try my plan again. I still have the I.D. and I'm sure I can find a store that would sell to me. I will stop at nothing to win my Lady's heart! Even if it is causing even LANCE to laugh at me. At least my Lady Love isn't two-timing me!

Thursday:

Success! I have more beer than Jaye will ever know what to do with! I'll begin work on the lovely bows and, well, lovely portraits of me as soon as I'm done with this entry. I have to wait until the others are all asleep before I can pull out my stash. They wouldn't understand. Adam and Xi have agreed to get up early to deliver my special gift basket to her trailer. That way the first thing she'll see when she wakes up will be my beautiful present. She'll instantly fall in love with me. This will be the best week of my life. I can see us now. She'll come to me, arms open and we'll have a beautiful, loving two-year dating period. Then I'll propose and get married a year later. We'll have four wonderful children, two boys and two girls. They'll grow up and go to the best schools and will be spoiled silly. Of course they'll be perfect little beings. After all, they'll come from my blood. Of course they'll be perfect. They'll grow up and be influential people and make the world a better place for all people—mutants and humans alike. Plus, they'll foot the bill for our old age and pamper us as the perfect people we are! What a beautiful, amazing dream.

Friday:

Betrayal! I have been betrayed! Me! Perfect me! How could someone betray someone as loveable as me? This morning I went to see how my gift basket was received and do you know what I saw? I saw Jaye sitting on the steps to her trailer drinking her imported beer. But she wasn't alone! Nosireebob, she was not! She was drinking the beer that I got her with another man! How dare she betray me this way! And with Beach Head no less! How could she prefer that classless buffoon to me? I'm perfect! I'm perfect and absolutely heartbroken. Now I know how it feels to be Lance. Only better looking. Oh, I'm so depressed. A situation like this calls for lots of country music. Country music and Patsy Cline.

Saturday:

After being rudely forced out of bed this morning and forced to go through our normal daily routine, I had to suffer through more indignities. Why couldn't I be allowed to mope in peace and quiet? Or, more appropriately, alone and with sad country ditties? The X-Geeks laughed at me, the Misfits laughed at me, everyone had a big hearty laugh at my expense! I would take revenge upon Beach Head, and may still yet, but that will have to wait. Carly scares me. I've seen how she reacts when people threaten her Daddy. Worse yet, I've been allowed back into Jaye's class. Now I'll have to go through the pain of seeing her every day! At least when Lance is dumped he doesn't have to see that Valley Girl reject every day. What hurts the most out of this is that I'll never get that life I dreamed of. Me and Jaye and our beautiful four children: Pietro, Pietra, Pietri, and Pietru. I'll never see you, my beautiful children! Oh the inhumanity of it all!