Shopping Day is a very Dangerous Day
Written by Rensuko Kaziato Disclaimer: This is my first fic, and it was done only on a whim. Feel free to insult me or give me praise. I'd like to thank Sora, a fellow author who also was the inspiration for the malfunctioning machinery later on, and Rocko's Modern Life for the title. Kefka is a copyright of Squaresoft, and Bomberman and Pommy are copyrights of Hudson Soft. Vatical Entertainment falls in here somewhere...I am not associated with any of these groups. And no, I don’t exactly know what a paragraph is when it comes to writing stories! Oh well. Also, anyone who’s wondering about Sora G. Silverwind, author of Magic Knight Erina can see her updates at her bio page. High school is really holding her down, so please be patient.
"Feed me!"
The cry echoed throughout the house. The source: a marshmallow of a creature named Pommy. He had been complaining for longer than Shiro Yogeki (Better known as Bomberman.) could remember. The grocery shopping still needed to be done, but Bomberman didn't want to go out and get them.
"Myu, Pommy's hungry! Get off your lazy ass and go get them! How is Pommy supposed to live under these conditions?!"
Bomberman sighed. "Pommy, I hardly even have an ass. My body's shaped pretty much like an oval."
"Don't get technical, bub! For once in your life, forget that you're super-deformed and go get the chow! A house is nothing without food, Bomberman! All life comes from food, as it gives us the strength we need to move on. Food is the basis of everything that's out there and is capable of eating. Food is..." Bomberman walked out the door, not wanting to hear the rest of Pommy's speech.
"If I'm gonna have to hear that every single time now, then I'm going shopping a day early! Who thought that Pommy could get so worked up about food."
Bomberman continued to converse with himself to fight the boredom as he continued on his way. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and all was well. The town was also kept very clean, and a river on the outskirts sparkled merrily with sunlight. As Bomberman turned a corner, he suddenly say a large rippling circle just hanging in midair, glowing an intense blue and lighting up the surrounding area.
"This is just another weird looking phenomenon to add to the collection. I've seen it all..." Bomberman still said to himself as he neared the circle. Bomberman then started to get pulled forward, and the source of the suction was coming from the very thing that sat above.
"Oh no you don't!" screamed the now bewildered hero as he fought the mighty pull with all his might. "You'll have to try harder than that, and I know how to stop a freak show like you...What am I doing, I'm talking to an inanimate object! This author needs to come up with some better material!" Bomberman chucked a Light bomb into the circle, and the explosion flashed intensely and froze the pull.
"Bomberman one, whatever you might be, zero!" Bomberman confidently marched past the now nullified thing. The bomb's effect quickly ended though, and the circle was back with a vengeance. It pulled Bomberman towards it with twice its original force and flung him right off his feet.
"OK, how about you spit me out and we call it even?" But his words were no use, as they were only used to add a little more bulk to this story. Bomberman fell for what seemed like an endless amount of time, and finally was released and tumbled into a new, foreign area
"Where am I?" The circle then faded and left. "Hey you, get your Jell- O like self over here and take me home!" His cries were useless (again,) so Bomberman then explored the region around him. Suddenly, a blonde haired, blue-eyed man garbed in robes of red and green appeared abruptly in front of him. (The 16-bit sprite's depiction, as I'm not about to try and describe the crazy mix of colors that is Kefka's robes.) Bomberman smacked right into the man and quickly jumped back.
"Hello, chosen warrior! I am Kefka Palazzo, your friendly neighborhood nutcase in this land you have stumbled upon. You have entered the realm of Final Fantasy, and I'm going to beat the living snot out of you now! Waa ha ha ha ha ha haa!!"
Bomberman stared at Kefka, not knowing what to make of his introduction. "Sure, whatever you say buddy...Why am I your chosen warrior?"
"We needed to have a blend of Squaresoft and Hudson, so I decided to pick you! Now here's your fabulous prize!" Kefka then drew a flail and smacked Bomberman over the head with it, knocking him unconscious.
Bomberman next awoke tied in chains and hanging over a bubbling pit of lava. He then caught a glance of Kefka, and remembered what transpired before. "You dirty Christmas colored freak! What are you trying to do to me!? I never suspended you over a simmering pit of lava, have I?"
"Well my pyrotechnic friend, it's not lava. It's tomato sauce!"
Bomberman just stared at Kefka. "That's just dumb, now let me down!" "Oh, but I will let you down...right into the pit of sauce! Throw the switch!"
And with that command, the chain started to move down towards the mouth of the sauce. Closer and closer it advanced, but then smoke started rising from an open door in the room. Bomberman was relieved that he didn't have to become a new type of noodle, and watched in anticipation.
"What's going on in there!?" shouted the now furious Kefka. "Who screwed up at a time like this; I need my daily dose of destruction people!"
"There's a bug in the machinery!" another voiced yelled back.
"Of all the useless..." Kefka then remembered about Bomberman. "Well, you've been spared for now, but now you're stuck hanging there! What are you going to do about it?"
Bomberman pondered the thought. "Well, I'm going to do this!" Bomberman tossed down an Ice bomb and made a suitable slab of ice to stand on, then he chucked up a Fire bomb and blew the chain's links apart. Bomberman fell safely onto the ice and leaped onto the land surrounding it. The pit suddenly closed, and Kefka glared him down.
"You've proven yourself worthy, now stand and fight! I want to hit that television attached to your neck again!"
"I don't have a neck, Kefka. Why do people keep on bringing this up?" Bomberman and Kefka rushed at each other, and the fierce battle began. Kefka casted Bolt3 and shocked the heck out of Bomberman, who was blown back by the force and speed of the attack. He quickly rose to his feet and pumped a Lightning bomb. "You think that was electricity, Kefka? This baby will fry you up good!" Bomberman hurled the bomb at Kefka and detonated it via remote. Kefka screamed in pain as he was caught in the massive dome of electricity. After the blast subsided, Bomberman slugged Kefka in the face and knocked him down. "Hey, here comes my favorite part!" exclaimed Kefka. He cast Poison3 on Bomberman, and he suddenly felt very sick. "Ug...look at all the pretty colors...Weee, acid trip!" Bomberman stumbled around as the poison took hold of him, seeping his energy away. Kefka cast Fire3 on him and Bomberman came back to reality. "I'm going home, you're no fun!" whined Bomberman, who was planning on tricking his opponent. "The only way back is by defeating me, you fool! Why do you think I brought you here in the first place?" Bomberman then gave Kefka a big smile and made his eyes turn into that upside-down U shape and said, "Well I thought you wanted to play cards, have some tea, watch the football game, cook me in tomato sauce..." As Bomberman continued with this nonsense, Kefka came at him with the flail again. Bomberman pulled out a Hurricane bomb and blew Kefka into a wall. Kefka fell to the ground and collapsed. "No, I can't be beaten! This story isn't long enough!" Bomberman picked up Kefka and threw him. "Well maybe if I wasn't dying of poison damage, we could have made this longer. Alas, it is not to be! Besides, the author doesn't know what he's doing anyway."
Suddenly, the pit opened and Kefka fell in it, as he was still on the ground. A voice again shouted, "There's still a bug in the system!" Kefka was fried as he cried out in agony, and that was the end of him. Bomberman then felt a strange pull. "I know what that is...You're late you swirling bastard!" Bomberman was sucked up by the circle and brought back to his hometown. He quickly rushed to a pharmacy and got an antidote for his poison and did his shopping. Of course, it was now nightfall, and Bomberman knew that he'd be going home to a miffed little marshmallow. Bomberman made the trek home and opened the door, and not to his surprise...
"Where were you!? Pommy's starving to death! I should call the humane society on you!"
Bomberman plopped the bags on a countertop. "Here, take what you need and enjoy. I'll tell you the details later." And with that, Bomberman went to bed, and only smiled when he heard Pommy's cries. "Bomberman, I can't reach the food way up there! Come on have a heart, I was only joking...Don't let Pommy waste away!"

Fin