CHAPTER TEN

Sirius took Harry to the station against the advice of every member of the order. The last weeks had been alright but knowing what was coming Sirius found it difficult to remain upbeat. Remus and Sirius appeared to be back to normal and they had both been surprisingly busy.

At the station Sirius had caused a bit of a scene and he knew it. When the group returned to headquarters Sirius made himself scarce, to avoid anyone telling him off. Remus wasn't planning on scolding him anyway, and left Sirius alone for the rest of the day.

It was long past lunch time when Remus padded up the stairs to Buckbeak's room. They'd gotten back ages ago and Remus suspected Sirius would be there. He was. Sirius was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room nursing a bottle of alcohol, his eyes glazed and out of focus as if in deep thought, the large beast asleep happily on Sirius' mothers' bed.

"What are you doing with that?" Remus asked walking over and clutching the untouched bottle from Sirius' hands. Buckbeak stirred and drew himself up to full height on the bed so that his head brushed the ceiling.

Snapping out of his trance Sirius jumped up. He looked between his friend and the Hippogriph guiltily.

"Nothing, I was just holding it."

"What is it?" Peter asked eagerly, giddy with excitement.

"Firewhisky, of course," Sirius replies placing the bottle in the middle of the four of us. I look nervously to our door way. We are up in our dorm, just the four first year boys. We were getting along much better than when we had first arrived. James Potter was alright and he and Sirius Black had become quick friends. They accepted me quickly enough much to my surprise. It took a little longer for Peter but he really became part of the group after we all stood up for him against the Slytherins. Now the four of us did everything together.

It was the last night at Hogwarts before the holidays, next term we would be in second year. Sirius talked about alcohol a lot, although I'd never seen him drink any. Most of us did a little talking anyway, everyone seemed too, boasting to impress the rest of the group, our classmates or the girls. Peter did it all the time, so much so that I questioned almost everything he said. I thought Sirius was all talk but now he had produced the bottle. We couldn't back out.

"What does it taste like?" I asked nervously, I had tasted some champagne at Christmas one time. It had bubbled up my nose and given me the worst headache a few hours later. I was curious enough though and wanted to try this.

"I don't know about this," James said uncharacteristically, "Firewhisky? In the dorms? What will McGongall say?"

"She won't know," Sirius chuckled, as he tried to conjure a cup.

Peter was holding the bottle now, gingerly taking off the lid and smelling the top, his face curling in displeasure.

"Remus, can you transfigure cups yet?"

"Nope," I replied not shifting my eyes from Peter. He looked like a mouse when he twisted his face like that.

"Well, we'll have to swig."

"Who's first," asked Peter, holding out the whisky to the group.

Sirius took the bottle and took a mighty swallow before passing it to me. I coughed loudly as the whisky burnt down my throat.

"It's good," I croaked, even though it was possibly the worst thing I had ever tasted.

Peter had a similar reaction to me before passing it to James.

"Will I get drunk?" he asked.

"Not off one sip," Sirius replied and Peter giggled. "Unless, you're Peter," Sirius and I said in unison and we all cracked up laughing. James looked at us doubtingly as we clutched our sides. I was starting to hurt I was laughing so hard.

"Come on James," I coaxed, and he looked at us for a moment longer before taking a sip. We all cheered and laughed hysterically at ourselves again.

I felt so lightheaded and when Sirius passed the bottle along again the whisky tasted a lot better than it had done the first time. It only took two sips and we were all joking and no longer worried about the amount of noise we were making. Sirius put the bottle away saying that he would need it for the summer and we all complained. We didn't need anymore, we were quite tipsy as Peter proved when he stood to follow Sirius in an attempt to rescue the whisky. He toppled over onto the floor and we all cracked up. We spent half the night talking, joking and laughing before falling asleep right there on the floor.

The next day I was surprised that nobody had told us off, they must be used to students being loud on the last night. Relieved that we had gotten away with it and feeling so close to my new friends I packed my truck happily. It had been the best night of my life and the best year too. I love Hogwarts!

Remus slipped in the back entrance of Hogwarts and casting a notice me not spell crept down to the dungeons. It was not wise for him to be here, any of the students could recognise him, but he had to warn Snape. He had just come off another shift monitoring Nott whose opinion on Snape had not changed. The man was now stupid enough to be plotting a murder attempt on the potions professor.

Remus tried the door to Snape's office. It was shut tight and warded but luckily the corridor was empty so he could hide and wait for Snape. He didn't have to wait long, the man burst out of the classroom yelling instructions back at some unlucky student.

"…and make sure you clean the ceiling too Gibson, that's forty points from Hufflepuff."

Remus could hear the students scramble about in the classroom as Snape stormed into his office and gulped down a potion in one swallow. Remus slid into the office out of the view of the open classroom door. The dark man was leaning on his desk, his shoulders slumped in exhaustion. He straightened as he picked up another potion and slipped it in his pocket. He examined his hands carefully, flexing his fingers as if in pain.

He then stiffened, presumably because he knew he was being watched. Remus saw the man go for his wand and whispered, "Severus, it's me. Remus. I have some news for you."

The man pushed his wand back in his robes and looked up, his dark eyes seeing through the simple spell. "Wait here," he commanded as he marched back to the classroom closing his office door with a slam.

Snape's voice carried through the stone walls, "Come to the front if you were stupid enough to remain near the potion and need some of the antidote. You haven't finished with that wall Gibson I can see the stains from here…"

Meanwhile Sirius was sitting stonily in the kitchen with Emmeline Vance at the other end. Yesterday Harry had left and he had been feeling a little depressed. Luckily Remus was there to make him laugh. Sirius had been feeling so much lately. His emotions were like a roller coaster and it was starting to make him feel quite queasy.

Remus was on duty today and Molly had made herself scarce when Emmeline arrived. Sirius thought Molly and Arthur would probably move out now that the children were off to school. He felt oddly sad about that.

"I'm sorry Sirius, please, there is nothing more I can say," Emmeline said as she tucked her hair back, arms flung openly on the table. Sirius didn't reply still concerning himself with the Weasleys living arrangements.

"Please," she begged once more, but Sirius simply turned his head to avoid looking at her.

Defeated she whispered, "Perhaps I shouldn't have come. I couldn't let it go though. I am sorry Sirius, you will just have to believe me."

She pushed the chair back and started to walk out of the room.

"What do you want me to say," Sirius croaked. After Harry had left he knew that it would only be harder to go about the day trapped in this oppressive house. But working with the Order, working with Emmeline, having to deal with her pushing him; he couldn't think.

Emmeline looked desperately back at Sirius. He had spoken but not moved his eyes from the table. It killed her to see him like this, to not even be able to look at her. It seemed Sirius had forgiven Remus in an instant, the moment they had hugged in the shack. Perhaps it was because Sirius had suspected Remus at one stage, perhaps because he and Remus had always been a little distant out of the group of friends. But Emmeline, she had known Sirius, she had said she'd loved him.

Emmeline shrugged, her eyes wet with tears. "I don't know. You could say that you'll forgive me, maybe not yet but one day. You could say that you want to start things over."

Sirius laughed a little madly, "You think I can ever forgive you for what you've done? Do you know the memory of you I had to live over and over again for the past twelve years. You left me for the dementors!"

"I made a mistake, we all made mistakes," Emmeline was crying now. Her tears silently flowing down her face making her look younger than she was. Sirius crossed the room in two angry strides grabbing her arm and spinning her towards him.

"Do you know what you did to me?" he hissed in her face. "You broke me. I had to sit in that hell and know that I was there because my girlfriend thought I was a murderer. She thought I was a Death Eater. She thought I would give the lives of my best friends to Voldemort. You obviously didn't know me at all, so don't come back here now saying that you care for me, saying that you loved me… You're making me sick."

Emmeline gasped, crying louder and ran from the room. Molly watched her leave and peered into the kitchen. Sirius was still frozen in the room, his face part proud and part terrified.

"Taste it," she whispered giggling. I couldn't move my eyes from her. She was so beautiful it hurt to breathe.

Lifting her outstretched hand I licked the chocolate from her palm. She stopped giggling and held her breath.

"You taste beautiful," I said, biting her hand this time and pulling her towards me. She looked at me with her eyes wide open, inviting, sensuous, nervous, longing – I needed to kiss her.

It was one of those fireworks kinds of kisses. I had been with a few girls in my time but this was something else entirely. I was blown away.

"Oh disgusting, would you guys get a room," James said, as he and Peter walked into Madam Puddifoots with bags full of Honeydukes.

"He's not half as bad as you and Lily," Peter scoffed, and they both made themselves at home at our table; James slumping in the chair and Peter reaching over to eat some of Emmeline's sundae.

"What do you guys want," I snapped, a little more rudely then I had intended.

James pulled up his hands in a sign of 'whoa' and rolled his eyes at me.

"Ease up Sirius," James spat back, I knew I had annoyed him because he called me by my first name. "We are supposed to be meeting you-know-who about the you-know-what this evening and we couldn't find you. We had better get going."

It was seventh year and ever since the end of fifth we tried to never leave Remus alone on a full moon.

"Meeting who?" Emmeline asked and I pushed her from my lap sadly. The last thing I felt like doing tonight was running about with Remus. It was the last weekend of school and next week was exams.

"Nothing babe, I forgot about a thing I have to attend tonight," I said and her confusion was quickly turning to annoyance.

"Please," I begged, "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"You'll make it up to me?" her voice had raised two octaves, "it's our last weekend together before schools over forever and you want to go off to another one of your secret meetings? What the hell am I supposed to think Sirius? What is it? Is it another woman? A man? Please for gods sake just tell me."

I wanted to tell her everything, James and Peter were starting to get uncomfortable.

"I can't, please, just trust me," I begged and kissed her on the head as I turned to leave with James and Peter.

"And what is so important that you have to sneak up on me in my own office, on my own time?" Snape snarled as he walked in the door.

Snape cast a warding spell behind him and moved to behind his desk. Remus had waited in Snape's office patiently until the end of class. He hadn't been there before and spent his time looking about the room. It was a little daunting, although he suspected that was what Snape was going for. There were jars of preserved dead things as well as a kind of messy neatness Remus found unnerving.

"I've just come off duty following Nott," Remus replied unsure on how to proceed. Snape was still staring at him as if he was greatly inconvenienced.

"And…" Snape prompted, "is this cause for some sort of celebration?"

That snapped Remus back to attention. He rolled his eyes at the sarcastic man.

"No, the man is trying to kill you. He hired a hit wizard today, Gavin Greengrass. I thought you should know, and now that you do, I guess I'll be on my way."

Gavin Greengrass was a nasty man, and while he might not have been a Death Eater he was well known in the wizarding underworld.

Snape stood up and twisted his face into what could be construed as a smile, "well, that should certainly liven things up for me. Please don't waste another moment of my time."

Remus shuffled to the door in confusion. The man could be so infuriating. Before he left he turned and said, "Please Severus, be careful." He didn't give the dark man time to respond before he let the door close behind him.

"How was your day?" Remus asked Sirius when he returned to the house.

"Don't ask," Sirius mumbled. He was slouched over the kitchen table. Molly was cooking dinner for them all and Remus could hear her in the kitchen.

"If it makes you feel any better I had to talk to Snape today," Remus tried to smile.

"It doesn't. Would have preferred the greasy git."

"Dear god, what happened?"

"Don't want to talk about it."

"Emmeline Vance dropped round," Molly said, "Sirius get your head up off the table." She had come bringing in the dinner things. Remus walked around the table to help her with the place settings.

"Emmy?" Remus asked. "So did you two talk? Did you try to work things out?"

Sirius brought his head up so Molly could put his place setting down and stared at Remus angrily.

"I hope you didn't put her up to this."

"No, I didn't, but you have to work together now and I can see that it is killing you to even so much as look at her," Remus tried to argue.

"You don't understand, she…and…ohh!" Sirius muttered angrily.

Molly sighed taking Sirius' hand gently, "I understand pet. There are some things that are just unforgivable."

Sirius nodded, whispering 'unforgivable' under his breath a few times before reaching over to snack on a bread roll. Remus wasn't about to argue with two hot headed Gryffindors, yet he felt the world had gone mad. Of course she didn't deserve forgiveness, neither did he, nor should he have forgiven Sirius; but that's life.

Remus forgave not because people had earned forgiveness, or asked for it but because he couldn't live hating, he couldn't live in mistrust and fear. He forgave for his sake. And, Sirius of all people should have understood that.