Randomly Weird LotR Poems

This is what I originally meant to post. My mum's computer is working now, but I'm not sure how long it will...

Teehee! LotR does not belong to me. I own the poems...I bet you're glad you dont.

- HALDIR GETS HIS PERIOD -

"Oooh la la," sang Haldir happily

It was a good day, everything was fine

He was at the cinema

Standing on a long line

"Excuse me sir," said an old man

"What is it?" asked Haldir quietly

"You have a period stain on your butt..."

"And it is shaped like a bumblebee!"

Haldir found a mirror

And he looked at his ass

Indeed there was a bright red stain on his shorts

He felt the need to eat some grass

Haldir was upset, he was crying

This was a major shock

At least he wasn't pregnant

Because he'd have to read books by Dr. Spock

Hallie went to the local supermarket

He purchased a tampon

Then he went to Alcoholics Anonymous

And he met a lady named Don

Haldir, um, put in the tampon

He felt happy, he felt good

He ate his vegetables

Like a good girl should

But Haldir began to feel sick

He left the tubular creation

In for too long

And then he turned into a dalmatian

There's a moral to the story

Always remember to, um, change your stuff

Don't play poker with Maury

And never pee on Hilary Duff.

- WITCH-KING LOVE POEM -

The Witch-king is a sexy bitch

I wonder what's under that mysterious hood...

Does he have moist, plump lips?

Does he have clear blue eyes?

Is he sexy?

Does he want me?

I want him

He is mysterious

What would he do if we slept in the same bed?

Would he run or would he stay?

I want him!

I want to rip off that billowing robe and snog him

But does he have a face?

We'll just have to find out...

- THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING -

That balrog has a cell phone.

Holy, holy, I need a canoli!

Everyone likes squirrel pudding.

Frodo smells like an obese chicken that celebrates Cinco de Mayo.

Evanescence.

Look at me! I'm the love child of Gimli and Théoden!

Lemur.

Opposites attract, you silly orc-loving hobbit named Gary!

Wonton soup tastes good.

Surgeon.

Haldir shits in his pants.

Ioreth is a gooseplop.

Popsicle man to the rescue!

Oh Canada is Merry's favourite song.

Friars, priests, and bishops, oh my!

Tootsie rolls.

Happy blobs of Kansas are in my suitcase.

Eomer and a bunny.

Ringwraiths are sexy.

I made tinkles again!

New Jersey.

Gandalf is my dream guy!

I've gone insane...blame my muse. I'm running out of ideas. If you have any, just tell me. I do have one poem that I'm afraid to post because of the gore, and I'm debating whether to post it or not. I probably won't, but I could send it by e-mail if you're that desperate.

Today's fic is 'Elvish Underpants'. It's some seriously funny shit if you want a good laugh. Check my favourites list for the link.

-Christie-