Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize.
Why? What do you want from us Olaf? Do you want our fortune? If you
do, we would gladly give it to you. It would be a fair exchange if you and
your troupe would leave us forever. Taking the Baudelaire fortune would
suffice for anyone else. You could let us go after you get it. You could go
away and live the rest of your life far away from here. It seems that being
rich isn't enough for you. You have to get the sapphires of our friends the
Quagmires and kill four of us and leave two to inherit the fortunes. Then
you'll dispose of the two when you have no use for them anymore. Until your
captives come of age, they will be slaves, doing evil deeds and doing your
chores for you and your repulsive coworkers. Please have some pity Count
Olaf. You could kill me, I would be free then. Free from the horrors that
you and your comrades wreak on the world. Free from the toils, cares, and
worries of human existence. Free from the bad luck that seems to follow us
everywhere. I beg you to kill me instead of my siblings or the Quagmires.
Klaus shows such potential as a research scientist. Sunny would be able to
open a restaurant that I'm sure will be very successful. Isadora could
write her couplets, praised by all critics. Duncan will be a very famous
journalist, spreading the truth through newspapers and books. Quigley would
be able to make accurate maps of unknown territories for travelers. They
have such bright futures in store for them.
You can be so heartless. I still cannot get over the fact that you
killed Carmelita Spats just because she refused to burn her own house down.
How would you feel if you were asked to kill your parents and burn
everything you own? You even discussed how to kill her right in front her
parents. You left your henchmen to die when the submarine sank. You just
cared about getting us out alive to get your filthy hands on our money. You
could even leave the woman you love to drown in the middle of the Pacific
Ocean. Slowly you approach us grinning and saying "Don't look so
frightened, your death will be quick and painless. I have found a way to
get your fortunes without you so all of you can die together." He led us to
the kitchen and filled six small glasses from a bottle labeled arsenic.
"After you die, I shall take your bodies to the crematorium at night and I
will spread your ashes where you will join the remains of your respective
homes and parents. Now, I toast to your happiness with your families in the
afterlife." He raised his glass, which was filled with wine. I smiled as I
raised my glass to all the people I have encountered in my strange
adventures. I guess I felt happy that this was going to be over. My heart
cheered as I raised the deadly poison to my lips. I was free at last.