|Rantings Of A Harassed Advisor
Author: Noldo PM
Erestor has a diary, and Glorfindel features prominently in it, usually not in a very flattering light.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Parody - & Glorfindel - Words: 1,025 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 5 - Published: 05-11-04 - id: 1856993
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Ranting of a Harassed Advisor
I am Erestor, and I'm the only sane person in Rivendell. Yes.
Why are you looking at me like that? I am not odd. If you think I'm odd, then Glorfindel would probably give you a nervous breakdown. Come to think of it, he comes dangerously close to giving me a nervous breakdown, even though I'm an emotionally stable Elf.
I have to write a little bit here about Glorfindel. He is a major influence on my life. In fact, he is a major and undesirable influence on the lives of everyone in Imladris –
What was that? No, Estel, you may not read what I'm writing.
He is too talkative, too nosey, too –
Why can you not read what I'm writing? Because this is my diary. A diary is private, Estel.
Glorfindel is a lot older than me. That, unfortunately, has not made him any wiser. He talks constantly. Even in his sleep. I know this for certain, as I checked once.
He also smiles too much and is insanely cheerful.
Lord Elrond and I have discussed this. We do not really agree on the matter. Lord Elrond says that it's just his personality. I insist that it is the sign of an underlying mental disorder.
Despite all that, he does have his interesting moments and can be quite fun when he's not too busy being a pain.
Glorfindel! You can't read this either! Will you and Estel leave? Please?
No, I won't beg you. This is an order. This is my room. Mine. Leave my room and go to yours.
Glorfindel fights better than me.
I have to admit that.
I don't even like fighting.
He's still a bit queer though. Only yesterday, he rigged a bucket of dye up over Elladan's door. Then he hid behind a pillar. When Elladan was leaving for breakfast this morning, the whole thing tumbled onto him. He spent six hours in the bathroom, but his face is still green.
Elladan is still trying to think of a suitable prank to play on Glorfindel.
An anonymous note that he received suggests placing a dead fish in Glorfindel's desk drawer. It is very curious that Glorfindel did this to me some time ago. It is also very curious that the note appears to be in my handwriting. Of course, the two occurrences are completely unconnected, but I hope that Elladan does do it.
Glorfindel! Estel! Stop bothering me!
I see I shall have to give you a lecture. It's entitled 'Why It Is Not Prudent To Annoy Me'. I wrote it for Elvish class a long time ago, but it still works.
'You should not annoy me because it is rude. You are disturbing work that is connected to all Middle-Earth to inform me of mere trivialities.'
Don't interrupt me when I'm lecturing you, Estel. And my work is important to the whole of Middle-Earth. Think of the history that would be lost if I did not keep a diary.
Stop calling me 'mouldy oldie'! Can you see any mould? Or grey hair?
Yes. Back to the lecture.
'Also, if you annoy me, I will tie you up and feed you to a large pack of ravening Wargs. Then I will come back and change my clothes and plead innocence to Lord Elrond. And then if you manage to come back alive you will have to ask Lord Elrond for medical aid and he will say it was your own fault and he WON'T GIVE YOU ANY BANDAGES!'
What was that? You can bandage yourself? Please, Glorfindel. Don't make me laugh. Or have you conveniently forgotten the time you fell over that cliff and broke your arm? That bandage looked more like a crêpe gone wrong.
Oh, so it was a crêpe? I've been wondering about that for years. Another great Imladris mystery solved.
Stop calling me 'Sherlock', Estel! Besides, 'Sherlock Erestor' just doesn't have that sound to it.
What was that? No, Glorfindel, I have not signed up at MI6 in my spare time.
Yes. There's a little more.
'Also, I am NOT INTERESTED! I do NOT want to know how many snails there are in the garden, or what Lord Elrond was doing with his coffee (unless he poured it on you) or the average number of lichen growths on each tree to three decimal places!'
You never said anything about lichen? Thank goodness. It was just an arbitrary example. I couldn't really remember if you had said it or not.
Don't snigger while I'm ranting, Estel. How many times must I tell you that it is impolite? I told you yesterday. And the day before that.
Now listen. This bit is for you, Estel.
'And if I ask you to go bother someone else, it does not mean that I'm giving you permission to go and annoy Lord Elrond, Lindir, Elladan, or Elrohir!'
What? What do you mean, 'They annoy us' ? No being on Arda could possibly be more annoying than you.
Stop sticking your tongue out, Glorfindel. Honestly, you two could pass for three-year-old human children any time. You and those clumsy sons of Thranduil. How you manage to be so annoying I have no idea.
Yes, Estel, I know you're human. However, I also know that you're not three years old – or at least I think I do.
I'm beginning to have serious doubts about that.
'So...if you have something to say...GO AWAY!'
Sorry? What do you mean, 'Okay then, we won't tell you the library's on fire' ? Yes?