A/N: One more ridiculous chapter for your perusal. Enjoy!

Yours forever, Tsona

There was a taut silence around the poker table that night. The brief, necessary words that did pass between us- "Fold," and the bets placed by each player- seemed oddly loud.

Lucius accidentally dealt to the empty seat- formerly Avery's- and coughed faintly as he pulled the card back toward him.

"Will you all just say what you want to and get it over with?" I sniffed.

Lucius' grey eyes darted quickly up and then away from my glaring, red eyes. He coughed again. "Well, my lord, I mean to say- this is all very strange without- I mean-"

His wife, Narcissa, lay a gentling hand on his arm and her blue eyes caught mine instead. "What he means to say is, my lord, that we rather wonder what drove you to-" the next word came out quite quietly, her eyes darting quickly away, into a corner, around the room "-kill Avery."

"He was bothering me." I peered down at the cards in my long fingers. Two of clubs, two of spades, four of hearts, six of hearts, and a seven of spades. I'd rarely seen a worse hand. My fist clenched around the cards. The corners of my mouth and my bald eyebrow ridges sank.

Lucius across the table smirked, looking over his cards at me.

I played for time. "You all think I have it so easy, sitting here in my hideout, handing out orders. None of you realize what you put me through. You don't realize how rough I've had it, what I had to overcome to get where I am!"

Narcissa gave a soft, sympathetic moan.

"I imagine you did have it rough in school, didn't you?" Antonin Dolohov sniggered. "I mean, really, Marvolo? What is that? A dish detergent?"

I glared at him. "It was my grandfather's name. A Gaunt, one of the last families to bear the blood of the great Salazar-"

"And your face!" Dolohov brayed, as though he'd not heard a word. "I mean," his eyes narrowed, malicious, "did you ever have a girlfriend? Ever?"

"I used to be quite handsome, you know. There were many women who would have gladly- who did-"

"Honestly, you looked better under the turban. And what was with using Quirrell anyway? I mean, really. I thought you looked for strength, for magical talent, for something of value in your followers? I would have thought for a host- I mean, the man was a-"

"If you had come yourself-"

"I was in Azkaban, doing time for being in your service."

Lucius cleared his throat and laid down his hand: a straight flush. Reluctantly, I and the other Death Eaters put ours down on the table. Lucius dragged the few galleons in the table's center, glittering golden by the candles' flames, toward him. He dealt the cards again, carefully avoiding Avery's empty chair.

Mine was another bad hand. "And then there's all the trouble I go through, all the plots you've all let be foiled."

Narcissa made that moan again and I began to suspect it was rather mocking, particularly when she smiled at me when my glare caught her eyes, withdrew her wand and, twirling it, produced a large bouquet of flowers, which she tried to hand me. I withdrew my hands, threw them up, palms out with a grimace of disgust.

"With my condolences, Tommy-boy," she giggled.

I snarled and glared from her to Lucius.

"You're breakin' my little heart here, lord," he agreed. "Bad hand again?"

"What?"

Lucius sighed. "You have no poker face. How you ever expect to rule the world without one- And what's with this tactic of stalling when you don't want to show us your cards? Honestly."

"Whatever does a poker face have to do with my ruling the world?"

Lucius said slowly, clearly, as though speaking to a dimwitted child, "My lord, at least half of ruling is impression. You've got to look cool under pressure. In fact, you have to look collected all the time."

"What would you know about it?" I snarled.

"Here. Try this." He leaned back in his chair so that it was resting with its two front legs off the ground and put the tips of his fingers together beneath his pointed chin. "Eeeeexcellent," he said, with the merest hint of a laugh beneath the purr.

I cocked a bald eyebrow at him. "What is that supposed to do?"

Lucius let the legs of the chair fall back to the ground. "It's a gesture you can use, say, when you've got Potter cornered, or lying on the ground before you. Whenever he happens to be at your mercy. It gives the impression of your enjoying his pain, but not needing to rush his downfall, because that would make you impatient, desperate, and uncool."

"You've been trying to understand your son again, haven't you, Lucius? Ow!"

My arm smarted and I glared at Amycus Carrow. He was sitting next to me, his lumpy face screwed up into what he clearly thought was an innocent expression. Yet, I saw his hand sneak away beneath the table.

"Mosquito," he said simply. His hand came flying up and back again and before I could duck, he had struck my shoulder. "Nasty little buggers, aren't they? But I got it. Ooh!"

He pulled back his arm for another swing, but I leapt up from my seat out of the way. "You know what, I think I've had enough of poker for tonight."

Lucius nodded. "All right. My lord, are you coming to play practice tomorrow? We saved you a part."

"I killed Avery. There will be no play."

Lucius cut his eyes sideways.

"Oh no," I groaned.

"I was elected to take over as director, my lord. I couldn't let my fellow Death Eaters down, now, could I?"

"Lucius!"

"He's also got the lead role!" Narcissa said, beaming at her husband.

"If you touch a Muggle child I'm going to have to kill you," I warned, quite certain I was not joking.

"Oh! my lord! Don't be ridiculous! I got that part!"

"Well, I suppose-"

"And I'm the undercover agent who helps to rescue her!" Bella interrupted. "Isn't that wonderful, my lord? I finally get to be a stage actress!"

"She's been wanting to ever since Mum and Dad took us to see Sesame Street Live."

"People really loved my solo! And I owe it all to you. If you hadn't told me to go and practice for Lucius- Please come tomorrow, my lord. I'd love to work for you onstage as well as off."

She batted her mist-grey eyes at me beneath the too much mascara and iron-grey eye shadow she wore and I only just managed to swallow down another grimace of disgust.

"No... I really don't think... I have some very important evil plans that..."

"Why? They always fail anyway," Carrow wheezed. "You know, sometimes I think you'll be the only one who doesn't triumph somehow in the end of all this..."

I glared at him. "Did you say you think?"

Dolohov chuckled.

"As much as I hate to agree with Amycus, my lord-" my eyes spun round to pin Lucius instead "-he may have a point. Do you not perhaps obsess too much over these evil plans?" he asked delicately. "I mean, really, if you're whole happiness and life's meaning depends on Harry Potter's death and the submission of Wizarding world... Maybe it's time for you to try E.O.A."

" 'E.O.A.?' "

"Evil Overlords Anonymous, yes. Twelve baby steps to overcoming your obsession with world domination. Or, I think that was the tag line..."

"You're telling me such a group exists?"

"I believe so, yes. Does that mean you're interested? Would you like me to dig up the pamphlets for you?"

I restrained myself from telling Lucius exactly what he could do with his pamphlets. "Why would you be receiving these, Lucius?" I asked instead.

"I frankly don't know, my lord," he answered lightly enough. "I wondered if it was a blanket owl posting, but apparently they missed those whom really needed it."

"Perhaps your tailor put you on a list," Narcissa suggested. "You do wear a lot of black."

"Not all evil overlords wear black, dear."

"Okay," I interrupted, not willing to stay for a lengthy discussion of Lucius' wardrobe choices. "Well, no. I'm not interested. I have no problem and need no therapy."

The Malfoys exchanged a quick glance, seemed to be biting back the same word.

"What?" I demanded.

"Denial, my lord," Lucius said quietly.

"Oh!" I threw my hands into the air, spinning away from them all in a fury. I had the feeling that if I stayed in the room a moment longer I would be very much in danger of losing my temper and a second Death Eater in a single day. Already my fingers were beginning to tingle in anticipation of the beloved curse.

I leapt with a screech before I had gone more than a few steps and snapped a hand to my arm. I spun around to face Amycus Carrow's ugly, lumpy face. He hitched that wholly unconvincing expression of innocence onto it as he withdrew his fingers, which had a moment before been pinching me. "Ant," he said blithely.

I roared and my hand leapt for my pocket. The wand slashed through the air and green light briefly illuminated the pits and hillocks of the man's astonished face before the whooshing air ceased and Carrow too fell dead at my feet.

I looked from his blank eyes to my wand and shrugged. I pocketed the weapon and strode from the room, but was not out of earshot when Lucius sighed, "I think we're going to need a new henchman for that play..."

Bellatrix murmured, "I think Voldy-poo's a bit out of sorts, don't you?"

"Yes, I rather do," Narcissa whispered back to her sister. "I wonder... Do you think..."

At last, I was out of range and needn't hear whatever cockamamy suggestion Narcissa had. With any luck, I might avoid ever finding out. As I shut myself in my room, slamming home the dead bolt, I rather doubted it, however.

A/N: Two down... I've discovered I need to write before sleeping and that it doesn't particularly matter what I write. This is a wonderful option when I don't particularly feel like doing anything serious. Even so, I have to wonder... with the closing of DH and the introduction of more of the Death Eaters into Death Eaters Don't Cry (another longer, dramatic fanfiction of mine), I don't feel particularly as though this ficlet is really necessary. Do I need to be ridiculing the dead, evil or no? So, I think this ficlet has taken on meaning only as an outlet for complete ridiculousness- this chapter came surprisingly easily- and as my readers request it. So with that in mind, please review and let me know whether you think I ought to continue this or leave it as is or delete it entirely. It's purpose may have been fulfilled... Thank you, kind readers!

Yours forever, Tsona