Title: Eaten The Dictionary?

Author: Angel Leviathan

Spoilers: Anything, everything.

Season: Early Season 7

Disclaimer: SG-1 isn't mine.

Notes: Okay, I admit it, I got myself into this mess. I told Laura to pick any ten words she liked and I'd have to use them in a fic and post it. I had no idea it was going to be like this. Actually, this is quite tame, you should have seen the words 'provided' before! And yes, this is random and nuts. Thanks to Laura…

"No, no, no!"

"Ah, a good vintage," Jack took another sip of the red wine in his glass, staring back at everybody when they gave him accusatory glances, "What?"

"'A good vintage'?" Daniel repeated.

"Somebody's been watching the food channels," Janet teased.

"…I cant get away with saying that then?" the Colonel frowned.

"No, Sir," Sam grinned, "But, as I was saying, I win here, come on, admit it."

"I don't know…" Daniel trailed off.

"I believe MajorCarter is correct," Teal'c nodded, "She does indeed, on most occasions, get into the worst form of embarrassing situations."

"Thank you, Teal'c," she smiled, "Seriously, its getting to the stage where you guys might as well solicit for me, the number of times I've been 'propositioned'."

"Ah yes, but then again, Carter, we wouldn't want you getting promiscuous," Jack nudged her, "and we'd never know how much to charge…"

Sam glared at him, "Thanks for the support, Sir."

"I dread to think what you get up to off-world…" Janet shook her head.

"The chances of anybody finding out our most embarrassing stories are minuscule," he stated, with confidence.

The doctor had a smug grin on her face, "Oh really?" she exchanged a glance with Sam.

Daniel stared, "…You didn't…"

Sam coughed, "I, erm, may have told some stories…"

"That's it, Major, you're taking six for the next few months," Jack threatened.

"With pleasure, Sir," she winked, much to his surprise.

He raised his eyebrows and stared at her for several seconds, before draping an arm around her shoulders, which she didn't seem to object to.

"Okay, who's been the most nefarious character we've come across?" Daniel questioned.

"That's funny…" Janet paused.

"What?"

"…Pages of the Oxford Dictionary didn't appear on your latest scans…" she answered innocently.

"I admit I am at a loss as to the exact definition of such a term," Teal'c added.

"Somebody or something evil, vile, detestable," he explained, "Major villain."

"Ba'al," Jack was quick to answer.

"Apophis?" Daniel offered.

"Nirrti?" Sam paused, "They've all fit the description in one form or another.

"I must agree with DanielJackson," Teal'c intoned.

"The Colonel when he's cranky and wants to leave the Infirmary," Janet smiled.

Jack mock glared at her and threw the organdie throw from the sofa across at her, continuing to glare as she caught it, instead of getting tangled in it, and smiled triumphantly.

"Hey, you remember that place with the llamas?" Sam rested her head on Jack's shoulder.

"Alpacas…" Daniel mumbled.

"Daniel?"

"Alpacas," he repeated, louder.

"Llamas!" the argument had all the hallmarks of a long standing disagreement.

"It was an alpaca…!"

"Care to let us in on this?" Janet prompted.

Teal'c let out a barely audible sigh, "This is a most pointless argument."

"It was a llama!" Sam protested.

"Break it up, kids," Jack interrupted, "Okay. There was a planet we found where, on the grassy area where the 'Gate was, there were these horse-like-"

"Horse-like!" she sounded as if things were going to get violent.

"Critters," he continued, "Furry, long necks, long legs, funny ears…like llamas…ah-ah!" he held up a hand as Sam grinned in triumph, "Or alpacas."

"And they had a tuft on their heads, in front of their ears…" Daniel explained further.

Janet seemed most unimpressed, as Teal'c did, "…And?"

"And these two argued all the time we were there, and have been arguing ever since, about whether they were llamas or alpacas," Jack finished.

"It is most likely they were neither," the Jaffa reminded them.

Sam grinned, "Don't ruin it for us, Teal'c."

"And Carter here wanted to take one home to prove her point," Jack added, "not bearing in mind that there would have to be some serious leverage to move one of the things if it didn't want to…and I didn't want to be known as the Colonel who let his Major bring an llama home!"

"Alpaca," Daniel corrected.

Janet laughed, "It's a wonder I don't put you all in for physiological testing…" she pondered something for a moment, "Okay, I want to know the most 'interesting' alien swearing you've heard…"

"Such a question from a lady," Daniel feigned shock.

Jack was too busy trying not to laugh, even Teal'c had an ever so slight smile on his face.

"You've done it now, Jan," Sam warned, "Now we'll never hear the end of it…"

"Gonads to that!" the Colonel seemed unable to keep quiet any longer.

"Gonads?" Janet echoed.

"Gonads," he nodded.

"…I wish I'd never asked."

Fin

(and here are the words I had to use, if you've not already guessed them; gonad/s, minuscule, alpaca, solicit, tuft, vintage, promiscuous, organdie, nefarious and leverage!)