Disclaimers: As usual, DJL and so on... Takes place a year after the cruel season premiere, since I don't watch anymore though, this is how everything should have been, and here's the real reason why CD left that note... read it carefully, it isn't what it appears to be.

Now enjoy :)

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Between The Lines

by cat

Nate, I'm really sorry to leave like this but I just can't

Help it. I'll try to explain myself and hope you'll respect

Me and my decision to get away from being a cop. Since

Liz shot me I started to feel different about our job and my

Friends, including you. I tried to ignore it but lately I feel

Imprisioned in my own skin because of what happened to

Me. So I decided to leave everything behind for a new start.

As to where I'll go, I don't know. I hope you don't have

Revenge on your mind because I left you the way I did.

Please don't try to follow and find me. It's over. I better

Hurry because I have to catch my plane into my new life.

I'm really looking forward to that even though I'm also

Scared of it. But it was time for me, I needed a change.

Love forever, CD

Silent tears were falling down on the note in his hand. He didn't care where he was anymore, nor about anything else. It just hurt too much, and the alcohol he was downing didn't help like it was supposed to, but even seemed to make it worse. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw her face, her beautiful blue eyes and that incredible smile that he loved to see so much. It was as if he could still hear her laughter all around him, her voice softly whispering words of love into his ear while her blond hair tickled his neck and he'd hold her close, inhaling her scent. He couldn't believe that she was gone, no matter how often he read those words, it didn't make sense. That just wasn't his CD, the woman who was a cop with all her body and soul and loved him with all her heart, but yet it was her handwriting, her words that felt like daggars in his heart. Trying to drown his sorrows with another glass of Vodka he didn't notice how the door of the bar opened and a familiar woman walked into the Anchorside and approached him as she saw him sitting at the counter.

"Oh Nate." Sitting down she sighed, knowing the significance of the day, it had been exactly one year ago and he never had gotten over it. Even though he never talked about it, never talked about her, the loss of the only woman he had ever loved, she knew that it still hurt him like it did on the first day and that this would probably haunt him forever. They all knew the story by now, the story of how his heart had been broken by one of their very own. Everybody was shocked about that and they all hadn't been able to believe it but eventually just had accepted it and had gone on with their lives. Even Nate tried to do that the best he could, but ever since that day a year ago he had changed. He wasn't the same man anymore and the anger and pain deep within him were evident to everybody who saw him.

Kicking back another shot he noticed the woman sit down next to him but didn't even acknowledge her with as much as a 'hello' and just continued to fill glass after glass, hoping this would finally kick in and give him the oblivion he longed for so much. But then again forgetting was the last thing he wanted. Why else would he be cradling the paper in his hand after all if not to remember?

Seeing how he looked at it, Kate McCafferty decided to try again. Today she wasn't his boss, she was a friend, mourning over the loss of a loved one together with him. "Is that the infamous note?" She asked and reached for it.

Nate just nodded and let her take it. After all Kate knew her longer than anybody else of them, maybe she would be able to make sense of all of this. If she really had loved him, how could she leave? Why couldn't she trust him and confide in him and give him the chance to help her through whatever was bothering her so much?

For the first time Kate read the note CD had left for Nate, the day she disappeared. The same day she had received her resignation in the mail, no words of explanation though. Nate had told her about the note and that apparently she had been fed up with being a cop and ran, but he hadn't ever showed the note to anyone. Probably because he had felt so humiliated by it. Right now he probably was too drunk to care. She couldn't believe it either, this just wasn't like CD, and she thought she knew her as if she was her own daughter. Reading over it a second time it finally sank in though and she understood and jumped up from the barstool in utter shock because she couldn't believe what she was reading there. "OH MY GOD!"

to be continued...