Chapter 7: What would happen if…everyone went to Minto’s dance class?

KitKate Bar: See? SEE?! I told you I’d get another chapter out…uh…soon-ish!

Mint: Whatever.

Kit-Kate Bar: You…are ungrateful, and I dislike you.

DISCLAIMER: I. DON’T. OWN. TMM. HUZZAH! AND I DON’T EVEN OWN THE IDEA FOR THIS STORY EITHER! THIS IDEA WAS GIVEN TO ME BY DESTINY MEWMEW! THANK YOU! HUZZAH!

Pai: That’s not a good thing.

Kit-Kate Bar: Both of you are very insensitive.

Pai: Your words wound me.

Kit-Kate Bar: One day, I swear to god…

(scene: In the middle of a raging battle between the Mew Mews and the aliens)

Ichigo: Ribbon Strawberry CHECK!

Lettuce: Ribbon Lettuce RUSH!

Pudding: Pudding Ring INFERNO!

Zakuro: Ribbon Zakuro SPEAR!

Ichigo: Waittaminute…Mint, what are you doing?

Mint: (shudders) Examining your awful battle skills!

Ichigo: Well, they wouldn’t be awful if you were help –

Mint: – I mean, Ichigo, your footwork is horrible! And Lettuce, your poise is all wrong! Pudding…(stares) Pudding, Pudding, Pudding…

Ichigo, Lettuce, and Pudding: (blank stare)

Mint: The only perfect one is…(dreamy sigh) Zakuro-onee-sama.

Zakuro: (indifferent stare)

Kisshu: Hello? Are you going to fight us?

Mint: (whirls around) And YOU three!

Aliens: (confused stare)

Mint: Kisshu, Pai, and Taruto…your manners are atrocious, and your posture even worse! (magically produces shiny invitations) Here! You are all formally invited to join my ballet lesson next week!

Taruto: What if we don’t want to?

Mint: (scary eyes) Then you shall be punished!!

Taruto: (cowers)

(later, at Minto’s dance class)

Ichigo: I can’t believe she said that about me! And I can’t believe she made Shirogane and Akasaka-san come too!

Keiichiro: (naïve smile) Well, look on the bright side Ichigo, we’ll all learn a thing or two about ballet now…

Pai: And why are WE here again?

Taruto: Such…a scary…person! (cowers)

Mint: (appears in a lovely tutu, holding several other tutus) Weeeeellcome to my Dance Class! (bright lights and theatrical noises)

Ichigo: (yowl) MY EYES!!

All: (stare)

Mint: Now, I’ve GRACIOUSLY supplied all of you with dance outfits. (hands out the various tutus)

Taruto: (raises hand) B-but…you gave all the guys tutus too…

Mint: (ANGRY STARE)

Taruto: (faints girlishly)

Pai: I’m not wearing this… (burns tutu)

Mint: (eye twitches) (pulls out a spare and shoves Pai into it) THERE! NOW YOU CAN’T ESCAPE.

Pai: (manly scream)

Ichigo: All right Mint, all right! (pulls her off terrified aliens) Now what are we learning today?

Mint: OH! (is suddenly cheerful again) We’re learning the positions!

Kish: Oh! You mean the positions like in –

Ichigo: (slaps him) DIRTY MIND!

Kish: …I meant the ballet positions: first, second, third and fourth (perfectly demonstrates all the positions)

Taruto: Who knew you were such a GIRL?

Kish: (tears) Well…who knew Ichigo had such a dirty mind? (blinks) How do you know about those sorts of positions anyways?

Ichigo: nervous Well, I…I…TOO MANY QUESTIONS! (slaps him)

Kish: AUGH! (has been slapped by his true love and dies)

Mint: THERE’S TOO MUCH DYING AND NOT ENOUGH DANCING! (pirouettes in place)

Lettuce: Uhm…Mint-san, why don’t you show us some dancing so we can imitate you?

Mint: (sigh) Very well. Follow me (does a complicated two minute routine involving a jette, two pirouettes and a number of very hard positions with French names that I can neither spell nor do)

All: (open mouths)

Zakuro: (does it perfectly)

Mint: BRAVO!! (cries with delight)

Ichigo: No fair! Zakuro’s a supermodel, she can do anything!

Mint: (scary demon eyes) DO NOT QUESTION THE ZAKURO-NESS!

Ichigo: (trembles)

Pudding: I can do it, na no da! (does something entirely different – I’ll leave it up to your imagination)

Mint: …what-what WAS that?

Ichigo: It was like watching small children die!

Lettuce: P-please! Pudding-san, I implore you – NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!

Pudding: …all I did was do a backflip on top of an inflatable ball…

Pai: …it’s been a strange day

STEP ONE IN MINT’S ‘AWESOME PLAN TO MAKE EVERYONE AROUND HER MORE GRACEFUL, EVEN IF THEY DON’T BECOME AS GRACEFUL AS SHE IS, THAT’S ALL RIGHT BECAUSE MINT OUTSHINES EVERYONE WITH HER GOOD LOOKS, TALENT AND GRACE’ PLAN BEGIN!!

All: (stare at the giant banner that appeared over head)

Taruto: …when do you find the time to DO these things?

Mint: THESE QUESTIONS ARE IRRELEVANT!! (whacks him over the head with a metal ballet shoe)

Ryou: (turns to authoress) …this story has no plot, does it? It just involves Mint hitting everyone and horrible jokes about ballet, doesn’t it?

Kit-Kate Bar: …it’s too boring to have plots! Why have plots when you can make characters you dislike hit other whiney characters with some sort of metal footwear?

Ryou: That doesn’t make any sense!

Kit-Kate Bar: …come to think of it, I don’t like you much either! (Ryou disappears into a convenient hole full of pit vipers) Yes! Finally, he’s gone! (rejoices)

Ryou: (magically appears) Didn’t you know? I have the power of bishounen on my side! NO ONE CAN GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY! (laughs maniacally)

Kit-Kate Bar: (gapes) I didn’t even think that was possible! This is my story! Shouldn’t I have some sort of…universal power or something?

Mint: (considers) No. Not really.

Kit-Kate Bar: This…this is horrible! Everything I’ve ever known in life turns out to be a LIE!

Kish: I think you’re overreacting a little bit –

Kit-Kate Bar: SHUSH! I must think this over! (points at group of assorted characters) YOU! TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES!! (disappears in an sparkle of pink flamingos)

Taruto: Well, that was…interesting…

Mint: THERE’S TOO MUCH MUSING AND NOT ENOUGH DANCING! (pirouettes in place)

Ichigo: This is getting redundant! Can we leave? (starts for the door)

Kit-Kate Bar: (appears) NO! (brandishes her garden trowel) I SAID MY NEXT CHAPTER WOULD BE ON PEOPLE GOING TO MINT’S DANCING CLASS AND YOU WILL ALL PARTICIPATE IN THIS!! (waves trowel menacingly)

Zakuro: We came. We put on tutus. We should leave. (leaves)

Pudding: But I want to do more dance moves, na no da

Ichigo, Mint, and Lettuce: NO!! (cower)

Pudding: …(sigh) It was JUST a back flip.

Taruto: (whisper) Pai…I want to leave.

Kish: Me too. I thought it would be fun to dance with my toy, but this off salmon coloured tutu totally does nothing for my complexion (puts hands on hips and manages to look gayishly offended)

Taruto and Pai: …

Kit-Kate Bar: (sobs) I COME BACK TO THIS STORY AFTER WHAT…THREE MONTHS? AND ALL OF YOU JUST WALK OUT ON ME?!

All: …(nod)

Kit-Kate Bar: (sobs) FINE! SEE IF I CARE!! YOU CAN ALL GO…FIGHT WEIRD CHIMERA ANIMA THINGS AND LEAVE ME ALL ALONE!!

(silence)

Ichigo: (shrugs) Okay! Thanks! (leaves)

Pudding: Pudding will have lots of fun with her new trick at the Café, na no da! (leaves)

Ryou: (leaves, still laughing manically about the power of bishounen)

Kish: Let’s go smash things! (leaves)

Taruto: YEAH! (leaves)

Pai: … (leaves)

Kit-Kate Bar: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! (dies)

Mint: THERE’S TOO MUCH CRYING AND NOT ENOUGH DANCING! (pirouettes in place and leaves)

THE END!

Kit-Kate Bar: Omigod…(stares at work) I…I came back all excited to finish this chapter, and…and THIS is what happens? I’M SO SORRY! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING! I THINK I’M ON CRACK!! Incidentally, I was just bored…but I really wish I could push Ryou into that pit of vipers…I don’t like him (hiss)

Anyways, I’m not even going to tell you to review. Just…skip over this chapter and hope for better things from me in the future, okay?

Pudding: OKAY NA NO DA!

Kit-Kate Bar: Not you…

NEXT CHAPTER: What would happen if…the aliens visit…THE SHOPPING MALL?! Stay tuned!