AUTHOR’S NOTE: I know it’s been a while… gomen. University is a lot of work (but I’m managing). Don’t know when I’ll have the next chapter done though… I’m aiming for late Dec./05, after my finals and before the next term starts. We shall see! Also, bear in mind that Kyo and Tohru’s personalities might change a little bit as the story progresses (ie, Tohru is pregnant so her emotions will be all over the place, and there is speculation that the fathers of unborn children in the womb are affected too with usually strange emotions, but their not as obvious as the pregnant mother… In other words, I have done my homework in this subject, lol) Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 14
Hope or Pain

Hatori gave Tohru some sleeping pills and waited for her to fall asleep before he quietly left. Tohru’s aunt tried to be very hospitable and offered him tea, but he refused and said that he had to get back to work at the main house. When her aunt asked what illness Tohru had caught, he didn’t answer. “Let her get some sleep and if she feels up to going to school tomorrow, let her go. She has to return to school soon anyhow. Have a good evening Honda-san,” was all he said before he walked out of the house and got into his car to drive home.

He didn’t like the way things had turned out. Kyo and Tohru had done something foolish the night they ran away from the main house and now Tohru was pregnant and the father was in a mental institute because he was “a danger to himself and others”. Hatori didn’t know what happened exactly to Kyo when he was at the academy, but he knew that Kyo wasn’t one to pick fights for no reason--unless it was with Yuki. Hatori didn’t know why that was, but he had a pretty good guess…

Hatori sighed as he pulled his car into the Honke. The night was thick and a layer of mist hovered a few inches over the grassy grounds. ‘Kyo’s digging his own grave, and Honda-kun’s carrying another life within her because of their actions. They certainly were both stupid that night…’

He didn’t tell Tohru what had happened to Kyo. He didn’t want her to get upset about him, considering her circumstances and the fact that she could never see him again anyway. It would be just too much for her to bear if she found out…. Her emotions were already all over the place because of her hormones. Finding out the truth would only cause her more pain, and pose as a problem for both her health and the health of the child’s she was carrying.

Hatori got out of his car and walked into his house. He glanced at the answering machine and saw that there was another message on it. His heart fell at the thought of more work. He just wanted a quiet night where he could sleep without being disturbed. He stepped in front of it and hit the play button before he started to take off his light coat.

“Sohma-san! It’s Yukuto from the institution! Come quickly! Kyo’s ripping up his room and he’s somehow locked himself in! We can’t get in and--WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GUARDS! SHOOT IT! HOLY SHIT--HE’S RIPPING UP THE WALLS! WHAT THE HELL IS THA-”

Beeeep.

Hatori swore heavily under his breath and hurried out of the house. All thoughts of peace and quiet and sleep vanished.

‘Kyo, what in the world do you think you’re doing?’

‘I gotta get out of here! I gotta get out!’

My monstrous claws ripped the dry wall apart. I could hear the guards banging on the door, trying to get it open. I merely ignored their shouts as they fought the door.

‘I can’t stand it here! I’m going crazy here! Can’t they see that?’

The wall crumpled in my claws. I snatched my beads off the floor and shoved them in my mouth. I couldn’t lose them in there. Even though I deeply detested them for what they symbolized, I needed them to withhold my true form. I glared at the door where I could see that jerk Yukuto’s face staring at me through the little window in horror.

‘Serves you right!’

I crawled through the wall to the next room. I could hear keys rattling on the door as I went in and the boy that was sleeping in the room started screaming. My beastly eyes shot a snarling look that made him pull the covers over his head. The rattling of the keys on the other side of the door stopped when they found the right key and began to turn the lock. I cursed to myself and jumped on the wall beside the boy’s bed. He freaked and jumped out and ran to the other side of the wall. I felt bad for him, knowing that my ugly form had now scarred him for life.

I crawled up the wall and punched a hole in the ceiling. The door of the room opened as I ripped slabs of drywall off the ceiling, making the hole bigger and bigger. The guards started spilling in and pointed their guns at me.

“Hold it! Or we’ll shoot!”

A cold, hard sneer crossed my lips as my eyes narrowed at them. Who did he think he was trying to kid?

‘That’s what you think!’

“WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? SHOOT IT!” Yukuto yelled from behind the guards in the doorway, but it was too late.

I jumped into the hole as bullets fired toward me.

I was between two floors and quickly ran into an air vent. My claws screeched across the metal floor as I ran. I wasn’t sure where to run to, but I just had to get away. I turned left when I came to a dead end. I could hear the guards on the floor under me shouting, following the banging and scraping sounds of my movements in the vent above them.

I didn’t care if they saw my true form. If it scared them, good; they needed to be scared for once in their lives considering how much they scare their boy patients. Besides, that jerk Yukuto called Hatori. No doubt Hatori was going to come and erase their memories of all this anyway.

I found myself grinning. ‘But I’ll be gone by then. Long gone. They won’t even know what hit ’em!’

Hot bullets tore through the metal just a few feet behind me. I cursed to myself. They were shooting at me! They really were trying to kill me! I scampered around another corner to try and throw them off, but they stayed hot on my heels, firing into the metal vent, hoping that one of them would hit me sooner or later.

This wasn’t working. My form was too big and was slowing me down in this small space.

There was a dead end ahead of me that broke off in two directions: left and right. Which should I choose?

Piercing hot lead shot clear through my foot. I turned back to see a trail of blood left behind on the metal.

And slammed with a loud BANG into the metal vent that veered off in two directions that I had seen ahead of me.

I lost my balance and my train of thought. My head spun. What in the world happened? I had no time to contemplate what happened because more rounds of bullets shot at me. They had heard my crash and knew I was still, if only for a few moments, it would be enough time to kill me. A bullet ripped through my left arm and my left shoulder. Suddenly, I could feel the floor give out underneath me…

‘Kuso!’

I fell through the ceiling and slammed to the ground.

“Quick! Kill it!”

Shaking myself to clear my mind, I pulled myself unsteadily to my feet and ripped the gun from the closest guard and threw it across the floor. My head spun, but I couldn’t let that slow me down. I body-checked the second guard on my left and slashed the arm of the third guy on my right. I sloppily jump-kicked another guy in the face and punched another in the jaw with my enormous paw-like claws. It all happened so fast, they were all still in shock when I took off down the hall on the left.

I sniffed the air as I ran; it seemed to be fresher down this way. There must be a door leading outside down this path. The evening air was a blessing, cool and fresh in my lungs. It cleared my head as I ran toward it excitedly. The fresh air ahead meant freedom. I wanted that freedom, that air.

There was a familiar smell in that air…

The front doors were visible ahead. Through their windows I could see that the sun was setting, and was splashing red and orange colours across the sky. The bright reddish-orange ball of fire, that was the sun, was just about to sink into the tops of the trees that surrounded the insane asylum, separating the compound and all of its isolated inhabitants from the rest of the world outside.

Just like the “inside” of the Sohma Estate.

A sharp pain in the back of my neck jostled my balance. I stumbled forward, reaching for the back of my neck with my large deformed hand and pulled out a small dart.

I had been tranquilized.

“NOOO!” I roared, throwing the tranquilizer across the hallway; it smashed loudly on the concrete wall.

The beads I had been clutching in my mouth fell to the floor.

I felt another one strike my right shoulder as I whirled around. My world tipped to one side as I turned and I felt my entire body tip with it. I could feel the liquid spreading throughout my body, numbing my limbs and my mind. It was as though my blood was freezing; I couldn’t control myself. I couldn’t move my limbs. I felt myself sink to the floor gently. My usually keen eyesight dimmed and I couldn’t make out my predator between the shadows passing over my eyes. My sense of smell weakened as my mind grew hazy. I was so tired…

There was a puff of smoke. Through my drooping eye lids, I saw one of my orange cat paws with its pink pads slide out from beneath me as I laid down on my side and fell asleep.

‘I didn’t… make it…’

Hatori arrived shortly after ten o’clock. The building was quiet and calm, and he knew that he would have a lot of work to do before he could call it a night.

A guard, with his right arm wrapped in bloodied bandages, accompanied him to the office with a grim and prissy look on his face. He didn’t say a word, though Hatori could see him muttering inaudibly to himself.

Yup, Hatori knew he had a lot of work ahead of him.

Sighing tiredly when he reached the office door, he wondered how many people had seen Kyo’s Juunishi and other form. Although he had never seen Kyo’s “true form” himself, he knew that the cat’s vengeful spirit had a double curse--a monstrous curse--from reading the Sohma family’s ancestral records. Shigure and Akito had also mentioned it briefly in Hatori’s presence, but they never went into detail about it. Who would? It was something so awful, so disturbingly terrifying, that merely speaking about it sent shivers up one’s spine.

Another guard admitted Hatori into the office with a grumble. He had a bandage on his cheek, and wouldn’t look Hatori in the eye. Hatori’s emotionless eyes drifted over to a cat’s crate in the corner of the office, confirming his anxious suspicions. Kyo had transformed and now he would have to answer all of their questions as well as erase their memories before they made their family secret known to the public.

Yukuto was already there, glaring daggers at Hatori when he entered. He had caught Hatori’s brief glance at the cat’s crate and knew that Hatori knew about Kyo. The mere thought of this made him furious as Hatori sat in the chair before his desk. “You knew all about this thing right from the start!” he growled spitefully. “I don’t know who you think you are to trick us into admitting that thing into our institution, but that thing is beyond correcting! That thing is a monster--a danger to society--and should be locked up with the key thrown away!”

Hatori’s frigid face didn’t even falter as Yukuto spoke, which only resulted in making him angrier. He listened in his silent, cold and distant way. “I’m sorry he was a handful for you, Yukuto-san,” he responded emotionlessly.

A vein popped in Yukuto‘s temple. “Do you know what my men had to go through? He not only destroyed property, but he attacked every individual one of my men!” Yukuto shouted. Hatori’s facial expression still didn’t change. If he wasn’t careful, Yukuto may throw a tantrum. “I can’t explain everything I saw today, but if you think I’m going to let you get away with this monster, you’ve got some nerve!”

“Do you have Kyo’s bracelet?”

Not fully comprehending the question, Yukuto was stumped for a moment. Hatori‘s unresponsiveness, coldness and utter randomness of his question left Yukuto feeling stupefied. “What the--HOW CAN YOU JUST SIT THERE SO CALMLY AND DEMAND SOMETHING SO STUPID AND IRRELEVANT!” Yukuto yelled furiously.

“Do you have Kyo’s bracelet?” Hatori repeated with the same tone as before; it was a cold and forbidding tone.

Yukuto’s face began to turn purple. He clenched his jaw tightly. He snatched the bracelet, which he had discovered on the floor in the hallway, from his desktop surface and shook it in Hatori’s face. “HERE IT IS!” he bellowed, throwing the bracelet in Hatori’s face.

It smacked off his forehead and fell onto Hatori’s lap. He picked it up and pocketed it in the inside breast pocket of his jacket. “Thank you,” he replied calmly, unaffected that something had just been thrown in his face.

Fuming, his face contorted with utter fury, Yukuto hissed, “If you don’t do something about that thing, I’ll kill it myself!”

Hatori stood up from his seat in front of Yukuto’s desk and looked down at him. “I’m very sorry for the trouble you and your employees have gone through tonight. May I offer you my service to aid you in your recovery?”

Tohru woke up the next morning feeling better than she has in a long time. She had a pleasant dream, which she forgot as soon as she opened her eyes in the morning sunlight that streamed forth from her window, and was in a very happy mood. She went about her morning duties, humming cheerfully to herself. Her relatives noticed her bright and cheery mood and fell over when she greeted them with an overly gleeful smile.

‘That Hatori-san is a miracle worker!’ Tohru’s aunt thought as she pulled herself back to her feet after falling on her back when Tohru greeted her with her most radiant smile before she skipped off to go to school.

Once Tohru was outside the house, she slowed her pace as her memories of what happened last night drifted back into her mind. It was the feeling of loneliness that brought them all back. She had looked over her shoulder, expecting to see the shy amber eyes following her, but when she saw nothing, she felt very lonely and vulnerable.

Kyo was in a place where she would never get to see him again. She could never tell him that she was sorry she said the things she said. She still didn’t understand why she freaked out the way she did. She just felt so scared and sick. The sight of those boys… and the blood… she just wanted to run away. She had to run away. She didn’t want Kyo to see how weak she was.

‘And now… Hatori-san said that I’m going to have a baby…’ she thought sadly, hugging her stomach gently as the cool morning breeze nipped at her jacket. Her eyes welled up with tears. ‘I’m never going to get to tell him that he’s going to be a father…’

She stumbled forward, tripping over her own clumsy feet. Her slender hand reached up and covered her pink lips to hide her anguish, even though her eyes betrayed her, when she thought, ‘He’s never going to get to see his child!’

She fell to her hands and knees on the sidewalk, hanging her head helplessly. ‘Okaa-san! What am I going to do? I can’t do this on my own!’ she cried silently to her mother, searching for help in the only person she felt she could talk to.

‘I don’t know what to do…’

She wiped away her tears, telling herself that she had to get up. She had to go to school. She had to go on for her mother. Her mother had it much harder than herself.

Tohru kept telling herself that until she arrived at school. She apologized to her teacher for missing so much school and would try very hard to catch up with everyone else. “But I was lucky enough to have Uo-chan and Hana-chan bring me my homework while I was sick, so I should be okay and catch up soon!” she said with a bright smile, hiding her inner turmoil.

Her teacher, who was surprised to see a change in her personality since she had been away, smiled back and told Tohru not to worry. “If you did the homework, you should be okay,” she told Tohru before returning to her own work.

Tohru nodded and left her teacher alone to do her work. ‘If I work hard and never give up, I can get through this! Right, Okaa-san?’

“Hey, Tohru!”

Tohru saw Uo and Hana and ran to greet them warmly. Seeing them again in school brought a sincere smile to her face. They looked relieved to see her feeling better and acting more like her old self. Hana at least tried to look happier and not so worried about her, but she could still sense that something was different about Tohru. Everyday, Tohru’s waves were becoming stronger and more different than the previous day. It was almost as if…

“Enough about me, Uo-chan!” Tohru declared with a slight laugh after answering Uo’s worried, motherly questions. “What about you two? How have you two been doing while I was away?”

Uo’s eyes began to tear up. She glomped Tohru, sobbing, “She’s such a trooper! Even though Tohru was the one who was sick, she still worries about the health of her friends! WAH! She’s such a good friend!”

“EH? Uo-chan, don’t cry! You’ll make me cry!”

The school bell rang for students to go to classes as Uo abruptly released Tohru. “You’re right, Tohru!” she exclaimed, her eyes alight with a smile across her face. With her arm around Tohru’s shoulder, she marched forward with Tohru by her side. “This is no time for crying! This is a time to celebrate! Tohru! Did you bring you’re wonderful food with you for lunch?”

“Hai!”

“YES! We’re eating like celebrities today!”

Hana followed behind the pair in deep thought. She truly was the darker one of the trio, but there was more to it than that. She hung back so that she could look over Tohru as fear built up inside herself.

A week passed and Tohru was able to keep a happy face through most of her days by continuously reminding herself that her mother had it harder than her and that she should be grateful for the wonderful, caring friends she had and the kindness of her relatives to let her stay with them. Whenever she was alone, however, her mind was always filled with thoughts of Kyo. She couldn’t help thinking about him. How could she not? She was carrying his child after all, even though she couldn’t really physically tell right now. She knew it would only be a month or two before anyone could really see that her stomach was growing.

It was a Sunday night and she was in the middle of cooking supper for her relatives when it happened. She had been feeling fine over the week up to that day, and it took her by surprise. The dizziness washed over her, throwing her off balance and making her head spin. Her aunt had been standing next to her, stirring the miso soup when Tohru wavered.

“Tohru-chan?”

Tohru lowered herself to the ground, taking deep breaths to try and stop the spinning in her head. She felt weak all over, as if her muscles had turned into limp noodles as her temperature heated up in her head. Her aunt crouched down next to her. “Are you alright, Tohru-chan?” she asked.

Tohru nodded, although she didn’t feel alright. She pulled herself up shakily and looked into her worried aunt’s eyes. Tohru’s eyes betrayed her when she felt the nausea creep up her throat. She turned and fled to the small bathroom on the main floor where she threw up.

Tohru was scared. Her aunt had seen her dizzy spell and now she was standing in the door of the bathroom asking if Tohru was okay. “Should I call a doctor?”

The young brunette shook her head, coughing and trembling all over. She couldn’t let her aunt know that she was pregnant. Not yet at least.

Grandpa popped his head into the bathroom when Tohru was wiping her face with the wash cloth her aunt handed her. “Pregnant are we, Kyoko-san?” he asked with a smile before ambling down to the kitchen to see if supper was ready yet.

“P-Pregnant?” Tohru’s aunt repeated, seeing the horror in Tohru’s large eyes, confirming her nagging suspicion that she hoped wasn’t true.

Tohru could feel her eyes welling with tears as her aunt left without another word, silently fuming about the sudden news. Tohru buried her face in her hands as her cousin ran in.

“No way! I can’t believe you banged those guys! Were they as good as they are good-looking?”

Tohru didn’t reply as she continued to tremble all over, and her cousin took that as a yes.

“Whoa! You must have been banging those guys every chance you got! I know I would’ve!” she declared as she walked down the hall, her head filled with images of the two dreamy Sohma boys she had met about a year ago.

Tohru was left all by herself in the bathroom. The secret that she had been hiding for a week was exposed and she felt deflated and vulnerable.

‘Okaa-san… what should I do now?’

Her relatives had taken her into their home without any questions asked, and she had shamed them and their family name. What was going to happen to her now that they knew her secret?

Using toilet paper, she blew her nose and dried her eyes before she left the bathroom. The food she and her aunt had been preparing just minutes ago were pulled from the stove and were now sitting almost cooked on the counters when she entered the kitchen. She saw her aunt sitting at the table supporting her chin in her hands. Her eyes had a far-away look, her brows were furrowed and her lips were pressed together in a frown. Tohru had never seen her aunt look like this before. It frightened her. Timidly, with her head lowered and her bangs falling in front of her eyes, she approached her aunt with a heavy, pained heart.

“A-Ano…” Tohru didn’t know what to say. She was afraid she would say the wrong things and only wind up in more trouble. She trembled and felt hot tears spill down her cheeks.

“Save it,” Tohru heard her aunt snap. “I don’t want to hear one word from your ungrateful, lying lips. Do you hear me?”

“Ha-Hai…” Tohru mumbled as her aunt stood up from the table and began to pace a few feet.

She refused to look at Tohru for a long time. As she paced, Tohru’s cousin and grandfather came into the kitchen from the dining room. Her cousin started picking at the food, eating all the good pieces and licking her fingers greedily. Tohru’s grandfather stood by her side, rubbing her back and asking, “Are you feeling okay, Kyoko-san? Should I call a doctor?”

“No!” barked Tohru’s aunt, startling Tohru and her grandfather. “We are not calling that doctor again! That Sohma knew she was pregnant! I can’t believe he didn’t tell me!”

“I-I was going to tell you myself, b-but I-”

“You know my son is training to be a police man! He graduates from the academy in the spring! You know that! You know that! And then you go and…” she stopped herself, turning away from Tohru, who was in tears.

Tohru knew she had failed her family. And herself.

“I can’t even look at you!”

Tohru couldn’t stifle her cries any longer and began sobbing loudly.

Tohru’s grandfather handed her a handkerchief to blow her nose on and wipe up her tears. She thanked him softly, but his gentle kindness only made her cry harder. “Don’t worry Kyoko-san. We’ll think of something.”

“Don’t say that old man!” Tohru’s aunt remarked sharply. She stormed toward him, glaring at the elderly man. “We can’t have a girl like her living here! My son will never become a police man when trouble is bred inside the family unit! She can’t stay here! She can’t!”

“B-But I have no where else to go!” Tohru cried desperately.

“What about that other family you love so much, eh? What, have you disgraced them too? Is that why you moved back with us?” she spat furiously.

“No, no! You don’t understand! I-”

“Don’t lie to me!”

She couldn’t look her aunt in the eyes because her piercing glare was too much for Tohru to handle. She buried her face in her hands again hopelessly.

“Mou mou,” Grandpa said, trying to calm his daughter down. “You shouldn’t be so hard on Kyoko-san. Accidents like this happen to girls her age all the time now-a-days.”

“Ojii-san! ‘Accidents like this’ do not happen all the time! Most girls are smart enough to take the pill or some other form of protection! She was obviously foolish and acted on instinct, making this far worse than an ‘accident’! It was just asking to happen!”

“What do you propose we do then?” Grandfather asked calmly.

“She could always get an abortion,” Tohru’s cousin said, licking her fingers as she withdrew from the food. “That’s what everyone else does. Before she gets too big, she can get an abortion and no one would have known the difference.”

Tohru’s eyes widened in horror at the thought of killing a living, breathing being growing inside of her. She looked down at her hands before wrapping them protectively around her stomach. “N-No,” she mumbled.

Tohru’s aunt heard her reject the idea and pounced on her. “Oh? And do you have a better plan? Going to built a little tent and live out in the wilderness with all the slugs? HA! I’d like to see that!”

“I… I want to keep it… my baby…” Tohru murmured slowly. She blinked back tears, gathering courage as she spoke, “I want to have my baby. I don’t want to kill it. Having a child growing inside of me… I could never ever kill something so precious.”

“‘Precious’? The only thing that’s precious about it is the time you will spend without your period while you’re pregnant!”

“I-It’s my choice!” Tohru sobbed loudly. She wiped away her tears that had trickled down her cheeks. “I’m going to have this baby! It’s what Okaa-san would have wanted, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!”

“Not in this house! You’re not going to have a child here! I won’t hear of it!”

“Calm down-”

“Shut up old man!” Tohru’s aunt yelled. Her eyes darkened and she lowered her voice as she spoke, “She’s made her decision. She’s going to have this bastard child whether I like it or not. But not here. Not here under my roof. She can find someone else to take her in because there’s ‘nothing I can do’ for her.”

She turned on her heels and stormed silently out of the kitchen. Tohru bit back her tears and went to her room. She packed her clothes and school things and hurried out of the house before her aunt would chase her out. The evening air was crisp and cold against her moist cheeks as tears continued to silently seep down. The sun was beginning to set when she left and as she knocked on the door of this new, and familiar house, the sun was already below the horizon. She wasn’t sure if she could stay in this new house forever, but she knew that they wouldn’t send her away for that night at least.

When her friend answered the door, Tohru could no longer contain her sadness any longer and burst into tears again. Hana, who had answered the door, tried to comfort Tohru and brought her into her home, assuring Tohru that she could stay.

“I-I couldn’t stay there…” Tohru hiccupped between sobs. “They wouldn’t let me… they wanted me to… I couldn’t…”

Hana watched Tohru as she hugged her stomach, knowing the truth before Tohru had to tell her. Hana encircled Tohru in her arms and cried with her friend in their shared pain.