Mewtwo is no fool. He noticed the horrors of Togepi quickly and decided something must be done. Such an abomination can not be allowed existence and with a veritable army being formed by the freaky Egg-Beast…

Mewtwo acted fast, establishing a secret agency devoted to opposing Togepi. It has operatives globally, it has many resources, it has more weapons than an NRA convention. It is our last hope.

It is A.R.S.E.

It's also thinking of changing its name.

THE GREAT TOGEPI WAR

Chapter Two

There exists, in a mostly unexplored region of Johto (which means I can't be arsed to name somewhere), a great and wise monastery. Here, an order of wise monks meditate wisely and attempt to become one with the universe.

To their horror, a Weezing has shown up.

"What should we do, honourable master?"
"Beat it to death with our sticks."
"Wait!" cried Weezing. "I came all this way for your help! I need… I need to find a way to reverse my evolution. I need to become Koffing again."
The honourable monks paused at that. The wisest of them all stepped forwards, his brow lined with wisdom and wrinkles.
"This will be a harsh road, young Weezing. You will have to undergo many trials. You may not even survive."
"I don't care. Whatever it takes."
"Then maybe there is hope for you." He picked up his stick and hit Weezing over the head with it. "First, we need to hit you a lot with our sticks."
"Really?"
"Yes. This is a very vital part of the process. Really."

"This needs to be quick and clean," said Jessie. "We go in, retrieve Brock, get out. Do not attempt to engage the egg-thing."

"How are we doing this without the twerp trouncing us and blasting us off into the ether? …my beloved soul's delight."

"Stop doing that, James. Anyway, the plan is simple. Meowth?"
The cat stepped forward, clad in commando fatigues he'd been saving for just such an occasion. "Dis is a war," he growled, "and I don't like losin'."
"So why are you still with us?" asked James.

"And ta win, we need ta know our enemy," continued Meowth, blissfully ignoring the comment on the outside and crying at its truth on the inside. "So I worked out dis. Corporal Wobbufett?"

"WOBBB!" he cried, snapping off a salute and pulling out a detailed map.

"First, we need Ash, Pikachu and Togepi distracted. So we'll place a shiny piece of metal here, where Ash'll see it and try usin' his Pokedex ta find out what Pokemon it is. That'll keep da twerp occupied for an hour or so.

"Next, we plant dis sign warnin' about a nearby mind-field. Togepi'll see it and set off acting baby-like and innocent so Pikachu will have ta follow it and thus get put in danger. We've got maybe two minutes before he realises there ain't real mines and comes for us. We need Brock before then.

"We'll need speed ta accomplish this. So we're using these bitchin' motorbikes to zoom through, grab Brocko and speed off."
"Why motorbikes?" asked James.

"Coz it'll look cool. And da fans wanna see Jessie in tight leather."
"Well, can't disappoint the fans now can I?" said Jessie in sultry tones, batting her eyes suggestively at where she thought the camera was. (In actual fact, she missed it entirely and was giving a Caterpie signals.)

"I wanna wear tight leather too," whined James.

"Sure, knock yerself out."

"Right. Into the breach then! FORWARD, TEAM ROCKET! NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!"
They set off to accomplish their task. A minute later, Jessie gave a disgusted cry of "What is that Caterpie doing? Get it away!".

The mission had been well-planned and well-executed. All key figures were out of the field of play, allowing Team Rocket a clear shot at grabbing Brock and accelerating off before Togepi noticed.

"We come from A.R.S.E.!" said James. "We've come to take you back to HQ!"
"No!" screamed Brock, turning his head back towards the way they'd come. "I left them behind!"
"We can't help Ash and Misty. I'm sorry."
"Not them! My porn! We have to go back!"
"We're not going back, damn it!" snarled Jessie. "There are always casualties in war, Brock! Just move on and rebuild!"
"YOU HEARTLESS BITCH! Don't you care about the cost of warfare anymore?"
"You can have my porn," said James.

"THAT'S NOT THE SAME AND YOU KNOW IT!"
Sensing an impasse, Meowth resorted to dirty tactics and said "Ivy".

"…that name…"
Once more, they had to wonder what had happened to Brock on that island.

And so a flashback loomed out of the night, which they swerved to avoid…

Brock's bedroom lay next to Ivy's. He wished it didn't. He had no protection here.

He heard the footsteps outside. He heard the mutterings of several female voices.

He heard them go into the adjourning room and then he heard many things. Many, many things. Including, over and over, the breathless cry of "oh Professor Ivy!" or some variant.

Over and over, every night, taunting his virginal state and emphasising that Ivy & her friends were having sex that he never could…

Jessie looked back at the flashback in disgust.

"That's it? You fucking wuss, Brock."
"Leave me alone! You can't understand my pain!"
"Your pain comes from Professor Ivy having sex with women and never you due to her homosexuality. Bollocks to your pain."
"YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND MY PAIN!"

Jessie took out a hammer and smashed it over Brock's head.

"Now that's pain worth moaning about."

"Medic…"

"Your allies think you dead. There is no help coming."
"Ah well," said Tracey. "Shit happens."
"SILENCE!" roared Togepi.

He was not having a good day. Someone had snatched Brock, he'd failed to put Pikachu in mortal danger, and the Lapras hordes were talking about forming a Union. Torturing a prisoner would be a good pick-me-up.

"You will tell us all you know about A.R.S.E.'s main base- its location, its defences. Or you will suffer."
"Ha! That's where you're stuffed! Coz I don't know anything!"
"You don't know where your own main base is?"
"Nope. Nobody told me."
"So how do you send your intelligence reports to them?"
"They have a Hotmail account."
"…Sod it, I'm going to pull off your kneecaps anyway. HAHAHAHA!"
"Meh."
"MEH? I talk of ripping parts of your body off, and you act nonchalant?" Togepi thought for a moment. "All right then. All right. CORPORAL VULPIX! Take the prisoner and force him to listen to Justin Timberlake until his brain melts."
"NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOOOOOOOOO!"

Tracey was dragged out, fighting to the last. Togepi roared with drunken laughter at this futile resistance, and then turned Naval Commander Lapras. (If you think it's confusing when all the Pokemon characters are named after their species, pity the guy who has to command an army of Lapras all called Lapras)

"What is the timeline on Plan Alpha?"
"Everything goes according to plan. A week or so, and we'll be in position."
"Excellent. We'll wipe out all key military targets whilst our missile arsenal releases cannabis into the air. Every living thing will breathe it in and be too stoned out of their gourd to do anything to oppose me! By the time it wears off, I'll have total control over the planet and my reign of terror shall begin! HAHAHAA!"
"I know all this. Why are you telling me again?"
"Union laws. All villains have recap their schemes at some point, preferable to the heroes."
"Isn't that counter-productive?"
"That's what I said and the bastards suspended my medical benefits over it…"

In Viridian City, Butch and Cassidy faced off against that Marowak trainer from that episode that one time.

Pokemon faced Pokemon, blow met blow.

This has bog-all to do with the plot but we needed some filler.