Note: I capitulate fighting QuickEdit. It removes characters like asterisks, it won't let me insert a needed extra space break, and it seems to dislike Netscape. Somehow, somewhere, someone has also forgotten not everyone has a word processing program... oh, well. Moving on.

Other Note: Thank you to T.E. Your review caught a minor error that should not have been. The "picture" is actually supposed to be a drawing. (Fanart, in other words). My mind likes to slip away at times....but it's fixed now. The story, that is. Thanks for pointing that out.

Other Note II: This is not intended a defamation of anything or anyone. It is an idea coming from my own mind that I was challenged to write. And thanks for those who prodded me to actually sit down and do it-- you know who you are. Thank you. Both.

Standard disclaimer applies. Warnings: mild cursing, PWP. Intended to be humorous, but my sense of humor just makes heads hurt.

Incididn't

By Pervasive Threnody

It was a beautiful morning which greeted Hakkai as he returned to full consciousness. With a contented yawn, he opened his eyes and blinked them a few times to regain focus, content at the warmth afforded by soft rays of sun washing over his face.

Sleep was good. Even on a tiny bed, at an inn halfway to nowhere, sleep was good.

Birds chirped outside as Hakkai sat up and swung his legs to the side of the bed. He cast about on the nightstand, found his monocle, and put it on. With that, he was ready to greet a new day. He got to his feet and took a step forward.

And promptly tripped over something lying on the floor.

Hakkai made a Hakkai-appropriate noise of surprise as he flailed, lurched forward, and tumbled to the ground. Rubbing his elbow where it had made hard contact with the floor, he sat up and turned to see what had made him stumble so.

It was a pair of black shoes, apparently tossed there in haphazard fashion. Upon closer inspection, Hakkai noted that the shoes were not alone; on the floor, not two feet away, lay a pile of ivory white silk. He frowned and picked it up.

"Again," he said, staring at it. He draped it carefully over a chair, making a note to return it to its owner, who would most certainly be annoyed that it had been tossed so carelessly on the ground. As he did so, something else caught his attention. Lying on the nightstand was a small piece of paper he was sure had not been there the night before.

"I must have missed it without my lens in place," Hakkai mused aloud. He picked it up and studied the paper, quirking an eyebrow at what he saw. It was a line drawing of what looked to be two people -- men. He peered closer, focusing his one good eye, and gave a sudden start. Of its own volition, his face turned an attractive shade of pink, and he put the picture under a pile of books quickly. Disturbed, he set about to dress, and made to collect the tidy pile of clothing he had folded and set aside the previous evening.

His sash was missing. He could see that right away, for he usually left it resting on top of the pile. For that matter, where was his bandana? With a slight frown, Hakkai put on the remaining clothing and left the room.

If he didn't know better, he could have sworn he'd heard giggling.

(Insert space break here. Thanks, QuickEdit. Not.)

The morning was going equally awry for one Genjo Sanzo. He'd awakened to sunlight assaulting his vision, making him squint and turn his head away. Outside, the birds were already awake, squawking over whatever the hell they were excited about that morning. Did they ever stay quiet? Grimacing, he tossed the blankets aside -- the bed had been about as soft as a wooden plank -- and stood up.

It was going to take more coffee than the no-name inn had to right the course of the day. With a sigh, Sanzo stalked over to where he had set his clothing the previous night before collapsing in the wooden-plank bed. Fighting a yawn, he extended a hand to retrieve the robes he'd left draped across a chair.

Or would have, except that they weren't there. Neither were his shoes.

With a hiss of frustration, Sanzo glared at the chair. Resting atop the seat were his crown, sash, sutra, wooden chest guard (as if it had done that, ever), glasses, and a small notebook. Wait a minute--a notebook? His curiosity roused, he picked it up and opened it.

It was too blurry for him to read without help. Sighing, he picked up the glasses that fortune apparently had deigned to leave him and began to skim the writing.

"What the!?...."

Sanzo allowed himself to read a few paragraphs before slamming the offending notebook shut and tossing it back onto the chair. Composing himself quickly, he turned and slipped on a spare pair of sandals. He then stalked from the room, fingers itching for a cigarette.

Of course, those were missing as well, being inside his robes.

Damn it all.

(Insert break #2 here....)

"Good morning!" Hakkai said, smiling in what he hoped was a cheerful manner as Sanzo entered and took a seat at the table. The monk made a noncommittal sound and took a seat, reaching for the paper. A waitress came by, smiling warmly, and filled his empty cup with coffee.

"Your food will be along momentarily, sir," she proclaimed before sashaying away. Sanzo raised an eyebrow, to which Hakkai continued smiling.

"You seem to order the same thing every morning," he explained somewhat sheepishly. Sanzo hmphed and turned his attention to the paper.

"Goku and Gojyo are still asleep," Hakkai continued. "I tried to wake them, but neither would budge. Not even Goku. He must be exhausted... I wonder if he's ill..."

"At least it's quiet," Sanzo muttered. He turned a page, and silence fell. Hakkai sipped his coffee and observed the inn's patrons, occasionally glancing at Sanzo out of the corner of his eye.

"Do you have it?" Sanzo finally asked, not looking up from his reading.

"Yes," Hakkai replied, turning back to him and looking rather perplexed. "It was left on the floor this time."

Sanzo cursed softly. The pages crinkled under his fingers as his hands tightened.

"I have your shoes as well." The food arrived and Hakkai doled out equal portions for them both. Sanzo ignored the food in favor of studying news articles, his eyes slowly scanning the lines of print.

"It's getting worse, isn't it." Hakkai took a pair of chopsticks and some rice and began to eat. "My bandana and sash have gone missing, and this time I found... a drawing... on my nightstand." He looked a bit flustered. "I think someone is trying to tell us something."

"At least you didn't get the written version." Sanzo's eye was beginning to twitch as his composure slowly left him. "If I wanted to read that sort of thing, I would buy it properly."

"Someone apparently thought you should see it," Hakkai answered. He appeared to grow even more uncomfortable. "Someone with an active imagination who, well, likes us. A lot."

"Good for them." Sanzo tossed the paper aside and picked up his chopsticks. Hakkai looked thoughtful as he took another mouthful of rice.

"Well," he intoned cautiously, his head tilted at a slight angle as he watched Sanzo eat. "Have you ever thought about--"

"No."

"Oh." Hakkai looked relieved. He returned to eating. "Good. Neither have I."

Owari

There. All done. I feel better now. It's probably a bit confusing. I confuse myself at times. But that's okay. It's all good.

Ja ne.