Author: Amethyst Bubble PM
For Philip I always loved her smile...Shoujo ai, slight shounen ai, deathfic, the works.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Tragedy - Words: 1,519 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Published: 06-10-04 - Status: Complete - id: 1904416
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: This is for Philip, because he wanted some RebeccaxNino and LynxNino. And I felt like writing something sad and tragic-like, so here this is. Written in Nino's POV.
Disclaimer: Trust me, if I owned Fire Emblem, Philip would have somehow talked me into making RebeccaxNino cannon. It's not cannon (no matter how much he argues that it is) and therefore I don't own FE.
WARNINGS: Shojo ai, tiny bits of shonen ai, character death.
By Amethyst Bubble
She always had such a nice smile. No, not nice, special is a better word. Her smile could light up the room.
Is that why everything feels so dark now? Is it because she is no longer smiling, because she can no longer smile? The sun is shining down on us so bright, but everything feels so dark.
Rebecca…The name rolls off my tongue over and over as I remember all the times I had with her. Her laughter as she brushes her fingers against my arm. Her determined look as we head into battle. Her confessions to me late at night when we can't sleep, for fear of what comes tomorrow.
You know how they say it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all? I don't think that's true. I wish she had never joined this makeshift little army. I wish I had never met her. I wish she was back at home in her village in Pherae, blissfully unaware of this all.
Something deep inside of me says that I don't mean that, that if I had never seen that smile I never would have been as happy as I was when I had her. I wish that something deep inside of me would shut up.
I feel him watching me. Far across the camp, sitting on a tree stump, Jaffar is watching me. He tried to talk to me earlier. It's ironic, really. He was trying to talk to me and I was not saying anything. Funny how that worked out, really.
My eyes travel to her, lying in the coffin they made her out of respect. Lord Hector cut most of the wood. I always thought of him as a cruel, rude brute, but I suppose he's mourning her too. Funny how death brings out qualities in people.
In that shoddily made, plain pine coffin, she lays, her green hair flowing around her shoulders, but without it's usual luster. They took her hair out of it's usual braids. That's a shame…I always liked her braids.
I liked the way she twirled them around her fingers when she was worried, liked the way they bounced against her shoulders as she fired arrow after arrow with near perfect aim, the way she braided them every morning.
My eyes sting, but no tears come. I wish they would. I want to cry, need to cry, to get this off my chest. But no, the tears will not come. I wonder why? The tears are coming for other people.
Wil is on the ground, sobbing. Enough salty tears have flowed down his cheeks to fill an ocean. Rath is kneeling next to him, offering comforting words and his arms. Wil flings himself at Rath, clinging to him for all he's worth.
Rath offers Wil comfort, but Rath doesn't understand. Rath didn't know her like Wil knew her, Rath didn't know her like I knew her. He can't understand. He can comfort Wil all he wants, but he can never understand. He never knew her smile.
Dart is standing like a stone, perfectly still. I suppose he'll miss her most of all. No, that's not right. Next to me, he'll miss her most of all.
Finally, my eyes land on Raven. He has one arm wrapped tightly around Lucius and another wrapped tightly around Priscilla, as if to keep them safe. He had her snatched away from him; he doesn't want them taken away too. I never understood her connection to Raven. He always scared me a little bit because of his constant scowl. But Rebecca was near fearless. She wasn't afraid to talk to him.
She wasn't afraid. Something stings, deep within me. She wasn't afraid, she was fearless. She threw herself in front of me, protecting me from that arrow. She was fearless, she wasn't afraid. She gave me a last gift, one last precious gift. She gave me her last smile.
I can't cry. The tears won't come. I ache at the memory of her smiling at me, the blood seeping through her clothing staining it a dark red. I was frozen, staring down at her. I was barely able to place her head on my lap, to stroke her cheek.
Her last smile. Suddenly, I feel very cold. I wrap my arms around myself, lowering my head so my green bangs hang down in front of my eyes.
She had green hair too, you know. I liked her hair better. It was a much nicer shade. Lush, you could call it. Lush, forest green hair. She always kept it in two braids, and I used to watch the sun glint off those braids. Those two ropes of forest green hair.
It's not fair. That arrow should have hit me. She was weakened by other attacks. I was all right. I probably could have survived that blow. But no, she was fearless. She wanted to protect me.
I curl my hand into a fist, my nails cutting into my palms. She was so stupid to protect me like that. I'm not so frail that I need to be guarded like that! She could have lived!
I take a long, shuddering breath. I can't think like that, part of me says. I'll kill myself like that. Good, another part of me answers. Then I'll be with her again. I'll be able to feel her embrace again.
Part of me died with her, anyway.
Gentle footsteps echo from behind me. Some one kneels down besides me. A quick glance tells me it's Lyn. Her eyes are lowered to the ground, her green hair falls cascades down her back like a waterfall. Lyn has green hair too, even darker then Rebecca's. Lyn has pretty hair too.
She looks at me with those clear blue eyes. She's not crying now, but I can tell she has been. I can see the tear tracks on her cheeks.
"Do you miss her?" She asks quietly. No one says Rebecca anymore. Everyone just says her. It makes me want to scream. I want to stand up and yell out 'Rebecca! Her name was Rebecca! Not her! Rebecca!' but I can't. My legs won't hold me up, the words won't issue from my throat.
I nod slowly. I wish I could cry. I can feel the tears, but I can't make them come. It's funny, you can always cry when you don't want to, but when you need to cry, you just can't. Life is funny that way, isn't it?
Lyn is quiet for a minute. She's fiddling with the sash that's tied around her waste, trying to find the words.
Lyn can use a bow too, you know. Just like Rebecca. Now that I think about it, they're a lot a like. They both have such pretty dark hair, they both can use bows, they both are so beautiful.
Lyn still sitting there, silently. Trying to find the words. I wish I could find the words too. I wish I could find the words, and the tears. Did all my words die with her? I wouldn't be surprised.
Lyn can't find the words. She could find the tears, but not the words. She tentatively wraps her arms around me, pulling me against her.
"It's not your fault, it's not your fault," She's repeats this over and over, trying to convince me…she's trying to convince herself, too, I think.
She's keeps repeating it over and over and suddenly, the tears are coming. The tears are coming, falling from my eyes. I'm not sobbing, I'm not wailing, but I'm crying.
It's a start.
Lyn is crying along with me. Her tears and mine mingle together, soaking us both. I stare past her and up at the sky, up at the sun. The bright light blinds me as I stare at it.
For a moment, just a moment, I think I see her in the bright light of the sun, smiling down at me again.
I always loved her smile.
Well…that was weird. O.o;; I kind of liked it, though. It was fun to write. See, Philip? I told you I'd write it and I did! Hope you liked it…