Behold, another story you should not have been forced to read. This is a piece I wrote for a new challenge a friend and I are trying to nudge past infancy stage. I won't spam links, but they're in my profile if you're interested. Onward!

Standard disclaimer applies.

Edit: Buh? I didn't fix the title? And it's been like that for… how long? How uncouth. -waves magic wand-

Summer Detour: Disarm, Disrobe, and Make Merry
By Pervasive Threnody

There! Perfectionist muse has been appeased. Carry on.

"Man, It's HOT." Whining, Goku grasped his shirt and pulled the damp article away from his body. Though he'd long ago shed all but that and his jeans, there was still, quite clearly, no relief to be found. "Why's it gotta be so HOT? It's like an oven out here! Sanzo, I'm--"

Promptly, a paper fan descended upon Goku's head.

"--Hot." Pouting, Goku folded his arms, then unfolded them when it generated more body heat.

"Shut up," Sanzo grumbled, turning to sit once more. "Don't make me waste my energy again."

"Ffft." With a sigh, Goku looked away and pretended to watch the heat-scorched landscape roll by. Eyeing the monk surreptitiously via the rearview mirror, Goku could see his normally pale face was pink from the heat and his golden hair was solidly plastered to his head. It probably wasn't helping that, unlike the rest of them, he had refused to remove his robes. Instead Sanzo sat, a permanent blank look on his face, and roasted.

Stubborn man.

"You know," Gojyo piped up, tossing his cigarette in favor of another one, "it probably wouldn't hurt to toss that robe for a while, Sanzo-sama. You look a little frazzled." He grinned at Goku, who fought a smile of his own.

"I said, shut up," Sanzo groused. Sweat dripped down his neck. "How many times to I have to tell you idiots to be quiet?" He ran a hand through his hair, cursing softly to himself as the moisture there ran down his arm. Hakkai who was eyeing the scene in his peripheral vision, kept his mouth shut.

The battle might have ended there, but Gojyo wasn't finished. "I think Sanzo-sama likes it hot," he proclaimed, grinning even wider. "Do you like it hot, Sanzo-sama?"

A click sounded. "One more stupid line like that," the monk hissed, "and I WILL waste a bullet on you."

"Fine, fine." Shrugging, Gojyo leaned back. He looked thoughtful a moment before sitting up and pulling off his shirt. "Ugh. This is gross. The next inn better have a shower." He tossed the shirt on the floor and settled in to finish his smoke.

"We're getting deeper into the desert," commented Hakkai. Though he had also had elected to remain fully clothed, he appeared to be in better spirits than Sanzo. Big surprise there. "There is no guarantee of full amenities in any of the towns we will encounter."

"Shower and beer, man. I'll settle with that." Gojyo took a drag and closed his eyes. All was silent, save for the roaring of the engine and the crunching of turf beneath the tires.

The longer they traveled, the higher the temperature seemed to climb. Everyone was fully drenched, now, even shirtless Gojyo. Sanzo, who had said nothing since threatening the half-demon, was beginning to look faint. Head resting against the seat, he stared into the endless blue sky as sweat trickled down his high cheekbones and made rivulets on his neck. Hakkai glanced at him from time to time, obviously concerned, but equally wise in all matters Sanzo. He said nothing.

Not one of them could hide surprise when Sanzo actually pulled out his fan and started waving it near his face. Hakkai smiled a little, shrugged, and cast the abnormality aside. However, his companions in the back had other intentions.

"The hell's he doing?" Gojyo whispered to Goku.

"What's it look like?" Goku whispered back loudly.

"Think he's gonna keel over?"

"Yeah, right. He'd bite his tongue off first."

"I can hear you," Sanzo rasped, still waving the fan. "So be quiet."

They stopped talking while they pondered this new development. Eventually, Gojyo got Goku's attention with a nudge in the side. When the young man glanced over, Gojyo pointed covertly at Sanzo's fan, and then himself. He then tugged on Goku's shirt and nodded to him. Understanding dawned; Goku gave a thumbs-up and leaned forward a bit, muscles tense.

Finally, when the moment was right, Gojyo struck. With a lightning-speed motion, he lunged forth, snatching the fan from Sanzo's hand and stuffing it in his pants.

"What the!?" Sanzo whirled to face them, but it was too late.

"Grab his shoulders, man!" As Goku pounced on Sanzo, leaning over the top of seat as far as he could and pinning him down, Gojyo reached around the side, grasped the fabric close to his knees, and pulled upward. Helpless from surprise and the miserable, energy-sapping heat, Sanzo could only attempt a valiant struggle as his robe was pulled up, over his head, and away by four very quick hands. Satisfied, the two grinned at each other. Goku sat on the garment.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Sanzo roared, his face a violent shade of scarlet. He lunged for their necks; effortlessly, both men ducked away from his grasp. Propelled by momentum Sanzo teetered, arms flailing almost comically, before he managed to right himself. Fuming, he turned to castigate them again.

"Ick, this thing's wet," Goku whined, ignoring Sanzo's outburst. His observation elicited a lecherous expression from Gojyo, who couldn't resist commenting on the origins of the moisture.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" Sanzo nearly screamed, his face turning an interesting shade of purple.

"Oh, hey, it's Sanzo." Gojyo smiled cheesily. "Feeling okay? Where's your robe?"

"I'm going to kill you both," the monk hissed, clenching his teeth hard enough to snap a nail.

"Well, really, you can't," Goku pointed out. "You'd have to get your weapons back, first." He shifted in his seat and smiled beatifically.

Gojyo adjusted his waistband and smirked again. "It'd be fun if he tried."

Though he looked as if he really wanted to pummel them, Sanzo fell back in his seat instead, the heat apparently having sapped the last of his murderous vitriol.

"Die. Just die," he spat as a final invective.

"You certainly seem less uncomfortable. From the heat, at least." Hakkai, still in the driver's seat, was fighting a smile of his own. It was a minor miracle a flying arm had not knocked his grip from the wheel. "Really, if you had agreed to remove your robe beforehand, you would have saved yourself a lot of trouble."

"Not you, too," Sanzo groaned. He dropped his head into his hand.

"I'm just trying to help." Hakkai reached up and adjusted his monocle. He smiled tentatively at Sanzo before turning back to the road.

Some time later....

The summer heat was still merciless, but as shadows grew long it began to abate. Soon, it would be a cold desert evening.

"Hey," Gojyo whispered to Goku, who was looking bored again. "You realize what sort of things we can do without those damn weapons in the way?"

Goku blinked, eyeing Sanzo's now-sleeping form. "Yeah, we can get away with all sorts of stuff now. But he's got a real nasty right hook..."

"I'm not talking about THOSE things, Monkey." Gojyo clamped his cigarette between his teeth and cast Goku a leer. "Think about it for a while."

"...Um...OH." Goku rolled his eyes. "You pervert."

"Hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. But you know, eventually we're gonna have to give him his shit back. And when we do--"

"--You're going to die," a deep voice interrupted from the front of the vehicle.

"Yeah, we're going to d--hey! I thought you were asleep, you phony monk!"

"Had you fooled," Sanzo said simply. He folded his arms and fell silent.

"Fake bastard," Gojyo muttered, turning his head away. But he was smiling faintly. "How the hell does he always win?"

"I don't know." Goku sighed. "I've been trying to figure that out forever." He curled into himself, yawning, and lapsed into a doze.

Another summer day rolled past the Jeep and into memory.

Owari

Eh heh heh. Was it funny? I'm not so good at comedy. Oh, well. C'est la vie.