|How I Really Feel
Author: Kichou PM
See how Hinata, Naruto and the other characters feel about life, love and friendship.Rated: Fiction T - English - Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,134 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 08-18-04 - Published: 06-16-04 - id: 1913396
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
First off, NO FLAMES PLEASE! If you don't like the story, then don't review. My weak heart cannot take the abuse of flamers.
I do not own Naruto nor will I ever…I do wish that I did though!
There will probably be some grammar mistake so don't hate me for it, please.
Since this fic is the character's inner thought, their personality might be a little different then how they act.
Lastly, please review. I live for reviews!
How I Really Feel – Chapter One Hinata
Naruto-kun. When will you notice me? When will you look at me the same way you look at her? Can't you see that I am the one for you? Can't you see that I will cherish you forever? You can't can you Naruto-kun, just like Sakura can't see you.
We are people meant to be forgotten, ignored and cased aside. I couldn't live with this knowledge of us being losers, but you; Naruto-kun showed me that we are meant for so much more. You proved to me that we aren't losers. You showed me that with a little encouragement, that I can shine brighter then any star. You didn't allow yourself to fall into depression like I did. You proved to others that Naruto is a name to be remembered. No matter how many times people told you that you will fail, you proved to them that failure was not in your vocabulary.
It is because of you, Naruto-kun that I was able to fight Neji-nii-san. My cousin. How I love him even though he hates me. Naruto-kun, I wished that you could have saw Neji back then when he was four. He was so sweet and so adorable. So innocent in his days of youth, only to have it ripped away because of our clan and their rules. He wasn't always mean, Naruto-kun that is why I cannot hate him, my nii-san. He has reason to be so cold.
It makes me laugh inside when my family calls us a clan. You would even laugh too Naruto-kun. Didn't we learn from class that a clan is a union of families? The Hyuga clan is far from it. The Main Branch and the Branch family…what a joke. We pride ourselves on being strong and intelligent, when in actuality, we are weak in so many other ways.
Lack of emotion, that is our weakness…well, beside our blind spot that is. Look at my clan, Naruto-kun. How can the Hyuga clan be so strong, yet so unfeeling? I look beside me and see children playing and laughing. Do you know what I remember from my childhood? Fighting. No hugs, no kisses, no emotion what so ever. I guess that is why so many people wonder why I'm so shy and so caring in a family so heartless. They hate me you know, my family that is. They hate me for being to soft, for caring too much. Funny isn't it. Sasuke-san hates his brother for killing his family. Naruto-kun, you hate Sasuke-san because you believe that he is trying to take away the one girl that you love, even though you both respect each other like buddies and sort of have a small patch of love for one another. Kiba-kun cares for Shino-kun, but he also hates him because he believes that Shino-kun is trying to squeeze him out as the leader of our team. And my family hates me because I am too caring. If you ask me, that is a stupid reason on why you should hate someone. My weakness is my emotion, which is what they tell me. Let go of my feelings and I will be a great kunochi…a kunochi worthy of the name Hyuga.
What is so good about being a Hyuga anyway? Is it the bloodline limit? Please. What is so good about having a bloodline limit? There are so many Anbu members with no bloodline limit who out rank the Hyugas. Look around us. There are so many ninjas and kunochis who are quite strong with no bloodline in them. Gai-sensei is very strong. So are Genma-sensei, Tsunade-sama and the other ninjas in Kohana. What makes the Hyuga special? I think of Neji-nii-san and Sasuke-san and see people who I don't want to be. I don't mean in strength because I would love to have their power, but I mean their personality. They are so cold, so unloving. Hinata Hyuga is not that type of person. To be honest, I hate using my bloodline limit. If I had a choice, I would never use it again.
I don't want to be emotionless, Naruto-kun. I want to be like you, strong, loving, caring, and full of life.
It is because of you, Naruto-kun that I haven't killed myself. Although I know that you don't love me, I'm happy to know that you're my friend. You words that day in the Chunnin exam made me feel so powerful, so strong that I didn't want to let you down, but I did. Who knew that Neji-nii-san was THAT strong? I hope you still have a little respect for me. You gave me the strength to make goals for myself, goals that I will not give up until I have accomplish them. I will not die until I accomplish each and every goal that I set out. What are they? I want to become a jounin or medic-nin. I want to be a sensei to three students like our sensei. I want to be the head of the Hyuga clan and make ME proud. I want to change the fate of the Hyuga clan with you (even if we are together or not). To have a family and children who don't have to suffer the harsh life of the Hyuga clan. To see you become Hokage, and I know that you will be one someday. And I want…I want to be able to survive.
I wont give up. I wont give up no matter what happens. They can call me weak, stupid, pathetic, it doesn't matter. As long as you don't say those words, then I will be happy. I'll become a strong kunochi and you will be the best Hokage ever. I will look out for you, Naruto-kun. I'll help you on your way to success. I'll hide in the shadows to make sure no one harms you in the back. I'll stand in front of you so the sun does not bother your eyes. I'll walk beside you to make sure that no one ambushes from the side. I'll hang above your head and even use my Byakugan to make sure no one harms you at all.
I'll be there for you, even if you don't notice me. I'll protect you, even if you don't need it. I'll be anything you want me to be. I hope that you will notice me one day, Naruto-kun, but if you don't, that's okay. You don't have to love me. You don't have to care for me. You don't even have to like me. All you have to do is be here in Kohana and I'll be alright. Knowing that you are here makes me smile even when my tears fall from my eyes at night.
Naruto-kun, Sakura-chan doesn't know what she is passing up. If I was her, I would love you and never let you go, but I'm not Sakura-chan and I will never be her no matter how much I wish it.
Have you ever seen the wishing well in the center of Kohana, Naruto-kun? They say that if you throw a coin in and make a wish, that your wish will come true. Do you want to know the truth? It's a lie. I threw so much money in there that I probably could have given you a lifetime pass to eat ramen at your favorite restaurant. All those saying we heard long ago are all lies. When you wish upon a shooting star, the wish doesn't come true. When you make a wish when blowing away your birthday candles, it doesn't come true. Your wish doesn't even come true if you pray! I gave up on them. I gave up on almost everything except you. You have the power to change history, Naruto-kun, and I hope that I live long enough to see it.
Inwardly, I hope you notice me, but don't force yourself too. I don't want pity, just like I don't want fake love. When Sakura does marry you, I will be there at your wedding, smiling and smiling until my face hurts. I'll be happy for you, Naruto-kun. I'll be happy even if I die inside.
Just know Naruto-kun that everything you did for Sakura-chan, she did not learn any lesson from, but for me, everything you did for me, I grow stronger and wiser. I'm truly grateful, Naruto-kun. You are the light in the darkness that I was searching for.
So, before you let yourself completely love Sakura Haruno, can you please send a glance my way? Maybe, just maybe you will like what you see.
Let us change our destiny together, Naruto-kun. Let us prove to them that we are not useless, that we are strong. If not, then that is all right. I'll love you anyway, no matter how you feel about me. And if we drift apart the next few years, I hope that I find a husband who has at least ten percent of your love because I know that I will be very lucky to find someone half as good as you.
Naruto-kun…my Naruto-kun, please never change. No matter where you are, just know that I am thinking of you. Know that you are never alone. All you have to do is look behind you and I will probably be there hiding in the shadows, waiting for your light to shine on me.