Title: Kiss Me, and Make It Amazing
Author: Makoto Sagara
Archive: Makoto Sagara's Fanfiction Archive, FanFiction.net, Foreverfandom.net, wufeiduo.net, Le Ciel Place; Anywhere else, ask me first.
Category: Shounen Ai, Humour
Pairing: 2 plus 5 plus 2
Warnings: Shounen Ai, weird humour, OOC
Disclaimers: Have no money. Make no money. Suing is bad for health. Just b/c my high angst muse made me.
A/N: This started as a spoof to see if the entry form for my contest worked, but my other judges liked it so much, Neko got a hold of it... and I think she's been drugged....
Kiss Me, and Make It Amazing
Wufei was standing in the kitchen, waiting none-too-patiently for the kettle on the stove to start whistling so he could have his tea. His muscles were stiff and sore from the three hour-long practice he'd just come from, and now, he had a headache from lack of sleep. It didn't help that the mid-morning sun was piercing right through the kitchen window, shining directly into his eyes. Needless to say, Wufei wasn't the happiest of people right then and there. And to make matters worse, his only company was Maxwell and Winner.
Winner said something the night before about no sleep for forty-eight hours made him homicidal, so Wufei and Duo gave him a wide berth as he stumbled into the smallest bedroom of the two-bedroom safe house they had holed themselves into. Unfortunately, that left Duo and Wufei to share the larger bedroom, which only had a king-sized bed.
At first, Wufei had protested, saying that one of them should take the couch, but Duo diplomatically pointed out that there was no couch. The small living/dining/kitchen area only had a few stiff back chairs, a card table, and a small chintz chair as furnishings. As he took in that room, he gave the braided pilot his point. The other pilot also proved that the bed was more than big enough for the two of them to sleep in, without having to be 'all touchy-feely' as Duo put it.
So, that was how he'd ended up sharing a bed with Maxwell, waking up that morning with the longhaired, long-limbed boy draped all across him. He'd carefully shoved the other pilot off of him, and decided that a nice, long training session in the back yard was best.
Wufei thought back yard, but in reality, it was a forest that surrounding the clearing that the house and the small patch of land that the house sat on. He had no sooner stepped outside to begin when he noticed a rather nice- sized faint purple mark on his arm. Somewhere in the back of his mind it registered that the area was a bruise, and it either came from the fight with OZ he, Duo and Quatre had had before arriving there, or from sleeping with the maniac pilot of Deathscythe Hell. Either way, he was unhappy, and his arm was tender.
Pushing those thoughts out of his mind, he bowed to his imaginary opponent, got into first stance, and began the fluid motions with his hands and legs. He reveled in the way the air snapped as his arm sliced through his foe's defenses, the way the leg of his pants crackled as he make one solid kick after another. The sun beat down upon him, making him work just a bit more for that extra swoosh as he thrashed his adversary. When he finally finished, he bowed to his rival once more, and walked back to the cottage's back door.
Unbeknownst to him, a certain braided pilot had been watching his every movement, every facial gesture, and storing those sights into his memory for later times, like when he was alone and lonely. Duo had always felt a certain pull towards the solitary boy who piloted the Gundam called Nataku. There was just something about the rather severe way that Wufei looked at the world and those around him that made Duo want to be a better soldier, person, and, most of all, friend. He wanted to become closer to the Chinese boy, and he finally felt that this was his chance, given that they were sleeping in the same bed. At least, until Quatre got over his murdering tendencies, they were bed partners.
He tried his best to remain hidden as Wufei opened the back door and seemed to float over to the counter, rinse and fill the teakettle on the stove, and place it to boil. The Chinese boy then grabbed a mug from the cabinets and pulled a plastic sandwich bag full of tea bags from another bag that Wufei'd tossed on the counter the night before. When he was done with all of this, he glared at the silver kettle, and Duo had to fight the chuckle that Wufei was mentally demeaning the teakettle for not boiling fast enough.
Oh yes, there was certainly something about the surly, grimacing Chinese pilot that Duo found very interesting. But, it was the underlying sexual feelings that Duo was questioning himself over. Was he gay? Was it just Wufei? Was it the fact that he had so much blood on his hands, so much dirt in his past, was so aged beyond his years, that he found his sexual libido actually speaking to him for the first time in his short life? Or, was it the fact that he was a fifteen-year old boy faced with the very picture of perfect fuckability that caused his reaction? Whatever it was, Duo didn't really mind it... But, he was willing to explore the possibility that he was really attracted to Wufei.
So, making up his mind, Duo moved on silent feet to stand behind his comrade and watched him as he finally won the battle to make the kettle bend to his will. When the other boy was done pouring the scalding liquid into his waiting cup, Duo took the opportunity to alert him of his presence.
"'Morning, 'Fei," he said, adding a bit of the 'I just woke up, don't hit me' tone to his voice.
"Maxwell," Wufei said, not turning around to face the reason he had just spent the last three hours trying to make every odd emotion he felt about the other boy go away and leave him alone.
"I saw you practicing your martial arts. Must be real important to you to wake up so early," Duo replied, moving a bit closer to the still sweaty Chinese boy.
"Leave me alone, Maxwell," the other bit out, still not looking at him.
"On one condition," Duo purred, moving closer still. That caught Wufei's attention, and he spun around to look at the braided teen, only to wish he hadn't. Duo was a mere two feet from him, and the grin plastered across his face sent chills down Wufei's spine.
"Well," he asked, trying to keep his voice level. "What is the condition?"
"Kiss me," Duo said, moving seductively towards the Chinese pilot.
"What?" Wufei nearly squawked, balking at the forwardness of his comrade.
"Just... kiss me, Wufei. Make it an amazing kiss," the braided boy whispered, leaning in closer.
"M-Maxwell, I will d-MPHFFFF!"
Wufei's rant was cut short as Duo locked his hot little lips upon the other's. In fact, all reason seemed to leave Wufei the longer that the kiss continued. His vision swam, his thoughts reeled, and his body betrayed him. He vaguely found himself enjoying it, and then, he was returning it.
"See," Duo breathed as they broke for air. "It wasn't that bad, now was it?" He placed a chaste kiss on Wufei's cheek. "In fact, I'd like to do it again sometime." He left, cackling madly about his conquest.
"MAXWELL!" Wufei shouted, trying to catch the other boy, but Duo had left the kitchen through the back door and headed straight into the woods. Knowing that his chase would be useless, Wufei returned to the cottage, grabbed his ready cup of tea, sat at the card table, and plotted his revenge.
Duo slunk back into the cottage a few hours later, watching out for any signs that Wufei was still in plain sight. He carefully checked the largest room in the safe house, finding it totally and completely empty. That puzzled the Deathscythe pilot. Quatre was probably still sleeping, but Wufei... He should have been able to find him.
He knew that the other boy wasn't in the back yard; he'd just cut through that area. That left a few more alternatives. The place where they stashed their Gundams was out, because that's where Duo hid from Wufei. The front yard, Quatre's bedroom, and the bedroom he and Wufei shared were his only choices left. Quatre's room was out... Duo happened to like living.
So, taking a deep breathe, Duo crossed the main room of the cottage, opened the front door, and walked outside to find his more than likely pissed off friend. Nothing. Duo did a quick search around the house, and came up empty handed. He was left one more option, and suddenly, he didn't like this at all. It smelled of a trap.
On quick and quiet feet, Duo moved over to the larger bedroom, throwing the door open, and lunging dramatically to one side. Nothing. Duo blinked in confusion. If Wufei wasn't in that room... Then he was either with Quatre, which made a big feeling of jealousy flare up inside him, and that and the fact that Wufei and Quatre might be with one another confused him, or he was in the bathroom. A fast look told him that the bathroom's door was open a crack, meaning it was empty as well.
Turning, Duo began to wonder what the hell alternate universe he'd walked into, and how long would it be before Wufei actually tried to kill him over his little trick. He didn't hear the door to the smaller bedroom open, or the petit blond walk down the hall. In fact, he didn't notice Quatre until he was right behind him, hand on his shoulder and saying his name.
Duo jumped a few feet into the air, yelling as his attacker touched him. Then it registered that the other person knew his name. "Q?" he asked when he landed, taking in a good look at the other boy.
Quatre nodded his messy head, glaring at the braided teen with black-rimmed aquamarine eyes. "You're in my way," he said, sidestepping Duo and going into the bathroom.
"You're a bitch when you don't get any sleep, Quatre," Duo retorted, feeling his pulse going back to a semi-normal rate.
"Just leave me alone, Duo. Wufei went to town, and should be back in a few hours, guaranteeing he can steal a car or bike... or whatever," the blond snapped, slamming the door.
"How do you know?"
"He woke me up to tell me. Now, leave me alone. I need to piss in peace."
"Did you just say piss?"
"Duo, I mean it! Leave me the hell alone, or I'm gonna kill you. Remember, I'm not Heero," Quatre snarled through the wooden door, and making Duo back up until he was in the room that he and Wufei shared the night before.
"Oh-kay," Duo said, throwing himself backwards on the king-sized bed and staring up at the ceiling. "Hmm, 'Fei's not here, which means I can live, but be bored. Quat's being a bit bitchy because he hasn't slept. Heero and Trowa are off on separate missions. 'Scythe's in good condition. There's no television or radio here. I didn't even see any books in the other room. I guess I'll just take a nap," Duo said quietly to himself, toeing off his boots and curling up on the bed to sleep.
Wufei returned to the safe house six hours after he left, smirking as he carried his packages to the kitchen counter. It hadn't been a very easy trip into the nearest town, but it had definitely been worth it. He was going to make sure that Maxwell paid for invading his personal space.
He'd had to walk for two hours in the forest next to the road that lead from the cottage, but once in town, he was able to find all the materials he needed for his revenge. It was finding his way back with his bags and not being detected that was the hardest part of his whole trip. But, he'd made it back without any hitches, and found the house quiet.
'Maxwell must still be in hiding, or else Winner has killed him. Either way, I will have some sort of peace,' he thought to himself, taking the perishable food items from the sacks and placing them in the small icebox. When he was done placing the dry goods away, he went to the room he shared with the braided boy with his supplies to set his plan into motion.
As soon as he opened the door, Wufei nearly dropped the bag in his arms at the sight of other boy, who was curled up on the bed, his normally maddeningly grinning face slack and peaceful. Carefully, the Chinese boy readjusted his grip on the sack, moved over to the only other piece of furniture in the room, a battered and scarred nightstand.
Meticulously, he took out every item, placing them on the nightstand. What he had assembled would have done Maxwell proud. In fact, Wufei had taken the idea from one of the braided maniac's pranks on Trowa. He had a bottle of ketchup, another of mustard, a aerosol can of whipped cream, and another can of spray cheese. He was going to figure out which item would wake the boy up with the best result.
This was beyond honour, pride, or keeping the peace. This was a mixture of revenge and divine justice. Wufei was determined to have his justice. Maxwell... had gone too far this time. But, the longer he watched the American sleep, the less he liked his plot of revenge. In fact, the longer he stood next to Duo, the more he wondered what it would be like to actually kiss him without being surprised.
"Hmmm, 'Fei," Duo muttered in his sleep, a smile stealing over his face. Wufei felt his heart start to pound in his chest, as if trying to escape his body. He took a step back and tripped over the nightstand, landing on his backside.
"Sch..." he hissed, standing up and rubbing his injured area. That caused the sleeping boy to immediately sit up. He turned to look at Wufei, and his eyes grew wide.
"Fuck..." He shot up from the bed, trying to run, but Wufei reached out at the last moment and managed to get an arm.
"Leggo! Stop!" Duo yelled, trying to yank his arm back.
"Shhhh. Do you want to wake up Winner?" Wufei hissed.
Duo lowered his voice. "Let go, Wufei."
Wufei dropped Duo's arm. "So you do know my full name," he snarled, glaring at the American.
"'Course," Duo chirped. "Gotta know what I'm butchering when I do it." He looked at the Chinese teen, feeling better now that he was free. "Is there something you wanted, 'Fei?" he purred, leaning dangerously close to the other boy.
Wufei flushed at how close Duo was, and mentally cursed himself as Duo's grin widened before turning into something that was decidedly seductive. He opened his mouth to speak, but found that no words were coming out, so he closed it again.
"Hmmm, I think there is," Duo crooned, congratulating himself on sparking the normally anal pilot's interest. "Now, what could it be? You can't still be mad over that tiny kiss... I mean, I could have made it much more fun. If that's what you're after... Sure."
Wufei stepped back, a bit unnerved at how seductive Duo was acting. "I am not after that!"
Duo snickered a bit. "Of course not, Wu. So, what are you after?"
Before Wufei even thought about what he was doing, he moved over to Duo, kissed him roughly, and then stepped away. "Revenge," he said, moving out of the room and going directly out to the back yard.
Duo just stood, rooted to the spot where he'd been standing when Wufei kissed him. A hand absently traveled to his mouth, touching his lips. After a minute, he slowly smiled. "All you had to do is ask, Wufei. I would have said yes," he whispered, sitting down on the bed, and laying down, determined to finish his nap.