Disclaimer: Don’t own the boys... probably detrimental to my health anyway. I do command a legion of rabid squirrels; unfortunately, I traded in my neurological stability for it.

Warning: Exaggeration of Wufei’s character, extreme women bashing, overuse of the words “justice” “honor” and related synonyms. Poking great big chunks of fun at Wufei’s ego, all for the author’s twisted amusements.

Author’s Notes: :smile: I remember when I absolutely hated Wufei... But he’s not so bad once you get past the whole trauma issue, and the hair problem. :shrug: He actually looks very good if drawn by doujin-ka. My recommendation: anything drawn by Ken Mizuki, cause her art is simply gorgeous. Anyway, my muses still refuse to. :sigh: Revising is easy; Rewriting is hard. Stupid muses.

The Will of Chang Wufei

by kasugai gummie

This legal document hereby states that I, Chang Wufei, last living male of the Dragon Clan LAUGH at all the you fools who have yet to follow my great and honorable path. I ridicule your attachments to this pathetic world and your even more pathetic wiles.  As of now, I am probably gloating in the Land of everlasting Justice, basking in its holy light. At this point of time, however I wonder… just why did High Heaven-sama put me on this stupid little mud ball with all you weaklings. Mm, maybe I’ll ask him later. Anyway, even though nobody deserves my holy objects of justice, legalities and all that other crap demand it to be so… Thus says I, the honorable Chang Wufei, Master of Martial Arts, Solitary Dragon, Heir of the Chang-Long Clan— how so my priceless possessions are to be distributed.

Misplaced editor’s footnote: The many titles of 05 had to be abridged; otherwise the United Green Peace foundation would be suing us for razing a small forest. Please read on.

To the infamous Duo Maxwell... I leave fifty dollars. Perhaps with that you can probably get a decent haircut. I’m not at all sorry to inform you that nobody finds it an honor to be whacked in the face with a yard long rope during recons. Personally, I think that I’d deserve to hack your braid off, but I quote Yuy, “Get in line.” However, since justice and honor and prevailed over my homicidal urges, the money should be a more honorable solution to ALL our problems. However, knowing you, you’ll probably buy yourself a week’s worth of fast food with the money. Maa, can’t help all of you twits now can I? So please live on your hopefully short and cough fruitful life, and pray to whatever god it is that you believe in that you don’t end up with me.

Yuy... I really should leave you with something... I don’t know what, but maybe a LIFE?–  Yes another one, even after all those other ones you went through. No, I won’t say you’re weak, but you sure are stupid! HA! Self-destructing for an insane doctor, how retarded is that? Those doctors have no justice! However, other than advising you to get a life, I’ve also decided to leave you a large piece of justice: I entrust you with the mission of continuing to uphold justice! Mission Failure is unacceptable! Mission Guidelines: Make sure Duo uses the money for a haircut and not edible garbage.

To Barton I leave my stainless German steel Dao. I’ve noticed that you tend to run out of ammunition rather quickly and turning your Gundam into a giant Swiss army knife is showing disrespect! Besides, my blade is of the highest quality, guaranteed to not fail!... that is, unless the braided idiot decides to step on it with his gundam “just for fun.” Also, I leave with you my blackmail photos of Duo getting smashed. Although he wouldn’t shut up, watching him attempting to shoot himself in the foot while singing karaoke was one of the highlights of my life. sigh Those were the good old days.

And Quatre, weak little Quatre Raberba Winner... I give you my complete set of 21st century edition Taibo® diskettes. I had the set because it was a good entertainment source. The stupid idiot can’t even punch properly! But his level of skill should match up with yours. So maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to develop some muscle instead of looking like a skinny, weak little doll. And another thing: stop using the hair bleach... We all know your secret. You’re father was a brunette. Yellow hair is a recessive trait. Release the justice that is true hair color!

And lastly to all the women on my acquaintances list: YOU ALL SUCK! None of you were even on part with Nataku! Besides, Maxwell, you all are responsible for forcing me to leave this damn unjust world... Especially Peacecraft. Please do all of the rest of the weaklings on the weakling earth and colonies a great honorable favor... ahem Justice demands you to commit suic––… erm, sacrifice your life for the good of our future generations. Think about it. It would make Heero happy... as shocking as that may be.

So with all that said, I’d like to bid a personal farewell to my beloved Nataku who should be waxed two times a day, sprayed with a protective veneer monthly, and have incense burned in her shrine daily. Remember, I’m watching you all, so if she is not properly groomed each day, I’ll personally come after all you weaklings carry out justice! It’s my High Heaven-given right to do so, so shove it losers! Sayonara to the injustice of having to put up with you all on a daily basis, and perhaps when you do reach true greatness and devotion to justice shall you join me in the wondrous Land of Justice! Which, I do believe, is a long, long, long way off... Thank heavens.

Fin

Revised 08/30/03