Why Evil and Writing Don't Mix

By: Nymbis, who's still in the Underworld (Actually, I have 5 lovely summer homes here) NOTE: Nymbis is being channeled by the DOTM character Aura.

Summary: Lambert attempts writing Fanfiction, and well, let's just say it doesn't go too well.

AN: I was working on my Follower site, and this little plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone. So now I have to kill it ONCE AND FOR ALL BWAUHWAUWHAUHWAHUA. Bwa. Hehe Death to bunnies! (also, there is some rather shameful plugging of another fic of mine in this story, but if you don't like it, just ignore it. or pull a Lambert and 'Flamey Flame Flame!)

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Lambert came home from a hard day at 'the office'. Well, actually it wasn't as much as an office as a day of corrupting innocent youths and turning them into angstful and devious little things that were used to spread the corruption of innocent youths.

He casually hung up his black Cinti robe at looked to find his girlfriend, Aura, clicking away at the computer. Aura had actually found a body she liked, and now she wasn't that weird spectral thing. Lambert, for once, was ecstatic. Aura's weird spectral thing form kind of gave him the creeps.

"What are you doing?" he asked, using his superior 'I-deserve-to-know- everything-that's-going-on' voice.

Aura shrugged, "Surfing the net."

Lambert rolled his eyes, "Well, what are you reading?"

Aura was now obnoxiously chewing on a huge wad of bubble gum, "Fanfiction."

Lambert's eyebrow rose, "What's Fanfiction?" He paused, "Is it something I can corrupt?"

Aura blew a big obnoxious bubble, "Nope." She said, causing the bubble to pop and get in Lambert's hair.

Lambert was beginning to get rather annoyed, "Than what is it?" He demanded, once again in his 'superior' voice.

"It's a place where fans of certain stuff can write stuff." Said Aura rather diplomatically.

Lambert quirked an eyebrow, "Oh?" he asked, "Lemme see! Lemme see!" He exclaimed, shoving Aura out of the chair and taking it for himself. He sat there, diabolically clicking on links after links, "Oh!" he cried excitedly, "They have Harry Potter!" He laughed, "I just can't get enough of that Ron Weasley! He's a red head! It's funny!" He exclaimed.

Aura rolled her eyes, still sore from landing on her butt when Lambert pushed her, "They have one for Daughters of the Moon as well."

Lambert's eyes got big, "Really?"

Aura nodded, "Ya."

"Truly?"

"Yes."

"Surely?"

"Just click on the friggin link already."

Lambert did so, and after a few moments his face dropped, "What's this? Aura," He said, turning to his girlfriend, "They have no stories with us!"

Aura shrugged, "There's one with you singing Karaoke."

"Really? Where?" he said, then clicking on the link. He read the chapter, "I am going to murder this 'Nymbis' girl." He stated matter-of-factly, "To think that I would sing! An Evanescence song at that!"

Aura rolled her eyes, "I'm not in anything." She pointed out.

"Flame! Flamey Flame Flame!" Cried Lambert, clicking on the Review button for 'Karaoke of Death' and writing 'You suck.' Multiple times.

"Y'know Lambey poo, why don't you just write a fanfic of your own?" Asked Aura.

"Do. Not. Call. Me. Lambey. Poo." He stated, his attention drawn away from the monitor.

"Aw, whassa a matter Lambchops?" She said, getting some kind of sick twisted pleasure out of tormenting Lambert.

"I. Despise. You." He muttered through clenched teeth, "In fact, I have a fanfic already written!"

"Oh ya? Let me see," Said Aura, looking at the monitor. A few moments later, her face fell. "That is so not funny."

Lambert was laughing extremely hard now, "Yes it is!" He cried.

On the monitor, was the following story:

The ignorant but very pretty semi-Follower Aura dared to call the notorious, infamous, and dreaded Lambert "Lambchops."

In response to this, the notorious, infamous, and dreaded Lambert threw a hex at Aura.

She lost all of her hair and died. The end.

Aura narrowed her eyes at Lambert angrily, before turning around and muttering something that sounded like, "I should've listened to my mother."

Lambert cracked his knuckles and leaned back in his seat, "Ahh," He said, "That took care of her." He clicked the 'New' button on his Microsoft Word application, "Now, let's see... A fanfic."

Lambert sat there for three hours, viciously typing something, then deleting it, then typing it again. After about the fourth hour, he turned and looked at the screen, anticipation on his face. "Now, let's see what we have here."

Once upon a time, there was a Follower named Lambert. He was very handsome. Lambert was the coolest Follower that ever lived. He had a very hot girlfriend too. Her name was Aura. She wasn't very smart sometimes. But that was ok. Lambert was the smartest Follower that had ever lived too. Much smarter than stupid Stanton. The End.

He slammed his head on his computer desk and tried to rip out his hair, "I'm a FAILURE!" he cried.

"Yep." He heard Aura call from the kitchen.

Lambert spent about 2 hours moping before he started to write again, "I got it! A humor piece! That takes next to no brains!"

He resumed his feverish typing, and after about 2 hours, he looked at the screen.

Lambert was the coolest, smartest Follower that had ever lived. He wrote a story. It was very funny. Even the Daughters laughed. The Atrox decided to promote him he was so funny. Lambert accepted and then laughed at Stanton. Stanton wasn't funny. So he didn't win. The End.

Lambert was in the middle of throwing the computer out of their 3rd story window, when he saw a book of Shakespearean poetry. "A poem!" he cried. He set the computer down and began typing again.

After about an hour this is what he had:

The once was a Follower named Lambert

He was so hot that many people were burnt

He was cooler than Stanton

And people were laughing

Cuz Lambert was cool.

He started to cry frantically at this, "IT DOESN'T EVEN RHYME!" He cried in anguish.

Lambert went throughout the day like this, trying his bit at action, angst, parody, supernatural, horror, and even romance. But every time he wrote something, the quality of the story kept getting poorer and poorer.

Aura watched the scene with great amusement, and even wrote a piece of her own. The piece was called 'Why Evil and Writing Don't Mix,' and it was about a certain Follower and his inability to write fanfiction.

The End.

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AN

Stupid? Yes. Plotless? Yes. Out of character characters? Yes.

Sounds like a story by Nymbis to me!

Lol, this was just me trying to kill a plot bunny. I'm glad, cuz I think it worked, hopefully there were a few laughs along the way. But remember the moral of the story:

Just cuz you're evil and think you can write fanfiction, it doesn't mean you should.

By kids!

!nym!