Authoress's Note (Possible Spoiler Alert!): Later in this chapter, Hiei explains some things to Ketsue quite like in Chapter Twenty-Three: Truths and Trust (Or, as it is on fanfiction-dot-net, chapter twenty-four.), and some of those things could be considered spoilers. Of course, some of them are never mentioned in the anime, but even so, if you haven't seen the end of the series, don't blame me if you read something you didn't know. You've been warned.

Disclaimer: Neither Hiei, nor Yu-Yu-Hakusho is mine.

Claimer: Chichiro and Ketsue are mine, Kaze is BritKit, Aria is FoxWitch. While not all the characters are mine, all writing, storylines and concepts in this fanfiction (Save any YYH references) are (This includes Nirvana, Spike, all shadowcats, the shadowcat species, all of the opponents of the Dark Tournament this time around, Suurii, etcetera.).

---

"She thought it was me."

"I know. But you know that Nirvana's mind traps are convincing."

"But…" There was a heavy sigh, which sounded like it had been broken halfway, as if some form of restraint from something or to calm down. "…she thought it was me. I could never hurt her."

"I know," was the reiterated response, with stiff patience. Obviously this conversation had been had many times, most likely exactly the same. "Put yourself in her place. If you had seen what looked like her sword stab you, then looked up to find her there holding that same sword, what would you think?"

"But my sword wasn't even blood-stained. I would never so easily fall for that."

"Yes, and you know much more than she does about Nirvana. It would be simpler for you to see the truth because of that."

There was a rustle of fabric, sounding as if someone was leaning forward. "I only drew my sword because she was in danger. I was trying to kill Nirvana."

"I know." Again, the stiff patience. Seems this entire conversation had been repeated many a time. "We can clear this up as soon as she wakes up."

"And if she doesn't? She'll die thinking that I killed her…Again."

"She will wake up. Don't worry about it. Have more faith in my healing skills and her will to live."

"Kurama, she was stabbed through her heart. How optimistic do you want me to be?" There was a second sigh. "Not to sound arrogant, but we both know that her main will to live is built around her love for me. She's told me that many times, though not always with words. If she thinks that I'm the one who did this to her…"

"She will wake up," Kurama repeated. I could obviously tell who was who now despite my inability to differ voices, just by what they were saying. I could not, however, trust or distrust what Hiei was saying, simply because my thoughts weren't collected enough. I doubted that if Hiei used his jagan he could even tell that I was awake. My mind was near blank, and I could only hear what they were saying, not really think much into it.

The next time I regained consciousness, as I had passed out soon after that last conversation, I could feel that time had passed. Maybe a few days.

I heard Kurama's voice first. "Ketsue would love being in Japan this long."

"Yes, and it's a pity she's been unconscious and in agony for so long," Hiei growled back, almost sounding angry, "because being able to realize that she's in Japan is so important."

Kurama sighed, shaking his head. "I was just pointing it out. No need to murder me over the comment."

I heard Hiei shift around, sitting back against something, and he muttered, "I know. She was looking forward to coming here."

My memory was clouded then, and I couldn't really focus on anything. I barely even recalled that Hiei had been the one that stabbed me.

I slid from reality once again, and when I woke next, I was able to open my eyes. I couldn't see anything at first, and my eyes stung, but then I was able to focus after a few moment of squinting. My memory wasn't as fuzzy anymore, and I was more aware of where I was, and I could sense that Hiei was nearby. I wasn't entirely sure how to feel—bitter, depressed, betrayed, fearful or angry. So I was simply emotionless for the time being, and I drew my arms back behind me, propping myself up with my elbows and the lower halves of my arms still on the mattress, and I slowly pushed myself into a sitting position. I didn't know how long I had been resting, or if I had been given some sort of pain killer, but my chest didn't hurt as badly as I would have thought it would have, and it was easier to sit up than I would have assumed.

I didn't look around me—I felt no curiosity or desire to know where I was. I didn't feel much desire for anything, really, save for a glass of water (My throat felt dry.) and to go back to sleep. I doubted the sleep would come easily, though, now that I was actually awake again. I had been asleep long enough.

I saw movement from my peripheral vision, and I looked sideways at Hiei without turning my head, and my eyes returned to looking before me; I said nothing. The pain on my chest was increasing, now, and I was barely able to keep myself from wincing. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, feeling almost sick to my stomach when the sensation only grew sharper and less bearable.

Then Hiei finally spoke, and I lifted my eyelids again. "…Ketsue—"

I didn't look at him, keeping my weary gaze on the wall. "You don't have to explain yourself to me," I said blankly.

I could feel him staring at me. "What!" he cried finally, nearly shouting. "You still think that was me?"

Finally, I shifted my focus to him. "And what else do you expect me to believe?" I mumbled back tonelessly.

He didn't respond, and his eyes flicked slightly as if he was considering looking away, but he kept my gaze. "How are you feeling?" he asked finally, in as even a voice as I supposed he could muster.

Funny question coming from someone who just tried to kill me, I thought, my mental tone as monotonous as my spoken one. Especially when he nearly succeeded. "I'm fine," I muttered quietly, biting back the strong urge to say 'Not that it matters' or 'And why the hell would you care?' though I itched to.

"You're in pain. I can see it in your eyes."

I looked away from his crimson gaze, unsure of whether I saw criticizing or sympathy in it; I didn't deny his observation, and only offered him a weak, detached shrug.

The silence began to annoy me, and so I asked monotonously, "Where am I?"

"We're in Kurama's home."

I looked over at him, mumbling in a still weakened, tired voice, "Kurama owns a house?"

I wasn't sure why he was staring at me the way he did, and for a moment I thought that it was because of my question, but when he answered with a query that seemed much like what one of my own would be, I realized that was only partially right. "How are you being so damn casual toward me if you think I tried to kill you?"

I shrugged, though the movement caused me pain; I didn't allow myself to flinch. "Obviously you failed. And you don't seem to want to try it again any time soon, or maybe I should say 'yet', so I have no reason to be anything other than casual. I'm sure I did something to merit your desire to fucking stab me." My voice was completely toneless, but I could tell that my words had impact anyway.

Surprisingly enough, he didn't respond to me, though the weight of the silence told me that he badly wanted to say something but was biting it back.

"So," I said finally, "where is Kurama's house?"

"In Japan." His reply had been delayed for him, as he always seemed to answer questions like he had his answers pre-planned no matter what they were, even though for a normal person it would have seemed quick. His mind was obviously on other things, which wasn't a strange thought.

"Hmmph." I couldn't help replaying again and again in my mind the moment when he stabbed me. ' She was right. Your trust did make you easier to kill.' Nirvana had spoken with him earlier, at the cliff, about how my trust would make it simpler for him to be able to kill me. And I had actually told myself not to think anything of his lack or rebuttals against that. Idiot. "So I finally got to Japan, huh? And on such a cheery note no less."

Again, I received no reply. I was beginning to wonder why I was trying to hold up a conversation—he wasn't willing to help, and…well, why would I want to talk to the person who tried to kill me? I wasn't honestly curious about where I was, like I had said before.

My mind was refusing to even question what had happened. He hadn't been controlled, it hadn't been Nirvana; he had wanted to kill me and had tried. It was as simple as that, and though that little part in the back of my mind wanted me to hope for something different, I didn't allow myself to be optimistic toward the idea. I didn't even want to know his motives. I just wished with a passion that he had succeeded in his attempt. Or that I could at least go back to sleep and pretend it hadn't happened. I was so tired.

Everything ached, and fuck did my chest hurt. Any pain I had experienced before seem completely insignificant compared to this, and I had to wonder how many times I had thought that—this was the worst it got, right? I doubted anything hurt more than having a sword shoved through your heart. Which made me consider that I probably shouldn't be alive, and it almost seemed unreal that I was. I could understand faintly how I had lived through all the other wounds I had received since I had met Hiei, but this one was…confusing. By all logic I should be six feet under.

Then again, this entire situation held little to no logic, as did pretty much most of my life at this point. Hiei trying to kill me seemed out of place, as did his apparent new found remorse. I could feel a bandage around my torso, and what felt like a gauze pad over my wound both on my chest and where the blade had exited my back.

So…I'm bandaged, and I'm in Kurama's house. Those thoughts made me realize that Kurama must have known what happened, right? Of course he does, I thought after a short while. He and Hiei were talking about it before. My mind wasn't very quick at the moment. Then again, they were saying something about Nirvana's mind traps. I know the difference between Hiei and Nirvana when she's transformed.

"Ketsue."

So he can make conversation by himself, I thought with mock surprise.

"Do you remember what happened?"

I snorted, but the movement made my wound ache again, and I winced before I answered. "Of course I do."

"Do you remember all of what happened?"

I looked over at Hiei, finding myself barely curious as to what he meant. I asked anyway.

In response, he said, "Kurama is the one who kept you alive, which you've probably realized by now—" I hadn't, of course, but it made sense when I heard him say it. "—but before he came you were…" He cut off and didn't finish, and he broke eye contact with me.

"I was what?"

"…Smiling." He lifted his eyes, which seemed unwilling to do so, to meet mine. "Like you found humor in the whole thing."

I certainly didn't recall finding humor in it during the time I was able to remember. 'You…did this…to me?' Oh, yeah, it was completely hilarious. "No, then, I don't remember everything."

"And yet you still believe that you know exactly what happened back there." His look was challenging.

I wanted badly to shout "fuck you" or to scream at him for betraying me, but I found myself unable to even try. I think I moved to hit him as a delayed reaction for what he had done and mocking me now, but I honestly don't remember. I felt the floor before I felt the contact, and I felt the blood before I felt the pain. As I slipped away from consciousness, I faintly heard his voice, though it had no volume to me, only tone. "Ketsue! KETSUE!"

---

"Why did you not simply tell her the truth?"

Hiei gave a small 'hmmph'. "She wouldn't have believed such a convenient excuse."

"'Excuse'?" Kurama quoted.

"She believed that she could easily tell the difference between Nirvana and I; the ram wench conditioned her that way purposefully."

"I wouldn't think that Ketsue would believe Nirvana over you so easily."

There was a small sigh from Hiei. "Don't act like you honestly think I meant that Nirvana told her she could tell the difference. She must have given her transformation purposeful flaws when Ketsue saw it, because I know for a fact that Ketsue thought that Nirvana was a whole lot more convincing when 'I' stabbed her."

"Shouldn't even say that sarcastically," Kurama admonished lightly. "You never know when she'll regain consciousness, or what she'll hear. As you said, it was bad timing when she heard you and Nirvana speaking to one another before the second round."

I felt the sensation of Hiei's jagan brush across my mind, but my thoughts were about as collected as they had been when I was first awake after I'd received the injury. I was amazed he could tell I was awake. "She's conscious now," he muttered to Kurama. "I'm not sure how much of this conversation she'll actually be able to understand or hear, though, in her current state."

There was a short pause between them speaking, and Kurama finally said, "Have you noticed that it seems almost as if she's allergic to metals?"

"Hn? What do you mean?"

"Just recently, the only type of wound she's really had any true reaction to were from any metal-made weapon. Steel and the like. Energy attacks faze her, but she recovers quickly. The only injuries that have a lasting effect are from metal."

Another pause, and then Hiei growled, "Somehow I doubt that the S-class demon's foot was made of metal."

Kurama gave a low chuckle. "Yes, that is the singular flaw that I have also found of my theory, but I'm sure you can understand why she reacted so strongly to that injury. It was no minor scratch."

"Hn."

"…Hiei, if she's awake and can hear us talking, perhaps she won't find the truth of Nirvana an 'excuse' the next time she's conscious enough for you to explain what happened to her."

"Perhaps."

Exhaustion and pain snatched away my focus again, and I slipped away from reality once more.

---

I was able to open my eyes again when I next awoke. I didn't bother moving into a sitting position, though, nor did I move my head to look around me. Again, I could sense Hiei nearby, and faintly I could sense Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara, but it felt as though they were a few rooms away. "Hiei?"

I felt his eyes move to me. "What?"

"It was…Nirvana?"

There was silence, and he sounded rather surprised when he answered next. "You believe us?"

"Not really, no," I murmured back, moving to look at him—he was across the room near the door, sitting back in a comfy-seeming red chair, and oddly enough it looked like he had a book in his lap—and finding my neck to be sore. "But I wanted to see what I'm supposed to believe, so I asked."

"Well, then," he growled back, his voice only halfway irritated, "yes, that is what you're supposed to believe." He closed the book he was holding and reached behind the chair to stick it on a bookshelf, though he never looked back to make sure he would be able to get it on there and yet somehow miraculously did. "I'm not sure what to tell you to believe for your own theory, however, as to exactly why I would have stabbed you if that had been me."

I glared flatly at him. "I'm sure you had a reason."

He glared back at me; whatever remorse he had before seemed to have evaporated, at least enough so that he could act indifferent or annoyed toward me. "I'm amazed you're so moldable," he said finally.

I raised a single eyebrow. "'Moldable'?"

"Easily manipulated. Your faith in me was broken with a simple transformation."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Fuck you," I snarled in response, still unwilling to allow myself to listen to the back part of my mind that wanted to think that he was telling the truth.

"You know, it's rather insulting that you could even consider thinking that I'd try to kill you."

Again, my reply was a low, growled, "Fuck you."

He met my gaze again, his glance challenging once more. "Why are you so angry? I could understand if you're angry with me for not being able to stop Nirvana, but that isn't your reasoning. So what is it?"

"You tried to kill me!" I shouted. "What the hell do you think my reasoning is?"

"It wasn't me who tried to kill you!"

"And how do you expect me to believe that?"

"Trust me!"

"I want to!" I amazed myself by crying back. I hated how choked my voice sounded, but it wasn't helpable.

"Then stop relying on your eyes and think about what happened! What do you think the mahdaegrah meant when he spoke with you?" 'Do not always trust your eyes. They are not as reliable as they may seem,' crossed my mind as he said it. "Why do you think Nirvana mentioned the vision so much? Why do you think she was so kind to you all the time? She had this planned!"

I squeezed my eyes shut, saying, "But I know how to tell you apart! That was you, not her!"

"That's exactly what she wanted you to believe, Ketsue." His voice wasn't as harsh, now, or at least it wasn't as raised. "She made you think that way so that it would be simpler for her to break your trust in me."

"But your tone was the same, your eyes were right…I mean, you even stabbed…Well, Nirvana did it in the same way you would, and she imitated your way of pulling the sword out perfectly…"

"Did you ever consider that she would observe exactly how I did every little thing that she knew you would recognize?" By his tone he knew that I was already sinking back into believing him, as was obvious by my dialogue, despite how much I didn't want to. Why I wanted to think that he had done it rather than Nirvana was beyond me—maybe the part of me that still thought it had been him was telling me not to trust him just to have the same thing happen again. "Shape shifters are no fools. As well, what she 'did wrong' the past few times she transformed into me could have simply been so that you would have less faith in her abilities, not honest mistakes."

"But…she was so weak compared to you in the fight when she was transformed. And none of that weakness was there when..." I had meant to say 'you stabbed me', but then I thought of changing it to 'she stabbed me', and finally I just finished with, "…I was stabbed."

"If she had been fighting honestly, no doubt she still would have been weaker than me, being that she wasn't using her own form, but it still wouldn't have been that extreme. She was only making herself seem weaker to make you further notice false differences between her and I, so that you would believe you could easily tell the difference between us."

"So, then, how can we be sure that some of my memories of you during the tournament aren't of her?"

"Nirvana's smarter than I like to admit; she wouldn't have risked you finding out how closely she could imitate me before she tried to kill you. If you had known how easily she could seem like me, and the extremity of how similar she could be, you would have been warier, and her mind game would not have been as easy."

I thought about it, and as it registered I asked, "She…intentionally lost?"

He let the silence hang for a moment, as I assumed he was thinking of a way to respond, and he finally said, "I wouldn't exactly say that. She may have planned her movements with the assumption that loss was a high probability for her, but I doubt she meant to throw the fight from the start."

I admit it—by this point I had extreme confidence in his story. Even so, not all of me believed it, and I was brought back to thinking that something similar to this had happened before. I gritted my teeth, glaring at the blankets over my leg for lack of anything better to look to. "First the manawyn, now Nirvana. I am so fucking sick of being hurt by people who look like you!" I spat angrily.

Silence reigned again, and after about fifteen or twenty seconds he asked, "So you believe me, now?"

I didn't look to him at first, and I lifted my eyes to meet his gaze only when I opened my mouth to answer. "Not by choice."

He raised his eyebrows. "How can your own decision not be by choice?"

I narrowed my eyes at him again, though I was beginning to feel weary again and my glare was probably lacking the amount of intensity I wished it would have. "You know what I mean, jack-ass. I'm just…It's an automatic reaction to believe whatever you tell me." I clenched my jaw, lowering my eyes, and I muttered, "That entity or mahdae-whatever was right. I do follow you like a human."

It took him a moment to snicker, like he had considered whether it was wise or not to laugh at me right then, and he said in an amused voice, "It makes everything easier on my end."

I rolled my eyes up at him and said, "Oh, I'm sure," right before I felt myself start to loose consciousness, and I was out before I could warn him of it.

---

Kurama was in the room the next time I woke up. I couldn't sense Hiei anywhere, and I wondered if they had randomly decided that I needed to be baby-sat twenty-four seven and were taking turns.

Like Hiei, Kurama had a book in his hands when my eyes found him in the other chair in the room. There were two, which were identical and greatly resembled the one I had at home in my living room, and they were on either side of the door leading into the hallway. The door was open, now, but all I could see was a houseplant or two. My vision seemed to be near-sighted at the moment, and I couldn't tell much of anything outside the room I was in.

As always when I was tired or injured, I was slower and less observant then usual (Of course, I was close to the same way even when I was fully awake and not injured, though I couldn't think of the last time I didn't have some form of wound.), and it took my until he looked up at me for me to realize that he was wearing glasses. I didn't remember anime-Kurama ever wearing glasses; not to say they didn't suit him, as they did, but before he spoke to me he took them off and closed the book, which made me think they were probably only reading glasses. I'd never seen them before now, after all. "It's good to see you awake, Ketsue. How are you feeling?"

I smiled wearily at him. "Better now, I guess."

He grinned at me, and said, "I assume you mean because of Hiei's explanation of what happened." Then, rather bluntly he continued, "Because I'm sure you're still in pain; you haven't had enough time to heal yet."

My smile turned into a grin at that; I wasn't sure why, but I found it amusing how casually he talked about me being in pain. "Yeah, you're right. But I'd much rather feel this kind of better than to be more healed than I am now and still think Hiei was the one who did this to me."

He leaned forward onto his knees, saying, "I was actually surprised that you accepted the idea so quickly."

I shrugged, resisting my urge to wince. "Well, that's just because Hiei's the one who told me. If it had been anyone else, we'd still be arguing."

Kurama shook his head in what appeared to be wonder, still smiling lightly. "Even though he's the one you were fighting about."

"Heh, yup."

Speaking of Hiei, he walked in right them, his glance moving from Kurama to me to the chair he headed for. He didn't comment as he sat, leaning his elbow onto the right arm of the chair and propping his face up on his fist. It was an oddly relaxed position for Hiei—he didn't usually slouch. Actually, he looked tired, so I guessed that was the reasoning for it.

I looked to Kurama again, asking, "So, uhm, how am I alive, exactly? I forgot to ask Hiei about that."

"Well, I can't say I'm a surgeon, but you should know that I'm rather skilled with medical and healing plants. It's thanks to them that you're alive."

I blinked. "…Plants?"

"Yes. If you want specifics of what I used, it was something like a death plant: vines that grow through your body, but these have a different effect, obviously, and they aid you rather than harm you. They can be used like an internal needle and thread for wounds like yours."

"I have a killer plant growing through my body?" I asked, feeling my stomach twist at the thought, which seemed uncharacteristic of me, but his mention of the death plant made me think of this plant as more of a parasite than a form of healing. "Comforting."

"Healing," Kurama corrected. "They will die once they are no longer needed."

"And then what?"

"Your body will break them down. I assure you, they're completely harmless."

"So I'm a recycling plant and the aluminum cans are killer—" ("Healing.") "—weeds? Great."

"You're alive because of those 'killer weeds'," Hiei put in. "Stop complaining."

It didn't matter to me then whether it had honestly been Hiei or not who had stabbed me—I was still more easily annoyed. "Fuck you."

His eyes kept mine for only a fraction of a second longer before dropping, like he felt guilty for something just at my words. I would have apologized, but I wasn't sure what it would have been for—I had said 'fuck you' before to him (At least I thought I had. If I hadn't, I had still used harsh words against him, and 'fuck you' definitely wasn't the worst.), and I had just recently. I regarded him with a confused gaze before Kurama cleared his throat to get my attention, and I averted my eyes to the fox.

"You should probably try to get some more rest," he told me.

I sighed. I knew I'd probably get this 'more rest' suggestion many times before I healed. "Yeah, yeah, rest. Can I at least check out your house or something?"

Kurama blinked once, looking confused. "Check out my house? What for?"

"And do you honestly believe you can stand, let alone walk?" Hiei put in, his voice soft despite his use of his usual snide tone.

I felt my eye twitch, but I resisted any profanity-filled retaliations, and simply said, "At least let me go outside or something. Surely you of all people can appreciate the need to be outside, Hiei."

"And how do you suggest you get there?"

"By you carrying me," I said flatly, not requesting—it was more of an 'I expect you to do it now, or you will experience serious pain once I heal' kind of statement. I didn't really find any embarrassment in the idea of Hiei carrying me anymore; I had gotten over that a while ago. Maybe not completely, but it was pretty damn close.

"Well, you never said anything about me carrying you before, did you?" he growled back lightly, probably just to be argumentative. "You made it sound as if you intended on getting there by yourself."

"Well, now I'm not." I tried to resist a smirk as I said, "Now carry me, servant!" but by 'me', I was already snickering.

Hiei rolled his eyes, and stood. "You can carry her, Kurama," he muttered, and started walking away.

Automatically, I went to chase after him, growling his name, but Hiei had been right—I couldn't stand or walk very well, and as soon as I made the move to, I found myself on the floor. Kurama began pelting me with different variations of 'are you alright?' while Hiei just looked over with what looked like mild interest and concealed almost-worry (Because I really didn't think he was capable of actual concern, at least not for me. Maybe that was just my bitterness at Nirvana's transformation version of him carrying through.), and I simply mumbled, "That was so undignified."

In the end, Kurama demanded that Hiei try to be nice to me and somehow got him to carry me outside rather than the fox himself.

Kurama had a porch hammock, which I found quite enjoyable. It was darkening out, and very close to nighttime. I didn't ask what time it was, though, despite my automatic curiosity. If I was going to ask the time, I might as well ask the date as well; I wasn't sure how long I had been out. Besides, I didn't need to know either of those two things, since I didn't know when I'd leave or how long I'd be there or when the date would begin to matter again. I didn't really know much then, really, save for the fact that Kurama's hammock was very comfortable, and that I was glad for Hiei's company, even if I was still halfway paranoid over the whole stabbed-through-the-chest-by-someone-who-was-identical-to-him thing.

I was almost amazed that he stayed outside with me, not that I felt like complaining. We didn't speak for a while, until my wandering thoughts gave me the desire to ask something. "So, we won the tournament, right?"

"Yes. You were there—why do you need to ask?"

"Well, doesn't that mean we get whatever we want?"

He shrugged. "Yes."

"Well…who do we get it from?"

"Hell if I know."

"…M'kay."

He glanced over at me. "What would you ask for, even if you did know who to ask?"

I considered. Honestly, I could think of nothing. What would I ask for? "I guess another chance to fight Nirvana," I decided after a long while of silence. "But I'd want it to be on my own terms, my own time, and by my own doing. I wouldn't want it from them."

"'Them'?"

"The people who run the tournament."

"Hn."

Again, my drifting mind brought to mind a question. Well, it wasn't really an honest question—more of a conversation-starter. Just a strange one. "…Kurama wears glasses?"

"I'm sure you're asking that because you saw them, so I don't really need to tell you the answer to that."

"Man…they left out a lot of stuff in the anime. Even minor crap like that." I bit my lip lightly as I thought. "I guess that means a lot is wrong in my fanfictions."

"Not to say that the mistruths in the anime are the only reasons that you have to change around certain aspects on your 'fanfictions', but yes, that is true."

I realized that this was the perfect opportunity for me to ask what I had gotten wrong in them so that I could change it—after all, unlike me, he had honest, full memories of everything and could tell me exactly what happened. "So, what did I get wrong, specifically?"

"For starters, Yusuke isn't a spirit detective anymore."

I blinked. "He's not?"

"He hasn't been for several years. When Enma found out—"

"Enma?"

Hiei's jagan entered my mind for a moment, to find what name I would recognize, and he said, "King Yama, according to the anime. As I was saying, Enma found out about Yusuke lineage, being a Ma-zoku—"

"Ma-zo—"

Before I could even finish quoting him, he said, "Demonkin. When Enma found out that Yusuke was a descendent of demonkin, he discharged him from being a Spirit Detective. Of course, he maintained the job for a short time even following that, but he quit soon after."

"But, what about when he helped Chichiro…?"

"Like I told you before," he responded with a shrug, "some of it was off. He did help Chichiro and I in a few situations, as did the fool and Kurama, but not as a spirit detective."

I grinned lightly. "Well, then, I guess I'll have to change around my fanfictions a bit, huh?"

As he always did when I used the word 'fanfiction' when referring to the life he had with Chichiro, he looked away and scowled the slightest bit, and 'hn'ed.

"But if that's the case," I said as I thought of it, "why do you always call Yusuke 'detective'?"

"Habit," he responded, looking briefly into the window over his shoulder, leaning back in a relaxed position.

"And…who was the Spirit Detective after him?"

"I never followed the matters of Reikai after Yusuke was no longer involved with them. Chichiro was a Spirit Detective for a short while, but that was really the only time I was informed of anything concerned with Koenma and his fools."

"Chichiro was a Spirit Detective?" I blinked. "And you make it sound like there was more than one."

"Enma became less and less involved in mundane human world matters after the Escque invasion began, and he mainly focused only on that. Thus he left Koenma in charge of all matters of Spirit Detectives."

"But I thought Koenma chose Yusuke…?"

"He did. But he did not have complete control over the situation, which he acquired after Yusuke."

I was fairly confused by this point. Didn't Hiei say something about Enma regarding Yusuke's detective career as a failure because of his demon blood? "Even though Yusuke failed or quit or whatever?"

"Koenma may have misjudged by choosing Yusuke because of his demon ancestry, but he didn't fail. I didn't see any of the other Reikai fools actually making a difference, even when they did try, in most of the cases Yusuke took on." He gave a light sigh, sounding like he was bored, then continued, "As I understand it, there were multiple Spirit Detectives once control was relinquished to the midget prince."

"More than one? That's…weird."

"Not really. Spirit Detectives were solely human before Yusuke, but at the time there were no particular ningens that stood out, so they resorted to demons and other non-humans with impressive strength."

I propped my chin on my hand, leaning over onto it, turning my eyes to the other window and wishing I wasn't so near-sighted right then so that I could see what Hiei was looking at. Kurama, Yusuke or Kuwabara must have been inside the room. "Why couldn't they just wait for a strong human?"

"Waiting was never one of Reikai's greatest talents."

"So who's the Spirit Detective now? Do you know?"

"There isn't one," was Hiei's flat response.

I blinked. "Say what?"

"The closest thing to a Spirit Detective would be you and I, and the three in the other room. We are the strongest force on Spirit World's side, and probably the only ones fighting actively against Makai's 'expansion'."

I didn't notice it then, but Hiei had never before mentioned that he knew the reasons behind the fighting; the Mahdaegrah had told me, but he had never explained it to be before. "What about the other Spirit Detectives? The ones who were Spirit Detective at the same time as Chichiro."

"They're all dead."

My eyes widened. "Dead? But…I thought they were strong."

"Chichiro was strong," Hiei growled, "and she's dead. It just takes someone stronger to kill them."

I flinched, realizing far too late that I had touched upon a sore subject. Never the less, I mumbled quietly, "Like you."

"And Nirvana, and the countless other A-class and S-class demons who hate human world as much as most demons do."

A long silence passed between us before I finally spoke up again, ever persistent to learn how much of my fanfiction had been wrong, and how much of the anime was correct or incorrect. "So…what about you, Hiei?"

"What about me?"

"Was there anything in the anime or in my fanfictions that's wrong about you?"

"Well, how much do you know?"

"Well, I know I read somewhere online that you were the Forbidden Child of the Korme, or something like that."

His eyes had snapped to me as soon as I began to say 'forbidden child'. "Koorime," he corrected, his tone sounding stiff, but not too much, like he was trying to keep his voice relaxed. "That's true."

"And I also read that you worked for Mukuro, or something."

"I was her successor and second-in-command when she still had claim of part of Makai, but I didn't really work for her after the Demon World Tournament. I did work under her, though."

"…Demon World Tournament?"

He looked at me like he was considering something, and then he asked after a short pause, "You really don't know much about me or my past, do you?"

"…Not really," I admitted quietly, though for some reason that I couldn't put my finger on, I felt almost insulted by his question.

Hiei gave a low sigh, and muttered, "Well, then, you'd better listen well. I'm not going to repeat any of this."

---

"…You…had your…arm cut off?" I shuddered. "And you've died?"

"I died twice because of Mukuro."(1) He sounded more annoyed than anything. "But you'd be amazed what she's capable of doing in the ways of healing and resurrection."

"Did you love her?"

"Yes." He paused for a moment, then said, "But there are different meanings to that. I never wanted a romantic relationship with her."

"Say 'love'," I said suddenly.

He glanced up at me. "What?"

"Just say it."

He raised a single eyebrow, then repeated the word, looking mildly interested in my odd request; maybe 'interested' wasn't the right word—more like curious.

I grinned sheepishly, then said in reply to his unspoken question, "Never mind." The quiet didn't last long. "So…why did you stop working for her? I mean…you belonged there. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Belonging wasn't enough," he responded in a toneless voice. "It was for some time, but…I grew restless again."

I could understand that—I wasn't sure what I'd do if I ever had to return to a 'normal' life.

My smile dropped after a moment. Even though it had been about thirty minutes since he had explained what had transpired in the ice world, I still found myself drawn back to thinking of what the ice maidens had done to him. Rather than telling me out loud what had happened besides the general concept of why having a male child was a 'sin' to the Koorime, he had allowed me to see his memories of when he was a child using his jagan. I had considered that it seemed strange that he let me see inside his mind, but then again, it was probably easier for him than actually saying any of it out loud. "I still can't believe what they did to you," I mumbled after a while.

He knew what I meant easily, and he growled, "They are a timid, fearful race. Anything out of the ordinary or breaking the laws of their society is 'evil'. My existence just happened to be the greatest transgression of all the 'evils'."

I shook my head slowly, not even sure of how to respond, my eyes on the wood of the porch. "But…damn. You were just a kid. It wasn't your fault that your mother went against—"

"I know that. You needn't remind me, I've had several hundred years to consider that."

The bitterness in his voice made me wish I hadn't said anything. I wasn't too surprised when he stood, muttering something about going back inside and asking if I was coming.

"No," I told him, not bothering to jestthat he would have to carry me anyway and that asking if I was coming wasn't really an intelligent question. "I'll stay out here for a little while longer."

It was fully dark out, now, and my eyes were far worse off than they had been before; I knew it wasn't just the lighting that made them worse, and I figured that it wouldn't take long for me to have another blind flash. I really wished I could see—I was in Japan, and I had wanted to be here since…well, since I started liking anime. Because I had to admit to myself that liking anime was my reasoning for wanting to come to Japan. Kurama's house was very western styled, though, and I had to wonder how much of what was shown in anime was correct—he obviously didn't live in a paper-walled temple like half of the characters in manga and anime.

I wasn't really sure how much time had passed since Hiei had gone inside or to the roof or a tree or wherever he had gone—I assume about a half hour—but it didn't feel like it had been too long when Yusuke came out onto the porch. He sat on a chair somewhere close by, though I couldn't tell where thanks to my failing eyesight. Really, the only reason I recognized him was because of his energy, and to confirm it, his voice. "Aren't you cold?"

I didn't look over at him, still gazing out with what little sight I had into the night. It was peaceful here, and quiet. "Not at all." I looked toward Yusuke, though his face was relatively formless to my eyes at the moment, especially when my partial blindness was worsened by the darkness. "You should know that demons don't get as cold as easily as humans."

"I thought Kurama said you were done being emo?"

I blinked at him, or at least in his general direction, and asked, "Since when does Kurama say 'emo'? …And how was I being emo?"

Ignoring my first question, he answered, "Well, your voice is all…flat. Y'know, emotionless."

I decided against mentioning to him that I thought he was kind of confusing 'emo' when I replied. Feeling quite a bit like Hiei, as he always used the excuse I told Yusuke right then when I asked him a question during training, I said, "I'm a demon." To make it obvious that it was a sarcastic excuse, I added, "We don't use tone. It makes us seem more bad-ass."

He gave a small chuckle, then said, "And here I thought you were a rebel. I mean, you usually use tone." He shook his head, or so I assume was the movement I saw. "But, no, you had to go with the other demons and be toneless, damn it."

I gave a small smile, snickering through my words as I told him, "Shut up."

I sensed him stand, and he said, "Well, I'm glad you're okay, and breathing, and that kind of thing, but unlike you, I am cold, and I don't know where the hell I left my jacket. So I'm going back inside."

I grinned lightly, "M'kay"ing at him, and I didn't mention that I thought he had probably left it wherever he had abandoned his motorcycle in the middle of nowhere before the tournament began.

Soon after he went inside, I found myself tired yet again, and almost directly after that realization, I dozed off, still lying on the hammock.

---

I noticed the pain on my shoulder before I noticed the pain on my chest when I opened my eyes. The light blinded me for a moment, and I squinted at the sky—sunrise. But the pain I had previously mentioned was rather distracting. My shoulder hadn't hurt that badly in a while, though that wasn't to say that my chest didn't hurt rather badly as well. No, I realized, I just haven't noticed it for a while. Then I realized that I felt…different. It only took me a moment to realize that I was in my human form, and I didn't bother to consider exactly why it had happened and immediately shifted back into my demon form. The pain and sensation of hunger I had felt in my human form dulled, or in the case of the hunger, it disappeared completely as soon as my body changed.

"Is it really that disturbing to you to be in your original form?"

I glanced backward at Hiei, realizing for the first time that my eyesight had improved. Not by much, but enough so that I could make out his expression. He looked bored. "Would you enjoy being human?" I asked in response, my voice raspy. I still felt tired, though I knew I had gotten more than enough sleep.

In answer to my question, I only received a 'hn,' but directly afterward he said, "We're leaving for your hometown today."

I blinked up at him, still lying down—I hadn't moved since I woke. "Already?"

"It isn't as easy as you seem to think to trick your humans with my jagan for such extended periods of time, especially not when you're this far from them. If we return to America, it will be much easier."

"Oh, I see." Honestly, I had completely forgotten about my family for a while. Well, maybe not entirely—thoughts of them brushed my mind once and a while—but I didn't really think about them as much as I would have guessed I would.

As if reading my mind, Hiei spoke again, asking, "Don't you ever miss your family?"

I shrugged. "Not really. I miss my pets more."

He looked almost confused, then he said, "Your humans have always been close to you, and you to them. Why don't you miss them?"

I shrugged a second time, leaning my head sideways on one of my raised shoulders. "I don't know. I guess I know that they aren't my real family. Besides, I would much rather be here with you, so I guess I see it more as a choice between them or you when I leave, and that's an easy one to make for me."

He studied me with an unreadable expression for what seemed like a long time before he shifted his gaze sideways, his lips parting slightly as he gave another quiet, 'hn.'

We left sooner than I had assumed; apparently, Hiei had only been waiting to leave until Kurama had found the correct rift-tear that would get Hiei and I 'home.' He didn't even wait to say bye to Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara.

Thanks to my injury and lack of energy, I was pretty much unable to walk by myself, still—getting all the way to a rift-tear on my own was out of the question. Hiei had to carry me, as was often the case, though I definitely didn't complain. As soon as he picked me up, I got comfortable, leaning against him and closing my eyes, and I was out before it even crossed my mind to ask how long it would take to get there.

---

1—I've seen the entire Yu-Yu-Hakusho series and I know he only dies once, and it's questionable then if he even really died before Mukuro healed him, but this is just inferring that something happened after what they showed in the anime. >. Stuff that I didn't bother to mention in Voices of the Lost Realm. …/boring explanation

Authoress's Note: If you're wondering why the chapter title is "Killer's Conscience" even though Ketsue wasn't actually killed, I thought it was fitting despite that fact, and it was the title of an older fanfiction of mine that has since been taken down. I loved it enough that I had to use it here.