It was only a week later that Sirius was released from the hospital wing. He came into the dormitory, by chance (good or bad), when only James was there on a quiet Friday evening. Lily was studying tonight. He looked up from his book as the older boy walked in.

Sirius stopped, bag over his shoulder. His eyes seemed to pierce James', however unintentional, and he soon looked away. Sirius walked to his bed.

“Hi...” James said, unsure what else wouldn't sound mocking or nasty or even pathetic. Sirius just looked at him again and James averted his eyes again, cheeks flushing red. Sirius just put his bag down and started unpacking.

“Hello James.” It sounded cold and James knew it must be just as awkward for him.

“How are you feeling?” He didn't know why he wasn't just shutting up. His mouth wouldn't let him.

“A bit sore and nauseas, but Madam Pomfrey says that it'll fade out in the next days.” Their eyes met again for a moment and Sirius gave a small nod. James came forward to help him.

“What was wrong with you anyway? Or doesn't she know?”

“Yeah, she does,” He hesitated for a long moment and looked at James. “Floor polish.”

James just blinked.

“And she knows how it got there.”

“How did she find that out?”

“Well she was doing tests on me and found that something had ended up infected, down there, and was making me sick. And she kind of took a few, wild guesses, from there...” He turned bright red. James groaned

“I'm never going to be able to look at her again.” he said as he buried his face in his hands.

“Yeah well I had to have her checking up on me every hour for three more days. Still, it's nice to know you care.” It was hard to tell how he meant it from his tone, but James knew and sighed.

“Look Sirius, I was going to come, I just didn't get a chance yet with h-” Sirius cut him off.

“You're telling me in over a week you couldn't spare ten minutes to come see if I was alright?” He said angrily.

“I've got homework, Prefect meetings and I've got to practice Quidditch. You know I want to get onto a team after school.”

“Bullshit James.” His ashamed look gave him away. “I knew it. Too busy with Evans... Is she using you for target practice? To try out new insults? We all know how fond she is of doi-”

“We're together, a relationship, a real one. And it would mean a lot to me if my friends would just accept that and be sup-” Sirius scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“What exactly is a 'real' relationship to you then? A pair of ti-”

“SHUT UP!” James roared, even surprised himself by it. “You can't begin to imagine how happy being with her makes me! You wouldn't know what it feels like to have something like it because no one's ever liked you enough to have a relationship about more than just sex or a grope of your arse!”

His chest was heaving and he was glaring at Sirius before he realized what he'd just shouted. Sirius hadn't moved, looking about to cry. James calmed down and came forward to try fix it. Sirius pulled back before he could touch him.

“Don't touch me.”

“Padfoot...” He tried again, touching Sirius' arm.

“I said don't touch me!” He snapped and wrenched it back, storming out of the dormitory.

---

Remus climbed through the portrait and into the common room tiredly one late night a few weeks on. He'd started preparing for NEWTS early and was just returning from another study session in the quiet of the library. His eyes were drooping closed and as he shuffled up the stairs to the dormitory, didn't notice anything strange until he tripped on the third landing, effectively and accidentally kicking whatever was in his way.

It yelped and Remus looked up from his position sprawled out on the floor. Sirius had dropped the invisibility cloak and was running up the stairs hurriedly. Remus frowned and picked up his books. As he stood he wondered why before looking down into common room and understanding.

Neither had noticed the commotion going on and Lily and James slept on on the couch near the fireplace, both naked and cuddled up together. He sighed and took James' cloak, following Sirius' path.

Peter was snoring peacefully from his bed and Remus looked around for Sirius. On a pure whim he headed into the bathroom and found the older boy leaning over the toilet, closing his eyes and leaning forward as his vomiting paused. Remus knelt next to him and rubbed his back, only seeing now that he was fighting off crying.

Sirius didn't often cry and Remus had a feeling he wasn't brushing off the short-lived relationship as easy as James. The way he was spying on him tonight only confirmed that he felt more for his best friend than he said. He wouldn't look at him.

“He's right. I am pathetic.”

Heartbroken tears fell down into the water.