Title: Puppies

Author: Sandra

Rating: PG

Author's Note: Evil things live in my closet.

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There were things Inuyasha, as a worldly little half-demon, was used to seeing.

A frazzled Sesshoumaru was not one of them.

"She's drunk," rasped Inuyasha, then promptly tittered, poking the dirty little human twirling before him.

"She most certainly is not!" snapped Jaken, rattling his muddied staff. "She's just... happy. Happy that Sesshoumaru-sama has graced her with his presence this day!"

Inuyasha wiped away a tear, plopping to the ground and flicking an insolent claw in Sesshoumaru's general direction. "Did he grace her with sake, too? 'Cause she reeks of it."

Sesshoumaru slunk out of the shadows with quiet grace, fixing Inuyasha with a harrowed scowl.

Inuyasha instinctively narrowed his eyes, then keeled over, giggling.

"Stop this at once!" shrieked a mortified Jaken, slamming his staff into the ground. "You will show Sesshoumaru-sama respect!"

Slowly, Inuyasha straightened, shoulders shaking with repressed laughter.

Rin zoomed past him, her bare feet tangled in pink and yellow ribbons, her cheeks smudged with dirt, her kimono set askew...

Inuyasha snuck a surreptitious glance at his brother, his bottom lip trembling uncontrollably. "For what it's worth," he began brazenly, inspecting the hideous doodles on Sesshoumaru's face, "I think it's a definite improvement."

Rin clapped her hands wildly, pouncing. "I did it! I did it all! Rin!"

Inuyasha peeled her off with a look of disgust, holding her a foot away. "Oi, why'd you come to me, anyway?"

Apathetically, Sesshoumaru stuck out one long claw and picked the child up by its collar.

And in an instant, Rin smiled demonically and hurled herself at his hair, attacking the numerous ribbons she'd hidden within it.

"It has come to our attention that you, too, travel with a child," translated Jaken huffily, scuffing his toe in the grass. "Sesshoumaru-sama, in his infinite wisdom, has resolved that, perhaps, you," here, the little toad choked on too much sarcasm, "...you might be of... some assistance."

"Hell, no, Sesshoumaru!" growled Inuyasha, stuffing his hands into his haori and turning up his nose. "Just because you think you saved my life yesterday doesn't mean I OWE YOU ONE."

Sesshoumaru fumbled with a particularly stubborn braid, then bared his fangs. "You. Will. Tell. Us. How. To. Fix. Her."

Outraged, Inuyasha jumped to his feet, palms resting on Tetsusaiga's hilt. "What the hell makes you think I know how?"

Sesshoumaru seemed to be considering this. "Hasn't your pup done this before?"

Inuyasha blinked incredulously. "What pup?" he blustered, puffing his bangs away. "I don't have... oh. The brat." He pointed an indignant claw at the forest behind him. "Shippou's not my pup! Shippou's a nightmare!"

Clearing his throat, Jaken leaned in closer to whisper, "Frankly, so is this one."

On cue, Rin burrowed her way out of Sesshoumaru's hair, attaching a sticky pink bow to its apex. With speed that made all three demons flinch, she darted past Inuyasha and tackled Jaken into the mud, then stole his staff, flung it at the nearest tree, and ran off, giggling maniacally.

Inuyasha grew serious, an unfamiliarly superior grin creeping to his lips. "No," he sneered. "My pup's never done anything like this," he boasted proudly. "Your pup must be defective."

Snickt.

"Son of a bitch!" snarled Inuyasha, wiping the blood off his cheek.

"Jealous?" asked Sesshoumaru coldly.

Foaming at the mouth, Inuyasha lunged for him only to freeze as Rin abruptly scurried up Sesshoumaru's sleeve.

"Your pup," began Sesshoumaru with an uncompromising frown, "does not compare to mine."

"Yeah," muttered Inuyasha under his breath, averting his eyes. "Mine's better."

For a moment, it seemed as though Sesshoumaru was going to flay the entire population of Japan, but then the great demon lord took a menacing step forward—Rin tottering precariously off his shoulder—and growled, in a low, dangerous voice, "Is not."

Jaken ducked for cover.

"Is, too," scoffed Inuyasha, puffing out his chest. "Mine's not a dirty human."

"No," replied Sesshoumaru blandly, narrowing his eyes. "Yours is a midget."

Inuyasha twitched, flustered. "Y-yeah? W-well, yours is an alcoholic!"

"Happy!" squeaked Jaken defensively. "She is happy!"

"Mine is not a coward," continued Sesshoumaru, half-blinded by the frizzy beaded braids falling into his eyes.

Inuyasha couldn't argue quite convincingly against that, so he looked up at the cloudy night sky, cursed his damn father, and almost tripped over himself while stalking off toward the village.

Except, the little toad had a decent arm, and the rock aimed at Inuyasha's head arrived at its destination quite swiftly.

"No one walks away from Sesshoumaru-sama! No one!" wailed Jaken miserably, wringing his dusty beak.

Enraged, Inuyasha turned his head, his ears and nose twitching. "Watch. Me."

"Inuyasha."

Inuyasha froze, refusing to look at his brother.

"Fix her."

Inuyasha gave an annoyed little whine, clenching his fists. "She's not broken," he snapped, cursing under his breath. "She's drunk." Sniffing piously, he motioned vaguely at the bouncing child. "It's not my fault you were stupid enough to let her wander off into a BOTTLE OF SAKE—"

"Technically," interjected Jaken sheepishly, "it was a barrel..."

Inuyasha goggled, then quickly collected himself. "Keh," he shrugged. "Your pup, your responsibility."

Sesshoumaru glanced at him, then the spinning child hanging off his armor, then back at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha tapped his foot.

Sesshoumaru stared.

Rin twisted a lock of silver hair around her finger, cooing.

And finally, Inuyasha crossed his arms with a petulant pout. "Say please."

Sesshoumaru's eyes flashed red.

Slowly, Inuyasha's lips curled most wickedly. "Say it."

Jaken paled, preparing for a quick slaughter.

"Say please," taunted Inuyasha childishly.

Sesshoumaru opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

"Say please, and I'll take her to Kaede-baba."

Sesshoumaru flexed his claws.

"Say please before she braids your tail."

Sesshoumaru shot Inuyasha a murderous look, but his lips parted most agreeably and—

"You next!" squealed Rin happily and flung herself from one brother to the other, clinging to Inuyasha's rosary and startling him into a coughing fit.

Looking almost relieved, Sesshoumaru quickly spun on his heel and started for the darkened woods.

"Hey, you, no!" shouted Inuyasha to no one in particular. "No, don't touch that—no—SESSHOUMARU, YOU CAN'T LEAVE HER HERE!"

Jaken cackled vindictively, slithering past Inuyasha with a parting, "She eats seven times a day."

Horrified, Inuyasha swatted blindly at his head, where the little monster was busy shrieking with glee and weaving through his hair with the proficiency of a spider. "Stop it! Stop it or I'll—"

"Huh," sniffled Rin suddenly, yanking on Inuyasha's ears. "Sesshoumaru-sama's hair is prettier."

Off in the distance, Sesshoumaru paused, his back muscles stiffening.

Inuyasha gripped his sword, watching, with no little amount of surprise, his brother practically glide back.

"Perhaps you're right," said Sesshoumaru indifferently, though he looked anxious to have Rin off Inuyasha. "She should leave with this Sesshoumaru."

"Oh, for—" began Inuyasha exasperatedly. "Is it 'cause of the hair? Because she's wrong. Mine's much—"

"Inu-no-oniichan," gasped Rin, sliding to the ground.

"What is it?" snapped Inuyasha, claws contracting.

"Oh," she babbled, wobbling dazedly and tugging at his pants. "There's a cloud in my tummy."

"A what?" asked Inuyasha, scratching the back of his neck.

Instead of answering him, she merely looked up, wide-eyed, then leaned against his calf, bent over, and emptied her little stomach before his feet.

"Fu—FEH!" hissed Inuyasha, grimacing helplessly and scrunching up his poor nose.

Sesshoumaru, on the other hand, quickly pushed his brother aside, extended his claws toward the child, then hesitated.

Annoyed, and vaguely pleased, Inuyasha barked out, "You, go sit!"

With a vicious scowl, Sesshoumaru obeyed, sliding down and leaning against the nearest tree.

"You," grunted Inuyasha, fixing Jaken with a stare. "Hold her hair." He crouched next to Rin, and mumbled, "You... keep doing that."

Several minutes later, when the child's retching subsided into an occasional dry heave, Inuyasha carefully picked her up and carried her over to his impatient brother.

Both exchanged awkward glances; Inuyasha averted his eyes first, Sesshoumaru shot a furtive glance at his lap.

Blushing madly, Inuyasha lowered the child, and quickly leapt up into his tree, leaving Sesshoumaru to stare.

After a minute of uneasy silence, Rin stirred, burrowing deeper into Sesshoumaru's robes.

"Happy's bad for Rin," she cried softly, nuzzling into his palm.

Jaken gave a pleased nod, and went off in search of his broken staff.

Sesshoumaru said nothing.

Inuyasha relaxed, perched upon a sturdy branch, one leg swinging back and forth.

"Inuyasha."

"Yeah?"

Sesshoumaru faltered.

"What is it, idiot?" mumbled Inuyasha with feigned laziness.

Sesshoumaru inspected his nails coolly, careful not to wake Rin. "I'm sure your pup will... not be a midget forever."

Inuyasha cracked an embarrassed grin. "And I'm sure your pup's only a social alcoholic."

The corner of Sesshoumaru's lips upturned slightly. "And?"

Inuyasha gave a deep sigh. "Shippou's done this before."

"And?"

With a suffering sigh, Inuyasha stretched out and closed his eyes, his hands behind his head and a content grin on his lips. "I'm sorry I have prettier hair."