Chapter Four

Dasreer

"That did it." Hoshi declared as she reached down for Tia's arm. She took hold of the startled girl, who looked up at her in pain flooded astonishment.

"Hoshi?" She croaked.

"You're coming with us to the Infirmary." Surprisingly, the Auran yanked out of her grip, rolling away.

She got about a half a turn before she collided with Elizabeth's legs, and the woman reached down to the surprised girl and together they hauled her to her feet. "Come on, hon."

Tia shook her head sharply. "Please, no! Do not!" However, she did not stop clutching her stomach, seeming to have decided there was no point in more pretense. "There is need not!" The protest ended in a high pitched cry as at that moment another spasm of pain hit her. She doubled over, her knees buckled and the officers were left bearing her full weight.

"This is ridiculous!" Hoshi hauled the slighter woman upright, holding her steady and looking into her pained eyes. "You can't even stand, and you say 'there is need not'! You gave us your word!"

"Calrasdi! Trinas nyas – Understand not... about 'word'." She gasped. "Asked you for 'word', gave what you wanted."

"This isn't the time." Liz told her friend.

"Just go!" Tia gasped. "I all right ... will be!" Before either could answer, she clutched her chest, gasping in pain, her breath stolen. A moment later her hand clamped over her mouth to try to muffle a high scream and she bent backward as a spasm ripped through her back. She fell backward into their arms, clutching her chest, not breathing from the pain as she lay in the frightened women's arms. Hoshi knew from Trip that her heart was much lower in her chest, but... It took a few seconds for her to ease the pain enough to breathe again, her breath coming in a strangled, rasping gasp.

"We are going to the Infirmary!"

"Nyas!" Tia gasped sharply.

"You can either walk there or I will call Malcolm back and he will carry you!"

"NYAS!" Tia's reaction was astounding – she broke away from them with a cry of unbridled terror but got only one step before another blast of pain seared her body and she fell into the half couch beside them. "You can tell him not! He know must not!" She writhed in agony, trying to clutch every part of her body, an impossible feat that left the two women looking down at her in pity and distress. "Please!" She begged, groaning. "My friends I thought you were!" Hoshi knelt on one knee beside her.

"Tia, it's because we're your friends that we want to help!"

"Help you can not!" She groaned, doubling over. "Only – only Aura can help!"

"Aura. You've said that before. Your planet? Your god? What?"

"Both – neither. On Aura there is –." Whatever she would have said was lost in a scream as she convulsed so powerfully she would have fallen off the couch had they not restrained her. It ended in a piteous sobbing. Hoshi clung to her, trying to keep her from hurting herself as the girl buried her face into her shoulder. "Thought it I could endure!" She cried against the linguist. "Thought it I could endure!" She broke down, weeping.

"Tia, you're scaring the hell out of us!" Liz exclaimed. "Is this going to kill you?" She shook her head, still sobbing. Suddenly a seizure more intense than ever took hold of her, and they clung to her as she screamed, the sound muffled in Hoshi's uniform. Her body was wracked so violently they could barely hold her upon the couch.

When it passed, she collapsed against Hoshi. "Tia, talk to us before it gets worse! Is this going to kill you?"

"Wish it would!" She sobbed. "Wish it would!"

"That's it; we're out of here!" She was about to haul Tia to her feet, but Liz grabbed her arm.

"I don't think she's going to make it." Glancing at the suffering girl, Hoshi had to agree. She stood up, crossing the room and reaching for the intercom panel, something she felt she should have done from the very beginning.

"Hoshi to Phlox."

"Phlox here," came the immediate response. Tia reached out to her imploringly, her eyes filled with terror.

"Qualsia! Please! No!" She gasped in absolute panic. "He must not!"

"Medical emergency; Tia Anlor's quarters." She forced herself off the couch with a desperate terror, brushing Elizabeth off.

"No! Please! Away keep him! Away send h-!" Every muscle in her body seemed to seize at once and she shrieked, almost crashing to the floor if they had not caught her, and she collapsed into their arms. Phlox's 'on my way' was completely drowned out.

In the Infirmary Phlox had been working on his patient for about three minutes after having issued the completely unprecedented order for a technician to actually lock the matter transporter onto both himself and the girl and transfer them both to that facility. Hoshi and Liz, having been unceremoniously left behind, caused their own stir barreling down the corridors to get there the long way.

They had arrived in time to help hold her onto a diagnostic bed so that he could examine her. Their efforts at restraint were equal parts keeping her from hurting herself more in falling off when the seizures, which seemed to be growing in severity, struck; as well as to keep her from fleeing.

She spent most of her efforts begging him not to examine her, pleading with them to let her leave, until finally he selected what his scans indicated would be a safe sedative to give her. As he pressed it to her neck, and the liquid entered her bloodstream, the two women wondered which he had done it for more; to save her from further pain or to keep her from begging anymore.

Gradually she started to calm, her movements growing slower, more languid. Her voice fell to a whisper, but she never stopped pleading with them to let her go until she was asleep.

"I've had recalcitrant patients before, but this is extreme."

"She is a person of extremes." Hoshi agreed.

"Do you know what's wrong?" Liz asked. He gave her a weary smile.

"I haven't even been able to begin an examination. I'm just happy to get her sedated." He picked up a scanner, passing it over the unconscious girl's body. "I'll let you know what I find."

Not willing to be dismissed, the pair backed off a few feet and waited. They watched Phlox perform several scans with various pieces of equipment, view the results of various tests upon screens which showed full color images of her internal organs, and ultimately press another injection into her, this time over her abdomen. Then he turned to them. "What can you tell me about her symptoms?"

They gave a concise report of everything they had observed, from her emotional breakdown in the galley and corridor, the attacks in the corridor that she had tried so urgently to cover up through the climactic seizures in her quarters. "Do you know what's wrong?" Hoshi finally demanded.

"I think I do. Of course, I will have to do a few more tests. We know too little about her biology, but I think I do." He clearly left it at that.

"Well?"

"I believe Doctor/Patient confidentiality applies here."

"She's our friend!" Liz exclaimed.

"I realize that, but I believe it would be unethical for me to tell what I've found without consulting first with my patient."

His manner was courteous, polite and completely adamant.

When Tia Anlor got her eyes open she felt lightheaded, disassociated and pain free. The last was such a blessing that she sighed deeply.

"I've given you aboulatol for the pain." She looked to her right, finding the towering body of the Denobulan doctor beside her. She ran a hand up the length of her body, feeling sensation but no pain. "How do you feel?" She looked up at him curiously; his lips did not match his words, but he was speaking perfect Auran! She thought she was still partially sedated, had to be dreaming. He nodded his head, understanding. "I'm speaking Denobulan; you may speak in Auran if you wish. This is a closed link; no one outside this room may hear and understand us. While the humans could break what we are saying they would not do so; it would be completely against their ethics. This is as close to complete confidentiality as we could ask."

"I thought it was over." She said, her words rendered to him in fluent Denobulan.

"Not quite. Your ... what do you call it?"

"Dasreer!" She said it with a hateful tone. The computer, having noted Phlox's desire, rendered it in Auran. "In English, it would mean 'small death'."

"Appropriate. Well, your dasreer has yet to run its course, but it may do so in here with no unnecessary pain." She turned away, her voice filled with grief.

"There must be pain."

"Why?" She turned back in real surprise, and seemed about to answer, but then turned away again.

"I must not speak of it."

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm a doctor. I've probably figured out most of it just by examining you."

"And if I asked you to give me back the pain?"

"I'd ask you 'how much?'" She looked up at him, curiously.

"A human doctor would refuse." She had learned that much at least.

"I'm not human. How much pain?" She let her head fall back.

"All of it."

"No."

"I knew you would refuse."

"I'm not human, but there are certain ethical standards that are universal. Unless you specifically refuse my help, I will determine the best course of your treatment. If your cultural beliefs state there must be discomfort, you will be given a measure of it, but the suffering you were enduring was unacceptable." She looked up at him bitterly.

"How do you know what is 'unacceptable'?"

"In here it is what I say it is. You expressed to Hoshi Sato a desire that this dasreer kill you."

"I was out of my mind."

"And are you lucid now?"

"Yes."

"Then what?" She was quiet for a long time. Finally;

"Half." He considered for a few moments, and then selected a hypospray, filling it with a compound. He injected it into her arm, and then started to bind straps across her body. She looked up at him in concern.

"Your dasreer is well advanced. I do not consider your request sensible, and furthermore I will not permit you to harm yourself any more than you have, but I will give you what treatment you think you want."

"What I think I want?"

"Patients make the worst doctors." He told her with a small smile she did not understand. She was about to ask when a sharp pain in her arm caused her to gasp.

"I had not realized it was so far advanced!"

"You may want to reconsider."

"No. I can endure this." She winced again, groaning as the pain spread through her chest.

"Your 'small death' seems nothing to be pleased with."

"Believe me, I am not!" She groaned; straining at the restraints until the pain gradually eased. "But I have to endure this."

"Again I ask, why?"

"Because I am alone. I escaped from home, but was not alone. My friends are dead, the only ones who could have helped, but I am alone. There is no one to ease this, and no one can ever be told!" She stiffened, gasping as the pain shot through her body.

"There have been times that I marveled at the 'sense' of humans in dealing with illness; but you far exceed them."

"Both you and Hoshi described me as a person of extremes." He looked chagrined.

"I wasn't aware you were conscious."

"Just fading."

"Then perhaps you'll satisfy my curiosity. Why did you keep this from Hoshi and Liz. They only wanted to help." She gasped as the pain grew.

"They cannot help."

"You're too intelligent to behave so densely. You know what I mean."

"I cannot tell them. We do not discuss it, even among ourselves!"

"So you just suffer in silence."

She stiffened as a spasm shot through her, crying out, almost a scream, straining against the straps, and it was several seconds before her body relaxed again and she could regain her breath. "Ahhh! Believe me, Doctor, aarrgghh, there is nothing silent about it!"

"But why must you suffer? On your world they must have found out long ago how to ease the symptoms."

"Hundr – ohh – hundreds of years ago they eased everything. No pain, no cramps, no spasms ... ahhhh! We must suffer!" A seizure racked her body and she strained against the straps holding her in place. He waited until it passed, his heart going out to her.

"Why? Why must you suffer?"

"Because – because we –." She cried out loudly as a severe spasm took hold of her. When finally it eased, it left her gasping. "Because we ... ohhh ... we kill! We must ... aaiiiieeee!" She screamed, head flung back, tearing at the restraints. When it finally passed, she was left weak and panting. "We kill – and we are to give life! We fail, and we must suf –." She screamed shrilly, tearing at the straps, shrieking on and on until, unwilling to let it continue, he picked up the hypospray.

He looked down at her as she writhed about on the biobed, straining at the straps, ready to use the hypo, trying to understand her. Finally, with deep regret, he put it back on the table and turned away, leaving the screaming girl.

"Thank you for not doing it." She told him an hour later, when the dasreer had run its short course, and she could sit up. Her golden hair was plastered to her face, her clothing clinging to her moist body. The marks of the straps, loosely bound but dug with extreme force into her flesh by her own efforts, would take time to fade. There had been blood, in measure, but even this had passed.

"I think you made a terrible mistake, but I was bound to honor your wishes. I hope you will reconsider in the future."

"I do not have a choice. There are no Aurans to help me."

"There are alternatives." She shook her head.

"Not for an Auran. I may have left my planet, I may have come to this ship and all it entails, but I am Auran. I must follow the way of my world."

"And is there anything else I should know about what to expect from your practices and cultural imperatives?" She paused, considering.

"I am not sure. But I think we will find out."

Epilogue

An hour later, when Ensign Hoshi Sato and Crewwoman Elizabeth Cutler entered the Infirmary, Phlox was waiting for them. Not ready, he thought, but waiting.

"We're here to see..."

"Yes, I was expecting you."

"Where is she?"

"In her quarters; resting. It was a stressful experience."

"What was wrong with her?" It was a question Phlox had not been looking forward to.

"I had been considering over the past hour whether or not to tell you. You understand, there are ethical questions involved. She has asked me not to tell anyone."

"But we're her friends!"

"I know, and she will need your help next time."

"You mean this is going to happen again?"

"I should think it will do so on a regular schedule, roughly each third of a year or more; I should think some eighteen or so weeks apart. If she will not accept my help, perhaps she will accept yours. Perhaps you can at least convince her to accept treatment. She believes ... her people believe ... she is obligated to preserve and promote life, and her suffering is her penalty for failure."

"Failure?" Hoshi exclaimed. "What failure?"

"Will you just tell us what is wrong with her?" Liz demanded, frustrated.

"I should think you would both know, as you are both very familiar with it, though the difference between you and her is that because of her physiology her ... distress ... is compressed into four hours, rather than several days."

Hoshi gaped at him. "Are you telling us she had her period?" She demanded, incredulous.

"I should think in her case that it would be more aptly described as an exclamation point."