|Even to the Edge of Doom
Author: D. M. Evans PM
Pregnant, Dawn and Connor make some life altering decisionsRated: Fiction T - English - Drama - Dawn S. & R. Giles - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,390 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 08-08-04 - Published: 07-29-04 - id: 1988228
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
EVEN TO THE EDGE OF DOOM
Box of Crayons Story - Color Sunglow
By D. M. Evans
Disclaimer - Sing it with me. Joss owns them. I don't (well Ailsa is mine and the Savages but they earn me no cash either)
Spoilers - AR Post Chosen/ Post Home story
Rating - PG-13
Feedback - that would be nice
Summary - Pregnant, Dawn and Connor make some life altering decisions
Author's Note - This is a Box of Crayons series story and is the sequel to Walk a Mile in Sorrow which can be found here http:www.geekgirlz-r.us/dana/crayons/walkamile.html If for some reason you don't care to read that or need a refresher here goes: To avert another apocolypse Willow cast a spell that reversed a lot of magic world wide including Connor's mind wipe. Dawn was sent to L.A. to finish high school and starts dating Connor. Almost ALL of S5 of Angel never ever happened. Spike is back. Cordelia comes out of her coma, Lindsey and Wes do not die. Illyria does die. Connor and Dawn find themselves in a wee bit of trouble thanks to some failed birth control pills.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
Goo Goo Dolls-Iris
"You look so sad." Connor wrapped his arms around Dawn, his hand flat on her swelling belly.
"I guess I am." Dawn dropped her head, her hair curtaining her face.
He kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"I did this." He moved his hand over her belly.
Dawn twisted in his arms, smiling at him. "I was there, you know."
Connor laughed. "I do recall."
Dawn sighed. "Look at us." She gestured at the small but warmly furnished room. "We're shacked up in Giles' spare bedroom. My sister is so mad at me, she barely speaks to me."
"At least she doesn't want you dead." He rested his forehead on her shoulder. "I thought you were going to find my carcass covered with Angel and Spike's dust."
"Like it was their fault they didn't watch me twenty-four seven." Dawn snorted, stiffening at the memory of Buffy throwing a major league fit when she learned her baby sister was pregnant. "It's just...I'm seventeen Connor. What are you? Nineteen?"
He slid out from behind her and went to open the blue and green plaid curtains. "Cordy said I was eighteen, and, since that was a year ago, I guess maybe I am. I don't know when I was born and I'm technically two years old or something I'm not sure how Cordy came up with eighteen."
"I know. And I'm like four or five. My point is." Dawn levered herself out of bed. Connor was right there at her side, helping her. He was always there for her and she appreciated it, even if he overdid it. She wasn't helpless but, on the other hand, it felt good to have someone care so much for her. "We're too young to be parents."
"I've already been a parent...I liked it but..." He looked away, fussing with the ragged edge of his hair. Dawn suspected he had cut it himself.
Dawn wanted to kick herself. What was she thinking bringing that up? She wrapped her hands around him. 'I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have brought up Jasmine."
"It's okay. I can't pretend it didn't happen." Connor turned in her arms. His blue eyes were far too somber. "And our baby is nothing like Jasmine. The doctors say everything is normal."
"As normal as anything parented by a half demon and a ball of energy could hope to be." She smiled. "I just never thought...my life was going to be so different. College, being a Watcher, you know. Being a mom was never in the plans."
"You can still be all those things. Giles' parents were Watchers. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here to help you." Connor had that frightened earnest look in his eyes again, the look he had when she had first mentioned abortion. He wanted the child, no matter what it might be; having a family meant that much. He never told her not to have an abortion but she could see his pain at the idea. She saw it now.
She cupped his smooth face. "Connor, I know you will be, it's just..."
"I don't have a job." He sagged on the bed. "'Cause I don't know anything. Why would you want me around? Maybe I should do it, do what Dad wanted. If Wolfram and Hart could shove being a lawyer into Gunn' head, maybe I should let them do the same to me." His blue eyes brightened.
"I want you, Connor, job or not." Dawn hated just leaving him with that thought but she couldn't hold it any more. She trundled into the bathroom shutting the door so she could pee. "You'd want to be a lawyer?" She called through the door. She wasn't sure how she felt about him having that job. It just didn't seem like him and she'd hate for him to be miserable in a job.
"Well, no. I'd probably like being a cop better. But there's other things they could teach me. I'll do it. I didn't want to before but that was because I was angry with Angel for messing with my mind. I'm not angry any more. I know he was trying to protect me. I'll do it for us."
She knew he would, and that was oddly painful. He'd give up everything for her and the baby. He'd set aside his fear of magic to better himself for them. Such devotion terrified her and Dawn knew why. She wasn't used to it. No one in her life had a good relationship, no one was terribly devoted. Giles never dated, not since Jenny died, so she couldn't say if he'd be devoted. Olivia didn't count. Dawn knew exactly what kind of friend Olivia was. Dawn's father sure wasn't devoted. Buffy couldn't make a relationship work. Xander left Anya at the altar. Kennedy and Willow were always fighting. She had very bad examples of devotion in her life but, when she looked at her lover, she saw the depths of his emotions, the power of them. It was overwhelming.
She went back into the bedroom, her business taken care of, for the time being, since being fourth months pregnant she always had to pee and knew it would only get worse. Connor had dressed in the interim. "Connor, I don't want you to do anything radical."
"I just don't want to be like Xander and Andrew...not that there's anything wrong with them but look at what they're limited to job-wise. I know it scares Xander sometimes," Connor said, looking concerned. Dawn knew the two men didn't really get along well. Xander was very angry about Dawn's condition. "I don't want to live like that. I could be a Special Ops Watcher. Giles has already talked to me about it. They get to beat demons up so it's good for me." Connor was practically bouncing with excitement. "but I'll still need a cover job. It'll be expensive having a baby. I looked at the price of diapers. It was scary."
Dawn sagged against the door to the walk-in closet. She had looked, too. Twenty dollars for a sack of something the baby was just going to crap in was stunning. "I know. I'm very scared."
"I'll call Dad and make arrangements." Connor's enthusiasm flagged. "I guess I should decide what I'm interested in."
"Well, what were you in college for before this all happened?" she asked, while trying to decide what to wear. She was desperate to not have to buy maternity clothing, at least not yet but everything was getting tight.
"Business but that's so damn boring. I wanted to switch even before my memory came back. I was pretty much majoring in keggers." He smiled at her.
She wagged a finger at him. "Well, that's over with, buddy."
His grin went positively wicked. "I liked my writing classes. I used to write short stories, horror, based on my dreams." His pale face darkened. "Only it wasn't dreams. It was Quor-Toth but writing isn't a good career. You have to be so lucky. Maybe I should just tend bar."
"Wolfram and Hart could probably get you on the best seller list like that," Dawn snapped her finger, "If you think you could still tell Quor-Toth stories. It could be a fantasy series like Lord of the Rings or something. You could tell stories about vampire slaying and be the next Anne Rice...Stephen King. I meant Stephen King." Dawn said hurriedly, seeing his scowl.
"I'll talk to Dad about it. I could tell those stories a lot...but I'm not sure I can write any more." Connor scowled. "I lost a lot of my skills when Willow's spell broke the one that rewrote my life for me."
"You don't have to do it tomorrow, Connor." Dawn went over and kissed the crown of his head. "I'm going to have to go to the damn maternity shop. This sucks."
"Want me to go with you?"
"No sense in both of us suffering. I'll go with Ailsa." Dawn was very grateful to have met Ailsa, a young Canadian-born Slayer. Her mom was a Watcher and friends with Giles. The twenty-year old Slayer was now with Giles as he rebuilt the Watchers in England since she decided promptly he was less severe a Watcher than her mom. Dawn shuddered to think. Ailsa was exuberant and bright, like a lusty cross between Faith and Willow. Dawn only hoped Connor didn't notice because everyone had mentioned that Connor had a thing for Faith when he met her originally and liked the power of the Slayers. Still, his eye had yet to wander.
"Want me to start breakfast?"
"Belgian waffles," she ordered. "Lots of fruit and whipped cream."
"Only if they're frozen. Giles yelled the last time I tried to use his waffle maker." Connor shuddered.
"That's because you were doing in really wrong. And maple syrup, the real stuff, not the fake stuff."
"Yes, your highness. Anything else you might like?" He smirked at her.
"Talk to your child about it." Dawn poked her belly. "I never eat like this."
His arms went around her, pulling her to him. "Are you making your mommy nuts?" He kissed her belly and she stroked his shoulders. No one should be this tender.
Dawn sat back on the bed with him. "I just wish...I'm glad Mom isn't here to be disappointed in me, too."
"She wouldn't be disappointed." He pushed her hair out of her face. "Buffy's not disappointed either, not really. Maybe a little for the same reasons you are but she loves you and that's the important thing."
"Mom would have been disappointed I'm not married. I know you're not from here and you might not know how people feel about unmarried moms. I mean it's a lot better than it used to be but still they look at you funny and they talk..." Dawn wiped at her eyes.
"Dawn, my father never failed to point out I was the bastard son of two vampires," Connor said without rancor. "I know exactly how people feel about it. But no one said we couldn't get married."
Dawn took his hands. "Connor, we don't want trapped in a marriage just because I'm pregnant. We've only been together a short time. I don't think..." she trailed off, watching his face all but melt. She could feel pain radiating from him.
"You think I don't love you," he whimpered.
"I...I never even thought about it." How horrible was she? She cared about him sure but the relationship had been what it usually was for most teenagers, hot and physical without much thought for anything else.
"I would want to be with you even if you weren't pregnant," he assured her.
Dawn put a hand over her mouth, trying to hold in a sob. "Connor...I don't..."
"You don't want to be with me?" His big eyes were misty.
"I do. But no one is going to let us get married." She brushed her lips to his. "They'll say we're too young and not just Buffy. All of them."
He shrugged. "So, we don't tell them."
Dawn looked at him like he was crazy. "We can't do that?"
"Connor, I know you're used to doing exactly the opposite of whatever Angel wants but I'm not." Liar, she thought. She had purposely done lots of stuff to irritate Buffy. "We're too young. I'm not sure we can get married without our parents permission."
"I'm old enough. And Giles is your guardian ad litem, isn't that what Gunn called it? I think here in England you are old enough," Connor argued. "Dawn, this is our lives, our decision." He brushed his hand over her belly, touching his forehead to hers. "Our baby. If we want to get married, it should be our choice."
"I...I'd like that. I didn't think you'd..." she trailed off. Of course, he'd be there. Where would he go? To another country like her dad, the little voice in her head said. "But we should tell Giles. He'll keep the secret and he'd probably help us. Besides, I think we need two people to witness it. We can't just drag bums off the street."
"I'll talk to him but only if you're sure. If you're not, Dawn, that's okay, too. I want you to do what you think is best for you." He kissed her. "I love you and I want to be with you, but if you aren't ready, I'll wait for you. I promise."
She kissed his hard, tasting her own tears as they canted down her cheeks. "You are such a special man," she whispered. "Talk to Giles."