"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

It is unnecessary for you to learn at this time who I was. It is more important for you to know who I am now. More so, who I serve, for they are not of this planet and yet important to its very safety. They have created marvelous things, both accidentally and on purpose, that have benefited this realm referred to as 'Manhattan'. We have been their protectors, their only defense against whatever would wish to take their lives or expose them. You must realize that if my masters were ever to be discovered on a massive scale that they would be utterly destroyed.

I am a Utrom Guardian. My identification rank is ÄX9, which places me as a fourth-ranking officer of the Utroms. They classify us by a Greek letter, then a Roman one, then a number. It helps our masters identify us faster, but sometimes we also have code-names that serve as a moniker, of sorts. My moniker is "Goldfish" because of my hair color and my ability to swim.

I suppose it would also help you if you knew how the ranking system in Utrom Guardian systems work. The first rank, Á, is for the Alpha unit. They are the most important warriors in our system, for they directly protect Utroms and their interests. The second, Â, is our Beta unit, which usually serve as home-base protectors verses the Alphas, which go anywhere they are needed. Third rank, Ã or Gamma, serves as human communicators and 'recruiters' to the guardian ranks. My rank, Delta, is the medical unit for the Utroms. We attend to the health of our masters, our fellows, and sometimes those that are brought in to us. We rarely leave our home base, except for when the Alphas need back-up. Any rank below my own are trainees—I was inducted into the top four ranks two earth cycles ago.

As of recently, I have been experiencing guilt. It is one emotion that I can clearly remember from my time as being mostly human. I was assigned to escort a group of top-ranking Alphas to investigate a report of the Shredder attacking an antique store. The Shredder is our first priority enemy, so I felt honored to be assisting this squad with hunting him down. Unfortunately, we arrived much too late—the building was on fire when we found it. After the authorities left, we searched the ruins, but could not find any survivors.

So, herein lies my dilemma. Our second-in-command Alpha, AY2, had recently made contact with a certain group of creatures consisting of two humans and five mutants—a rat and four turtles. As strange as this sounds, our leaders suggest that maybe the mutants were created in a past accident. It is entirely possible, but I somehow doubt our leaders would be so careless to make more strange beings and not keep them under tabs.

More importantly, these beings were fighting against the Shredder. AY2 did make contact with them, and found them to be our allies. We have been watching them since first contact, and to say the least, have been very impressed with their graceful skills, both in combat and out. But, since the explosion, we have not seen or heard from them. We assume them deceased, and this causes me grief. I have previously lost fellow guardians, but I have not felt this since the death of AD8. It is a bit much to explain him for now.

So, I have come to a local Catholic church, under the permission of my leaders. I am currently speaking with a priest. Although the Utroms have found no confirmations of any Earth faiths having solid ground in another realm, we believe maybe these religions may have a good point in attempting to keep humans moral. So, this is why I was allowed to come. Any data I gather here will be given to my superiors.

The priest is an elderly human male, approximately 72 orbits in age. His vision is clouded with cataracts, but he still is able to hear as well as an average human. It is the perfect person to talk with—he will not see me or know me, but will be able to aid my guilt. If I can rid myself of such pain, I will be able to function better. This is what my leaders, the Navigators, say.

My companion smiled, "We all do, my son. You are welcomed in the house of the Lord." I am unsure who this Lord is, for some humans call him Father, then Son, then refer to him as some sort of blessed ghost. Human religion is at best perplexing.

He continued with a jovial smile, "Please, do state your troubles with me."

I humored the human, hoping this would work, "Have you heard of the recent events of the Second Time Around antique shop?" He nodded, letting me go on, "I believe several good friends of mine perished in the blaze, although no bodies were found."

The priest scratched his brow, uncertain of what I meant, "Have you lost contact with them?"

I responded, "Yes."

The old man tried to be sympathetic, "I do not understand your fears, but I will pray for you." He readjusted himself, digging further into what was disturbing me, "Has this happened to you before?"

I suddenly realized where my guilt was stemming from. It must have been from AD8's demise, but . . .how would I explain this to a human? I attempted to communicate, "Yes. Once, sixteen years prior to last Tuesday."

The elderly priest smiled, trying to get me to reveal something, "Would you wish to speak with me about it?"

If my superiors thought this was going to help me, then I would need to explain it to this human. I could not tell him of the Utroms, or our ranks, or much of anything in my life, but I could try and tell him about AD8 in human terms. "All right.", I succumbed, "This is what happened . . ."

I have been in the Utroms' care for over twenty years. My recruiter was AD8, who also had a human name and life. I first met him in a dark alleyway of Los Angles, believe it or not. He was being swarmed by multiple attackers, some sort of gang that I have no knowledge of. In some sort of sympathy, I assisted him, actually knocking some of the gang members unconscious. It was more than obvious that he did not need my help by his own grace, but he did seem to appreciate my help. Later, he took me to the Utrom leaders and had me inducted into the Guardian defense system. He also gave me my code-name.

We later moved to New York, being shuttled from one home-base to another with several other members. He did not seem to mind moving, actually buying a small apartment for where fellow Guardians could have meetings. He also claimed that he bought it so his pet would have a home. I think it was an attempt at humor. AD8 always kept his laughter and shining personality, even after being a Guardian for so long.

As for AD8's pet, it also thought of itself as a comedian. It is strange to say that his pet, a common street rodent, had a sense of humor. It seemed to enjoy mimicking AD8, though, sometimes flipping around in its cage while his master was practicing these things called 'katas'. I swear it even knew his master's real name, not just his identification number. I can barely remember it myself . . .I think it is the same as that green dinosaur in the video game demos I see in shop windows. Yoshi, that was it.

Yoshi taught me many things in the four years that I knew him. He was a shining example of what all of us in the Guardian system wish to accomplish. Quick-witted, sociable, fast in action—he was this. Unfortunately, he caught the attention of the Shredder. To him, AD8 must have seemed like a perfect target. And so, one night, he . . .came to Yoshi's apartment.

Whatever happened in the span of time between when we last saw him and when we found him, we may never know. All we can assume is that the Shredder found Yoshi. He was able to somehow overcome one of our best Guardians—the best we could tell was brute force. It was impossible to believe then that Yoshi had been murdered, but . . . the truth often does sting.

At the time, I was at rank Î. One of my elder-ranking Delta members allowed me to come with him, mainly so I could figure out what life at such a high rank was like. He allowed me to search the area with him and three others, one of which was AY2. I guess you could say what we found at the apartment bonded us in a way. AY2 was always better about recalling this event than I will ever be, though. He has learned to adapt to setbacks and deaths.

The entire place was a shattered memory. ÄR7 did not allow us to view Yoshi's body for a very long time. I do not think I could have had the constitution to look at his corpse for any extended period, anyway. It may be easiest to explain his death by this: he had his heart slashed from him. There was blood everywhere. But, even in death, Yoshi still had a vibrant, passionate look of hatred in his eyes. Truly, the Shredder did murder him.

ÄR7 told me to find anything that was in tact, along with my companions. Everything was shattered, including most of his modest furniture. AY2 found Yoshi's pet's cage in a tangled mess, the beautiful gold dragon that used to perch on it twisted into disregard. He told me to look for the rat—more specifically, the rat's corpse. He had little faith that anything could have survived this, and neither did I.

I noticed the window was open, probably how the Shredder escaped the premises. Leaning out, I saw one of his lackeys still hanging about. In a sudden flash of rash behavior, I engaged the soldier. He was dead within seconds, my sword finding itself in his jugular. I know I should not have attacked, but I felt that Yoshi's death was more than enough provocation for me to strike. After my sudden spasm of revenge, I heard a soft squeak behind my heels.

I have never considered myself an animal lover. In fact, I may have mild allergies to cats. However, I did have some sympathy on the soaked rat that was staring at me, little beady black eyes almost knowing who I was but yet still confused. It was Yoshi's pet, undoubtedly, but it usual happy demeanor was replaced by a sullen, cracked soul. In a way, it was like the Shredder had pierced its heart with Yoshi's. I tried to pick it up, but it skittered behind a garbage can. I waited patiently for it to come back out, and eventually it did come to me.

I brought the rat to ÄR7. One of the things I always resented about having to be a Guardian is that some of our members have been made callous by the flow of time. He found little pity on the rat, allowing it only to see Yoshi for one last time. It acted very strangely around him, almost if it understood that Yoshi had been murdered. It did not act up or try to escape our grasp, which makes me believe it knew more about this slaying than we did. I think if we left that rat alone that he would have willingly died next to his master. I do not know what makes me think that—maybe it was an enlarged expression of how I felt about AD8's death. After that, he told me to take the rat back outside.

I released the rat into a garbage can, knowing that I could not care for it. It sat there for some time, its ebony eyes asking the same question over and over again. Why? After a while, I couldn't find the answer to that question myself. I shut the lid on the can, letting the rat return to a miserable future. It was too tame, I should have known that. I doubt it lived any more than a week after Yoshi died.

After that incident, we Guardians are not allowed to live outside of Utrom territory. It is probably for the best, too. AY2 and I spoke to each other about it sometimes, curious about what was left unsaid to us as mere introductory Guardians. ÄR7 himself has been gone for a long time, but not by the Shredder. I think he just walked over the Brooklyn bridge one day, looked down, and decided to go for a swim. I can't do the same—I do not think I will die with the other fish.

And there it was. I was feeling guilty because I knew what it was like to lose valuable assistants to the Utroms because of the Shredder. We should not have let him take another life, never-the-less another seven. I spilt as much of my guts as I could to the priest, although it was like I had my own heart ripped out. I did not cry, though. I have long since forgotten how to do such an action.

It was shockingly silent for a while. I was sure the priest was going to report me to the human authorities. Surprisingly, he didn't. Instead, he tried to console me, "And the possibility of loosing these people makes you ill, doesn't it?"

"Yes." He was certainly hitting the nail on the head.

The priest smiled again, relating something to me, "I had another come in today with a much similar problem. He almost lost his brother to a gang war. Fortunately, both he and his family were safe, but he was almost terrified of being attacked again. He had the most beautiful name too . . .can't remember it offhand. I think he was named after Michael, one of the Lord's angels."

Michael . . .angel . . .o? It struck me like lightening. AY2 had told me of the turtles' names from his investigations, and one of them was Michaelangelo! If this turtle had just been here, then they might still all be alive! I had to tell my superiors as fast as possible!

Darting out of my chair, I thanked the priest. He seemed to be confused about why I had to rush out, but I did slow long enough to pray with him. It is just as well to appease humans. He also advised me as I nearly flew out of his small wooden office, "You know, sometimes you can repay the dead in ways you've never thought."

I would take that advice to heart at a later time. I had to tell of my discovery! As I rushed out of the sanctuary and the church, I could hear some choir practicing music. I cannot remember the entirety of the words, but one phrase in particular stuck with me.

Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death I will fear no evil . . .

What does that come from, I wonder?

Racing to the roof-tops, I checked my PDA and pager. A message was left by 'Bluebird'; it told me to meet him at a location near the Shredder's sky-scraper. Bluebird was AY2's code-name, mainly for the thick blue hair he had. He could also jump with such grace in the sky, almost rivaling the ability to fly. I guess I envy him slightly for that.

Within minutes I had arrived at the destination that Bluebird needed me. He greeted me with his trademark cool smile, almost warm but at the same time distant. He asked me about my expedition to the church, but I did not reveal much to him. I don't need our top Guardian worrying about frivolous matters. I addressed him about the Turtles possibly being alive, but he interrupted, "I know."

There was a great fire on the top of the Shredder's building that I had not noticed before. Shouts and shrieks of anger echoed from it—no doubt a heavy battle was going on. I was about to ask Bluebird about what was going on, but he told me, "I have to do my job. You have to do yours, Goldfish."

He pointed down to a small shadow off a smaller building, "One of the Turtles left something there. I believe one of them may be injured. You need to take care of it. I will come back to assist you once the Shredder has been defeated. Clear?"

Cold as ice, he was. But, I expected that from him. I nodded, accepting my mission. Bluebird left in a flash, several other Alphas joining him up on the roof. I slightly wished I could have followed him, but battle is not my forte. I leapt down to the other building, approaching the injured person with caution.

Whatever the turtle had left here, it was not in the mood for visitors. It had pulled itself into the shadows, a smeared trail of blood indicating where it had once been. I approached its hiding place, calming stating my purpose of finding it. It still shuddered as I drew near it; no doubt the creature was delusional from loss of blood. I tried speaking to it once more, "I am not here to harm you."

Its eyes widened in the dark, almost as if it had heard a familiar voice. It no longer tried to fidget away from me, watching me with slight confusion and terror. I reached the being, slowly checking for injury, when I realized I had no human or turtle being with me. Gray fur was damp with blood, its wrists and various other slashed injuries still bleeding. It was dark and warm and red, sticking to my hands and trench-coat. This was probably the rat being that AY2 reported sighting.

Undoubtedly, the creature was dying. I could feel its unstable pulse beating past my fingers, starting fast and then dragging out slowly. It could not focus its vision, brown eyes still trying to find contact with my eyes. It looked at me hopelessly, like it had given up fighting me or its demise. Like a sharp stab in my chest, I knew that look. I had carried this grief with me for the past sixteen years.

The rat weakly attempted conversation, bizarre considering its condition, "You knew . . .Yoshi . . ." It was struggling to breathe, almost asthmatic. Of all the things that rushed through my mind, that should have been the most important. Instead, something else came back to me in a rushed whirlwind. This was Yoshi's pet! Of course, that may make no sense, but I knew it! Who else would it have mistaken me for?

I tried to comfort it, almost smiling, "Yes. He was a good man." More than that. He was a good friend, partner, family member . . .Guardian. And he had watched over me and my rank and the Utroms for so long. He was something almost unearthly.

That night, I think I finally left my grief behind me. All I had to be concerned about was the frail, dying creature that could faintly remember days where it had been a mere pet. I think maybe the Alpha squad sent to help the turtles were only gone for maybe fifteen minutes, but in that time, I almost lost the last thing that was connecting me to AD8—to Hamato Yoshi. All I can remember from it is the warm blood all over me, and the creature's quiet awe of reconnecting with something that should have been long since forgotten. Its like because of that connection, it felt necessary to live on. I can barely recall it finally going unconscious, almost like a tortured memory.

For the past week, I have helped my Utrom leaders in trying to heal the creature. I guess I have not been doing much out of running diagnostics on it, but it seems like it is my pet as it was Yoshi's. It is even almost human, to a point. It seems to have the strangest R.E.M. patterns I have ever seen. But, I was glad to be helping it live. Maybe now I was ready to take the responsibilities that came with AD8's death. I was ready to let Yoshi go.

I was finally paying my respects to the dead.

I decided to write this story after I wondered what life as a Utrom Guardian would be like. I guess this is my shot at it. This particular story is based in the new TMNT episode 'Return to New York: Part Three.' Hope I didn't offend anyone with the religion. Just kind of something I thought would sound cool thrown in there.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed.

August 2, 2004—Zelda's Fox 38

PS—The snack that smiles back! :D