Here it is, everyone. The final installment in the Journal series. Sure, I could do Trinity, but I can't even begin to imagine how to write theirs. As it is, Xi's is incredibly difficult for me to write. I hereby disclaim: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel (who isn't me.) Jaye Tyler of Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency Television, and stupid Fox (none of whom are me.) Althea, Xi, Trinity, and the concept of the Misfits belong to Red Witch (yep, you guessed it, not me again.) And Adam and Carly belong to, well, me! I own something! Anyway, you wanna use them? Go ahead, just let me know so I can read what you do with them (whether it's good or bad, I don't much care.) Anyway, as usual, this one starts the day after Toad's ends. Enjoy! Oh, I forgot one thing! The idea of Popcorn Chicken (a.k.a. Turkey Stuffing a la Marsha Lewis) belongs to Nunsense and Acorn Media and DLT Entertainment (and presented by Clairol on Broadway.) Quick note: This takes place before The Usual Suspects, A Little Family Bonding, and Did it Hurt...?
A Week From the Journal of Xi
They say that vicious Central American werewolves are coming up from Mexico with a new breed of killer bees. It's estimated that they'll be here soon. Actually, I think they're overdue. The papers that first reported this came out in the late eighties/early nineties and said that they'd be here in ten years, which would make them a few years late. I wonder if it's immigration that's holding them up. They're probably sent back across the Rio Grande the moment they reach American soil and they have to keep trying to sneak in. Roadblock says that everything put in tabloids isn't true and that the werewolves and bees aren't coming. But I know better. They're late, but they're coming. And I'm going to be ready for them. I am Xi: The WereBee-inator!
They haven't arrived yet, but they will. Trinity helped me sneak off to Wal-Mart so I could build up my arsenal. I cleaned out the entire supply of bug sprays. I also got some bows and arrows and all the sterling silver jewelry in the joint. I have the Yard Guard ready and waiting. The Triplets are turning the jewelry into arrowheads. Silver is the only thing that will kill werewolves, you know. I'm cutting the heads of the arrows so I can turn them into my werewolf killers. As payment for their help, I also got the Triplets some paintball guns and some paintballs. I don't know what they wanted them for, but maybe it's better I don't know.
Jaye is teaching a new unit in class. Musical Theater merged with World Religions class. I think she just didn't want to teach today so she popped in a movie. I think it was a mistake. Something in Nunsense made Carly very happy. She's up to something. But what? I wonder if she's going to become a nun. The Bees and Wolves haven't made it here yet. I'm going to start attaching the arrowheads to the feathered part tonight. By morning I'll be completely ready for their arrival. The Triplets took apart the paintball guns and put them back together to create one giant paintball gun. I don't want to know whom they're going to attack with that thing. I'd also hate to see the size of the paintball that that thing takes. It would probably flatten Andre the Giant.
They haven't come yet, but they will. Carly hasn't done what she's going to do yet. The Triplets haven't bombarded anyone yet, either, but I'm sure they're going to use that giant gun on someone. Probably Beach Head. Or maybe the X-Geeks. I really don't want to know. Roadblock still doesn't think that the Wolves and Bees are coming. When they get here, he'll be glad I got ready for them. I'll protect him and won't hold his denial against him. After all, who wants to believe that killer dogs and insects are coming to destroy us all? I'll protect everyone. Except for, maybe, the X-Geeks and Beach Head.
Still not here. But I'll still remain ready for them. Carly upset Lifeline again and now she has KP Duty for the next week. She looked awfully happy to be assigned her punishment. It's probably part of her plan. Either that or she just likes helping B.A. cook...I think it's the first thing I said. She's up to something. We've now watched Fiddler on the Roof and Jesus Christ Superstar. I think Jaye might have Nunsense 2 planned for tomorrow. But I'm not sure if we'll get to watch it. Roadblock, Cover Girl, and the others don't seem too happy that we're watching movies instead of learning anything. So tomorrow Jaye may actually have to teach. The Triplets had their gigantic gun taken from them by Shipwreck and Althea. They'll probably steal it back by tomorrow night. They know where all the hiding places are. Both here and at the X-Mansion. And Cobra Headquarters. Come to think of it, they pretty much know every hiding place everywhere.
Nothing yet. On all fronts. Carly hasn't done anything yet; neither have the Triplets, or those annoyingly late Wolves and Bees. But I think the Bees are coming closer. I've heard quite a bit of buzzing lately and it seems to be getting louder. Maybe the Wolves couldn't make it across. The Triplets did steal their gun back as I knew they would. Carly borrowed Jaye's copy of Nunsense to watch tonight so I know she's going to be doing something. I scared to find out what it is. Jaye didn't stop with the movies. Today she had us watch Guys and Dolls. She said that to some gambling is a religion and that the missionary also counts as religion. Roadblock said that she needs to get back to real class work on Monday.
Bad day. Today was a bad, bad day. It started off this morning, shortly before noon, when I was doing my morning patrol for the Wolves and Bees. I overheard Carly talking to B.A. about the menu for later. I had paused to wonder why it sounded familiar. (Turkey Stuffing a la Marsha Lewis: 1 package of regular stuffing mix, 1 minced onion, 1 cup of un-popped popcorn. Mix it all together. Stuff it in your bird. Put your bird in the oven. 400 degrees. When his ass blows off he's done.) I quickly got back to my patrol. I ran across the triplets aiming their gun at General Hawk's office building. They painted it all with one big paintball. And also blew a hole in the wall and got some of the inside painted. I went back to my patrol, not wanting to get blamed with Trinity. That's when I heard it. The Buzzing. A loud buzzing. The Bees finally made it. They made a hive to live in before attacking so I figured I could get them all at the same time. I pulled out my Yard Guard and was about to spray, but they sensed I was there...and attacked. There were so many of them that I couldn't really get them with the bug spray so I ran away. They chased me all over the base until the wall of the mess hall kitchen exploded. I don't think Carly's going to be allowed in the kitchen for quite some time. Anyway, the blast scared away the bees. That's the good news. The bad news is that, in addition to the hundreds of stings I got, some debris hit me. Now I look like moldy cottage cheese. Today was just a bad, bad day. Stupid bees. At least I'm the sane one on this base.