Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters and references to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling who created the magical and wonderful world we fanfic writers all love to play in.

Author: Diamond-Raven

Story Rating: R (violence, non-graphic rape, non-graphic sexual situations, torture, drug use, swearing etc.)

Summary: Severus Snape’s long journey from an abusive and horrific childhood to Hogwarts,Voldemort and finally, the Order and how he finally found the light in a lifetime of darkness.

Note: This is a continuation of ‘Path of Glittering Darkness’ which must be read before reading this part or else nothing will make sense. Unfortunately, I have too much ground to cover without going back to explain the importance of certain characters and hinting about past events. I want to thank every single person who took the time to read ‘Glittering Darkness’ and especially those people who left reviews! You’re the reason I keep writing and the reason my muse keeps supplying me with strange ideas. I’m sorry this is so late but this next part has taken considerable planning and real life has also been interfering. I’ll try to not let it happen again.

‘Every human being on this Earth is born with a tragedy, and it isn’t original sin. He’s born with the tragedy that he has to grow up. A lot of people don’t have the courage to do it.’

                                                                        - Helen Hayes

July 29th, 1979

The Dark Manor

His footsteps echoed loudly on the black marble floor as he neared master’s chamber. The closer he got to the black doors, the slower his steps became until eventually he stopped, fear clutching him.

“Bird, I can’t do this.” He clenched his teeth, shaking from fear. He was a traitor. A filthy, lying traitor. He had betrayed master and now, he would help destroy him. He couldn’t do this. It was too big, too scary and too wrong.

A relieved sigh echoed in his mind. “Finally, you’ve come to your senses. Alright, not a problem. Let’s just go back down and get Xira and leave this dreadful place. The faster we’re back at Hogwarts, the better.”

Nodding, Severus took a relieved breath and turned around, only to find his elf standing there, his arms crossed, staring at him.

His elf didn’t dare say anything, knowing that anybody might overhear them, but the look he was giving his young master spoke for itself.

He might be a traitor, but if he turned back now, he would be a coward too.

He stared at his elf. He had been many things in his short life, but he had never truly been a coward. A delusioned, stupid fool, yes, but not a coward.

The serpent within him hissed softly in defiance. He slowly unclenched his jaw, drawing strength from his old elf’s steady gaze. He couldn’t turn back now. The headmaster and Evans depended on him. He had to do this.

Making up his mind, he turned back around.

“What are you doing? Aren’t the stables in the other direction? Severus? Are you listening to me?”

“We’re not running away, bird. We have to do this.”

Ignoring the frustrated sighs and predictions of doom echoing in his mind, he slowly took another step towards the doors, the mark pulsing in contentment at being back where it belonged.

He felt his elf’s hand reach his own and squeeze it gently before the old elf turned and walked down to his room.

Taking a deep breath, he straightened up and made sure his cloak and mask were on properly.

Just before he took another step towards the door, he swore he saw a small, misty figure standing against the wall behind him.

Spinning around, he saw the little girl, her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised as she stared at him.

He gave her a small nod, and for the first time in months, she smiled at him. When he blinked, she was gone and he didn’t question her presence. He had more important matters to deal with now.

Carefully putting his mind into order and making Fawkes swear to remain quiet, he took one last deep breath and walked through the doors, which quietly swung open before him.

There was no going back now.

Although that thought terrified him, he knew deep down that this was the right thing to do.

As soon as he was through the black doors, he immediately prostrated himself and waited.

He sensed master sitting in his chair before a roaring green fire and a shiver of happiness went through him. Master was here.

He didn’t have to wait long. His master immediately glanced up and sent his book flying back to its shelf. Steepling his long, pale fingers, he smiled.

“Come here, Severus,” he said quietly.

He nearly shook from happiness as he crawled closer to his master and lay at his feet.

Lord Voldemort reached down and lifted his chin with a finger and smiled at him.

“I have missed my serpent dearly. Yes, my raven has kept me entertained but I have missed my serpent. Have you missed your master?”

Severus nodded, remembering the aching sense of longing he had felt whenever he had thought of master. He couldn’t help the content smile which flickered across his face as he gazed up at him.

Lord Voldemort gently pushed his hood off and pulled his mask off his face and caressed his cheek with a finger.

“So, my serpent is feeling better now? No more drugs?”

Severus shook his head. “No, master. No more.”

“Good, good. I have always said those dreadful crystals aren’t good for you, haven’t I?”

For one tiny moment, anger flared up within him at the blatant lie, a lie which had nearly killed him, but he quickly suppressed that anger and nodded dumbly, keeping a love stricken smile on his face.

Thankfully his master didn’t notice the anger but simply stared at Severus, running a finger along the edge of his collar.

Severus carefully kept his mind full of memories of missing master and made sure the only emotion running through him was his relief at being back with him and his love for him. Since none of these were a lie, they weren’t difficult to convey.

He felt a small glimmer of disgust within him and he was momentarily confused before he realized it was Fawkes’ disgust at the lying, manipulative sadist sitting before him but he suppressed it, reminding himself to berate the bird for daring to interfere. If master ever detected Fawkes’ presence, it would all be over.

Severus patiently waited as his master stroked his collar and occupied his mind with thoughts nobody could ever guess at, before he finally sighed and then demanded to know what he had learned over the past months.

Speaking slowly and being careful to keep a proud smile on his face, he launched into the speech he had rehearsed and practiced with the headmaster a dozen times. He told him that the headmaster trusted him and truly believed him to have renounced his master—to which he allowed a flare of anger and disgust to surface which was only partially faked—and that he had taken Severus into his confidences. Severus quietly explained how the headmaster trusted the ministry’s ability to counter any threat his master might pose and that his main concern was keeping his students from becoming recruits. His master laughed at this and said that he had suspected as much. Then he went off into a long tirade about the old fool’s blindness and stupidity and Severus carefully kept nodding and smiling and suppressed the rage he felt within him.

Then Severus quietly explained how the headmaster was trying to gather allies to him and the ministry, but that he had only started a few days ago and the plans were still mainly undecided and consisted of random goals thrown together from foolish dreams. This caught his master’s attention just as Severus had hoped it would. Severus kept smiling and feeling proud at this piece of useless and false information and waited while his master mulled it over and then declared that Severus would have to return to the headmaster soon to keep updated on the situation. Then he was instructed to find out who the headmaster’s potential allies are and what he was offering them so that his master could steal them from under the old fool’s nose.

Severus nodded eagerly, a glimmer of satisfaction glowing in his eyes.

“Master is brilliant,” he whispered.

Lord Voldemort smiled and nodded before he suddenly straightened and rage flooded him.

“Did my serpent ever dare doubt this?” he snarled, his wand already half way out of his sleeve.

Fear flooded him and Severus immediately shook his head. “No, my Lord, no, never. I swear.”

“I heard a trace of surprise in that statement, is that not true?”

“No, master. I swear to you!” he babbled, fear nearly making him sob now. He knew what was coming. He knew that he might as well keep his mouth shut since the end result would be the same.

His master’s gaze narrowed dangerously. “You mean to say that I was wrong about what I heard?”

Severus opened his mouth to agree or disagree—it really didn’t matter which one—but the wand was already pointed at him and he was hit by a cascade of burning pain as he writhed on the floor, the pain digging into him and seeping through his skin.

He bit his lip hard to keep from screaming and he felt sweat pouring down his face. He couldn’t tell if it hurt more than withdrawal had. At that thought, he remembered his precious crystals and nearly cried harder. He wanted his crystals! Merlin, he wanted his crystals!

He could nearly taste the beautiful green flames as pain overwhelmed him.

Suddenly, the burning vanished and dull throbbing was left vibrating through his body as he lay on the floor, his head aching.

“I’m sorry, master, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the whispered rant came pouring out of his mouth before he even realized it.

Lord Voldemort sighed and waved a hand to silence him. “Yes, I know, my precious serpent. You are sorry, aren’t you? Well, you should be. You were dreadfully rude to me and you hurt your master’s feelings greatly. But my serpent didn’t want this, did he?”

Severus quickly shook his head, tears still streaming down his face.

“Of course I understand, Severus. You have missed your master terribly and you have had to put up with that senile old waste for so many days.”

Severus nodded, hoping that he was nodding to the right thing. He wanted his crystals. Damn, he wanted his crystals. The Banshees started wailing loudly. Carefully, he took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down. No crystals. No, no, no. Focusing, he forced the Banshees to shut up before turning his attention back to his master, who was still rambling about something.

He hadn’t heard the last bit of what master had said, but when the doors to his bedroom swung open, he understood immediately.

Slowly, he crawled towards it, the black marble digging into his knees as he went. His master didn’t follow him in right away and the doors shut behind him.

He stared at the large bed and the chains elegantly hanging on the wall beside the door. A feeling of revulsion ran through him. He was sick and tired of being master’s whore. Sick and tired of having him use him whenever he felt like it. Damn, he wished he were Evans. Evans would laugh in master’s face, spit at him and tell him to learn how to use his own hand properly.

But he couldn’t do that. He wearily closed his eyes. He knew this was part of it. He knew that if he wanted to keep his cover, he would have to keep doing whatever master demanded of him.

“Bird?”

“Yes?” Came the hesitant, quiet response.

“Fawkes, can you see everything I see? Can you hear it all?”

“Yes. I connected my mind to yours. I see, hear and feel everything you do.”

Severus nodded, having suspected as much. “Alright, in that case, I want you out of my mind for now.”

“What? But Albus told me to—”

“I don’t want you to leave, bird. But I don’t want you to see this. He never says anything important in this room anyway.”

“Severus, I know what—”

Tears of shame threatened to spill and he bit his lip. “Please, Fawkes. I know that you know, but I don’t want you to see. Please,” he pleaded.

He heard a weary sigh in his head. “If you would let me, I could kill the bastard right now.”

“You know you can’t do that, bird. Too many things could go wrong. This is the way things have to be. We choose to play this game and now we have to play by its rules. And this is one of them. Please, just, just don’t say anything anymore, okay?”

Another weary sigh before felt the phoenix’s presence receeding from his mind.

Clenching his teeth and refusing to think about what he was doing, he started to pull off his robes.

July 30th, 1979

The Dark Manor

Stumbling down the corridor, he wearily rubbed his temples. He was damn sore and tired and he wanted his crystals.

“I know you’re tired but get those thoughts out of your head right now!” A scolding voice interupted the Banshees whining.

Severus grimaced. “Shut up, bird.”

“Tell them to shut up and then I’ll do the same.”

He sighed and took a slow breath, forcing the Banshees to quiet down. They glared and hissed at him but settled down.

As he neared his room, he felt a shiver of contentment radiate up his arm and he couldn’t help but smile as he glanced down at the black serpent and skull, whose eyes were pulsing a deep red.

At least his mark wasn’t bothering him anymore.

He pushed open his door and his elf was immediately fussing over him, demanding to know if he was alright and what had happened.

In quiet Elfish, Severus whispered that everything had gone fine and that master didn’t suspect a thing. His elf nodded and then gestured at his work table.

Images of the little girl lying tied to that table flooded his mind but he felt Fawkes pushing those thoughts aside for him.

“Master Dolohov sent person down yesterday night and delivered new list of potions. Gorgy started bases already. They all easy. Veritaserum, Sobriety Potions and other such things.”

Nodding, Severus immediately headed towards the table, rolling up his sleeves and mind already going over what he needed.

As he stirred one of the cauldrons and carefully adjusted the flames beneath it, he felt a faint presence stirring within his mind.

“Fawkes, quit it.”

“That wasn’t me. It’s somebody else.”

Immediately, a smile lit up his face. Bella! He turned on his bond for the first time in more than a month and immediately, a voice screeched into his head.

“Sevvie! You’re back! Where are you?”

“In my room. Get over here.”

Thudding footsteps echoed outside his door before it was thrown open and a darkly robed figure threw herself at him, nearly making them both fall into the cauldron.

He grinned and gave her a tight hug.

“Oh, I’ve missed you, you crazy bitch,” he said.

She pulled back and stared at him, her dull eyes lit up with a faint glimmer and she was grinning back at him.

“Not as much as I’ve missed you, Sevvie!” She threw her arms around him again and they nearly bumped into the table. Severus gently untangled her arms from around him.

“Bella, calm yourself. We’ll both get into heaps of trouble if we knock over these cauldrons. Master wants them ready in two days.”

Immediately, she sobered and tried smothering her grin as she turned around and fell into a nearby chair, black hair flying around her.

“Sevvie, you look much better now.” She remarked.

He smiled as he started chopping rat tails and told his elf how much dragon blood to measure out.

“It’s what somebody who’s drug free looks like,” he said, not able to help the hint of pride which crept into his voice.

She sat up straight and squealed. “You’re clean? Clean clean?”

“Clean clean. Withdrawal was hell but I’m clean.”

“No more crystals?”

“No more. I swear.”

She was nodding as she twirled a strand of hair around her fingers. “I know the crystals were good for you, but you were always mean to them. It’s better if you stay away from them.”

Severus paused and frowned, trying to understand her and then shrugging it off.

“What on earth is that supposed to mean?”

“Just drop it, bird. Ignore her.”

“Is she utterly mad?”

A surge of anger swept through him. “Yes, she is and it isn’t really her fault so leave it!”

“Fine, fine. Dropping it.”

He threw Bella a smile over his shoulder and Gorgon was nodding. “Miss Bella absolutely correct. Crystals and young master together were no good. No more.”

Bella smiled, content in being right and stared at the wall while Severus and Gorgon quietly worked.

Suddenly, she sat up straight. “Oh, Sevvie! I nearly forgot! So much has been happening! You know initiation is in a few weeks, right?”

Severus frowned, adding a few pinches of ground nettles to the boiling cauldron. “I didn’t miss it?”

Bella shook her head. “No. Master delayed it for a while. Some of the initiates he likes weren’t ready yet and Dolohov doesn’t have the potion ready yet. He’s been working on it for weeks  but some of the ingredients were crap or something like that. I don’t get it. Anyway, so initiation’s delayed for a bit.”

“Can’t you find a way to stop initiation all together?”

Severus frowned, carefully keeping his face over the cauldron. “What? Bird don’t be stupid. What do you want us to do? Go up to master and say ‘We don’t think initiation shouldn’t be happening and we think you should sent all the initiates home right now because we don’t think it’s good to keep stuffing your ranks of evil maniacs’? Yes, that will go over well.”

“But—”

“But nothing, bird!”

“We’re supposed to be spies here!”

“Yes, and we’re supposed to live for more than a few days into our new jobs!”

“Well, do you have any suggestions?”

“Right now I am trying not to mess up my potion and listen to Bella, alright?”

Irritated at the bird and at himself for not having considered doing something about initiation earlier, he shoved Fawkes’ complaints out of his head and went back to listening to Bella.

“—but it turned out that master had wanted to see Rabastan and have Mulciber punished, not the other way around so Macnair and some others were in heaps of trouble. And anyway, you haven’t seen any of the new initiates, have you?”

Making some noise, Severus didn’t bother to point out that he had just gotten back yesterday and hadn’t had the chance to meet anybody.

“Well, Rosier’s younger sister is going to be initiated and my sister Nari—”

Severus frowned. “Lucius Malfoy’s wife?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought she was already initiated.”

“No. She was always scared of the pain. She’s such a wuss. But Dolohov promised to give her a numbing potion so she’s finally going through with it.”

Severus nodded, pretending to care. He had told the headmaster that Narcissa was already a Death Eater or was so deeply entrenched in the whole mess that it didn’t really matter whether she had the mark to make it official or not.

Bella absentmindly rubbed at her mark and tugged at her hair. “Oh, and my cousin Regulus is going to be initiated with his friend Barty Crouch.”

Gorgon frowned. “Barty Crouch who work in ministry?”

“No, no,” Bella laughed, thinking this was hilarious. “His son.” Abruptly she stopped laughing and leaned forward. “I don’t like him,” she said, her tone flat.

Severus raised an eyebrow and turned towards her. “Why not?”

She stared at him with wide eyes. “Master has been eyeing him.”
A shudder of jealousy and anger swept through him. Master wanted to replace him. Master didn’t think he had been fulfilling his responsibilities well enough.

He clenched his jaw.

“Has he spoken of him?”

She shook her head. “No, but I’ve made sure to mention how much I miss you and he’s always said he missed you too. But still, Barty seems really eager to step into your shoes.”

“But we’re bondmates, Bella. He can’t just replace me.”

She nodded. “He’d have to kill you to get the collars off us. But Sevvie, I don’t want another mate! I don’t want that stupid Crouch!” She looked close to tears.

Severus put down his stirring rod and crouched at her side. “Bella, listen to me. He knows that you wouldn’t be happy with a new mate and he wouldn’t only want Crouch. Unless—is there a female initiate he’s been eyeing?”

Bella shook her head, tears leaking out of her eyes. “No.”

He squeezed her hands. “In that case, we have nothing to worry about. Trust me. We just have to make sure to please master extra well from now on so he won’t even think about Crouch.”

Immediately, she stopped crying and nodded firmly.

Smiling at her, he leaned forward and gently kissed her on the cheek before turning back to his potion.

His elf was stirring another cauldron and was staring at him with blank eyes.

“What?” Severus demanded, knowing what was wrong but refusing to see it. Didn’t his elf see how important this was and what a threat Crouch was?

“Nothing,” his elf muttering, turning back to the table.

“May I say something?”

“No. Now shut up and let me concentrate.”