Disclaimer: It's been a while since I've updated this one, and I still don't own anything associated with the West Wing

Summary: See Chapter #1

Author's notes:

Until I started watching this show over again on DVD I had writers block. Consider it unblocked

"" Dialogue, '' thoughts

Bolded type means a flashback, Italics mean a phone conversation

C.O.S. Change Of Scenery

8888: change in perspective

White House Women: Chapter #11: (Josh's Point of View)

Monday morning, as it has a bad habit of doing dawned cursedly early. I tried pretending, by firmly placing a pillow over my face, but unfortunately it didn't work and I felt the heat of the sun anyway.

Heaving the covers off, 10 minutes after the alarm went off I faced reality. My boss was having heart surgery, and I was his power of attorney. As I showered and changed, ready to face the day it finally hit me: Leo could die today, and I would be the one responsible.

Everyone placated me at Camp David; assured me that I wouldn't be the one to blame. But I was the one who made the decision. I was the one that was going to have to live with the consequences; have the guilty conscience if he died and no amount of assurance can take that away.

Leo, it still boggled my mind as I entered the hospital that he was there. He seemed this invincible creature, able to outlast all of us, able to be dancing on our graves. And now he lay in a hospital bed hooked to numerous machines.

"Has Donna left you yet?"

The question caught me unaware of my surroundings; I had entered the hospital and made my way into his room.

"Almost, She'll see sense eventually." I continued the joke.

"You look like crap." Leo replied.

"You're not so bad yourself." I replied, attempting to keep my tone positive.

"How was the summit?" Leo asked,

"The summit was productive, both sides agreed to meet at a later date to discuss specifics." I quoted from the statement

"Okay, now really how was the summit?" Leo repeated, his breathing growing short.

"They came, they saw, they acted like they liked each other, and they left. The President is frustrated, and he's still angry."

Leo gave a small smile. "What's next?" he asked. I was silent, and turned my head away; the phrase what's next brought me to the reason for my presence there, the reason for the fight with Donna.

"Your surgery is this morning, in a couple of hours." I stated. I was silent; I really didn't know if I was looking for absolution for any guilt or what.

"I won't blame you Josh. If I die, it's not for your fault, so forget it. I've had a good, and productive life. I've served the public, and gotten a good man elected President. I have a beautiful daughter that loves me; I really can't ask for anything more." Leo stated.

At that point, I should've been able to let go and feel better. The man himself had made peace with the fact that he might die, and I should too. But I didn't want him to die; in my admittedly twisted mind it was still my fault. It was still me that put his signature on the waiver, and it was still me that fought with Donna, and that wouldn't admit she was right; he deserved some peace.

"He's about to be prepped for surgery." A nurse's voice broke my reverie, as I turned away from the bed to find Mallory standing there.

"Hi dad." She quietly greeted her father as I withdrew from the room.

I began pacing the hall and glancing at my watch: 7:35, Donna would be due any minute. And at that thought she was, a streak of blonde hair and a whiff of lavender, and she was beside me. I looked at her nodding:

"They're just about to take him to prep him for surgery. Mallory's in with him now." She looked at me with such sadness in her eyes, and sighed:

"This didn't need to happen." She remarked, her voice low.

"I wanted to give him every chance possible." I gave her the explanation that I'd been trying out on myself. She turned away as Mallory was heard coming down the hallway. She moved quickly to take her spot.

"Give the guy a couple of breaks Donna." I heard him gasp.

I noted the closed door and turned away, doubting that despite his advice she would give me few breaks. She emerged from the room with fresh tears in her eyes, and came straight for me. I hugged her close, for a moment and then she remembered herself and pulled away from my embrace.

The last I saw of Leo he was wheeled out on a stretcher. He signaled the orderly to stop in front of me:

"It's not your fault Josh. Find the next one." The stretcher moved on, and I stood there slightly dumbfounded, and feeling very lost indeed.

"I should be there Abbey, he's my best friend."

"He is your best friend, and you're forgetting things like a motorcade, advanced notice and security. You're not just Joe citizen, you're a running a country."

I thought he'd let it go, but the argument started the moment he woke up, and continued on through breakfast, and until now, when he made his final preparations for his walk to the office. My husband was in his stubborn mode; he would not let go of the idea of going to the hospital to be with Leo. After a few moments of silence he sighed:

"Fine. You win I'll stay here. Happy?"

I was happy, and relieved for the staff: the last thing I'm sure they wanted was to have my husband in a crabby mood shut down their hospital for security reasons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll go and stay with Josh until the surgery is over and call you with any changes. That way, I'll be able to keep you informed, and him calm." He smiled agreeably at that.

"It's a deal, now go. And while I'm waiting, I'll have some fun making life miserable for everybody else." He smiled.

" Go easy on them, remember it's a tough day for them too." I reminded him.

"First you deny me the right to go to my best friend while he has his heart surgery, and now you're denying me the right to have sport my own staff? What do I do?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something." I followed suit, putting my own coat on and leaving the room. I together with my Secret Service left the compound, moving quickly towards the hospital.

Donna and I made our way into a surgical waiting room after Leo was wheeled past. I took a seat at one end, and she at the other, with Mal. We didn't talk at all, and as the silence lengthened it grew more intense. She didn't look at me, and I didn't look at her, and Mal kept giving me these sympathetic looks that grew more annoying than sympathetic.

I kept thinking of Leo's remark: Find the next one. I wanted to believe all he meant me to do was find the next chief-of-staff but somehow instinctively I knew he meant more. It was an admission of sorts; the realization that both he and the President were getting old, and he was willing at last to give up.

The next Bartlet…. Could the world take another one? Another idealistic, stubborn, hard-working, earnest man who expects the best from people, and inspires loyalty so strong you would without a second thought walk through for fire them. Is there another such person? Could they be found? Were they willing to serve?

It would be quite a feat to achieve that. I suddenly felt woefully inadequate to the task. I can't do it, and should have told him so. Why couldn't it have been Toby he asked?

I was startled out of my thoughts by the arrival of the First Lady. I heard the boots pounding on the floor, and figured the guards were there, and the next thing I realized she was standing in the doorway. Instinctively, Mal, Donna and I stood, she regally motioned for us to sit, and came to sit beside me.

The silence continued afterwards for sometime until finally Abby broke it looking straight at Mal:

"Jed wanted to come. After some fighting, I managed to persuade him to stay at the White House, while I came. I told him I would call him when we had word."

"Thank you. Josh and Donna are with me so I'm not totally alone."

She glanced at me, and then Donna. Somehow she knew exactly what was going on.

"You can never have too much support." Donna and Mal both stood:

"We're going to get a cup of coffee, would you like one Mrs. Bartlet?" Donna asked.

"No thank you, I'm fine." She smiled, and the two left the room. I looked at her, knowing a request for an explanation was forthcoming:

"She doesn't agree with my decision for Leo to have the surgery. She sees it as needless, and thinks that after all the battles he's fought Leo deserves some peace. We've fought over it, at least once. And every time she looks at me, it's as if she's blaming me for his death." I was quiet waiting for a response. She took up my hand, and placing her other one on my face forced me to look into her eyes, and I still refused to make eye contact, so she began:

"Joshua, look at me." I looked, rooted to where I was because of the look of compassion, and the resolve in her tone:

"If Leo dies, you are not the one to blame. I will not blame you, Jed will not blame you, and your co-workers and friends will not blame you. You owed it to him to give him a fighting chance, and the surgery is it."

She let go of my face and I turned my head, not replying, but thinking about what she said. I blurted out the next thing bothering me- I had to find a replacement for her husband.

"He wants me to find the next one." I paused waiting for her answer, noticing the look of sympathy, mixed with shock. I could imagine her remembering past conversations, or fights with the President of when to quit or whether to quit. She took a deep breath:

"A daunting task, replacing my husband as leader of his party. I knew it was coming, and knew too they were planning to ask you. You're young Josh, you've got years of public service left, years to do good. My husband… he's the old guard, so is Leo. It's time for new ideas, new leaders. Young leaders."

I sighed rubbing my hands through my hair:

"I need to get away from here, for a while. I'll be back at the office for a few hours."

She nodded, and I stood to leave:

"I'll call you when he's out of surgery." She paused:

"You can't keep running Josh."

I thought for a moment; she was right. One day I was going to have that conversation with Donna. One day I was going to have to face the responsibility of choosing another candidate. I couldn't run forever, I couldn't keep leaving her, and I couldn't let Jed down. One day that conversation with Donna would be had, decisions would be made. I was just not ready for it yet.

That's all for my update, I hope you enjoy reading it. There will be more, rest assured.

-AB