Title: Long Lost Words

Author: misspeake

Rating: R – strong language and later chapters

Summary: Slash pairing Harry and Draco. Draco has been disowned by his parents, he is now staying at Grimmauld Place. Harry hates him, what's new? Draco is depressed. See what is going on in each of their minds as Voldemort rises and see how they choose to deal with it. See how they choose to deal with each other...

Author's notes: Dedicated to a few special people..(clears throat) To Dionne, Cheryl, Sonal, Fiona, Ellie, Natalie (m'chuckarooni!), Maria, Sophia and last but certainly not least Sarah and Michelle - Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own any of the characters as they belong to JKR but I do own this plot...ah the only thing to my name!

Please R&R

Long Lost Words

DRACO POV

"Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you" -heartache every moment-HIM

I sit here in your Godfather's family home and my backside is plonked on a worn out, cold, dragon hide sofa. I'm still on edge after my meeting with Dumbledore. I can't believe I have done this. I have betrayed my own flesh and blood. Fuck! This is so surreal.

Professor Lupin sits at the table and without looking up at me he just says, "You did the right thing Draco," and he continues to stare at the table top.

I shrug. It's not as if I can do anything now. It's too late to change my mind. I turn my attention on Lupin and he looks even worse than he did when he taught us in our third year. His hair is greying slightly and his robes are shabbier. I guess being a werewolf has taken its toll on him. He scares me slightly, the main reason being of course that I am about to live with a werewolf, but the other is because he is looking vacantly at what appears to be a photograph.

Then you walk in. You try to ignore me and I can just imagine the thoughts going through your head. "What the fuck is he doing here etc blah blah blah...?" I know you hate me, everyone does. That doesn't stop you from being so fucking gorgeous though. Your piercing emerald green eyes gaze into mine briefly and it's as if I know why I am here again. Just being in your presence reminds me that if it wasn't for you, my life wouldn't be worth living. My father denies my existence and my mother can't bring herself to look at me since she found out I was gay. She didn't exactly find out in the nicest possible way either I guess. Who wants to see their son fucking his cousin in their own bed? They'll both want me for dead now I've told Dumbledore all about their sordid secrets and the death eater meeting I attended when I came home from Hogwarts. Dumbledore took me in of course and requested that I stay with you and Lupin.

You are all I have now. Yeah, you still hate me but I sit here on the sofa and cling on to the hope that maybe you will see me in the same light as I see you eventually, hopefully. It's the only thing I have left to cling onto.

"I'm going up to get some sleep. Goodnight."

I get up and walk towards the wooden door that you are blocking slightly with your body. Your hand briskly grazes my arm as I try to get past, leaving my skin tingling. That night I lay awake, thinking about you, my life as it stands now and the uncertainty of my future. I remember the first time we met in the robe shop. I was arrogant, HAH! "Was"? You still are you stupid fucker!" Damn my subconscious! I'm right though...

Your beauty back in the robe shop is something that still stands out in my mind. I didn't know who you were at the time but I found out soon enough. However, when we went to school, you rejected me! Me! I can't take rejection. My shields went up, my acid tongue slid into place and it has remained there ever since. I hurled insults at you, on pitch, off pitch, in class, at meals. I did it all the time just so you wouldn't see how deeply your rejection cut me up. So I modelled myself on my father from that day forward. He was manipulative, a bully and he always got what he wanted. All my emotions are kept behind the pebble grey eyes. No Entry. I wanted you so I bullied like him, simple as. "Was" Draco? C'mon, father still is! He's not dead you fuckwit! I was my father's son right up until a month ago when he took me to one of his meetings.

"Its time Draco," He told me. TIME? What the fuck?! I was confused until I saw 'him', the thing that had caused my Harry so much pain. It dawned on me what was happening then. I knew I couldn't become one of his minions. I had to get out but I couldn't find the right time to leave. I guess it was a blessing in disguise that Blaise and I were caught two nights ago by mother. If they hadn't disowned me then, I could now be brandishing the dark mark. So I packed my bags and fled to the only place I knew I would be welcome- Hogwarts. I went to Dumbledore and told him everything I knew. It was then that I was allowed into the Order. It was then that I met you again. So here I am, replaying all of these events, and I get lonelier and lonelier by the minute.

I have spent the last few days mainly in my room. Alone. I only came out for the bathroom and food. It has all been pretty uneventful really with the exception of the odd glare from you. Our contact has been pretty minimal. I hate that. At least when we were insulting each other we were acknowledging each other's existence! Your own fault. SHUT UP!

Lupin just sits there again and a few members of the order come over. They take one look at me and scuttle off to the kitchen, probably to talk about me. That is mainly why I have been spending so much time in my room. Avoidance. I'm good at that. So now a week has passed and it's three a.m.

Fucking hell! Go back to sleep Draco! That's gotta be saying something when my own subconscious loathes me.

I can't go back to sleep though so I get up and avoid the terrifying portrait on the wall as I go downstairs to the kitchen. Maybe some water will help...

I light a candle and almost die of shock when I see a man slumped down on the chair next to the table.

"Fuck!"

"Language Draco..." Lupin slowly lifts his gaze from the photograph. His voice is hoarse and his eyes look sore with tears.

"Are you okay Professor Lupin?"

"I haven't been your Professor for years Draco. Stop calling me that." He replies in an exasperated tone.

"Sorry," I'm not though. I was only being concerned, "Are you okay?"

"No." He talks monotonously and gazes at the picture.

Shit! What the hell do I say now? I'm no good at this 'your problems are my problems' malarkey! When I ask someone if they are alright, they always reply with a 'yes'. They're not meant to say no! Should I ask him what's wrong? I don't know!

"What's wrong?" Okay so I do ask him. He's not answering though. Shit, shit, shit! Oh my god this is uncomfortable. I'm not the most sympathetic person in the world and I'm not the sort of guy who likes to show his emotions either. God! If only Harry was here instead of me!

"Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head over." His eyes are still fixed on the picture.

Pretty!? Well I'll take that as a dismissal from the kitchen area. He doesn't need me to talk to him and give him my un-sympathetic ear or my cold shoulder to cry on. Besides I have my own problems. I do see who is in the picture, however. It looks like Sirius Black. I remember his face from the wanted posters that were plastered around a few years back. It was quite a contrast to the picture I can see now. In this one he is smiling, his arm around Lupin. I heard father talking about him being killed. That was few years back though. I guess Lupin and Sirius were close.

I shrug and get out of there as fast as I can. Emotional, grieving, half werewolves are not the sort of guy I want to be comforting thank you. The guy I want is asleep upstairs and oblivious to my feelings. You forgot your water idiot! Fuck! Well I'm not going back down there now! I carry on back to my room.

But when I reach the top I take a divert to your bedroom door. It's like I can't control myself. Bloody hell. I open it and stand at the door way. I'm standing here watching your chest move slowly up and down. You murmur something in your sleep and I stand here for well over an hour. I watch your muscular arms tense up as you move and I note the set facial expression as you are lost in your dreams. You've always been in my dreams. Am I ever in yours? No! Shut up!

There is something tranquil about watching you sleep. It comforts me. The moonlight makes its way in through the window, lighting up your form. (I'm glad it's only a half moon tonight) And in a moment of weakness, I gradually make my way towards your bed and whisper into your ear,

"Tell me it's gonna be alright Harry. Please?" Tears that I would usually shed while on my own, fall carelessly down my face. "You're my reason for living Harry..."

What the hell has happened to you Draco?! You're crying like and girl and pouring your heart out to someone who is ASLEEP and he hates you anyway! What the fuck?! My subconscious does have a good point. As much as I don't want to admit it to myself more than anything, I'm weak.

"M-Malfoy..." You squint at me. My heart is beating faster and faster. The blood is pounding in my ears.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?" Your eyes are wide and staring at me as you put your glasses on.

What have I got to lose now? I have nothing. So with one hand I grip one of your firm arms and with the other I pull my face towards mine. Our lips meet and I explore yours, my tongue wetting the corners of your mouth and to my greatest shock, you are responding to me! You are kissing me back...

A/N okies so Harry POV is up next! Please review!!