The Dead Jedi Society

"Hi honey, I'm home!" the ever cheerful Luke Skywalker called out as he stepped into the foyer of the noisy home.

"Daddy!" the cries of three rambuctious children called out as they came tearing around a corner, bed sheets trailing behind as capes.

Luke knelt down and hugged his boys, ages three, five and eight. "Hi, kids! Emeril, have you been putting on your mommy's lipstick again?" he asked the five year old.

"It's blood," Emeril declared defiantly. "Mommy doesn't care!"

"She does too," Kerby the eight year old argued. "She gets really mad everytime you wreck her makeup."

"And, just out of curiousity," Luke said indulgently, "where did you get the sheets?"

"Off our beds," Emeril said, before tearing away with the other two following after. They didn't seem to notice when the sheets tipped over a large lamp, sending the broken pieces flying in all directions. Of course, since the entire house looked like Gamorreans had spent the day having a wrestling match, one more broken object was hardly noticeable.

"You're cheating!" a girl's voice yelled out from the next room.

"No, I'm not! You're just too stupid to know how to play," another female argued back.

Deciding to try and break up the fight before it got started, Luke walked into the family room where his daughters were playing a violent video game. Putting his hands on his hips, he tried to glare at his thirteen-year old twin daughters. "What's going on in here?"

"Annita cheats!"

"No, I don't! You're stupid!"

"Now, Padtee." Luke laughed. "Don't call your sister stupid. It's not nice. Where is your mother?"

"I think she's in the kitchen."

Just then, a loud, screechy voice yelled over the intercomm. "Have you girls cleaned your bedroom yet? I swear, if I have to come in there...."

"Oh, there's the love of my life!" Luke called out happily as he left the two girls to continue playing. He knew they wouldn't clean up their bedroom - they never did.

As he entered the kitchen, Luke grinned broadly as his haggard looking wife tried feeding their twin six-month old boys, Ben and Gen. "Hello, my love!"

"What did you just call me?" Mara asked in a deadly voice. Her hair, once a beautiful red-gold, hung in limp, frizzy, orange-gray strands. "Are you being sarcastic?"

So it appeared she was in one of those moods....Luke held up his hands in a gesture of peace. "I would never be sarcastic, my love. You are the best, most beautiful mother in the galaxy!" Of course, now that he looked carefully at her, he noticed she was letting herself go, just a little. "Did you comb your hair this morning?"

Mara stood up, dropping the spoonful of baby goop food. It clattered on the floor, making both babies start screaming at the top of their lungs. "Did - I - comb - my - hair?" She was frowning so hard, Luke wondered why he had never noticed her many crows-feet before now. Perhaps Palpatine was her father, as he had always suspected. After all, wrinkles seemed to be hereditary, right?

"It was just a little question," Luke yelled over the screaming babies. "The boys seem to have made their sheets dirty. You really should keep better track of what they do."

"WHAT?"

"I said..."

"I heard you, you, you.... inconsiderate, worthless, meditating Jedi!" she screamed at him, picking up a small plate and throwing it at his head.

Using the Force, Luke sent the plate and its contents crashing into the far wall. "Mara! You're acting worse than our children."

"How dare you! I sit home all day long trying to take care of these brats you keep getting me pregnant with, and you dare to tell me I act worse than they do? Where are YOU all day long? Watching your stupid students train with their lightsabers and sitting around cross-legged and humming! And then you have the NERVE to come tell me I'm acting worse than the kids!"

"Maybe you should just cool off, my love. Why don't you go take a bath?"

"ARE YOU TELLING ME I STINK!?"

"Well... you have smelled better than sour milk in the past," he grinned at his wild-eyed wife. "When was the last time you put on clean clothes?"

"I don't have time to wash clothes!"

"Listen, my love, why don't you go take a nice, long relaxing bath while I feed the kids and put them to bed? You've had a hard day."

Glaring, Mara stalked out of the kitchen, only to hear Luke yell after her, "Did you make dinner, or do I have to cook, too?"

Much later, Mara sat on the edge of the bed trying to pull through the snarls in her wet hair. She looked up as Luke finally came in dragging. "Finally," he said. "I can't believe how those kids can argue and fight. It's a good thing I come home at night to put some discipline in their lives, isn't it, my love?"

"Yes, Luke," Mara said through clenched teeth.

Luke put his arms around his exhausted wife. "Why don't we make some nookie? We haven't done that in months."

Giving Luke a sultry smile, Mara turned to him. "Of course my love. There isn't anything I'd rather do! Shut your eyes and pucker up."

Leaning forward, Luke pursed his lips and waited. He barely heard the sound of Mara's lightsaber as she cut his head clean off. It rolled across the floor, lips still puckered.

Mara pushed the body off the bed with a thunk. "Another lousy thing I have to clean up in the morning."

THE END