Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Genre: Humor/Romance

Character(s): Harry P and ?

Rating: PG-13

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a girl because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry now has a loving family because of this change. In this new body, Harry finds romance and the ability to finally be herself. R&R!

Author's Notes: Hey all! Just want you to know that I finally returned from my trip!

Chapter Eight: Give A Little Bit (Part 3)

Suddenly, the two of us appeared in front of an imposing manor house that was made of cold granite blocks. There was a large, well-cared lawn with a multitude of gardens surrounding the manor along with a gothic-like iron fence. Lucinda seemed to ignore the iron gate/fence and pushed her way inside and dragged me along with her up to the front door.

It was about here in this escapade that it degenerated into chaos.

All of a sudden, the door flew open from the inside, just missing my nose by bare centimeters. As it was, I was cringing in hope that the huge wooden door wouldn't hurt me too much. It was because I was cringing with my eyes closed that I didn't see the grandmotherly women suddenly gain a lot more exuberance in her body as she bowled towards me.

I did not miss, however, that I was suddenly swept up in a stranglehold (also know as a hug to the Snape matriarch). I felt my eyes bug out and I tried to gasp for the air I was now lost of.

This bone crushing, air reducing hug was also accompanied by the horrifying sound of -

"GRANDDAUGHTER!"

I suddenly choked on whatever air was left in my lungs.

"Dearest," a masculine voice said humorously from somewhere near my not-so-immediate right, "if you don't let the poor girl go, you might not have a grandchild left is you keep strangling her like you are now."

My (obviously!) grandmother abruptly let me go, and I stumbled away from her, gasping for breath.

Of course, my "grandmother" did not see me doing this as she had practically received whiplash from turning around so fast so she could scold the man who had spoken to her.

"Honestly Marcus, can't you ever be serious! I was only giving my ONLY-" it was here that my grandmother gave a young woman close to the door a dark look, "- grandchild a hug! How dare you accuse me of strangling her! Don't you forget that you sleep in the same house as I do, my dear! I WILL have my revenge on you if you insist on behaving so immaturely!" My grandmother threatened darkly, her eyes shooting sparks.

The older man, Marcus, cringed.

While my "grandmother" continued to lecture the older man, I took the chance to get a look at the people who were standing in front of me. There were five people that were standing in or near the entrance to the manor.

One was Severus Snape, who stared carefully at me like he was trying to see how much of me could be placed in a potion if he felt that I was in no way his daughter (which was true, but he didn't know that), and was dressed as he normally did.

The second was a woman that stood next to Snape with shiny black hair that reached her hips, pale skin, dark eyes, and was dressed classily.

The third was a man that was currently standing in the doorway with wavy silver hair and bronze skin and was dressed casually in slacks and a buttoned shirt.

The fourth was the man named Marcus, who had shoulder length black hair, a slight tan, and was also dressed in slacks and a buttoned shirt.

Last was my grandmother, who had curly auburn hair peppered with liberal streaks of silvery grey and bright eyes, and was sheathed in a slimming black dress and heels.

Finally, it seemed that my grandmother's voice began to get hoarse from all her yelling. Immediately, she grabbed my arm and began yanking me towards Snape.

Oh Merlin – she did NOT just make me hug Snape!

HELP MEEEEEEE!

In a fit of what I'd definitely like to call stupidity, I practically leapt off of Snape to run behind Lucinda, who had had to run to catch up with my Grandmother, whose name I hadn't got and I didn't remember.

Snape actually looked offended.

Oh Merlin, now I feel really guilty….

"Young lady, that was very rude of you to reject your father like that! What do you have to say for yourself?" Grandmother walked swiftly up into my face, her finger pointed between my eyes, making them cross.

I backed up a step to regain some personal space.

"Okay, listen. I'm really sorry about how I reacted! I'm not a very touchy-feely kind of gu- um, girl, you know? I've only just met him – I didn't even KNOW he was my biological father until now! I still don't for that matter – I only guessed that he was because you pushed me into him! Do you understand?" I panted for breath, my fast paced explanation finally over.

"Bambina, that's perfectly understandable!" My grandmother smiled gently as she patted my shoulder. "If anything we ever do make you uncomfortable, please tell us!"

"Yes ma'am." I nodded. Then, my grandmother clapped happily and declared, "Well, let me introduce you to everyone here!" while dragging me first to the man named Marcus.

"This is my husband Marcus, which would make him your grandfather. Please feel free to call him Nonno or grandfather, Bambina." Marcus opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Grandmother. "Don't even think about it, Marcus. Next, is your great-grandfather Brandon on your father's side of the family."

I was pulled into a gentile embrace by the silver-haired man. I tried not to pull away from the unfamiliar gesture – trying, because I knew that these people were not the Dursleys, and I refused to judge the whole family by Snape's action towards me as he did to me about mine.

"After him is your Aunt Ciel, who is a Healer at St. Mungo's." Ciel gave me a kiss on both cheeks and on my forehead and also a small pat on the side of my face.

"Lastly, there is your father, Severus." My grandmother finished with a bright smile. "Oh, and my name's Rosalba, but I expect you to call me Nonna or something similar, Bambina." My grandmother eyed me, a gleam in her eye.

I gulped, suddenly very afraid.

Then, Lucinda suddenly appeared from behind Marcus. She was dressed as she had been earlier, but she had a white apron over it all and a spatula held securely in her right hand.

"Anybody hungry?" Lucinda asked with a raised eyebrow. "I know that Harmony hasn't eaten at all this morning, and I remember that no one in this household ever likes rising before nine in the morning – besides Severus that is – "it was here that Lucinda cast an exasperated look at her ex-husband, making me almost wonder what had caused it, before continuing, "and I am quite sure that no one breaks their fast before ten?"

"Yes, that is right Lucinda." The silver haired man, Brandon, spoke for the first time in an amazingly deep voice that sent shivers down my spine.

Lucinda nodded and motioned for the rest of us to follow her to the dining area, which held a large assortment of English breakfast foods. I felt my stomach grumble as I gazed upon all the food and I wondered why Lucinda was wearing an apron – surely she didn't cook all of it, did she? Grandmother took charge soon enough, though.

"Sit, sit everyone!" She commanded sternly.

Everyone sat immediately.

"So my dear," Marcus (or Grandfather) "Where have you been for the past twelve years?"

Uh oh….very unexpected question! How in Merlin's name was I supposed to answer THAT!

"Um…" I thought back to when I first met Lucinda, and what she had told me then. "I was kidnapped from Lucinda when I was three; I believe that she told you this, yes?" I looked at Lucinda, as if I was making sure my point was correct.

Lucinda shook her head no.

Great, just fabulous!

"You were WHAT?" That was Grandmother.

"I was kidnapped." I responded promptly. "According to my parents, they found me on their doorstep when Mum went to get the weekly milk delivery." Unknown to them, I was using MY story, well…the story about how Aunt Petunia kept using as an excuse for me to do something as I should really be grateful for all that they'd done for me! Continuing, I murmured, "They tried for months to find my original family, but they never did. Eventually, the Social Services allowed them to adopt me."

"Oh, honey…." Lucinda whispered quietly, "I never knew…"

I spooned a large amount of eggs into my mouth, chewed, and then swallowed. "I know. That's why I didn't say anything."

No one spoke for a while. I knew that they were trying to digest this information, as they hadn't known I had been missing before this morning.

"How," Ciel, my aunt, speaking for the first time, "how long had you know Lucinda before you met us?" She asked, her voice a even alto.

I raised my eyes from the table to glance at her, before moving my eyes to Lucinda. "I met her this morning. I had been at Hogwarts for about a week and a half before Dumbledore contacted Lucinda, mother, with the information."

"Oh…" Aunt Ciel murmured.

"Well then!" Grandmother smiled gently at me. "This will give everyone a chance to get to know you better! I think everyone is done breaking their fast, so why don't we retire to the parlor where we can talk in comfort hmmn?" Grandmother stood, followed by the rest of the table, and we moved into the parlor.

I only hoped that I wouldn't screw everything up….

It was later that day – actually, it was very MUCH later – that I was returned to Hogwarts. Overall, the day had gone well…except for the Snape's overly embarrassing questions. For example…"Are you a virgin?"

YES I BLOODY WELL AM!

Understandably, I was…tense…when I returned to Hogwarts in time for the evening meal.

"How was your day, Harmony?" Remus asked, trying unsuccessfully to smother his snickers at my murderous expression. I quickly fastened my glare onto the werewolf, refusing to even speak for fear of what might escape from me.

"Not good then?" He continued. "I understand. I have days like that too." This would have been a somewhat comforting statement if it wasn't accompanied by him ruffling my already messy (who knew that Apparating had wind?) hair. I just couldn't stop myself after that.

"Well, if you have days bloody similar to mine, tell me this…HAVE YOUR GRANDPARENTS EVER ASKED YOU IF YOU WERE A VIRGIN!" I continued to get steadily louder as it poured out of my mouth.

The whole table was silent.

And staring at me.

Suddenly, there was a snicker, which mysteriously turned into a grunt as said person got elbowed rather viciously.

I glanced around suspiciously at all the people sitting at the table with me (a grand total of five). I couldn't see McGonagall or Flitwick or Dumbledore snickering at me, or even looking remotely guilty for that matter, but their eyes fastened on one Sirius Black drew my attention to my wayward godfather (or dogfather, as it were…).

My glare settled on the dog Animagus, who gulped audibly at the sudden attention. I remained silent, hoping (but mostly letting) that my glare would speak for itself.

It did.

Everyone at the table pretty much left me alone after that. I finished my meal in peace and then I went up to the Gryffindor common room to get ready to go out. I didn't really feel like staying at Hogwarts for the evening, and it was still early. It was only seven in the evening…

I found out from the Fat Lady that the Patil twins had already left for the evening; I assumed that they were going to the same place I was – The Whirling Wand.

It was an hour later that I was admitted into the club. I had dressed in a pair of skin tight leather hip-huggers and an emerald green spaghetti strap shirt with a slinky black shirt mesh over it. A pair of tiny boots on my feet and a smear of lip gloss and eyeliner completed my ensemble. I was groomed and ready to take on the world….well, the dance club at least!

The club was just like it was the last time I was in – loud, with multiple colored lights flashing on the dancing couples and dark in the surrounding corners. I still loved it. No one knew who you were in here and even then, it didn't really matter if they did. The club should have been called Freedom.

I quickly made my way onto the dance floor – where else? I was still comfortable from dinner, so there was no need to go to the bar yet – and joined the fray of moving bodies that had transformed from couples into what Parvati called a "mosh" and let myself go, not knowing that this was the night that would change my life at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.