Hearts and Minds

By Kawaii Cherry Blossom

Chapter 9

Lost Without You

"Misty…?" Ash's eyes burned with hurt as he pushed through the door of her room. She looked up at him, and he couldn't tell whether she was angry or glad that he was there.

"What…what are you doing?" he asked, looking half shocked and half upset. He glanced at Gary, who was grinning at him snidely, to further his point.

Misty shrugged as if Ash's feelings meant nothing to her, and rolled her eyes.

"Not that it's any of your business," she began, and Ash frowned. "But Gary loves me, and all of this has helped me to realise that I love him too."

"But…he hurt you!"

"No Ash, you hurt me. It's your fault I'm in here. All your fault!" Misty's words edged a knife further into Ash's heart. He felt its sting with every work she spoke, and his eyes brimmed with tears at the pain.

"Oh, look at that, Ashy-boy's crying!" Gary laughed.

Ash took a step back, wiping his eyes of the tears that threatened to spill.

"Please, Misty… We're best friends. Don't do this to yourself…"

"Wake up, Ash! You destroyed our friendship," Misty's angry voice accused as he shook his head.

"No…"

"Wake up, Ash! Wake up! Wake up!"

Ash shot up, startled. As he opened his eyes he saw Lindsay standing over him, her usual kind smile gracing her face.

"What…?" he asked, confused, as he glanced around.

"You were dreaming," she explained.

"Dreaming?"

"Well, that almost seemed like a nightmare to me, but…"

"Where's Misty?" he asked suddenly.

"She's resting, where you should be."

"What about Gary?"

"Gary…?" she looked confused. "Oh, that guy with the out of control spiky hair who was here earlier? We sent him home because Misty didn't want to see him," she explained, and he sighed with relief.

"Ash, Misty's resting. Why don't you go home and get some rest yourself…" Lindsay said softly, and he sighed.

"I really want to be here just in case…"

"I know that, but I think right now, all Misty needs is time. She'll come around, I'm sure. But you need to take care of yourself."

Ash nodded.

"I guess so… But please call me if anything happens…"

Lindsay nodded, that same smile on her face again. He stood slowly and she walked him through the corridor.

"Misty's lucky to have a friend like you. You're a really good person," Lindsay said kindly.

"Yeah…just not good enough…" he replied sadly, before giving her a slight smile and wave, and walking out of the corridor.

Cassidy stared longingly out the window at the sun slowly disappearing on the horizon. Sunsets always reminded her of herself and Butch, because they always used to watch them together. She shook her head then, and willed herself to stop thinking about him. She understood that he would probably never forgive her, but still, she couldn't fully accept it. She wasn't sure that she ever would. All she knew was that she felt empty.

Suddenly feeling a force inside her belly, Cassidy put her hand over her stomach.

"Wow…" she said in awe. "It kicked…"

Ash's eyelids were growing heavy as he stepped inside his house. He felt the pull of tiredness grasp him but he wasn't ready to sleep yet. He was hungry, thirsty, upset, and just wished Misty would say at least one word to him.

"Ash?" Deliah stepped out of the kitchen, wearing a light blue apron over her jeans and pink shirt. Her hair hung loosely in a ponytail and her eyes filled with relief when she saw that it was Ash who walked through the door. She had seen little of him the past few days and she was worried about him.

"Hey sweetie, I'm glad you're home," she said softly, walking up to him. He mumbled out something that must have resembled a 'hey' or 'hello', as he stood with his head facing the ground. His posture was loose and he looked like he could collapse any second. But when he looked up at her, the main thing that she noticed was the sadness in his eyes.

Without another moment of delay, Deliah pulled her son into an embrace and held him like she did when he was little. A few moments later, she pulled away.

"Misty still won't see you?" she guessed, although she already knew the answer.

He nodded downheartedly.

"Dinner's ready, why don't you come and have something to eat?"

"I'm not that hungry…"

"You should keep up your strength. Come on, Ash, I made your favourite," she said with a smile. Finding himself smiling slightly, he followed her into the kitchen, wondering how his mother got to be so good at manipulation.

Cassidy knew she should be angrier at her mother for what she had done, but she was the only person she had left. Truth be told, she didn't really know how to feel about it. In one way it was good but it also had consequences.

But when she thought about it now, when she came out of the abortion clinic, she had known that there was something wrong. She felt empty and miserable emotionally, but on the inside, she didn't feel any different. It was only last night that her mother had told her that she'd told the nurses not to go through with the procedure, but to tell Cassidy that they had. And because Cassidy was under 18, they did so.

Confused, Cassidy was unsure of what to do next. She'd been thinking about it all day but hadn't really gotten anywhere. As much as she wanted to, she knew she couldn't run back to Butch, because the baby definitely wasn't his. Her mother had told her that when the baby is born, the hospital would find some nice foster parents for him or her. But being a foster child herself, Cassidy wasn't sure if she wanted that for her child. She had grown up feeling like a part of her was missing, and she constantly wondered who her real parents were and what they were like.

"Cassidy," her mother called as she knocked on the door, before walking into the room. She was a tall, thin woman who'd inherited a lot of money when her husband had died. She looked stressed as she stood there, watching her daughter hold her stomach.

"The baby just kicked," Cassidy told her, a smile gracing her face.

Her mother didn't reply, and instead walked to Cassidy's bed, before taking a seat. Glancing up at Cassidy, she patted the place next to her. Cassidy took the hint and sat down.

"I've been thinking," her mother said slowly.

"So have I," Cassidy replied, but it seemed that her mother ignored her.

"Having this baby is the right decision. You agree with me, don't you?"

"Yes, of course," Cassidy replied, without a moment of thought.

"Then…you know you can't stay here," her mother said. It took Cassidy a moment of thought to register what she had said.

"What?"

"I called your aunt Rose, and she said that she's happy to let you stay with her until you have the baby…"

"You want me to leave town?"

"It's the best thing for you, Cassidy. I'll tell everyone you've taken some time off for a holiday, and no one will ever know. If you stay, people will talk. They'll ruin your reputation. Your future will be destroyed…" her mother explained, her voice sounding desperate. Cassidy had to wonder whether it was hers or her own reputation and future that she was worried about. Suddenly, it made sense why her mother had taken so long to tell her she had cancelled the abortion.

"I don't know," Cassidy finally replied, a minute later. She turned away from her mother, who put a hand on her shoulder.

"I know you'll make the right decision," she said, that desperate tone in her voice once again.

Cassidy opened her mouth, but couldn't find the words to form an answer. She knew she couldn't change her mother's mind. She heard her mother leave a few moments later.

Leave… It was a big step. She'd lived here all her life, this was her home… And she wasn't even entirely sure that she wanted to give up her baby.

If she didn't, though, she wasn't sure that her mother would want to know her. The only other person she could turn to… Cassidy stopped that thought in its tracks, but a moment later, took it into consideration.

Certainly there wasn't any harm in asking him whether he would be interested in helping to raise the baby. He seemed like a respectable sort of person. And if she used her mobile and took its caller ID off, he wouldn't know how to trace her. He didn't even know her name…

Maybe, just maybe, she'd luck out and come across someone who, in this world full of selfish people, would be willing to help her.

Ash took a drink from his glass of Coke, feeling full. He hadn't realised he was so hungry until he started to eat. His mother, who was sitting across from him, took a drink from her own glass, not taking her eyes off of her son. Their meal had been almost silent, but from observing her son, Deliah knew it was time for her to interfere. She couldn't stand to see him so unhappy, his eyes so dull.

"Ash?" she asked quietly, her eyes fixed on his as he glanced up from his plate. "What's going on?" she asked simply.

He stared at her, a somewhat blank look on his face, before glancing down again.

"I told you what happened…"

"I know, sweetie, but is there something more to the situation that you're not telling me? I mean, you said two boys were having a fight and Misty got in the middle, but why did she do that? And why isn't she talking to you? I'm afraid I don't understand…" she said sympathetically, and although Ash was afraid to answer, he knew she was only asking because she cared.

Ash muttered a few words, barely forming a sentence, and she put her hand on his arm.

"Ash, you know you can tell me anything. You always have. What's different this time?" she asked as her eyes pierces into his. "Are you lying to me?"

She looked hurt as she asked him that, and he looked away. Standing up, he picked up his plate and placed it on the sink.

"It's complicated," he said, his back still turned.

"That's okay…" she replied, and he sighed. There was no way he was getting out of this.

"The two people in the fight," he said slowly as he turned back to face her, "Were Gary and…" he paused.

"And…?" she asked, questions burning in her eyes.

"And me," he stated finally. He couldn't tell if she was shocked then. She leaned back in her chair and seemed to stare into space, an unreadable look on her petite face. He felt guilty for saying it, like he'd disappointed her. And even if she didn't say it, he knew she would be disappointed deep down. After all, he was never one to get into fights.

"You're growing up, Ash…" she said finally, about thirty seconds later. He stared at the ground, not knowing what to say or do. Finally, she stood and took her own plate to the sink. Then, giving him a slight smile, she pointed to the living room.

"Shall we go sit down?" she asked kindly, and he nodded.

Cassidy felt anxiousness rise up within her as she picked up her mobile phone. She used it to search for a number she luckily had stored in it, thanking herself for getting it in the first place.

She pressed the green phone button and pressed the phone against her ear. A dial tone followed, each ring sending chills down her spine as she became more and more nervous. Finally, a male voice came through the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Randy?" Cassidy asked into the receiver.

"Yeah, who's this?" he replied. He sounded drunk.

"It's Cassidy."

"Cassidy…" he considered the name, and she heard a laugh in the background from another male.

"Oh, oh Cass babe!" he said, before laughing. "How you doin'?"

"I'm pregnant," she said without a moment's hesitation. She'd decided not to drag it out, but to cut right to the chase.

"Gee girl, you get around don't ya?" he joked.

"No, you don't understand," she cut him off angrily.

"Yeah listen, I gotta go, it was nice to hear…"

"It's your baby!" she snapped, and he went silent.

"What?"

"It's yours," she repeated.

"Are you sure?" he sounded afraid, in disbelief and like he didn't care. She heard the background noise fade and figured he must have been walking away from his friends.

"I'm positive," she stated bluntly.

"So why are you telling me?" he said after a few moment's silence. Cassidy was taken aback by his lack of kindness.

"Well I thought… You might want to have a part in your child's life…"

"What? You're keeping it?" he asked, and he seemed angry at her.

"Yes…"

"Listen, I don't got no time for a baby," he said. "I'm busy, you know, and…"

But that was all she needed to hear. Disappointment weighed heavily on her heart as she muttered out the words, "I understand, forget it," and hung up the phone.

Realising she was shaking, she sat on her bed and felt the sting of tears in her eyes.

That was her only other option. Now she had no choice… She was leaving. She'd always hated running away from her problems, but now, what choice did she have? Reaching over, she pulled her wallet out of her bag and opened it. Butch's smiling face stared back at her, and she looked at it sadly, wondering how her life had spun so far out of her control. All she'd ever wanted was simplicity. Not that she had anyone else to blame but herself…

Cassidy smiled sadly and pulled the photo out of its plastic cover. It was time to let go, to say goodbye. Though she'd told herself that there weren't any chances left for her and Butch, in her heart she still hoped, and prayed, that he would forgive her. But like wanting to learn an entire subject an hour before an exam…well, it wasn't going to happen.

When Ash and Deliah were seated, across from each other on the floral couches, he waited for her question, and sure enough, it came.

"Why were you fighting with Gary, Ash?"

"Well…"

"I want the truth," she spoke sternly this time, though he could see the care in her eyes.

"I told you he and Misty were going out…" he began, feeling enraged even as he spoke the words.

"Yes."

"But, well…you can't tell anyone this," he pleaded, and she nodded. Knowing he could trust her with his secrets, he went on. "He tried to force her to do things she didn't want to do…" he said vaguely, and his mother looked shocked.

"You're joking."

"Unfortunately not," he replied. "At the party she went to the bathroom and she looked upset, so I followed her. She was in there crying, and after some coaxing she told me what happened, and I was so angry, you know, I couldn't believe he would try that on her…" he paused then as he felt his cheeks flush. If his mother noticed, she didn't show it.

"So then…I don't know what happened. We just… Almost…" he stopped, feeling sort of uncomfortable talking about this with his mother. He thought he saw a faint smirk dance across her face, but it was gone as quickly as it had come.

"You almost what?"

"Well, I guess we…uh…almost…" he stuttered. "Kissed…"

"Ah!" his mother cried, throwing her hands in the air. "My little Ash is growing up and finding love!"

"Mom!" he snapped, embarrassed by her sudden outburst.

"Sorry, sorry, it's a mom thing," she composed herself. Ash gave her a strange look.

'Right… I'm glad I never have to be a mom…'

"What happened then, Ash?"

"Gary walked through the door," he stated bluntly.

"Oh…"

"So then one thing led to another and we were fighting, and Misty jumped in the way and got thrown back, and well, you know the rest…" his voice was soft, Deliah could tell the memory was painful for him.

"Misty told Brock that she can't believe I'd be so selfish and that it's my fault she got hurt, because I should never have gotten involved in a fight…"

"Oh, Ash…" Deliah said softly.

"But she's right. I don't fight people; I've never been like that… And because I made a stupid decision, Misty got hurt really bad."

Deliah didn't reply to his words right away. She sat pondering for a moment, as if thinking back to her own memories.

"Sometimes love can make you do strange things," she finally replied, and he was slightly taken aback.

"Love?"

"When you really care about someone in that way, you'll do anything to protect them. Even something that's completely out of character."

Ash always got freaked out when his mother went all philosophical, but this time, much to his dismay, she was making sense.

"You really love her, don't you?" she asked then, though she already knew the answer. She expected Ash to freak out, get up and walk away, deny the accusation loud and clear and tell her to never even contemplate it again, but he didn't. Instead, he was fiddling with the sleeve of his black zip-up jacket. A few moments later, he glanced up at her, his eyes filled with so many mixed emotions.

"I think I do…" he uttered, before glancing back down. "I think I do…"

The next day…

Misty's eyes opened slowly, fluttering as they adjusted to the light. Someone had just come through her door, and a moment later she discovered it to be Lindsay, her nurse.

"Hey, Misty," she said brightly. Misty always wondered how she could be so happy all the time, when she worked in a place like this, so full of pain and suffering.

"Hi," she replied softly, and then yawned. Glancing over at the time, she found it to be 7 am.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Fine, I think…"

It was true, Misty had been feeling a whole lot better in the past day. Her wounds were healing, the physical ones anyway, and she felt like maybe she could face the world again. Or at least try.

Leslie then began checking her heart rate, pulse, and other things that Misty didn't bother paying attention to. She scribbled on her clipboard and nodded, a slight smile crossing her face.

"Well, Misty, it looks like you're right to go," she said a moment later.

"Really?"

"Definitely. You're healing fine. You just have to make sure to take it easy. I don't want you playing sports or doing anything too strenuous."

"Right, sure," Misty nodded.

"I have to check it with your doctor, but as far as I can see, we'll be able to discharge you today."

"Thank you for everything," Misty smiled gratefully. "You've been so helpful."

"Oh, it's nothing; you don't need to thank me. I'm just doing my job," Lindsay replied with a slight laugh.

"You know, Misty," she said as she was about to walk out the door. "I meet a lot of people in this job, some good, some bad…"

Misty nodded, her blue-green eyes curious.

"But I know how to recognise a true friend when I see one. And I know how to recognise love, as well."

Glancing down, she tugged at her white sheet.

"You're talking about Ash, right?"

"I've never met someone so…"

"I know, me neither," Misty surprised her by cutting in. "But that's why it hurt so much, when he…did what he did."

"He's trying," she said simply, with a wink. "But let me tell you…" she began, and Misty looked up curiously again.

"I've never seen someone so in love. You see it in the movies and read it in books, but to see it… It's rare."

Looking uncertain, Misty nodded slowly.

"Don't let it slip away from you," were her final words as she slipped out of the room.

The words 'Ash' and 'in love' didn't really match very well in her mind. He'd always been the blubbering, loveable idiot that she'd grown up with. But somewhere inside, she knew Lindsay was right. She just didn't know if she could step over her pride and have some faith. One thing she did know, however, was that if she didn't, she would regret it.

To be continued…

Author Note:

Hi everyone. :) Well, it looks like we've come to the stage where I'm up to posting the brand new chapters. I hope you've been enjoying the revised version so far. Chapter 10 will be posted within the next few days.

MySpace/Facebook

Hearts and Minds now has its very own MySpace and Facebook page! Just look up the title and add to become friends/become a fan. There's not that much on it at the moment, but I will try and keep it updated regularly. :D

Fan Art

Do you, or do you know of anyone, who draws fan art? I would love to have some art drawn for this fic, for the myspace and facebook pages and just coz I think it would be cool! So if you are interested please pm me or contact me through the pages. You will get full credit, of course.

Thanks for reading everyone. Take care. :)