Chapter One: Newton's First Law
a.k.a. - Why Gravity is Not Your Friend

"What a beautiful day." The raven haired kenjutsu instructor gave a breathy sigh. Her face was upturned to the dappled sunlight filtering through the treetops, one delicate hand raised to shade her eyes as she took a long pause to revel in the afternoon heat.

Spring was shown in all its glory around her. The blue revealed through the treetops was infinitely clear in a brilliant hue, not a hint of cloud visible. Warm breezes wafted through the foliage lining the road bringing with them the honeyed sweet scent of sakura blossoms and the sounds of newly awakened life.

Hitching her bokken, along with the haversack containing her training equipment, higher upon her shoulder, Kaoru continued back on the road towards Tokyo and her dojo. She still wore her typical training attire, a white gi and navy hakama. Her morning have been spent teaching at a neighboring dojo just past the outskirts of the city. Though, she had left from the class feeling a heathy fatigue from her work out she couldn't help but be refreshed by the surrounding display of terrestrial beauty.

So it was with a happy bounce in her step and a tune on her lips, that she half skipped her way home in high spirits.

She wanted to get back quickly. On such a beautiful day it just wouldn't do to have everyone cooped up doing chores. They should be out doing something fun.

Perhaps they could go to the river and have a picnic lunch? Or there was that new vendor that sold mocchi in the market place. Why not do both? It never hurt to splurge once and awhile. Kaoru smiled radiantly as the idea appealed to her. It was all the more reason to go home swiftly.

Without a doubt, she giggled to herself, Yahiko was still doing the swings she had assigned him. Maybe she could forgive him just this once for calling her busu? She could always make him polish the floors some other time.

Then again, if she left her rambunctious student home, that would mean it would only be her and Kenshin. Kaoru's face flared up in a pink that could not be attributed to the sunshine.

Bad Kaoru, she chided herself. Pressing her hands against her hot cheeks, she banished the less than maidenly thoughts, shaking her head vigorously.

She shouldn't think so selfishly. This day should be about everyone after all and, depraved hellion or not, she couldn't just abandon Yahiko like that. Not matter how annoying he may be at times, he was her little brat.

Giving a sigh of resignation, Kaoru almost missed hearing the soft cries of an avian creature in distress.

Curious, she followed the shrill sound, leaving the road and making her way towards a grand tree. At the base of the trunk was a tiny, fluff ball of a baby bird. Immature wings flapping desperately as it cried out its troubles.

Wondering vaguely how anything that small could have such a large set of lungs, the kenjutsu instructor craned her head back looking high into the branches overhead. It came as no surprise that there was a twiggy bird's nest perched upon the tree's upper boughs. Squinting, Kaoru could just make out the forms of several fuzzy chick heads peaking over their bric-a-bract constructed home.

"Poor little guy," Kaoru cooed sympathetically. She set down her bokken, leaving her teaching supplies to rest it against the ground as she crouched next to the fledgling. “You fell down didn’t you?”

The minuscule bird continued peep at her, the disturbingly high sound shrill against the relative peace within the rest of the nearby foliage.

Kaoru nodded understandingly. “I know, I know, you want to be back up in your tree don’t you?” Ever so tenderly she scooped up the chick’s slight form, cradling it gently. The tiny bird was dwarfed within her cupped palm. Turning her attention back up to the tree she reassured her passenger. “Don’t you worry now, I’ll take you back up to your brothers and sisters.”

As she eyed the tree, the kenjutsu instructor realized that this was going to be much easier said than done. Deciding that scaling a twenty foot tree was a two hand job, she tugged loose her hair ribbon. A quick bit of knot work and she formed a sling to secure the baby bird against her chest.

That done, Kaoru spit on her hands and rubbed them together; she wasn’t exactly sure how spit helped with this kind of thing but she’d seen it done before so she figured that it was just one of those things.

The lowest branch lay above Kaoru’s head by about a foot. As luck would have it she had been somewhat of a tree climber in her younger days, often playing in the short foliage within the dojo grounds, so, with a practiced stretch, her arms moved up. Griping the branch as she used the trunk as a push off for her feet and it was only a matter of twisting a bit to get herself up on that first step. From there the way up the tree was fairly well set, a zigzagging pattern of hand and footholds. The leaves tickling in her face as she maneuvered her way on the high-wire zone of branches. Once she began, it was easy to find the rhythm to climbing a tree. So it was with a confident smile that Kaoru clambered upward.

Making her steady way along the twists of branches, Kaoru couldn’t help but feel a slight bit uneasy as she gave a quick glace towards the distancing ground. She wasn’t exactly scared of heights, per say. When two feet off the ground turned into a gaping twenty though, it was, understandable, that she’d feel a bit ill at ease. But, as the tiny bundle against her chest reminded her with a shriek, this was for a good cause.

It seemed like only a couple minutes before she had reached about halfway to the nest. By this point she had begun to cling a bit more tightly to the protruding boughs. Each hand hold was chosen with a bit more caution as the three limbs began to thin in girth. The soft breezes that had been a welcome touch of cool air while she was on the ground became playful mischief makers, causing the branches to sway and rustle.

Taking another quick peek down at the ground, the kenjutsu instructor bit back a groan of dismay. Why did it look so much higher up here than it did when she on the ground? Shaking her head, she scolded herself. There was a reason people said don’t look down from a height, and it was for that very fact. Unwilling to let a little fear stop her, Kaoru continued onward, determined to take the chick up the last few feet to its nest.

Four more branches up and she’d be there. Three. Two, and she was just next to it, falling just a couple feet shy of her goal. She could see the other fledglings clearly now, hear their sharp little tweets as she neared their sanctuary. Three little gray fuzz balls that were mirror images to their kin that she held close to her body.

Planting her knees firmly on the branch under her, Kaoru reached into the impromptu sling fishing out the little rogue who had fallen. Gently holding him in one hand, the other hand having formed a death grip on her current bough, she stretched slowly over towards the nest.

She was so close. Even stretched out to full capacity only frustration and open air met her outstretched arm. Kaoru was still a couple inches away. She gave an annoyed growl glaring at the nest that had the audacity of being built outside her arm length.

Quickly scanning the area around her for a better perch, and finding none, Kaoru decided on a different tactic. The hand not holding the chick was placed against the tree trunk itself. Balanced between trunk and branch she ever so slowly, shifted her weight further over the open air.

“There!” A gleeful exclamation escaped her lips as Kaoru was able to finally reach over and gently plop the wayward fledgling back into its home of twigs. She allowed herself a satisfied sigh, as she gave the peeping chick a parting smile. “No more falling out of trees alright?”

Of course to say such a thing is only temptation for the irony gods. A slight crack was all the warning Kaoru had before she found herself exposed in open air.

Crying out in equal parts fear and surprise, Kaoru tumbled headfirst out of the tree. Her body bring buffeted around by the very branches that had aided her ascension. Twigs and leaves crashing after her in a shower of debris

Doing the first thing she could think of she grabbed at a branch as it whizzed by. The resulting whiplash nearly jerked her arm from its socket. Bark sliding viciously under her hand made her lose her grip once again. Her palm torn bloody, she continued to plummet.

Breaking free of the branches, Kaoru touched down with a great jarring crash. An audible snap sounded as her body smacked into the hard earth. Gasping as the air left her lungs in a great rush, her ears rang and vision blurred as the pain overloaded her senses. Her world was swallowed by a sea of darkness.

She didn’t remain down for long, her awareness coming back almost as swiftly as it had fled. Awareness and rational thought, however, are two very different things. So, as her eyes slowly opened back up Kaoru was left wondering why she was staring up at the sky. Her mind randomly noting that the heavens were a rather pretty color of blue and that perhaps, in the near future, she could find a ribbon that had that same radiant hue.

Wait a minute, what the heck was she doing on the ground?!

Kaoru blinked rapidly, her memories returning from their temporary leave, as her sight fell upon the tree that had been her downfall. That's right. Tree. She’d saved the bird and fallen out of the tree.

She gave an exasperated sigh at her embarrassing predicament. One hand was brought up to massage her aching temples, Kaoru slowly moved to sit up. It was then the sensations within her tingling limbs reached her brain clearing the remnants of her hazed confusion.

Falling backwards upon the ground with a pained groan, she grit her teeth viciously. She must have bruised every part of her body falling out of that stupid tree. The sharp layers of pain upon pain centering on the many places she had been scratched on her way down. All of the most unpleasant sensations seemed to spiral downwards, focusing on the lower part of her body.

Her right foot hurt.

And she didn’t mean no ‘mama’s boy, look I got a boo-boo’ kinda hurt, she meant a ‘futae no kiwami hitting your knee caps off’ kinda hurt.

Tentatively she moved into a position that allowed her to reach a hand down to the afflicted area. Kaoru traced her fingers slowly down the slope of her shin feeling for damage. Upon touching her foot, Kaoru choked back a pained cry, blackness once again threatening to to obscure her vision. Still, she forced herself to grit her teeth and bare it.

As she finished up her brief examination, her scowl was no longer simply pain induced. Instead, annoyance filled her nerve endings. The new swollen puff to her once dainty right foot could only mean one thing: she’d sprained something in her foot.

This was not a good thing.

This was just great. Here she was out in the middle of a forest, quite a ways away from the dojo, and if the pain was a clue of anything, walking home had just opted out. How was she going to back to the dojo like this? Just how badly had she sprained her foot? How was she going to tell the others she fell out of a tree for Kami’s sake?!

Kaoru could see it now. Sano and Yahiko’s ugly mugs turning red with mirth as they laughed over and over again. Then there would be Kenshin’s reaction, he would probably find a way to blame himself for this, oh so lovable idiot that he was. Mou! They would never let her hear the end of it!

She proceeded to curse trees and their fallout-able nature several times over.

Heaving a frustrated huff, Kaoru realized that mulling over her own stupidity was, quite literally, not going to get her anywhere. Since no one was near, she was going to have to rely on herself to find a way out of this predicament. She was just going to have to walk the nine or so miles back to the dojo on an injured foot, no biggie.

Kaoru gave the low chuckle of a woman slowly going insane, shaking her head at the sky. She was so screwed. A twinge of pain from the culprit appendage seconded the motion.

Come on, Kamiya! She told herself roughly. You can’t just lay here! If you think it’s going to be embarrassing when you get home just think what would happen if they have to come to find you!

She winced, almost able to hear their mocking voices.

'Hey Busu, it looks like you really fell out of an ugly tree!'

It was not a pretty picture. Shaking her head violently to rid herself of the unpleasant vision, Kaoru uttered a few words a lady wasn't supposed to know. There was no way she was going to wait for those three to come looking for her.

So, it was with that sheer, never say die, willpower that she was able to put herself into motion. The petite kendo instructor wrenched herself up from the ground into a sitting position. Step one accomplished. Now only 119,600 steps to go.

Trying to maneuver without jostling her foot any worse than she already had, Kaoru decided the best way to go about standing would be to use the despised tree to help her lever herself up. As she scooted over to the tree, she winced as her bloodied palms made contact with the ground. Feeling the dirt grinding into the exposed flesh, Kaoru mentally added more body parts to her ‘Things that Are Going to Need Bandaged’ list.

Once she had grabbed a hold of the trunk, she positioned her good leg underneath her body. Slowly and steadily she eased her way up into a crouch. Then, with a mighty shove, and much pain, she was standing -er- balancing against the tree.

As much as an improvement as her new position was, the kenjutsu instructor was now faced with the difficulty of walking, except without the two feet part. For some reason the phrase ‘bunny hop’ came to mind.

Kaoru groaned.

Somehow the day didn’t seem as bright and cheery as it had been earlier.Wasn’t this just wonderful? Her perfect, beautiful day had gone straight to-

Hello, what have we here?

A slow smile worked its way over Kaoru’s features. Just a wee bit away, lay her trusty bokken.

Can you say crutch anyone?

Making her way around the tree, she slowly headed towards her bokken. After a bit of hopping, with Kaoru teetering on one foot as she tried to keep her balance, she swooped down to grab her sword. Of course ‘swooped’ in some books is defined as ‘falling’ in other books.

Minor details.

It took some creative maneuvering, and much resisting of the urge to scream out her frustration, but she eventually had herself in the upright position.

Like she’d expected, the bokken made a pretty handy crutch and it didn’t take long before she’d gotten the hang of the loping swing that was needed for her to hobble about. Long since ready to leave, Kaoru heaved the rest of her equipment off of the ground. Placing the heavy sack over her left shoulder, in hopes to counterbalance her sprained right foot, she was able to stumble away from the accursed tree and back to the road without further mishaps.

Sure, it probably wasn’t the best approach to moving. Each hop she made jogged her bad foot painfully, and her teaching supplies were proving to be a difficult load to bear. But, it was better than sitting around like some damsel in distress and waiting for help to come by.

That’s right! Kaoru pumped a fist in the air as she cheered herself on. She didn’t need a knight in shining armor ( or rather a rurouni in a pink gi) to have to save her every time she got into a little fix! Let’s hear it for the independent woman!

Rock.

Kaoru went sprawling. Her fall cushioned by the reddish brown gravel of the dirt road.

“Ow,” she coughed up the dust her nosedive had forced into her system. She now had a new bruise to add to the list.

Fairly growling, she wrenched herself back up from the ground. Bokken-san was replanted a bit more firmly on the dirt, and Kaoru was off once again. This time, with her eyes cautiously scanning the road ahead.

Slow and steady, that was the ticket. Yes ma’m slow and-

“Ow!” Kaoru was once again sprawled out, making dirt angels on the ground. She let a slow pained sigh escape her lips.

Today was not a good day.

Disclaimer and Public Service Announcement: I do not own, in any way, shape, or universe, the spiffy series Rurouni Kenshin. I also do not recommend saving baby birds in such a fashion. Though it may sound like a good idea, Mama Bird will actually boot Junior back out ‘cause he smells like human. Instead try getting in contact with your Local Wild Animal Rescue services.

Authoress Notes: As it is, this story is probably completely cliche and overdone but I enjoyed the notion and decided to stick with it as a way to help with the bit of writer's block I've been having. Sarcasm aplenty, but I haven’t really done anything that’s strictly humor so while it may be bumpy I hope the ride is enjoyable.

Alea Seikou

“Look birds! ... Why are they flying around in circles?” - Red vs Blue