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Author of 90 Stories |
Author's Note: I think it's ironic that I should come out of a writers' block with this. It is a sequel to another story that ended such a time of uninspired dawdling: "The Wind Beneath My Wings". You'd better read this before you start with the following piece, otherwise it won't make much sense. The title sounds familiar to me, though I don't know where from, if you know, please tell me.
Contains slashy allusions. Don't like it, don't read.
Dedicated, as a little thank you, to S. for always being there.
"Tugger?"
The voice was warm, seeping into his thoughts even as he tried to shut it out. He had known it from the start, dreaded it. And now it had truly happened. His darling - no, not his any longer - Etcetera had left. To be with Admetus who had been more suitable for her from the start.
He should be happy for her or go and ask Bomba out again. She would forgive him even though she had been so bitterly angry at his "hooking up with the dumb kit". She had always forgiven him. And maybe he didn't want that anymore.
"Tugger?"
The voice was more insistent now, closer. Something brushed against his back and he shivered. Warmth enveloped him, held him safe and close.
"I'm sorry, Tugger."
"I knew it'd happen."
"That doesn't make it easier."
"No."
Surprisingly strong arms wrapped more tightly about his lean frame and he let go, leant back against the body cradling him, weeping silently.
"You're not alone, Tugger."
He smiled through the tears.
"Hi."
"Hi."
The young queen smiled, holding out her paw. The elder tom took it, kissing the palm before pulling her close for a quick hug.
"Go back home."
"I always go with you."
"Demeter said she'd wait up for me."
"I see. Tomorrow?"
He nodded, still grasping the dark paw and kissing it lightly once more. Smiling, she disappeared into the shadows. Munkustrap sighed. He wished he could stop this charade - the golden queen he lived with was by no means the one he loved.
Soon his father would demand he make their matehood official and then there would be no way he could indulge in seeing his dearest smile. Not even at night, not even in the shadows. As long as he and Demeter only shared a dwelling, he was free to do as he liked - but time was running short, unless he decided to give in to his wants and broke out of the vicious circle his duty had trapped him in.
But somehow, even for his dark angel, he did not dare step into the light and flaunt his disobedience in his father's face...
Tugger shook his head, not looking up. A small smile played upon his companion's lips as one black and one white paw reached out carefully, gauging the lean tom's reaction before touching the fall of gold that shivered against the black fur.
"Your mane is tangled."
"You needn't bother."
"I don't mind."
The smile widened, but Tugger was still staring at the ground, not noticing. He felt the gentle touches, whispering almost like caresses against his body and closed his eyes, sighing. If only it were Etcetera…
"It's ok to miss her, you know."
"But there's nothing I can do."
"The humans say that time heals every wound."
"Humans! They don't know much, do they?"
"They write a lot about love, you know. They may not be on our intellectual level, but they're hardly as stupid as you make them out to be."
Though the voice was firm it wasn't chiding and it held a tinge of mellow warmth that always soothed Tugger. He had never really thought about it before - he didn't contemplate his friends' impact on himself usually. But when there seemed to be only one friend left, it made him wonder.
"Deuteronomy has called a meeting for Saturday noon, a week from now."
"Why?"
Despite himself, the lanky tom was curious. His father hardly ever called a meeting unless it was necessary to have the whole tribe assembled. And that was only customary for matehood ceremonies or…
"Damn."
"Damn?"
"You know what's it about?"
"The meeting? No. Though I suspect it's about Munkustrap and Demeter. She was smiling so brightly when Deuteronomy announced the date and Bombalurina was hugging her."
"Darn."
"Your language is quite interesting today."
"You know where Munk is?"
"Last time I saw him, he was checking the fence on the North side of the 'yard."
Tugger jumped up at once, stopping abruptly when a surprisingly soft paw gripped his wrist firmly.
"Let me finish with this knot first."
He nodded, settling down again and letting his friend finish the task. A slow smile and a pat on his shoulder told him he was presentable again and he ruffled the dark head fur affectionately, "Thanks, kit."
"Don't mention it, Tugger."
As he sauntered off, intent on finding his brother, a pair of sad brown eyes watched him leave.
"Will you never see I'm grown up?" the soft voice intoned quietly before its owner slunk into the comforting anonymity of the heaps of junk in the vicinity.
The silver tabby was quite concerned to see his brother come up to him. They hardly ever talked at all, and if they did it was no more than the occasional 'hello' and 'how are you'. Words did no longer convey the emotions that ran between them. Their souls were bound in the delicate balance of darkness and light - the silver protector and the golden flirt.
"Got a moment?"
"Of course."
They went along a little stiffly, unused to being in step for once, beside each other. Seating themselves in a shady little place beneath an old four poster bed whose torn covers were flailing over its sides, they stared ahead of them until Tugger spoke.
"I heard about the meeting."
"Demeter is very excited."
"You want me to congratulate you?"
"What else would you want to do?"
"I know you."
Munkustrap smiled. Oh yes, his brother certainly knew him. And he knew his brother. It seemed that Tugger was, for once, showing an alarming lack of aloofness in his concern for the tabby's happiness.
"I would have to dishonour our father."
"He'll live."
"It's so…hard."
"You still got her, don't spoil it all cause of Dad's stupid ideas."
"Would you take my place?"
Tugger remained silent. So Munkustrap wasn't just thinking of leaving his golden queen - he was considering giving up his place as the leader-to-be, the tribe's protector.
"It's a big step, Munk."
"Would you take my place?"
"I'm not suited."
"Yes, you are. And you damn well know it."
The two toms looked at each other, their gazes calm, strong and measured. Tugger shook his head but said no more and Munkustrap got up.
"Think about it till next week."
"Admetus would be the best choice."
"After you."
The tabby reached out a paw as if to touch his brother, but withdrew it again quickly. They were no longer kittens - some things were lost when you grew up - the physical closeness to Tugger was one of them.
"I'm not asking you to decide."
"You have the right to tell me to."
"I have your heart, Munkustrap. Demeter has the right."
He smiled, albeit sadly. She was correct, as always. It never ceased to amaze him how a queen as young as her could know so much about the world, understand so effortlessly and open her mind to so many different points of view. That was why he loved her after all. The challenge - the fact that she never stopped growing, was eager to learn. That she stood up for her thoughts.
"I shouldn't even be thinking about it."
"It's not an easy choice. Your father's wish, his pride and Demeter or me."
She didn't voice her belief that the tribe would side with Deuteronomy in this. So it was her against everything Munkustrap held dear. His life for a new beginning with her. The possibility of having to leave, of being cast out for shaming his leader was there, looming in front of them.
The Jellicles' code was strict. The current leader appointed the mate for his successor. There was no choice. No one had ever dared disobey. No one but Macavity. It hadn't been because the ginger tom hadn't liked Demeter. He just hadn't agreed with Deuteronomy's rules. Had wanted to effect changes, altering the system for the tribe's benefit.
He had been rebuffed, exiled. No wonder Munkustrap was worried. She was worried too - for his sake more than for her own. If he chose the tribe's way, she would leave. To spare them both the pain of meeting - so near to each other and yet so far apart that they wouldn't even be able to touch.
An oath was a sacred concept to both of them. By vowing faithfulness to Demeter, her lover would end all that was between them. Emotions not uttered for too long, for fear of hurting a kitten's innocence. A few months ago she had spoken for herself at last, quieting his doubts, delighted to find he shared her feelings.
Now she was his queen, in every and all respects. His mate, although their relationship couldn't be acknowledged. It shouldn't have happened as it was. Chastity until matehood was very precious - to the toms at least. She personally doubted that any of her kitten friends were still 'innocent' in that respect.
"Come to the brook with me."
His voice was quiet, pleading. She knew he was asking her to spend one more night with him. And in a few days they would be parted - or united - under the eyes of the tribe. Even though their losing each other was a secret affair - no one had suspected they were even as much as friends yet…
"Can we sleep under the willow?"
Munkustrap nodded. The symbol of forsaken lovers. It had always been their place. She had left her kittenhood behind in his arms there, not all that long ago. It was the closest to a home he had ever known.
They joined paws as the silently slipped out of the 'yard into the quiet streets that were haunted by the bustle echoing from the city's traffic not far off.
"Yeah."
Tugger didn't really want to try and attempt a conversation. But he smiled at his friend, noticing the glow in the dark eyes, the pale, defined features as if for the first time.
Did my heart love till now? Foreswear it sight - for I never saw true beauty till this night.
Munkustrap had read 'Romeo & Juliet' to him when they were kittens. For all that he had found Shakespeare boring, these words had always been on his mind - and no one, not even Etcetera, had brought them forth…
"You look tired."
"Didn't sleep much."
"Take a nap then."
Tugger nodded, complying almost automatically. A black paw on his arm pulled him down so he lay sprawled across his friend's lap, looking up into the warm eyes that smiled at him. He didn't complain when a flash of white tangled in his mane, stroking the long fur tenderly, the other paw dropping against his chest.
He felt safe and Etcetera's image vanished for a few precious moments. He was at peace. Falling into a light, dreamless sleep not long after, he started purring contentedly, snuggling closer to his companion whose eyes closed for a moment as a tear trickled down the pale cheek.
She was pretty and smart, definitely a great choice. The perfect companion for a tom burdened by his work. She would make no demands, be true, comforting and homely. A Gumbie in the making. He wasn't worried about her not being 'his type', he regarded the matehood question as the least of his problems.
For Munkustrap it was the greatest, of course. Tugger didn't have a lover, a soul mate whom he would lose if he chose Demeter. Could he take on the tribe? He was used to the spotlight, but no one took him seriously. He would have to prove himself, to show he was worth the position that his brother so effortlessly filled.
The tabby had all the good principles, the love for and patience with other beings that was needed to be a good leader as well as the toughness to prevail in a fight. And he was definitely smarter than Tugger. On the other hand, any brains he lacked would be made up for by Demeter, he could count on that.
Sighing, the lanky tom brushed through his mane. He smiled as he thought of the black and white paws, drowned in the golden fall. He just wished he would understand the question burning so insistently in the dark eyes. He guessed what it was, and yet he wasn't sure if he could ever give an answer.
"Certainly, Munkustrap."
The golden queen followed the tabby quietly to their den, cocking her head slightly when he had drawn the curtain in front of the door and seated himself opposite her, indicating that her attention was on him.
"I must…tell you something concerning the meeting."
"I hope it's nothing serious! There are only a few more hours before we… Munkustrap, dear, you don't look very well. You have overdone it again. You should take a bit of a rest."
"I haven't slept much but that wasn't due to…stress. I was thinking. I will…I will lay down my position today."
There, he had said it and his voice hadn't cracked and apart from the fact that Demeter looked as if he had just slapped her, the world was quite the same.
"Why?" she finally asked, hoping the tears wouldn't fall.
"I have fallen in love."
She hissed softly, her claws digging into the soft material of the rug beneath her. She had never suspected. Only because he wasn't sleeping with her didn't naturally mean he was with someone else, did it?
"Who?"
"Electra."
"WHAT? You're leaving me…you're defying your father…for HER? She's barely an adult, Munkustrap! She might only be playing around," his brows drew together and she added, "she doesn't know her own heart yet!"
"Electra is not like the other young queens."
"Well, obviously not, since she has ensnared the leader-to-be."
The tabby fought hard to keep a calm, steady face, not to let anger show on his features. Demeter was entitled to being angry - actually, she had the right to hate him, slap him, subject him to public ridicule if she liked - as long as she kept his lover out of it.
"I have been thinking of resigning before."
"Nonsense, that's all her idea, isn't it?"
"Demeter, I love Electra. Whether she returns my feelings or not is not for you to decide, nor for me to question. I trust her. And I will leave the tribe with her if need be. I have been all my father wanted me to be. I can't do it any longer."
"Don't expect me to forgive you."
"I'm not. But please don't blame it on Electra."
If Demeter hadn't cared for the tabby, she would have screamed, cried or begged. But she didn't. She had a duty to the tribe - if she had loved any other tom, she would have given him up as well.
"I will see you at noon then."
"Yes."
She turned her back on him, exiting into the sunlit yard, her fur glinting golden. She didn't see him leave the den behind her, the silver in his coat gleaming white as if he were suddenly glowing in the light.
"Demeter."
"Your brother is stepping down."
He bowed, taking the paw she extended and kissing it politely in wordless acceptance of his place by her side. She radiated stiffness, as if she were trying hard to keep herself upright. Obviously, she had cared a little too much for the tabby. He smiled, offering her a seat.
"There are a few things I would like to make clear right now."
She nodded.
"I'm not as clever as Munkustrap, and I'm counting on your help more than on any support from the tribe or Deuteronomy."
Another curt, even nod. Her eyes betrayed nothing but polite interest. The perfect leader - if only she were given the chance.
"You are much better suited for the job than I am."
Demeter laughed, surprised, a genuine smile on her lips, "I am a queen and cannot lead the tribe. That's what our rules dictate."
"You do the leading, I do the show?" he held out his paw, hoping she would accept. It had occurred to him only the night before, that maybe, just maybe, he might stand a chance.
"Are you sure you want to trust me with this?"
"I know your loyalty to the tribe is absolute - and you are more than capable."
She took his paw, not even flinching at his strong grip. Cocking her head, she glanced at him seemingly innocently, with practised ease,
"So what is my end of the bargain then?"
"Sorry?"
"You offer me leadership, without a thought of taking it all for yourself. I may be a good choice, but you certainly didn't do this for me alone."
"I would like this to remain a secret."
She eyed him speculatively for a moment, then nodded her acquiescence, "Of course."
"There is someone…"
"You are in love?"
"I'm not entirely sure yet, but it's possible."
"Etcetera?"
"No."
Seeing the visible relief in her face, he leant forward, whispering a name into her ear. Her eyes widened and she coughed, slightly embarrassed. Straightening herself, she focused on his face.
"I trust you will be my mate as is required. What you do otherwise is…none of my concern."
"I am much obliged to you, Demeter."
She simply nodded, mumbling something under her breath and shaking her head as she slipped away. Her tail swished irritably from side to side. A duty to her tribe was all well and good but she did believe that she had paid all her dues after this day…
"Father, may I speak to the tribe before we begin?"
The old tom looked a little surprised, but he nodded, his brow furrowing in disapproval when he noticed that the tabby held Electra by the paw. Together they stood and faced the crowd that fell silent as it noticed their appearance.
Demeter went to stand beside Tugger, laying her paw on his arm lightly and catching Munkustrap's eye. A look of relief crossed his face and he spoke, clearly and proudly,
"Thank you for coming. I would have fulfilled your expectations today," here he glanced at his father, "but I am unable to do so. I cannot hide my heart any longer."
Murmurs rose up and Deuteronomy's harsh "Silence!" was the only sound that broke over the other voices, instantly restoring order.
Munkustrap continued, drawing the young queen at his side a little closer, "I herewith lay down my position and with it all the rights, privileges and duties it holds. My fate…," Electra spoke up now, voice ringing far louder than ever before, "Our fate is yours to decide."
The two shared a look and a smile and stepped off the tire, the tabby meeting his father's gaze without flinching.
"You know what you have just done, Munkustrap?" Anger and disappointment. The tabby remained calm.
"Yes."
"And Electra, you know what you are risking." A thinly veiled threat. She nodded, standing tall at her lover's side.
"Yes."
Tugger smiled slightly as he saw his brother cast the darkness off and step into the light he so abhorred, offering the tribe a full view of his deepest desires. It was brave, requiring a sort of courage he would never have.
His eyes fell on the solitary figure of his friend, a shadow even in the sunlight - appealing and graceful. If darkness could form itself into such a shape it was perhaps not so very frightening after all…
Demeter's voice broke into that perfectly still and beautiful moment, "Deuteronomy is calling you."
Tugger nodded, offering his arm to the golden queen at his side. She took it, smiling engagingly, no emotion in her green gaze. Together, they made their way towards the leader of the tribe.
"Rum Tum Tugger, are you prepared for your office?" Deuteronomy was not to be ignored a second time.
"Yes."
"Will you vow faithfulness to Demeter, take her as your mate?" Another threat, this one more harshly pronounced.
"Yes."
"Then I proclaim, as my last act as Jellicle Leader that Munkustrap and Electra are banished from the 'yard and shall no longer be in our thoughts and prayers."
Tugger felt the paw on his arm tighten its grip and he focused his look on his friend, who looked as shocked as he felt. They had all known it might come to this, but to hear it spoken, in passing, as if it were nothing? No scandal, no accusations. Munkustrap was not Macavity. And he left at once, without goodbyes and with a smile on his lips, followed by his dark angel.
The rite of initiation as the new Leader was barely noted by the cat most concerned. He performed his duties automatically, accepting Demeter as his mate, promising to love and cherish her, to be a good and loyal companion.
As the words left his lips, his gaze met his friend's again and suddenly it was much easier to say them but much harder to believe that it was possible to keep his vow.
Tugger stepped away from the junk pile he had been leaning against to meet his friend. The weeks had passed swiftly and his new duties had left him little time - yet there was one cat whom he had seen as often as he could. Even though his mate was already carrying their first litter.
She knew what kept him about longer than necessary each night and never spoke a word. And Tugger let her do with the tribe as she saw fit. He would see to the security measures she came up with, proclaim the rules as she had changed them. Demeter was, indeed, a splendid leader.
He stepped closer to his friend, noticing the tension that was always between them of late. Especially on nights like these. They both blended almost seamlessly into the shadows, if not for the patches of white and gold the moon illuminated. It was full tonight, a cycle fulfilled, a new one about to start.
"Why did you want to see me tonight?"
"I think you - your eyes - were asking me a question in the past months."
"I was."
"I have an answer for you."
"Good."
No quaver in the low voice betrayed the anxiety that shimmered in the dark eyes. He stepped closer to his companion, lifting the pale face a little, holding the gaze.
"I'm in love with you."
A slow, sweet smile turned up the corners of his friend's mouth and he grinned when a black paw trailed up his chest to tangle in his mane while the other pulled his head down for a gentle kiss.
"That was the right answer."
"Good."
Tugger smiled against the soft lips as they met his again, brushing his paws against the black flanks. While Munkustrap was shining in the sun with his little lover, he had found his very own dark angel to share the shadows with.
The End.