Dreamless dorm, ticking clock, I walk away from the soundless room...

For Your Dream
Volume 3, Chapter Thirty-two
The Itch

There were a number of things that he had never intended to happen. One of these, Sirius Black reflected morosely, was the fact that he had had every intention of never resuming his human form for the rest of his misbegotten life. He had planned on remaining a nin-dog until he died in the field; in that way, he would have been fighting the good fight and protecting his most precious people from harm. He wouldn’t have to worry about Aurors or prison terms. There would be no thoughts of dementors or even, in all honesty, magic. All that was behind him, and before him were his precious people and his life in the world of the ninja.

His precious people…

At first, so long ago, there had been James. Remus, Peter, and Lily came later. With the betrayal and deaths of the Potters, as well as Remus’ understandable hatred, he had focused his everything onto Harry. That precious little child that had been the heart and soul of the Marauders from his birth onwards had been the saving balm on his soul when locked away in Azkaban.

Then there was Kakashi, who was both the first of the ninja to have summoned him into battle and the one that summoned him the most. When it came down to it, Sirius supposed that even Momochi Zabuza could be considered one of his precious people, and so too was Remus, even with all the darkness and hatred that was between them. He would never allow either of them to harm, despite their opinions of him.

Now, however, he was sitting in the Barracks. He was surrounded by ninja that were more than likely hostile towards him for his deception, and he had been forced back into his birth form by a pair of wizards playing at being assassins. After so long, and after so much hope, his oh-so=carefully planned out future was shattering before his eyes, the sharp fragments of it cutting deeply into his soul. Haku would learn of the damning untruths that the Wizarding World believed and would turn against him. Kakashi would never take the care to specifically summon the animagus again, and he might as well just consign himself to public execution. Whether it would be in England or Konoha, it wouldn’t matter. After all, without the proof of Peter’s continued survival, he didn’t stand a chance of clearing his own name.

Once more he felt that oh-so-familiar bite of fury, guilt and pain that had accompanied his thoughts of Wormtail for so long. Wallowing in that feeling as he was, he completely missed Haku’s first question, and it was only the raised eyebrow of his godson that made him realize that something had been seen. Ducking his head slightly, Sirius gave a sheepish little smile. “Sorry, I missed that.”

The mist-nin gave an exasperated sigh. “Are you the Wizard Sirius Black, or are you some other ninja?”

It was with a start that he realized that he was still wearing the ANBU armour that he had donned on his last trip into humanity. His hands shook as he removed the mask that still covered his face, laying it ever so softly and delicately into his lap. He wouldn’t lie to his precious people, he decided, and he looked up with wary eyes. He might not survive his meeting, but he would be damned if he felt any more regrets before he died.

“I am.”

A gesture from the wand of one of the twins was matched with a half-mumbled spell. The animagus found himself wrapped up in a myriad of ropes and chains, but he didn’t try to fight them.

Haku’s stare was measuring, as though he were considering Sirius’ worth in the grand scheme of things. Whatever it was that was going through his mind, however, Sirius couldn’t even begin to guess. To be honest the dog animagus wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to attempt it.

“What was your relationship to my parents?”

Sirius blinked. He had been expecting accusations. Shouting, rage, anything really, but not questions. Given the looks on the faces of the little magic-users they had thought along much the same lines. The dog animagus wasn’t going to look this gift horse in the mouth, however, and shrugged awkwardly. “Your father was my best mate. If Lily hadn’t proposed to him, I would’ve proposed to her.”

Haku frowned thoughtfully. “Was it jealousy, then, why you aided in their deaths?”

“No! Never!” it was a barked denial, and it took the man a few minutes to reign in his temper. “I had nothing to do with their deaths!” Reigning his temper in, however, was apparently not enough to keep the frustration out of his voice.

“Ah. Why is it, then, that they—” and here, Haku motioned to his teammates, “—believe that you did?”

Sirius bowed his head again, his voice tight with emotion. “I was the most logical Secret Keeper, so I suggested that we switch to that traitorous rat Peter.”

“You killed Peter Pettigrew,” Hermione interrupted. “How can you even stand yourself, blaming a dead man for—”

“He’s not dead.”

Sirius’ quiet and firm declaration brought her rant to a premature halt. “What?”

“He’s not dead,” Sirius repeated it slowly, as though he were speaking with a particularly dense young child. “The bloody bastard set me up. He blew up the road and cut off his own damn finger before changing into his rat form and scampering off like the coward he is.”

As Hermione and Sirius began to argue about what it was that actually happened on that fateful day fourteen years earlier, the twins shared a knowing glance an a sinking feeling. Quietly, they backed out of the misshapen ring, muttering softly between themselves. Haku gave them a cursory look before returning his attention to the battle of wits.

“Do you really think that something that could vaporize an entire body would leave behind a single finger while still managing to get the thirteen people behind the target?”

“You probably just have poor aim!”

“Right, right, because poor aim would explain everything! Never mind the fact that it was a wide-spray hex, catching victims in a semi-circle behind Pettigrew!”

“Then his finger was blocked by something else that was destroyed instead!”

“Oh please, the only way that would have happened would have required a standard blasting hex and there’s no way that that would have taken out the people behind him!”

“You’re the right hand of Voldemort, you probably have the power to do that to start with!”

“Wrong! But it’s not like anyone bothered to check my wand to see what I’d actually cast in that so-called ‘battle’!”

“There were witnesses!”

“Who were immediately oblivated!”

Hermione stopped her line of reasoning in shock. “They what?”

“They were obliviated.” Sirius spat, scowling at the memory. “For their own good, of course. The Aurors were there for all of thirty seconds before they started wiping the memories of the witnessing muggles. I was still standing there, I know what I saw. I also know that you can’t trust the word of someone who has been oblivated!”

“That… that doesn’t make any…” she falted in confusion, put off by the sheer illogic of it. “Why? Why would they damage their own case like that?” Hermione, it should be noted, had the one thing that the vast majority of the Wizarding populace did not: common sense.

“It’s far easier to believe the worst of people,” Haku mused softly, finally getting a word in edgewise. “It would seem, however, that there isn’t much of a way to solve this dilemma.”

“Au contraire, my friend!”

“For we do believe that we have discovered something—”

“—most hexing, and vexing. Truth revealing, if I might suggest.” Satisfied that they had all eyes on them, the twins smiled identical smug smiles. George continued rather imperiously. “To prove one’s guilt or innocence—”

“—you seek a rat that is missing one of his toes.”

“Well! You just so happen to be in luck!”

“For we know of one such rat!”

Sakura glowered at the tricksters. “One of you speak, the other one stays quiet. You’re giving me a headache.”

“Yes,” Hermione agreed, pressing her palm to her forehead, although it seemed to be more for the sake of dramatization than anything else. Haku suppressed a chuckle that wanted to escape at the scene. That poor girl had obviously spent far too much time with the twins. “I’m getting dizzy just from looking back and forth between you two.”

Oh yes, definitely for the dramatization, that one. Haku smiled congenially, keeping his amusement to himself. “It’s easier to simply ignore it.”

Kakashi, on the other hand, had no such compunction and was happily snickering away. It was apparent that not even the fact that they were teammates made someone immune to the oddity that was the twins.

“You… you know where Wormtail is?” the dog-turned-man’s voice was quiet and faltering, although filled with an all too noticeable hope.

The nickname brought the twins up short. “Wormtail? As in… Prongs, Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail? The Marauders?”

At that, Sirius seemed to puff up with pride, despite being bound and helpless. “Ah, so McGonagall is still telling stories about us, huh?”

“You were a Marauder?” the Twins squeaked together in fangirlish glee.

“Mister Padfoot, at your service.” Although constrained by the rope the boys had conjured, Sirius still attempted to bow. “It’s nice to see that we still have our fans.”

“We’ve tried to model ourselves after you!” they were still speaking as one, and Sakura could only watch incredulously as Fred and George seemed to slip right into a bout of what could only be considered ‘fangirling’. They were acting so much like the multitudes of girls that were hunting for Sasuke’s love. It was disturbing. It was frightening. It was so horribly off-topic.

Her eyebrow began to twitch as the boys and their captive somehow got into a discussion on how to get the best area effect from a dung bomb. Despite her attempts to calm herself, not even four deep cleansing breaths could wash away her irritation at yet another sidetrack. This was not helping them in any way.

The solution to this problem, however, was a rather quick and easy one. She simply slammed their skulls together. “Shut. Up.” Inner Sakura had rather obviously come to the forefront of her personality as she growled: “This is not why we’re here.”

Now, granted, she hadn’t been part of the original group that had intended to summon Black. However, now that he was here she was finding herself very curious. Curious about one fact in particular, really; something that had been nagging at her since the transformation had forced. It was a question that, despite the obviousness of it, didn’t seem to be on the list of questions Haku and his teammates wanted to ask.

Normally, Sakura was only this forceful around Naruto. Even with Ino and their rivalry, she held back this part of herself. However, there was something about this group… something about their chemistry that drew her to them. This was what a ninja team should be like, she thought. Sure, they bickered and argued, and they could even be down right nasty to one another… but they helped each other out.

When was the last time that Sasuke or Naruto had asked her for her help? Actually, come to think of it, when had they even considered it without her having to butt her way in and demand it? When was the last time that Kakashi had specifically tutored her and her alone, in a battle situation or fighting technique?

She hated the way that she always seemed to be shunted to the side and ignored. She was always left alone, so was it any wonder that she was always the one that seemed to need to be protected? The one that they rescued more often than trusted to have at their backs? She had vowed to not allow herself to be pigeonholed that way ever again, and goddammit but she would see that vow through! She refused to abandon Team Seven or even her quest to gain Sasuke’s love. However, right now the goal was to get strong and to be worthy of them. She would have to learn about her seal and about how real teamwork was supposed to be. That was the important part, the part that would help her to become the kunoichi that she had joined the academy to become.

And the first step on that path, it seemed, was to help Haku.

The pink-haired preteen pushed past the twins to stare down at the scruffy-looking former dog. “So… how exactly does a human being become an animal summon?”

“That is a very good question, Sakura.” Kakashi eyed the man who had been one of his most trusted summons warily. The discovery that, yes, Sirius-the-dog and Sirius-the-man were the same being had thrown him for a loop. While a ninja using an animal illusion to hide his or herself was hardly a new concept, this was something entirely different. This man had honestly, truly, without a doubt become a dog. It had been right down to the feel of his chakra.

That was, after all, the only way that the summoning contract would have been able to pick him up, and this newfound knowledge made Kakashi uneasy. How many other summons were secretly human?

Sirius wilted as Kakashi’s suspicions became visible. Perhaps it wasn’t visible to the children in the room, but to someone who had spent so much time in the man’s presence, so much time as a type of animal that could read the emotions of the people around it… the wary stare and slightly tensing of the shoulders forcibly relaxed a moment later were clear indications. He hated it when people looked at him like that. The days where such suspicions would be related to whatever prank he and his friends had pulled had long since passed. To have one of his most precious people look at him like that…! It was worse than Remus’ howling fury and constant cloak of shadow following That Night.

“Scarecrow.”

Sirius started, drawing himself up and out of the pit of dreary memories. Haku’s cool green eyes were dispassionate, but not suspicious. That… helped. A lot, actually. The animagus felt some of his own tension leave his body and he closed his eyes for a brief second. Haku was accepting him. Animagus transformations, magic, wonder and awe… it was all a part of being Harry James Potter, even if he no longer laid claim to the name. The wizardlings would be familiar enough with what he was going to say that he didn’t feel any need to direct comment to them. They would be able to explain it all to Sakura if they so wished.

With that firmly in mind, the ragged man turned his full attention to Kakashi. “Understand, first, that I never intended to resume my human shape ever again.”

That got a round of blinks, but it was Haku who wondered why he would prefer the form of a dog over that of his birth. It was spoken in a soft though unconcerned voice, just what Sirius needed to hear.

“I’m not hunted as a dog,” Sirius joked, though it was delivered in a tone that clearly indicated that it was actually part of the reason, major or minor. The man shook his head after a moment, “It’s been known for years that after enough time in an animal form, it becomes more comfortable to wear than your own skin. There are warnings in all of the books, and in all of the reference material. They’re in everything even remotely connected to the transformation. It’s why it’s regulated by Wizarding Governments the world over. And… well, I spent far more time as a dog than as a human while in Azkaban.”

“I’ve been wondering about that.” She may not have been able to see him, and her gaze was actually pointed at a spot about three feet above his head, her voice held all of the curiosity that her empty eye sockets couldn’t.

“About what?”

“How did you escape Azkaban prison? It’s the Wizarding equivalent to Alcatraz!”

Everyone stared at her, Wizard and Ninja alike. Sakura broke the silence with a rather confused question. “What’s an Alcatraz? Or an Azkaban?”

Hermione huffed, and crossed her arms petulantly. Five years in the Wizarding World, and she still had a habit of referring to muggle places and things. It was a difficult habit to break when one has no wizard or witch friends. “They’re prisons. Alcatraz is an infamous inescapable island prison in America. Azkaban is an infamous inescapable island prison for Wizards.”

The two leaf ninja shared a confused glance, and Sakura once more stepped forwards for clarification. “America? Wizards?”

“Oh never mind,” the blind teenager grumbled. “I just want to know how he escaped!” she was jabbing her finger into the air. Unfortunately for her, instead of pointing at Sirius, she happened to be a little too far to the right.

Kakashi paused for a second and then chuckled. “You know, she does have a point. How did you escape, Haku?”

The mist ninja smiled gently. “Trade secret.”

Hermione’s frustrated growl brought the ninja back on topic, and all eyes returned to the bound Sirius Black. The animagus shrugged. “I didn’t.”

“Now, seeing as you are right here,” Kakashi drawled, “I would have to say that you did.”

“No,” Sirius repeated, shaking his head with a maddening grin. “I didn’t. You were the one that set me free, Kakashi.”

The response to that particular statement was one that was becoming all too familiar to their little “council”: dumbfounded staring. After a long moment of trying to find his voice, Kakashi managed to compose few sentences. “I’m pretty sure that I would remember that. As I don’t, that me—”

“I was a dog at the time,” Sirius interrupted him, eager to make his most precious ones understand the truth. He needed them to understand him and to not turn him away. He needed them, and he needed their love and needed their trust. “I felt… it was like this light tug, kind of like a portkey… but it was softer, somehow. I didn’t really understand it then, but by that point, I figured that it was just death coming to collect. Who gets away from death in Azkaban, huh?” the chuckle that he gave was more than just a little bitter. “So I let it. I let it take me away and the next thing that I knew, I was in the midst of a battlefield.”

Given the way that Kakashi had gone rigid as an indication, it was fairly obvious that he did recall his “rescue” of Sirius Black. It had been the very first time that he had summoned Sirius to him, as the massive black dog had been just what he needed in order to escape a mission that had gone downhill very fast and very unexpectedly. Only moments after he had finished the summoning, he had collapsed on top of the dog and commanded him to take him to safety. After that… well, the then ANBU had passed out from blood loss.

Actually… now that he thought about it, a closer examination of the armor that Sirius was wearing revealed a fine network of spidery cracks in the chest plate, and blood splatters on an all too familiar mask. He recognized the armor now; it had been stripped from the body of one of his fallen comrades.

Kakashi wasn’t sure what to think about that.

“I remember.” He finally acknowledged in a voice laden with dark memories.

Sirius gave him a small, shy grin. It seemed rather out of place on his face, but there it was anyways. “After that… well, I just came whenever you called for me. When I was dismissed, I just… didn’t go back to Azkaban. I guess what whatever called me out here just wasn’t strong enough to put me back.”

The room was silent for a long minute after that, questions hovering unasked and unanswered in the air between them all. Like Kakashi, Sakura had connected the dots between the fact that she had been given, and had come to a rather unnerving conclusion. As her mind raced with the possibilities, she wondered out loud: “Do you think that there are other summons out there like you? Human and animal?”

“No,” Sirius’ voice was confident as he shook his head. “I don’t think—I know there are. There are just some things that are way too conincidental to be coincidence.”

“Like…?”

“Like Gamabunta.” Sirius turned to look at the Wizarding contingent. “I don’t know if you covered this in your classes, but do you remember what the first true animagus was? The Frog Prince, they called him, but he was really a toad. There are a few other summons with names and forms that match well known animagi.”

“Wait—Gambunta is human?” now that was a revelation that brought Kakashi’s run away memories to a rather abrupt and painful stop. “But he’s been a summon for generations!”

Sirius shrugged. “Wizards live a whole lot longer than ninja. If it helps, think of it like a bloodline that makes us hard to kill.”

Speaking of killing… Hermione’s thoughts were dark with annoyance. She was starting to think that it was just her and Sakura—and even then, Sakura could be distracted by an interesting problem!—that were interested in actually getting answers out of the convict. “We’ve gotten off topic. Again.”

Sirius’ cheerful, “It happens!” was met by a fierce glare. Granted, she was still looking at the air three feet above his head, but he got the idea that she wasn’t all that impressed with his “wit”. The Black Heir sighed and went back to the reason why he was currently human. “What do you want to know now? I’ve told you about Lily and James and Peter. I’ve told you about how I escaped and the Summoning. What else is there?”

“What is Voldemort up to?”

Sirius blinked dumbly at her, before crooking an eyebrow in question. “I would imagine that he’s up to the ninth level of hell by now.”

“Don’t play coy!” Hermione snapped. “Even if you didn’t kill Peter or the civilians, that doesn’t meant that you aren’t one of the Dark Lord’s servants! You’re a Black!”

“Just because the rest of my family are Dark Wizards and supporters doesn’t make me one!” Sirius spat, baring his teeth in an all too dog-like reaction.

The twins leapt forwards to run interference between the two. George was attempting to get the irate dog animagic to settle down, while Fred pulled Hermione away from him. Despite the fact that Black was still bound in chains and ropes, he was still a very dangerous man. He had been an Auror prior to his arrest, and then a nin-dog for two years. Fred had absolutely no doubt in his mind that the only reason why the ropes his brother had cast held him was because he was letting them.

“Hermione!” Fred hissed, trying to make the stubborn kunoichi-witch understand the very delicate line that she was stomping all over. “That’s like saying that just because your family is made up of muggles that you can’t do any magic!”

“No it’s not!” she was still snapping and hissing, all bright rage and fury at being told she was wrong. She was most definitely not a quiet as the twin. “His parents were dark, and his cousins were dark! His entire family was dark! His formative years were spent that way, and he’s the one who wanted to switch to a different Secret Keeper! He must be dark! The ministry wouldn’t have locked him up otherwise!”

Sirius looked about ready to tear into her; his own fury at his standing being questioned bringing the wolf hidden by the dog to the forefront. However, it was Haku’s response that ripped through the pair of raging magic users. Sirius fell into a shocked silence, and Hermione could do nothing but shiver as he directed his vitriol at her.

His voice was as cold as an arctic wind, his words spoken at barely a whisper, but they were still perfectly clear in the suddenly silent room. “I suppose that I should be a horrible abuser because that’s what I grew up with during my formative years. Oh, that’s right. They’re dead. I killed them. I suppose that’s proof enough, then.”|

End Chapter

As promised! Chapter 32 of FYD is posted on tiiiiiime

Please don't rant at me about the length of time between updates, that is NOT what I am referring to. I am referring to the promise I made to the guys on my mailing list/beta-reading yahoo group of doom that I would be posting this chapter today. If you want to know the truth behind why I haven't updated in almost--wow, two years-- there are a couple of extenuating factors. The first was that my laptop kept killing itself roughly every three months for a year and a half. It's finally stopped. After having rewritten a chapter four times, I lost all enthusiasm for writing. I made my attempts to dredge myself out with Alternate Potterverse and Prophecy Bound however choosing to do so while heavily invested in writing research papers for multiple professors was not the most intelligent of ideas. It, in fact, made me less inclined to do any creative writing.

That said, for those of you who have me on Author's Alert will have noticed the recent posting of False Identity: Secondary Timeline. That is, at this time, the story that is taking up most of my time. The good news is that it's already written; all I'm doing is rewriting it a little more coherent and a little more cohesive. The bad news is that I've picked up Perfect Lionheart's Missing Hokage Challenge, and that's my "secondary" project. If I'm not thinking about ST, I'm thinking about The Path Too, the first chapter of which is currently available in bits and pieces on my yahoo group.

ST got me back into the groove, and reminded me how much fun writing could be. TPT is helping me get back to writing regularly. So where does that leave For Your Dream, Prophecy Bound and Blackened Sunrise? Once I finish with ST, I will be going back and going through the exact same process I'm using on ST on BS. BSR will be resurrected, and hopefully for good this time ;D

Prophecy Bound is on the back burner until I can remember which notebook I wrote the plot down in.

As for For Your Dream (which I assume is the one most of you are dying to know about) it will be finished. I have never, in the entire time the story has taken a back seat to my school work and the randomness that is my life, even considered dropping it. I'll be working on it between ST and TPT, when I need a break from the psycho craziness of ST and the romantic drama of TPT (oh god, I'm writing romance. why am I writing ROMANCE!?).

So updates may take awhile, but rest assured, I am working on them. I'm also trying to write chapters longer than three thousand words. Before this author's note, this chapter hit 3750 words; compare that to ST's first chapter's 10742 words before the author's note. I know which of those I prefer, and that's what I'll be aiming for.

Also, I'm in the process of slowly revising the previous chapters. There is no actual content change, just some grammar and spelling fixes-- and the addition of at least 300 words per chapter.

Thank you all for being so patient with me and my inability to sit down and write for so long!

- Sammi Leigh, "The Itch"

original word count: 3638
revision word count: 4133