|End of the Affair
Author: Selena PM
The first time it happened, it was to make a point as much as for any other reason." One way Londo's relationship with G'Kar could have gone. Slash.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Londo & G'kar - Words: 1,696 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Published: 09-08-04 - Status: Complete - id: 2049043
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Timeline: End of season 4 to end of season 5.
Disclaimer: All owned by JMS.
Author's note: Definitely inspired by Sabine101, with thanks owed to Hobsonphile as well for TheatricalMuse encouragment.
Obligatory Warning: M/M pairing. If slash or the concept of interspecies sex squicks you, turn away now.
The first time it happened, it was to make a point as much as for any other reason. You wanted to prove you had meant what you said about the Centauri superiority in the arts of love, and about giving him pointers. You were both drunk and frustrated after the celebration of Delenn's and Sheridan's wedding, and something of a frivolous mood, though the old nagging guilt was never far away. In any case, you hadn't really thought of him in terms of sexual attraction before, despite your admitted curiosity about him and Mariel.
One or two experiments on Earth with humans and a pass at Delenn when you were really very drunk aside, you never were interested in sleeping with members of other species, as opposed to him. The fact that the one kind of female he had never been seen consorting with during his entire time on the station were Narn women used to amuse you. But you thought it was understandable: human women were a joy to look at, and Centauri women, well, was there any question they were the most beautiful of the galaxy?
(That old curiosity again: what did he do to satisfy Mariel, who had rather high standards in this regard? What did she do?)
You didn't have much interest in men, either. It was something firmly consigned to the period of adolescence for the Centauri, though a fling now and then in later life was considered acceptable, as long as one did one's duty to one's family as well.
(No children from your body. Never any children, not with any of your wives, not with any of the many women you've lain with. Sometimes you wonder how much that had done to embitter each of your marriages. Not that you could blame Timov, or Daggair, or Mariel. It was obvious where the fault lay. Judging by the way Timov dealt with Urza's children, she would have loved to have children of her own. Strange, so strange, that your crimes should finally give her what even a better marriage could never have done.)
Still, there had been times, rare in between but there, when it hadn't been women. Happy times, too, and remembering how you used to tease Urza about the inappropriateness of his nickname when you were both little more than boys used to bring a smile on your lips in reminiscence, until his blood was on your hands and you knew you had irrevocably poisoned those memories as well.
Knowing the bodies of women and men of your own species were not much help, though, when it came to G'Kar. You were both long past youth, firmly entrenched in middle age, and had lain with countless people, and yet that first time you were as clumsy and awkward as any adolescent who hadn't even passed his first Day of Ascension yet. Passionate, yes, and in a corner of your mind that surprised you, considering you hadn't even thought about desire, but the way you both hit the wall of your quarters, with him so angry and aroused he didn't even take his gloves of until much later and you not sensible enough to remove your waistcoat in a civilised fashion that would have saved the tailor the trouble of mending it afterwards, that way was decidedly embarrassing.
There was also a strange sense of triumph. Maybe it was because he knew very well that you wanted to be secretive and discreet for a change, and yet here you were, with courtiers and potential assassins nearly breathing down your neck, seducing and being seduced all over again. He could never resist a competition, after all. Maybe it truly was because of your title, and that throne that was almost yours, no matter what he said to the contrary. You know him. The last time he was here, he had to give up on his cherished pride and dignity altogether, and had become a plaything for the Emperor of the Centauri Republic. Having the future Emperor at his disposal would be a sweet revenge indeed, and no matter how enlightened, G'Kar still has his temper.
Whatever moved him, he was the one to fall asleep afterwards this time. You watched him, and wondered whether what you had been doing to him was, in truth, any kinder than what Cartagia had done. Perhaps he would have been better off if you had never cajoled him into talking to you again, if the two of you had never moved beyond that icy truce he had maintained the first month or so after your return to the station. No, he almost certainly would have been better of, still locked firmly and safely in his life of boring meditations, lectures to his acolytes and the conviction that he was at peace with the universe.
Weeks later, when the Drakh had spoken his poisonous words, and you spent your last minutes as a free man attempting to say goodbye to him, you looked at him looking at you and realised he had never expected anything else but being sent away, all this time. It was on the tip of your tongue to give up on pride altogether and ask him to stay, because the thought of the horror awaiting, the prospect of facing it alone, really stripped you of all the dignity you had left. But even you could not be that selfish. The words unspoken, you saw him return with Vir, Sheridan and Delenn to the station, untouched and unharmed by the Drakh. And then you were Londo Mollari of the House Mollari once more, Emperor of the Great Centauri Republic.
At least the emptiness within was familiar.