|AFTER THE GRID
Author: StrawberrySab PM
MJHB - Set two months after the season finaleRated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance - Words: 1,494 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 09-08-04 - id: 2050164
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note : I haven't watched the show, because it hasn't been aired yet in my country. Therefore the story is based only on the reviews and brief summaries coming from kind people.
Summary : The story is set two months after the end of the season finale
Disclaimer : I don't own any of these characters, and this story is completely invented.
Two months have already passed since I saw him for the last time. It was my decision to leave him, but for some reason, I can't stop thinking of him.
I was angry, and disappointed, 'cause I loved him but I couldn't trust him anymore. I asked him for some time to spend alone: I needed to reflect on the recent events. He had broken my heart, and in exchange I felt I had to break his.
After that day he tried to call me several times, leaving messages on my answering machine, but I never called him. I wanted to forget him, to forget the beautiful moments spent with him, to forget the tears I cried when I thought he was dead, to forget that he wasn't the man I thought he was. These reasons were enough for me to avoid him.
Michael Rockwell was the best thing that could have happened in that moment. I met him during a conference regarding security systems for international air traffics. He was the typical good guy and seemed really interested in getting to know me. He asked me out that same evening and I agreed. From that day he never left me.
But I'm still missing something. Although I'm turning over a new leaf, sometimes I realize I miss Hud and I hate myself for this, 'cause I cannot love a man that gave me nothing but lies. I must convince myself that it's all over.
Tonight I'm having dinner with Michael. I'll try to relax and have fun.
Tonight's dinner with Michael couldn't have gone better, anyway I don't want to spend the night with him. So I'm heading to my home alone. It's really cold tonight, I feel the freezing air cutting my face like a blade. I'm really happy when I'm with Michael, he has the power to make me feel good and to make me laugh. When I'm with him. Than I'm alone again and my mind starts to wander where it shouldn't.
I'm almost home when I see the silhouette of a man in the shade. I hold my breath as I recognize that familiar face. He's looking down, his head in his hands and he doesn't see me as I walk up to him slowly.
"Hi." I say. He lifts his head at the sound of my voice.
"Hi" he says.
For a moment we remain there, without talking, just looking in each other's eyes, trying to understand each other's thoughts.
"It's two o'clock... what... what are you doing here?" I hear my voice trembling. He looks down again.
"I don't know. I needed to see you, to hear your voice. You never called me back..."
"I know." I'd like to tell him the truth, I'd like to tell him that I spent the last two months thinking of him. But at the same time, I'm scared of where this conversation could lead us. In this moment I don't want to tell him anything about me and my life without him.
"How are you?" he asks me. You shouldn't have asked, now I'll have to pretend that everything's fine.
"I'm fine thanks. And you?" I'm not sure if I want to know the answer. He remains silent for a long moment, as if he didn't hear my question. He looks at me for a second, then looks down again.
"I miss you".
I'm searching for the right words, but I can't find them. I know he's now looking at me, I can feel his eyes on me, but I can't find the courage to meet his gaze. Or maybe I just don't want to meet his gaze, 'cause he would read in my eyes. I'm still here, words failing me, looking down at my feet, not wanting to look at him.
In my mind I imagined this moment a thousand times, I imaged what I would have told him, I imaged how I could have felt. And now... nothing... I don't know what to tell him, I don't know how to react to his words. I'm only able to stay here like a stupid, speechless.
"Tell me something.... anything." "What should I tell you? That you hurt me? That you betrayed my trust? That as I was starting to really believe in our relationship you destroyed everything? That's what you want to hear?" I feel I'm about to cry, but I don't want him to know that I'm still suffering. I want to be angry, I want him to suffer, I want him to really understand what I had to go through because of him.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And I'm well aware that this can't change what has already happened... but... I'm not asking you a second chance, I know I'm not worth it. But please give me at least the possibility of regain your trust. Give me the possibility to show you that I'm a new person." - I know you're a new person. You don't have to prove anything. But I cannot admit that I spent the last two months far from you driven only by anger. - "Why?" I need to know.
"I have underestimated our relationship. I told you it was just sex and maybe it was like this at the beginning, but the truth is that... I've fallen in love with you. You are so... extraordinary, the most beautiful thing that could have ever happened in my life. I may sound pathetic but... that's what I feel. Only when I understood it, it was too late." He's still looking in my eyes, trying to read my mind, trying to get a sign that I'm willing to forgive his mistakes. I take courage and sit right beside him. I still love him, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive him. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to put on the line my relationship with Michael, now that things are finally quite. I think about it for a while, maybe Hud should know about him. Or maybe not.
"I'm dating someone" I say it at a draught, not sure if it is a good idea to tell him right now. Hud looks at me with a sad smile and says "Michael Rockwell". He already knows. "I got information. He's a lucky guy". But his smile becomes sadder as he says it. Suddenly I feel that it's time to change argument. I don't want to talk about this anymore.
"Tell me about you. What have you been up to in the last two months?". I say it with a grin, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "I took up heavy drugs traffic." For a moment I wonder if he's serious. Then we both start to laugh. "Do you want to come up for a drink?" I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't be here with him. I shouldn't have asked him to come in. "Are you sure?" he asks me. He know what I'm thinking and he's offering me a way out. "Yes. I'm sure".
My conscience is still telling me that I shouldn't be doing this, as I open the door of my apartment and I invite him in. But this is what I want, this is what we both want. He sits down on the sofa, not really sure of what is going to happen. I put two drinks on the small table in front of the sofa and I sit down beside him, looking down. I shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't be here with me. But as my mind goes crazy thinking of all the things I shouldn't be doing, I feel Hud's hand caressing my face. I look at him and the only thing I can feel now is my heartbeat, running faster and faster. I get close to him so much that I can feel his breath get faster. Our lips touch, slightly, shyly. I still think I shouldn't be doing this, but the voice of my conscience is more and more distant, as we start to kiss deeply.
(to be continued... maybe)