August 15, 2004

Here I am again. This is my last piece for the Summer Detour Challenge. Summer's well, over. Damn, where did it go?

Anyway. About this sub-challenge: each piece had to have a summer theme and include three essential things: sunblock, strawberries, and a parasol. As well, each participant had other 'elements' to work in, which were suggested by other members of the community and based on the author of the story's specified writing and genre preferences. Mine were: Monkey on top, Sanzo on a gorge-fest, and lots of pillows (didn't get that one in, unfortunately). Oh, yeah. And Sanzo driven to distraction by a half-naked, frolicking Goku. grin My favorite part, personally. This is also my first real attempt at combining comedy AND romance, and putting something resembling a plot BEHIND said comedy and romance. Man, writing actual stories is a lot of work! Heh heh. Enjoy.

Thanks to AliasOfWestgate for the beta, as always!

Standard disclaimer applies, also as always. Rating: PG-13 shounen-ai. No outright smut. Sorry! Also, some swearing.

Once Upon a Seagull
By Pervasive Threnody

It was an unusual set of circumstances that had brought Sanzo to the poker table that fateful summer evening. While the situation wasn't exactly complicated, it was simply something neither Gojyo nor Hakkai had anticipated. However, when the problem presented itself, neither could have been happier to assist in finding a solution to it.

For a price, of course.

----

"What'd the monkey drag you away for?" Gojyo asked Hakkai, as they left the gates of Chou'An behind them and climbed into a waiting Hakuryuu. "You all left me alone with the REAL bald monks. I was bored as hell."

"He had need of advice." Hakkai nudged the Jeep into gear and pulled onto the bumpy road. "I was only too happy to supply it."

"Advice? About what?"

"Well, you see," Hakkai's expression assumed a bemused shape, "he's been having some difficulty, as of late--"

"With what? How many meatbuns he can shove in his mouth at once?" A barking laugh from Gojyo elicited a look of Hakkai's most stern disapproval, and the driver's fingers tightened on the wheel in indication of his thoughts on the matter.

"Gojyo, please. Give him some credit."

The half-breed sighed. "All right, all right. It's his monk, if it's not his food. What's the bastard done now?"

They were passing through the town that neighbored Chou'An now. Hakkai carefully shifted gears, and the vehicle slowed to accommodate the crowds. Then he said, "It seems to be what he isn't doing, at this point."

"Oho, is that so?"

"It is. Goku told me that ever since we've returned from India, the monks have kept Sanzo extremely busy, and that Goku hardly ever sees him anymore. He asked me what I thought he should do."

"Rejoice." Gojyo lit a cigarette and leaned back, arms behind his head. "Who'd wanna spend time with that block of ice, anyway?"

"I think you know the answer to that." Hakkai shifted his eyes in Gojyo's direction. "Goku is very concerned, Gojyo, and has specifically asked our help. I have told him we will gladly oblige."

"Now I'm in on it, too? What's this got to do with me?" Gojyo folded his arms petulantly. "I ain't the mushy type, you know."

"Well, you see..." Hakkai's face tinted slightly. "Goku also confided in me regarding certain issues in the, ah, bedroom..."

"Oh." Gojyo's eyes widened. "OH. I get it now. Well, hell, why didn't he just ask me himself? I don't bite. Usually."

"Perhaps your less-than-illustrious rapport with him is the reason he felt unable to approach you." Hakkai was smiling now, and the color had faded from his cheeks. "At any rate, it falls on our shoulders to assist him. How shall we be of aid?"

The town was behind them now, and the open air blew freely over their faces. Gojyo leaned back, smoking the last of his cigarette, and squinted into the sky. "Maybe they just need a vacation. All work and no target practice makes Sanzo an even duller... hey!" With a snap of his fingers, the redhead's eyes lit up. "I got it."

"Do tell."

"Well, it probably isn't much good in the long term, but it'll do for now. How 'bout a day alone at the beach? Beaches are damned romantic...God, did I just use that word to describe those two? Ugh. Anyway, plus, you know, sex. On the beach."

"It sounds ideal." Hakkai nodded, looking thoughtful. "The trouble, of course, will be getting Sanzo himself to agree to it."

"Leave that to me. I got it all covered."

----

During the next scheduled visit to the temple, the two put their plan to work.

"Well, at least it ain't hard to get him out of earshot," Gojyo commented dryly, as a group of junior monks anxiously ushered Sanzo from the room. "There he goes again... aw, cheer up." Smiling, Gojyo reached out to ruffle a downcast-looking Goku's hair. "He ain't gone forever, though that wouldn't be so ba--OW."

Hakkai removed his elbow from Gojyo's rib and smiled. "It will work out in the end, Goku. Try not to worry. In the meanwhile, we have a plan."

Goku brightened. "Do you, really?"

"We do. Tell him, Gojyo."

"It's like this, Monkey." Gojyo slung an arm around Goku's shoulders. "It's almost dinnertime, right? Yeah, I know, it's always dinnertime for you. Shut up and listen. All you have to do is convince Cranky to take us out to dinner tonight. Do whatever it takes. Once we're there, I'll settle the rest. Got it?"

"Sure!" Goku ducked under Gojyo's arm, grinning ear-to-ear, and skittered out the door. Gojyo watched him go, a strange look on his face.

"If Goku's about to do what I think he is, then why the hell does he need our help?" he asked Hakkai, scratching his head. "I'll never get those two, ever."

"Charming, are they not?"

"Ha! Not even in your dreams."

----

Three hours, two rounds of beers, and one gleeful questioning of Sanzo's manhood later, the bet was on. Hakkai would play with a handicap, and Sanzo would oblige a day at the beach if he could not succeed in besting the luckless master of chance. However, allowing for Sanzo's less-than-sober state at the time the bet had been arranged, the event had been temporarily postponed. In accordance, the group was relaxing, the remains of a filling meal scattered about the table.

Of course, Sanzo was sure to find out about their plotting later, Gojyo mused as he nursed a beer. When he did, he would murder them all. It was inevitable.

At that moment, however, it was obvious no one cared. Hakkai was quietly sipping his third cup of sake. Across the table, Goku was happily chatting up an almost-drunk Sanzo, leaning on the monk's arm ever-so-slightly as they conversed.

And Gojyo?

Gojyo was eating it all up. The amusement value of watching Sanzo lose miserably to Hakkai would be more than sufficient payback for the lighter the bastard had stolen from him last week. So, if Sanzo ended up killing them? Gojyo looked around the dim table, and a smile crept onto his face.

In at least three minds, it would be worth it.

----

"Pardon me, but I have a straight flush."

The words seemed to cause no surprise among the room's other occupants. It was Hakkai at the ante, after all. Still, the phrase caused Gojyo's head to turn. Looking up from his position on the bed, he fixed his gaze on the center of the room and grinned widely.

"I heard that once before," he drawled around a half-spent cigarette. "Nice to hear it not directed at me."

"I'm sure you've heard it more than once," Hakkai calmly replied. His hands pressed the winning round to the table before neatly folding in his lap. "At any rate, it is most fortunate for you to have no stake in this hand, nor the ones preceding it."

"Oh, I have some stake." Gojyo took a drag. "I always do."

"Shut up," mumbled Sanzo, who was trying his best not to look as if he were trying to glare Hakkai's winning hand out of existence. "I'm not going to do it."

"Oh, aren't you?" Gojyo's eyebrow quirked as his face assumed an accustomed leer. "Hey, we always knew you were a phony. Now we know you're a cheat, too--" he ducked as a bullet whizzed by his head "--but that ain't no surprise, I guess."

Sanzo twitched. "Don't push your luck," he said. The slender fingers still curled around his weapon tightened almost imperceptibly, and he scowled.

A hearty chuckle escaped Gojyo's control. "Don't think so highly of yourself, Sanzo-sama," he answered, discarding his cigarette. "Ain't no way I'd die by your hands. You're just not quite pretty enough."

Color, unbidden, arose in Sanzo's cheeks. He dropped his poker hand to the table with a curse and pushed back his chair. "I've had enough of you idiots for one day," he groused as he slammed the door behind him.

"Feeling's mutual," Gojyo retorted to himself, but he was grinning. He approached Hakkai, who was still sitting patiently at the table, and glanced at the abandoned cards. "Oh, good hand, good hand."

"I thought as much," Hakkai said mildly, reaching to untie the bandana wrapped around his eyes. "Though, he didn't seem to be putting up much of an effort," he continued, fumbling with the juncture of the two ends.

"Well, that's not really news." Gojyo moved behind Hakkai's chair and tugged at the knot. "Hell, I barely put up an effort anymore... here."

"Thank you." Hakkai took the cloth and folded it neatly in his lap. "That went rather well, if I may say so."

"You may." Gojyo dropped into a chair and lit up another cigarette. "At this rate, Sanzo'll be putty in Goku's hands. We're gonna make sure of it."

Hakkai smiled. "With you on the case, I have no doubt he will succeed."

"Damn straight. Who knows about this sort of thing better than me?"

"Don't speak too soon. Goku learns quickly, and he may surpass you in that respect." Hakkai began to gather up the cards.

"We'll see, my friend. We'll see."

"Would you care to raise odds on it?" Hakkai's eyes gleamed. "I'll give you three to one."

"Against you? Hell, no!"

----

And so it was that Sanzo had lost, and lost badly. Of course, none of them had had any sympathy for him. He'd accepted the bet of his own free will, and because he obviously found it impossible to refuse the opportunity to be arrogant. The fact that he'd also willingly matched hands with Hakkai had erected the final barrier against all compatriotic lenity.

Really, though, it was an easy mistake to make. Anyone would think that playing against a blindfolded opponent would be a snap. A natural supposition, to be sure, but a flawed one nonetheless. Hakkai was, apparently, just THAT good.

Of course, it didn't hurt that Gojyo was an expert at surreptitious deck-stacking, as well as a general master of all things unscrupulous...

----

It was a perfect, sunny summer day. The salty air was warm and fresh, the sea was calm, and puffy clouds danced carelessly across the blue sky. There could be no better weather for a beach outing.

"Have a good time, Sanzo-sama!" Gojyo waved cheerily to the monk, who was standing a good ten feet away from the Jeep, his arms tightly crossed. To Goku, he whispered, "Remember what I taught ya, Monkey. Go knock him dead, awright?"

"Okay!" Goku leapt out of the vehicle without using the door, stumbled, righted himself, and ran after Sanzo.

"Don't forget your food!" Hakkai hefted the large basket into the air. Goku turned around, looking sheepish, and darted back to the Jeep.

"Oh, right." He took it, grinning, and scrambled away again. "Bye!"

"Those two..." Hakkai smiled fondly as he watched them go. "They're quite the pair, aren't they?"

"Funny he should forget the food," Gojyo leered. "I think he's hungry for something else."

And he stepped out of the Jeep.

"Gojyo, what are you doing?" Hakkai's tenor climbed a register out of sheer panic. "Don't tell me you're planning to follow them!"

Gojyo made a quick "come-here" gesture with his hand. "Shh, keep your voice down. They'll hear us!"

"Maybe they should." Hakkai left the vehicle behind and trotted anxiously after Gojyo. "I really don't think this is such a good idea. I feel as if we're intruding on their privacy."

"They'll get their precious privacy. I just wanna make sure Sanzo sticks to his word. That's all."

"I'm not so sure about this." Hakkai worried his bottom lip with his teeth. "It doesn't seem right..."

"Nothing's gonna happen," his companion insisted. "Just relax, already."

----

"He's gonna kill us," Gojyo whined uneasily as he peered around the sand dune behind which he was hiding. "What were we thinking?"

From the neighboring sand dune, two fully-raised eyebrows were promptly aimed his way. "Kindly remove my culpability from the equation, if you would."

"Sorry, sorry... but, still, I never FORCED you to follow me." Gojyo's eyes flitted briefly toward the distant pair who were walking side-by-side. Well, sort of side-by-side. The smaller of the two was cavorting about, his mannerisms suggestive of an extremely rambunctious personage. Or an inborn simian nature. One of the two. Or both. Goku's laughter, punctuated by the occasional sound of a seagull's cry, carried easily on the sea breeze. Sort-of-next to him, Sanzo appeared to be trying his best to look as if he were merely being trailed by a wayward puppy, and not at all having a thing to do with any of it.

"That's true enough," Hakkai mused, peeking from the side of his own sand dune. "Well, worry not. As long as we remain inconspicuous, everything will unfold as it should."

"It better," Gojyo muttered. "Hey, wait," he went on, glancing around. "Isn't this whole beach the one deserted because of shar--"

"And they seem to be getting along swimmingly!" Hakkai continued. "They shall have a perfect, peaceful day together, free from the distractions of others. Isn't it wonderful?"

"You're so corny, sometimes." Gojyo eyed the walking figures, one of which was taking markedly quicker strides than the other, and shook his head sadly. After brushing some sand from his loose shirt, he took out a cigarette and inserted it into his mouth. "I shwear," he mumbled, "thish beach hatesh me--hey!"

"And I will have a hard time not doing the same for giving us away," Hakkai responded, tucking away Gojyo's cigarette. He smiled disarmingly and shook his head.

"Give that back," Gojyo begged, echoing his earlier tone. "I wanna smoke..."

Hakkai stood and dusted the sand from his shorts, ignoring Gojyo's baleful expression. "I'd rather you not reveal our whereabouts with the aroma of your tobacco brand of choice. We're falling behind. Let's hurry, shall we?"

"Fine, fine..."

- - -

The First Rule

"Rule Number One," Gojyo announced, slowly circling the table where Goku was seated. The young man watched him, looking nervous. "The first key to a good date is good conversation."

Goku looked at him skeptically. "I don't see you chatting about the weather when you hit on women."

"I'm telling you, Monkey. Even if all you want is sex, you gotta talk first. The ladies like that."

"But Sanzo isn't a woman!"

"We'll argue over that later. Just trust me on this one."

"But what are we supposed to talk ABOUT?" Goku's voice slid into a whine. "Whenever I try, he always ignores me anyway!"

"So try to not act so much like the monkey that you are. Compliment his hairstyle or something-"

"Current affairs are always topical," Hakkai interjected. He took a long sip of tea.

Goku blinked. "Topi-what?"

The sound of a palm smacking a forehead echoed loudly in the quiet room. "On second thought... just talk about the weather."

- - -

Nearly out of hearing range of the eavesdropping duo, a conversation of an entirely different sort was taking place. If it could even be called a conversation, that is. For such a thing to occur, the person to whom one is speaking must speak in return with what is generally accepted as a genial attitude.

But no one had ever accused Genjo Sanzo of being sociable.

"Sanzo," Goku yelped. "You're walking too slowly!" In his excitement, he was gamboling to and fro, his small, bare feet etching random patterns in the sand. "C'mon, hurry up, will you? Oh, look!" Goku pointed to the sky, nearly losing his grip on the picnic basket he was still gripping. "A seagull!"

"Oh, boy," Sanzo deadpanned. His sandaled feet scuffed the ground as he slowed his pace. "A seagull."

Suddenly remembering Gojyo's advice, Goku abruptly ceased his jumping.

"It's such a nice day," he offered, matching his steps to that of his companion. With studied care, he shifted the basket into one hand, and then shaded his eyes with the other, the better to look out to sea. "Don't you think so?"

Apparently, Sanzo was still sore about what he had been coerced into doing. "Whatever," he mumbled, shaking sand from the soles of his sandals. "Why are we doing this, again?"

"I like your hair," Goku suddenly said. Sanzo stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the young man in disbelief.

"What the hell are you talking about, you idiot?"

Damn! That made no sense! Quick, distract him! "We're almost there," Goku chirped, taking a few quick steps forward before returning to tug on Sanzo's sleeve. "C'mon, we don't have all day!"

"Unfortunately, we do," came the response, sotto voce. Goku never heard it, as his attention had turned to focus on something else entirely.

"Wow," he breathed, voice full of awe.

It was just as Gojyo had described: a beautiful, long stretch of fine-sand beach, barricaded on both sides by low, rock outcroppings, and leading inward to a small, sheltered alcove. The sand was white-purple, soft under the foot, and pleasantly warm. The tide would not fully encroach upon the small cave, Gojyo had assured, and though it did not appear to be fully sufficient protection from the elements, it would provide an adequate amount of privacy.

Not that they would need it here. The entire length of beach was deserted, save for some seagulls, a waving palm or two, and them.

Just the two of them...

"Wow," Goku said a second time. "We're here. We made it, Sanzo!" With a dive forward, he was on his knees and digging in the soft sand.

"Quit it. You're going to get sand in the basket." Quickly, Sanzo rescued it and retreated to a position on the sand a good yard away from the frolicking Goku. Meticulously, he began to arrange their gear: blankets, carefully smoothed over the flattest patch of sand. A small parasol, which Goku had insisted on bringing along; Sanzo promptly abandoned it. Then finally, his cigarettes.

As he settled in for a smoke however, Goku's shouting and laughter suddenly stopped. Sanzo turned his head, ever-so-slowly, and found the sand-covered young man looking at him with a frown.

"No," he said.

"No?" Sanzo sneered. The cigarette in his mouth tilted as his lips curled. "Just what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm gonna tell Hakkai and Gojyo," Goku answered petulantly, folding his arms.

"HA!" chimed a distant voice...er, seagull.

"They aren't here, idiot." Sanzo reached for his lighter. "Besides, I could care less what they think."

"Sanzo," Goku whined peevishly, balling his fists. "You're so mean! You lost the bet, fair and square, so you have to do what I say. And I say, no cigarettes."

"You ordering me around was NOT part of the bet." Sanzo struck a light, daring a challenge.

The Pout made its appearance.

The Glare countered it.

A random, remote deity paused, and quirked an eyebrow at a bed of random, remote lotus flower.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

"I win!" crowed Goku, as the cigarette vanished with an accompanying noise of derision from its owner. Overjoyed, he dumped some more sand on himself. "Thanks, Sanzo!"

"I should have bet against YOU," the monk mumbled, folding his arms. "This is ridiculous."

"I order you to have fun," Goku told him, before vanishing suddenly behind a palm tree. Sanzo rolled his eyes. His hand twitched; he cursed, then stilled it by stuffing it under a fold of his robe. If he wasn't going to get a cigarette, he wasn't going to get a cigarette. No way in hell was he going to whine over it.

"Because I'm not Gojyo," Sanzo said out loud to himself.

"Huh?" A nearby sand dune asked.

"Be quiet," Sanzo answered. Overhead, a flock of seagulls laughed mockingly. He scowled at them.

Jerks.

----

"What's he mean, 'I'm not Gojyo?'" Gojyo stage-whispered to Hakkai. A shrug was his only answer, as Hakkai was too busy spectating to comment. Gojyo shrugged as well, then turned back to the scene unfolding on the beach.

"This is getting boring, man," he groused. "When the hell're they gonna--Oh, my Gawd! No way. Yes. YES. Bull's-eye!"

"Don't you dare laugh," Hakkai warned, forcefully biting his lip. "I might never forgive you if he finds out we're here."

"You won't have to." Gojyo's face was as red as his hair by now with the effort of holding in his mirth. "This is rich. Damn rich. I ain't spoiling nothing."

"A wise decision."

They went back to watching.

- - -

The Second Rule

"Rule Number Two," Gojyo continued. "Be prepared for mishaps--"

"Mis-wh..."

"ACCIDENTS."

"Oh. Okay. Like what?"

"Everything and anything you can think of, man. Sunburns, ripped shorts... oh, wait; those are good, not bad. Also, have a backup plan in case things get desperate."

"Desperate, how?" Goku's eyes widened.

"You'll know when you get there."

- - -

"CRAW! CRAW!" Overhead, the seagulls that had mocked Sanzo were still going at it. Apparently, something had excited the lot of them, and they were now circling low over Sanzo and Goku's beach in a hysterical swarm of feathers and feet.

"CRAW!"

"Shut up," Sanzo snapped at them. "I can't hear myself think."

"Don't be mean to the seagulls, Sanzo!" Goku appeared out of nowhere, his face and arms streaked with damp sand. "They know when people don't like them."

"CRAW!"

"The hell with that." Sanzo leapt to his feet and flailed his arms at the offending avians. "BE QUIET!!!"

"SKREEEE!" One bird dove after another, and they began to fight over a bit of food. Sanzo dropped a head into his hands and expelled an exclamation of sheer agitation. Lost bets, annoying monkeys, irritating birds... it couldn't possibly have gotten any worse for him.

As soon as Sanzo's guard was down, it did.

"Uh, Sanzo?"

"Shut up."

"SANZO!"

"I said, shut... up?" Looking mortified, Sanzo sent a hand to his hair. It came back white. And sort of purple.

"...I was just gonna tell you to use the parasol..."

"CRAW!"

----

"Suckerrrr," Gojyo jeered.

"They're heading this way," Hakkai said warningly.

"The seagulls?"

"No."

"No? Then wha... Oh, sh--"

----

"--It's going to ruin EVERYTHING if you leave now!" Goku grasped Sanzo's sleeve and pulled backward, putting all his considerable strength into the action. "You can't go yet!"

"Just try and stop me!" Sanzo forcefully knocked Goku's hand aside. The young man stumbled backward a few paces in surprise. "I've had enough of your stupid ideas."

"Look, the seagulls are leaving!" Goku anxiously watched them hover over their now-abandoned site. "I promise they won't bother you anymore!'

"No."

What should I do!? Frantically, Goku tried to recall Gojyo's advice. What's a mishap again? I can't remember!

"Please don't go," he begged. "I'll be so bored!"

"Not my problem." Sanzo was nearly out of earshot. "Entertain yourself."

At last, the desperate moment had come. Without rational thought, Goku took a running leap forward and latched his legs around Sanzo's waist, nearly bowling the slender man over.

"I want you to entertain me," he murmured, pressing his face into the back of Sanzo's neck.

"Get off me," Sanzo growled. "I'm not in the mood."

"You aren't forcing me away." The arms locked around Sanzo's torso slipped southward. "Are you?"

Another pair of hands stilled Goku's own, then pressed downward on his locked legs. "I'm not going to tell you again."

With a loud sigh, Goku released Sanzo. The monk turned and looked at him for a moment, then began to walk back to the beach.

"What have I done to myself," he sighed, tugging on his outer robes.

Yes! Goku beamed. Thanks, Gojyo. To Sanzo, he called out, "Maybe you should sit under the parasol from now on?"

"I'll do what I please," Sanzo replied tersely. Returning to the beachfront, he fully removed his stained robes, then knelt at the waterline and rinsed his hair.

Cheapskate, thought Goku. But he was smiling as he dropped back to the sand. I wouldn't have you any other way.

After Goku returned to playing, Sanzo set up the parasol and made himself comfortable beneath it.

----

"Well, I'll be damned." Gojyo whistled softly in appreciation. "That was great. Way to go, Monkey!"

"I'm also impressed," Hakkai said. "It seems he has remembered what you taught him."

"Amazing." Gojyo shook his head, inadvertently sending a few beads of sweat flying from the ends of his long hair. "The plot thickens. Aren't you glad you came with me today?"

Hakkai laughed lightly. Adjusting his monocle, he said, "There's nowhere I'd rather be."

- - -

The Third Rule

"Your date comes first," Gojyo continued, taking a drag from his cigarette. "Make sure he knows this. That means no arguing or whining. And for the love of God, don't complain every five minutes about how hungry you are."

Goku's features contorted. "But, I'm--"

"We KNOW, we KNOW. Just be quiet for a while. You're trying to keep Sanzo, not force him to leave because you annoyed the hell out of the poor bastard."

"I suppose you're right." Goku voice was uncertain as he swung his feet back and forth under the tall chair in which he was seated.

"Gojyo is always right, Monkey. Here, have some more tea..."

- - -

Some time later, Goku finally tired of his play. He returned from building a crude sand castle and approached Sanzo, who was still resting under the parasol, eyes half-closed as he gazed out to sea.

"Um, Sanzo?" Goku queried hesitantly, brushing some sand from his shirt.

Sanzo remained unmoving. "What."

"Well, um, don't you think you should put on some sunblock? You're gonna burn, you know...."

"I don't need it," was the only response from the blonde.

Liar, Goku thought to himself. Without the protection of his now-soiled robes, Sanzo's pale skin was now almost entirely exposed to the elements. All that remained for above-the-waist protection were his arm-length gloves and skintight top. Both of them black, the color of sun absorption. Already, his face and neck were beginning to turn pink. It would be only a matter of time before the sun took its toll. Unfortunately, attractive as a robe-less Sanzo could be, there would be no fun to be had later if that porcelain skin was sunburned, and its owner made even more cranky than he already was.

"But--"

"Leave me alone." Sanzo rolled onto his side and turned his back on Goku. "Go build your sandcastle again."

"But I just... aw, there it goes." Goku watched sadly as the ocean waves claimed his masterpiece. "That was my best one!"

"Obviously, it wasn't very good, was it?" Sanzo shifted onto his stomach. "Go away."

"But I don't feel like building another one," Goku protested, his voice dipping into a trademark whine. "And I'm hungry! Are you listening to me? Sanzo? Sanzooo..."

The Sanzo under the parasol snored exaggeratedly and refused to comment. Goku whined some more, then stomped both his feet at the same time.

"Jerk," he muttered, folding his arms. Then, while marching off with the basket: "I'm going to eat it all!"

Still no answer. Goku growled and kicked at the sand in effigy.

Damn stubborn cheapskate!

"What the hell's he doing?!" Gojyo buried his face in his hands. "He's gonna ruin the mood if he keeps this up..."

"Give him a chance," Hakkai replied, the nervous edge in his voice belying his soothing tone. "The day isn't finished. And it IS Sanzo he's dealing with, is it not?"

"He just needs some guts! Someone light a fire under his ass, man. I'm getting fed up over here. And I need a cigarette." Gojyo's lip curled and he tilted his head backward. "This sucks. And it's hot."

"You can smoke all the cigarettes you desire later," Hakkai answered as he dug about in a large sack. "In the meanwhile, have a sandwich."

"You brought food?" Gojyo's head rolled to the side laconically, the better to regard his companion. "You did. Where did you get that?"

"Trade secret." Hakkai produced a Thermos. "Tea?"

"It's not beer, but I'll forgive you." Gojyo took the Thermos and turned it around and around, enjoying its coolness against his hand before opening it and taking a long swig. "I gotta be sober, anyway. I wanna see if the stupid monkey can pull this off."

"I have faith in him."

"You would."

----

Well, this is no good. Slumped on the ground, Goku stared numbly at the picnic basket. Why won't Sanzo eat with me? We got him away from the temple, for crying out loud. He could at least PRETEND he's enjoying himself.

Bastard.

The afterthought elicited a twinge of guilt in Goku's stomach. His eyes strayed to Sanzo's prone form, stretched out carelessly on the blankets, and he sighed.
You are a bastard. There's no escaping it. But still...you're MY bastard.

It was almost as if he had heard the words spoken aloud. Either that, or he was just tired of looking at the rock outcropping to his left. For whatever reason, Sanzo's head lifted, then turned to Goku's direction. Their eyes met, and Goku swallowed, unable to speak

"You better not have eaten it all."

"Huh?" Goku blinked, confused. "What'd you say?"

"Did I stutter?" Sanzo sat up, carefully arranged his mussed hair, and shot Goku a glare. "I thought I'd made myself fairly clear."

"You mean, you'll really eat with me? Are you feeling okay?" Another blink from Goku, followed by an inquisitive look. "If you're sick, we'll have to go back home!"

Sanzo huffed. "Do you want food or not? Just get over here, already, before I change my mind."

"R-right!" Quickly Goku scrambled to sit next to Sanzo on the blanket, dragging the picnic basket with him. Nearly giddy with happiness, he fumbled with the contents as he unearthed the food Hakkai had prepared for their trip. Rice, sandwiches, strawberries and a bottle of...lotion?

Had Hakkai put that in there? The heat rose in Goku's cheeks as he stammered, "What would you like to eat? We have lots and lots of stuff here!..."

"Just give me whatever's edible," Sanzo announced, reaching for a plate. "And don't eat it all. I don't want to hear you complaining about your damn stomach in two hours just because you couldn't leave some behind."

"I know that," Goku shot back, glad for the distraction. "Sheesh..."

The lotion was promptly forgotten.

- - -

The Fourth Rule

"Pay close attention to this one." Gojyo's lips curved into a knowing grin. At the sight, Hakkai slid back his chair and excused himself, murmuring something about dinner. When he was out of earshot, Gojyo went on.

"It's time you learned a little something about a man and a, well, man, my boy." Playfully, he slapped Goku across the shoulders. "There comes a time in every red-blooded male's life when-"

"I KNOW about sex!" Goku bellowed, looking indignant. "Don't treat me like I'm three."

Gojyo blinked. "Damn, you're touchy. When's the last time you got some, Monkey?"

Folding his arms, Goku looked away from Gojyo and glared at the wall. "Why do you think I'm asking for help? God, you're so rude. I don't know why I even bothered."

"Relax, relax." Gojyo sat across from Goku at the table. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood. And, speaking of mood, let's talk. I have the feeling you could use some help with this...am I right?"

Silence. Then, "Well, yeah."

"Good! Now we're getting somewhere." Gojyo grinned again and rested an elbow on the table, dropping his head into his open hand. "Well, here's the thing, in case you didn't know. Unlike temples, beaches were made for sex. All you have to do is draw attention to this little fact. Then, simply lure in your prey, tease him a little, and..." Fingers waved flirtatiously in Goku's direction. "Whoopee."

"Tease him? You mean, like--"

"I mean, seduction." Gojyo waggled his eyebrows. "Drive him out of his mind... like only you can."

- - -

Lunch had long since passed. To escape the heat of early afternoon, two extended naps were taking place. Two, not one. When Goku had tried to curl up next to Sanzo, the monk had merely grumbled and pushed him back.

"It's hotter than hell," Sanzo had groused before rolling to the other side of the blanket. Annoyed, Goku had glared at him for a long while, mumbling inappropriate adjectives to himself. Eventually he'd given up, and closed his eyes to sleep.

Later. He could be patient.

When Goku awoke again, the sun had moved a considerable distance in the sky. A light, cool breeze was blowing, and the sea was calm. Perfect. Happily, he stripped to his bathing shorts and tossed his shirt aside. Time to play!

Sparkling droplets of water danced in the sunlight as Goku splashed his way into the sea. Laughing with glee, he began to dash about, chasing the various forms of marine life that scurried out of his way. They were all visible, wherever they went - the water was a deep, perfect shade of blue.

"I'm gonna getcha!" he shouted.

"Ooh, he's even wearing the skimpy shorts," Gojyo crowed, slapping the ground in delight. "Would you take a look at that. Did I train him well, or what?"

"I'm looking," Hakkai said. "And they are rather revealing. I'd not think him to wear something so risqué."

"Are you kidding? Goku has NO modesty. All the better for us."

"The better for Sanzo, you mean." Hakkai's mouth twitched.

"Speak of the devil," Gojyo raved, apparently still pleased with his pupil's choice of apparel. "Look who's awake. Stuff it, Baldy!"

"Here I come." Splash. "You can't hide from me! Ha ha ha ha!" Splash.

A dream?

"Hello, Mr. Fish! And Mr. Other Fish. Or are you a Mrs. Fish? I can't tell!" Splash.

No... not a dream. Sanzo opened his eyes and squinted about, trying to regain his bearings.

Judging by the sun, it was mid-to-late afternoon. He was alone on the beach, lying among the blanketsfreshly awoken from a nap...

Splash. Splash splash. Laughter. "Gonna getcha!"

...By that voice.

Shielding his eyes, Sanzo turned his gaze seaward, toward the source of the commotion. It was Goku, of course. Inwardly, Sanzo sighed as he watched the youth scamper about in the water. Of all the things to wake him up, it would have to be that loudest and most grating of voices.

What the hell was he so excited about, anyway? Sanzo sat up a bit and focused his vision. Nothing special, it seemed, other than the abundance of aquatic species probably darting around Goku's feet and ankles. And, the deeper he went, around his...legs?

It had finally come to Sanzo's attention that there was a half-naked creature frolicking about before him in the water, seemingly without a care in the world.

Good God.

Intelligent thought fled Sanzo's mind as his eyes followed that svelte, tanned body, its sleek muscles rippling smoothly as their owner scampered to and fro in play. And what was he wearing? With each step, the scrap of cloth that could barely be called a pair of shorts was slipping lower and lower on Goku's waist. Damn it. It was distracting the hell out of him, and he couldn't turn his eyes away.

At that moment, Goku stopped moving, faced out to sea, and peered into the water. "A seashell!" Sanzo heard him yelp as peered below the surface. "Ooh, pretty..."

And then, Goku bent over to look at it, perfectly toned derrière sticking up in the air, and all the hormones of hell broke loose in Sanzo's body at the sight.

You're going to pay for this, Sanzo mentally growled at Goku as the young man dashed back to shore, waving something in his hand.

"Sanzo? Sanzo! Are you awake? Look what I fou--oof!"

"Oh, my." Hakkai's eyes grew wide, and a huge smile crept onto his face. "It seems they are, er, working out their differences?"

"SCORE!" Gojyo nearly howled with glee as he watched the scene unfold below. "Look at them go. Oh, man. He better thank me later for that bottle of lotion I slipped in the basket..."

"It all makes the lack of cigarettes worth it, does it not?" Hakkai stood and brushed the sand from his pants.

"Hell, yes. And it's all thanks to Gojyo." He laughed, a sound of contentment, and leaned back with a smile.

"We'd better leave them be, don't you think?" Hakkai leaned down to tug on Gojyo's arm. "It's safe to say we accomplished our goals."

"I suppose you're right. Looks like it's our cue." And Gojyo stood up as well, something akin to wistfulness gracing his features. "Aww..." he said, taking one last look at the pair sprawled on the sand. "They're so cute."

"That's a surprising thing to hear, coming from you."

"Is it? Well, I'm feeling generous right now. Lezgo."

The two began to walk the way they had come earlier that day.

"Hey." Gojyo nudged Hakkai's side. "Can I smoke now?"

Hakkai nodded his consent. "I don't think they'd notice, do you?"

A leer. "Not even if they tried."

- - -

The Final Rule

"My fifth and final piece of advice," Gojyo said, "is regarding the part no female can live without."

"But Sanzo isn't-"

"As I was saying. This one is simple, but important: bonding."

"Bonding." Goku frowned.

"Sure! You gotta do something with that post-coital high."

"I can't believe I'm listening to you talk about this..."

"Hey!" Gojyo stuck out his bottom lip. "Trust me. It's the best part. Well, not really, but the second-best. Plus, it just might be the closest to cuddly that Sanzo ever gets."

"All right... I'm listening."

"Too bad! I'm done talking." Gojyo pushed back his chair and stood up.

"HUH?" Goku gawked at him. "You didn't even SAY anything!"

"I said a lot of things. Where have you been the last hour?" At the look on Goku's face, he said, "Look, I ain't the mushy type, so I can't really help you with this one. Just do whatever seems natural... though, saying that to you makes me nervous."

"Hey!"

"Kidding, kidding. You're all right, Monkey. And you'll do fine. Just relax, and try enjoy yourself."

"Thanks, Gojyo." Goku smiled gratefully at the redhead.

"Anytime."

- - -

It was almost dawn. The tide was coming in, the resultant waves lapping at the shore, and the sky was a dull bluish-grey. The air was tangy with brine, and carried a light chill.

Underneath a large pile of blankets and quilts, a form stirred. Goku opened his eyes, blinked, and yawned. He lifted his head sleepily and looked around for a moment; then, sighing happily, he returned it to the pillow of Sanzo's chest beneath him.

The chest rumbled. "You're awake."

"Yeah." Smiling, Goku dropped a kiss to Sanzo's throat. "G'morning," he said with a huge yawn. "Have you been up long?"

"No." A standard morning greeting from Sanzo. All was well.

"'Kay."

They lay in silence, listening to the sound of the waves lapping on the shore and to one another's breathing.

It's like a dream come true, Goku thought, relishing the quiet moment even as sadness tightened his throat. But it's almost over.

"I don't wanna go back," he finally whispered. "I like it here."

"Idiot," Sanzo mumbled, even as his arms slid up to enfold Goku's small body. "You know we can't stay."

"I do. But I don't wanna go back to the temple. Thanks to those dumb monks, I hardly ever see you anymore. Except at night, and then you usually just go right to sleep..."

The arms around Goku tightened. "Is that why you wanted to come here so badly?"

"Yeah." Goku closed his eyes and sighed. "It is."

They shifted then, legs entwining as they rolled onto their sides to face each other. Goku curled into Sanzo, briefly resting his head on his chest, then tilted his head back to kiss him.

"You're sticky," he said with a giggle. He ran his hands lightly up and down Sanzo's arms, and the laughter stopped. "You did get sunburned. Does it hurt?"

"No. But I feel disgusting," Sanzo muttered. "Beaches are dirty. We're bathing after the sun comes up."

"Oh, are we?" Goku said teasingly, fingers dancing on Sanzo's chest. "You weren't complaining about being dirty last night..."

"Neither were you," Sanzo pointed out, dipping his head to bite at Goku's ear. "And I haven't had to hear about your hunger pains for hours."

"That's because you were my food." They kissed again, even as Goku felt his stomach respond to the thought of nourishment.

Life went on, after all.

"I AM still hungry," Goku admitted when they broke apart. "For meatbuns, spring rolls, teriyaki..."

Sanzo gave a good-natured sigh. "I knew it was too good to last."

"Too bad." A mischievous grin crept onto Goku's face. "But I could always eat you, instead."

"Ha." Sanzo scoffed. "That's funny. You're always complaining you can never get enough of me. You'd starve, either way."

"You're right." Goku's hand strayed. "In fact, I'm getting really hungry right now."

"Oh, are you." An golden eyebrow raised in question.

"I am." Out of nowhere, a strawberry appeared and aimed itself at Sanzo's mouth. "But this time, I'm not going to feed myself..."

----

Sometime later...

"Hey." Gojyo sat up in his seat and grinned. "It's stinking monk and stupid monkey!"

"Welcome back," Hakkai greeted the pair as they came down the path, looking tired but content. "Did you have a good time?"

The two took their seats in the waiting vehicle. "We did!" said Goku cheerfully. "It was a lot of fun."

"Yeah, we kn...I mean, that's good to hear." Gojyo nodded quickly. "Eh, Hakkai?"

"Indeed, it is."

As the Jeep pulled away from the beach, Goku turned around to watch the shoreline disappear.

"Don't worry," Gojyo whispered, noticing the sad look on the youth's face. "You'll be back someday."

"Yeah." Goku sighed wistfully. "I hope so."

"Did my advice help?"

"Most of it." Goku settled into his seat and put his hands behind his head. "And, um, thanks."

"No problem." Gojyo reached for a cigarette, glancing at Sanzo out of the corner of his eye as he did so.

"Hey, Blondie! Where'd ya get that stain? If I didn't know better--"

"You don't know better," Sanzo cut him off. "So be quiet."

"Sure, sure." Gojyo leaned back, enjoying his tobacco and the cool morning breeze. To Goku: "The seagulls got him, didn't they."

"Yup." Goku grinned like the devil. "Sure did."

"Damn, man," Gojyo said, his eyes glinting. "I wish I coulda been there."

Owari

Hope you enjoyed. As always, my thanks for reading.