Warnings: Probable OOCness, grammatical errors, rustiness…
Notes: Written for Fall's August 2004 Challenge over at SanzoxHakkai ML.

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Without Words

The pages of the journal remained unmarred, since the day had been rather uneventful. Hakkai twirled the pen he was holding absent-mindedly, recalling. They had arrived in town around mid-day and after checking in the only inn available, spent the afternoon shopping for supplies. They had an early dinner at a restaurant and after that, only Hakkai and Sanzo made their way back to the inn. Goku wanted to watch a puppet show that was playing at the town's park and Gojyo said something about getting a 'late night dessert'.

All in all, an uneventful day indeed.

Glancing up to the round clock on the wall, Hakkai noted it was almost midnight. Goku had returned a while ago and had headed straight to the room he and Gojyo were sharing. And speaking of the redhead, he was not back yet and Hakkai hoped that his friend would be back in time before they set off tomorrow. The 'dessert' must have been quite delicious and Gojyo was probably not satisfied with one helping only.

Sighing inwardly, Hakkai dropped the pen onto the table and proceeded to leaf through the front pages of the journal. He stopped at one particular page, eyes roving slowly over the familiar neat writing, a small smile touching his lips. It was a special entry, one that centered on a certain acknowledgement.

The echo of footsteps from beyond the closed door alerted the youkai and he stopped reading, looking up to the entrance in expectation. The footsteps stopped and a moment later, the door swung open.

"Feel refreshed?" Hakkai questioned amicably as Sanzo walked in, clad only in his jeans with a towel draped over one shoulder.

"Hmph," the monk grunted as he took a seat opposite Hakkai and hung his towel on the empty chair beside him. His eyes flickered to the journal then. "Are you done writing?"

The brunette chuckled. "Iie. Today is rather uneventful; I don't think I'll be writing anything."

Sanzo leaned back in his seat and grabbed the cigarette pack that was beside the pot of coffee. He lit a stick and blew leisurely, careful to let the nicotine smog drift towards the open window. "You should go to sleep now. Your neck's sore, right?"

Hakkai smiled upon hearing this, fingers running down the page he was reading earlier on reflexively. "How did you know?"

The blonde removed the stick from his lips and flicked the ashes on the ash tray. A cool breeze wafted through the window then, ruffling their hairs slightly. "I'm not blind," he said quietly as he reached for his mug.

"Aa, sou desu ka?" Hakkai commented as he took the role of pouring coffee into the mug.

Sanzo said nothing, merely went on to take a sip of the coffee. He then resumed smoking, watching the darkness outside. The silence between them was comfortable; neither felt it was necessary to have the conversation running again. Words were never the basis of their relationship anyway; Sanzo once said 'we talk about what we have to talk about'.

Hakkai diverted his gaze back to the pages of his journal. Their relationship. It was a funny thing, this relationship that they both had, he mused. They probably looked nothing more than acquaintances; not friends like how Gojyo and he were but still, there was a degree of mutual trust and understanding. And amazingly, this limited degree of amity seemed sufficient enough to sustain an invisible line of communication between them, often enabling one to know what the other was thinking or feeling.

It was just incredible, this unique interaction of theirs, and proved to be useful many times over as well, especially when dealing with enemies. Just by looking at each other and reading the thoughts of each other's eyes were enough for them.

Without words.

But then it came to a point in time where emotions got assimilated into this wordless bond of theirs; emotions that neither one thought it would be possible to experience, emotions that both were able to hide under their respective frowns and smiles, but not when they chanced to look into each other's eyes.

At first, they tried to ignore those emotions. For Hakkai, he had thought them to be sinful because it seemed to dishonor the love he had for Kanan. Of course, he knew that someday he would probably be able to let go of the past but he did not expect it to be that fast. It had been only three years plus, after all.

But they could only elude from the truth for so long. And it was that one night, when they both finally acknowledged that each meant something to the other, that each felt more than they should for the other. Their eyes met, spoke and made the commitment. They knew of the inevitable risks but they were prepared.

We have finally admitted it. Without words. But still a commitment has been made and I feel strangely liberated. It was as if I have been reborn. I think Kanan would have wanted me to move on and be happy. Tonight I have move on. Will I be happy? I don't know. To have these feelings again, it means I have to be prepared for the same pain as well. But his eyes told me that he was prepared as well. I could lose him, but this time I am prepared. He is prepared too.

The entry was dated five months back. Sometimes Hakkai thought it to be a dream and that he would wake up anytime soon. It was strange but in the span of the five months, they still continued to be as they were prior to that night. There were, of course, the occasional glances, the quiet exchanges about each other's welfare, the private teasing and the deep concern that tended to show during and after fights. But otherwise, they seemed nothing more than mere acquaintances.

Hakkai did not mind. He was actually glad their relationship was as such. He was afraid that lust might have been a prominent factor. He was no angel; he did missed indulging in carnal desires but the fact he had not try to engage Sanzo in anything more convinced him that what they shared was almost pure.

But of course, he sometimes wondered how it would feel like to kiss the blonde, to touch him and to fly on white-hot wings of ecstasy together to the heavens above.

Would it hurt to ask for a small kiss? Hakkai bit his lower lip, contemplating. He knew Sanzo did not like to be touch but the monk could always decline. The brunette smiled inwardly, wondering if they would ever touch. He could always try to seduce but somehow, he did not think he was that much of a seducer.

Would it hurt to ask for a small kiss?

"Sanzo…"

"Hakkai…"

Hakkai's head snapped up immediately, and his eyes settled upon a face that was just as startled as he was. And instinctively, their eyes sought each other for the unspoken words.

May I kiss you?

It's been five months, hasn't it?

The questions left both wide-eyed, especially Hakkai. Could it be possible that all the while Sanzo was thinking about the very same things he had?

"Sanzo…"

The said monk blinked, then slowly lowered his gaze and dragged it back to the darkness outside. But Hakkai was quick to notice the slight tinge coloring Sanzo's pale cheeks and almost immediately, his heartbeat quickened, as a wave of blissful jubilation swept through him at the realization of it all.

Sanzo was thinking about the very same things he had.

Time came to a standstill then. Even when Hakkai slowly stood up, the sound of chair scraping against the wooden floor echoing loud throughout room, everything else seemed to be frozen along with time. He made his way to Sanzo's side, eyes kept on the blonde the whole time. But the other man seemed oblivious to his presence, as if the outside world held more wonderful splendor.

Gingerly one hand reached out to cup the blonde's chin. Hakkai could see and feel the jaw muscles twitching slightly, tensed, but he was not discouraged. Carefully he turned Sanzo's face towards him and almost lost his composure when the pair of amethysts stared straight into his own eyes. There was challenge in them, but at the same time, there was confusion and a hint of nervousness as well.

"Sanzo…" he whispered, searching for assurance.

The blonde continued with his intrepid stare. Hakkai felt his heart sank as the sweet euphoria that coursed through him before began to subside. Had he been wrong, expecting too much?

But just as he was about to release his hold on the monk's chin, the latter slowly eased his lids down, hiding away all traces of ambiguity. It was all the assurance that Hakkai needed.

Hakkai wanted to laugh, to let go of the tension that was building up within him moments ago. But it would spoil the moment and he did not want that. Taking in a deep, shaky breath, he leaned forward and ever so gently, pressed his lips against Sanzo's.

He could not find words to describe the first contact. It was like all emotions, thoughts and senses were being pulled together into a wild, untamed whirlwind of exhilaration. He remembered the shock when he first realized that he felt something more for Sanzo, the desperation when he tried to suppress what he was feeling, the frustration when he could not and the relief when it was finally acknowledged. Then there were thoughts about how Sanzo's lips felt under his, strangely soft and warm but stiff. And the smell of nicotine, coffee, soap, shampoo and natural muskiness intermingled to form a delightful scent of which he could almost taste.

Driven by instinct, Hakkai began to lightly brush his lips across the other, then parting them slightly to nip at the blonde's lower lip. He could taste the nicotine and coffee then and could not resist running his tongue in featherlike playfulness across the sealed lips. The feel was exquisite and Hakkai shuddered slightly, wondering just how it would be like to engage in a full kiss.

"Sanzo…" the brunette breathed his plea and proceeded to coax Sanzo's lips open with his tongue.

The blonde did not oblige and Hakkai could feel the jaw muscles clenching more tightly. He released his hold on Sanzo's chin and reluctantly left the lips as well, but made his way to the left ear. He placed a small kiss at the lobe and felt the monk stiffened slightly. "Onegai, Sanzo…" he pleaded softly.

He placed another chaste kiss and thereafter trailed down the jawbone with more of the butterfly kisses, lingering at the chin for a second longer before reaching for the lips. He nibbled lightly on the lower half before soothing it quickly with a gentle flick of his tongue and once again, repeated his coaxing effort.

Sanzo quivered but did part his lips, though slightly. It was enough for Hakkai, who slipped his tongue into the warm, moist cavern and relished the taste and feel that Sanzo's mouth had to offer. He sought for the monk's tongue, stroking it gently, and felt the latter shivered.

Hakkai was overwhelmed by the burning desire stirring up within him. Never mind that Sanzo was not responding. He had not realized how much he missed a simple act such as this. Maybe it was because he had been on his own for too long. Or maybe it was just Sanzo. Either way the brunette wanted more out of the unresponsive man before him but he knew that he had to be patient. After all, he had wanted just a small kiss.

Reluctantly, he withdrew his tongue and sealed the affair with a chaste kiss. He pulled back and straightened, staring down at the monk who was looking slightly flushed. Clouded pair of amethysts revealed themselves then, a question clearly written across them.

"Thank you. I'm happy that you let me do this. But I don't want to take more than what you are willing to offer. It is enough for me," the brunette assured with a genuine smile. Then without waiting for an answer, he continued. "It's getting late. We should turn in now..."

"Oi!"

"Hai?"

The monk issued a slight frown. "Are you tired already?" he questioned in a low voice.

Hakkai cocked his head to one side. "No, not really. Why?"

Sanzo did not answer immediately. Instead, he slanted a glance towards the night. "The moon is beautiful tonight."

The bewildered brunette could not help but chuckle. Usually, the one commenting about the fine weather or the beautiful moon would be him. "Aa, sou desu ne," he agreed cheerfully as he took a look at the three-quarter full moon. It was obvious that the situation was getting to be slightly awkward and if Sanzo wanted to play out the tension as such, he would gladly follow along. "Maa, it's really beautiful."

He heard the scraping of the chair against the floor before his eyes registered the monk standing up. Startled, Hakkai took a step back as Sanzo stood directly before him, a strange glint in his eyes. And Hakkai could easily read what it meant.

Are you sure, Sanzo?

The monk narrowed his eyes. "Ch…"

Hakkai wanted to protest; Sanzo could not possibly be sure of what he wanted. Even a simple intimate gesture like a kiss had the blonde stiffening up and unable to react. He did not want their relationship to turn awkward or uncomfortable the morning after and Heaven knows till when.

I know what I want. Do it again.

"Sanzo…" Hakkai whispered but the monk held his ground, as evident by the stubbornness showing in those eyes that could pierced right through a man's soul. "Wakarimashita," he finally relented, his lips forming a small smile.

He stepped right up to Sanzo, hands already finding their way to cup the sides of the blonde's face. He smoothed back the damp bangs, leaning forward to bestow a kiss upon the exposed forehead. He then kissed the brows, the bridge of the nose, both cheeks, before finally nestling his lips against Sanzo's. Hakkai repeated his earlier ministrations, and when he sought entrance back into the sweet, nicotine-and-coffee flavored tavern, he was seized with happiness when Sanzo parted his lips willingly.

Hakkai instinctively pursued the tongue, but he did not expect Sanzo to seek his as well. It was a flawless imitation of what he did before and it was not long before their tongues tasted, explored, stroked and mated in perfect unison. It was a passionate, rhythmic kiss, one that harbored no haste or ferocity.

The need for air forced them apart then. Hakkai positioned his hands lightly on Sanzo's shoulders and began to massage, an act meant to calm them down. "You're always so mean, Sanzo. The reason you weren't responding just now was because you were busy observing."

"Of course. Would you rather I be clumsy?"

The brunette chuckled. "Maa, the first few times are always awkward," he tried to placate.

"Hmph," the monk huffed.

"Well, practice makes perfect, ne."

Before Sanzo could react, Hakkai leaned forward to capture the sweet lips. The response was immediate and their tongues danced once again to a tune so magical it seemed like reality had been pulled from under them. But Hakkai was not about to complain. This was what he wished for…and it seemed like he had something to write in his journal after all.

- - owari - -