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Triskell
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Title: Beneath the Jellicle Moon – Chapter 4
Author: Triskell
Rating: Mild R (language, allusions to sex & mature themes)
Author's Note: again, the letter writing idea comes from a great Harry Potter slash fanfic called "Wicked Game" by JayKay.
I hope I've tied up all loose ends, there were quite a few little allusions about various cats that I'd made in the course of the story ;D.
This is unbetaed – if you find a mistake or if something in the storyline isn't clear, please let me know. I appreciate comments and criticism.
Chimalmaht, DemiGold, and Roman de la Croix: thanks for your continuous support – without you, I probably wouldn't have finished this.
BENEATH THE JELLICLE MOON – CHAPTER 4
© Triskell, Sept/Dec 2001, March/April 2002, Sept/Oct 2004
Thanks for your letter. Glad to hear it's
getting better for you. The pictures I've
sent you are by me. Don't laugh, I really
paint and I like it.
Told Munk the other day and he just
smiled, said he'd thought so. I swear,
tabby knight's making my skin crawl.
We're patrolling together now and then,
Adme's out with a cold – got it from
Munk I bet.
Rumple said she'd heard Jelly telling
Jenny she was worried about you. Said
you weren't writing. Mungo's written a
love poem and Rumple laughed her head
off. Then she kissed him in front of the tire
and Munk told them to 'get a room' cause
they weren't 'kitten-friendly'.
Tanto's been really weird lately and Quaxo's
practically inventing new levels of quiet and
sad. Gus isn't doing well, think it's a cold too,
they're going round, autumn's coming.
Best, Tugger
Etcetera folded the letter, a smile on her face. The first time Tugger had called her "Etcy" in writing; it might not look like much, but to her it was very special. The tone was warmer, more intimate somehow – it made her feel cherished. Etcetera looked over at her almost finished embroidery. Once she'd handed this in, there was only the knitting class and then one month training mice and cockroaches – after that, she was free.
The church bell struck five-thirty and she quickly put away Tugger's letter, smoothing her head-fur. Betsy was taking her to see Ms Athena again, over in Chawton. It was a long walk, which was why they were setting off so early in the morning. Etcetera was tired, but she only had the weekend for her studies and time was short.
"Etcetera, are you ready?" Betsy stood on the stairs, head cocked, long ears flopping to the ground. Lights were low and the shadows made her seem more wrinkled than she was; canine teeth glinted dully at Etcetera, "We must be off, before anyone figures out we're actually going; if you're tired I'll carry you a bit."
"I'm fine, Betsy, thanks. Just a moment," the young queen grabbed her satchel (sewing lessons had finally come in useful for this) and padded up the stairs, "Let's go."
"No letters to finish, have you?"
"I got one yesterday; I'll send off the reply Monday."
Betsy grinned, "You're one good correspondent. I hope you'll keep that up when you're back home. Athena and I are counting on lots of gossip from you."
Somehow, Etcetera didn't feel as happy about that statement as she would've been a while back. Going back home was something she'd looked forward to, but now it also meant leaving two gentle friends and patient teachers behind who had opened her eyes to a world of knowledge she was glad to soak up.
Just got back from Ms Athena (Betsy's friend).
Chawton's quite far, really, for a weekend trip,
but I'm always glad to go. I've learnt so much,
it's amazing! And Ms Athena gave me lots of
books – she wants me to keep them too! Can you
believe it? She said she can't read them properly
anymore and I'm the only pupil she has, so I'll
need to have her books to carry on tradition.
I just hugged her. Betsy later said it looked so
strange, having a cat hug an owl.
I'll send a note to Mum today – I just never know
what to say. I mean, I should say: Mum, I'm a
hopeless case for a gumbie, but I'm currently
training in herb lore and I've decided to be a
healer.
Can you imagine me saying that? Put it in a letter?
I'll have to wait till I see Mum; it's only fair I tell
her to her face. Mathilda's been scolding me again,
but I think I'm making progress.
I didn't know you were an artist, Tugs. You're very
talented, though, and you'll have to show me all of
your work when I get back!
Love and hugs,
Etcy
His little lover was coming back soon – that thought was at once wonderful and scary. Tugger was slowly beginning to realise just how far he'd let himself go. It was one thing to care for Etcetera in silence, it was another to show her parts of himself by writing, letting her know about his projects.
By opening up to her he was effectively setting her up for disappointment – she loved him and he had to take her seriously. He wasn't stupid enough to think that only because she was young she wasn't able to have deep feelings. Still, he would only end up getting in her way in the end and he had encouraged her far too much already. Telling her he painted and drew – talking to her about life at the 'yard as if he were a chatty tom-friend; it just wouldn't do.
The time was ripe for re-considering his stand; he had to make sure his priorities were clear and his mind set on a course before she returned. Tugger stretched out his paw, running it lovingly across his sketchpad, propped up against the wall beside the window. A soft, young face looked back at him, radiating innocence and life even through the fine ink strokes and darker shading of smudged pencil.
It was one of his best portraits. Although Etcetera had never sat for it, he had caught every line, every dimple. It had never occurred to him before just how much he must have watched her. With a sigh, he let his paw drop from the picture, shaking his head.
He could regret losing her later – he had a lifetime for it – right now he had to teach himself not to be affected by her, not to back down when he told her it was over. There was no other way. "I love you and I'll let you go," he whispered, eyes fixed on the portrait.
"Sorry, mate, I ..."
"You didn't look. And you didn't think and mpfh..."
The main advantage of a relationship with Rumple seemed to be that Mungo was now allowed to shut her up with a kiss. Quaxo did happen to notice the wink the young queen levelled at him before she closed her eyes, happily slumping against her lover, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Poor Mungo obviously had no idea that, no matter what he did, Rumple was always one step ahead; he just couldn't win. Tugger had been right – queens were enigmas a tom should never underestimate. Quaxo smiled, clearing his throat a bit exaggeratedly to ensure his friends returned to him: Mungo's eyes were glazed, Rumple looked flustered.
"I forgive you, Mungo. Did you find something?"
"Yeah," Rumple took a quick breath, arms still tangled in Mungo's head fur, "We went ta the lost property office in Victoria."
Mungo continued, a sly grin stealing onto his face, "There was nothin' there, so we had a peek at the props room at the Opera 'ouse in Covent Garden. Lots of junk there, but..."
Rumple brandished a small locket, "We found this – small and dainty and they won't miss it. Not silver though, just some metal – is it ok? We can 'ave a look in Nottin' 'ill, at the market."
"No, this is perfect. It's just what I was looking for."
"So who's it for, mate?"
"Secret."
"Spoilsport."
"Ya're one ta talk, Jer. Ya're jest as romantic as a fleabag, but do ya care – no. Ya never get me presents..."
There were moments Quaxo was really glad Rumple had Mungo twisted round her paw; it was sparing him from having to confess who he was getting presents for while Mungo was trying to counter the accusation and the sad little pout his lover was sporting.
"Ah, I'll see you later, you too," Quaxo hurried off just as the sound of kissing started again. It seemed that Mungo's creativity only extended to heists and burglary, not to ways of dealing with his temperamental lover.
The locket, once cleaned with water and a little magic, had a lovely copper sheen that complimented the chestnut coloured satin ribbon Quaxo had hung it on. The contents of the locket had taken longest to finish, as it was by no means easy to find the correct spell for magically freezing a flower. Quaxo had managed it at last, the delicate myosotis (1) gleaming in a soft blue, captured in full bloom.
It now lay inside the locket, an unspoken message to Electra. The note said: 'Your friendship is precious to me, Electra. I look forward to seeing you. Yours, Quaxo.' And the myosotis said, in flower language: 'I love you and I won't forget you.'
Yorkshire had been exciting, not so much for any new stories she had heard, but rather for Rogue's having found a place on the stage, apprenticed to a seasoned actress. Electra planned to ask Gus if he knew her. She claimed to have been the first queen to play Lady Macbeth on the English stage; whether that was true or not, she owned a small cats-only theatre and put on shows, starring in or directing most of them.
She was an artist with a lot of business sense and Rogue had been fascinated with her from the start, constantly talking about her. In the end, Electra'd gotten a few new stories and Rogue had been given the chance to try his hand at a real theatre education. Saying goodbye had been difficult, although Electra was getting used to making friends only to leave them behind again. They kept in touch by writing and it still amazed the young queen how many letters she found at each collection point.
The sky was slowly brightening again and the downpour wasn't as strong as before. Perhaps there would be some sunshine when she got to Edinburgh. Skimble was waiting for her there, to introduce her to another friend of his, Emily. She was an Irish railway cat and Electra would spend three weeks with her. Ireland was last on her schedule and after seeing it, in a month's time, she was going to be on a train back to London, to the junkyard.
The last leg of the journey would be the most taxing and also the most exciting. It wasn't going to be easy to leave all the freedom and new discoveries behind her and return to her sheltered little world. Her thoughts were still in turmoil and she hated to be reminded of how much she really missed Quaxo, and not only when the moon was full, enticing.
The ache for his company had steadily grown, especially since she and Rogue had parted ways. She had begun to question her feelings then, carefully, and she had found that Quaxo was very important to her as a friend and that, perhaps, it was time to stop being afraid of the feelings she had discovered that night under the Jellicle moon. She was a grown queen and there were risks everywhere. One of these risks was, without doubt, to start a real relationship.
Perhaps Quaxo would still want to try, if she dared ask him. She fingered the locket with the small myosotis, stroking the satin band tied around her neck. The young tom was obviously still thinking about her and he'd forgiven her. It was up to her to mend the breach completely and she would have her chance in a month's time.
Her paw closed around her pendant. She thought of Quaxo's warm, dark eyes, imagining what it would be like to have his arms wrapped around her. She shivered, sensual memories of Adme's fur brushing hers overlaid with her feelings for Quaxo, emotions she was only now daring to associate with him. It was strange to find the Jellicle Moon had pointed her tom out to her after all.
"Why not?"
"You're supposed to control the mice, to teach them something useful. You give them needles and thread, leave them to do what they please and tell them stories. That's not only inappropriate for a gumbie, but also highly dangerous."
"What danger can there possibly be in mice with needles? Do you think they will attack you, Mathilda?"
"Ms Mathilda, Etcetera. I'm your teacher and I demand your respect."
Etcetera sighed, "Sorry, M'am. Still, I don't see what I'm doing wrong. No one's harmed and ..."
"You are not fulfilling the requirements for a gumbie cat."
"I never have, have I? No matter how much I slaved over my sewing and my embroidery. The only thing I'm good at is knitting and that's only because Gus spent ages teaching me."
"Asparagus, the theatre cat?"
"Yes, Gus. Mum takes care of him and he often kittensitted me."
Mathilda looked at Etcetera solemnly, shaking her head, "I admit you're not gumbie material, but your inability to do proper embroidery aside, you have learned a great deal. There is nothing else for you and you've come very far. It would be inconceivably stupid to throw away your hard work when you need this education."
"That's not quite true," the young queen smiled, "I've been training as a healer with Betsy and Ms Athena in the past months. I've already received my certificate in herb lore and I've been given the address of a resident London healer to complete my studies."
"Are you telling me you are quitting?"
"No. I've worked hard for you, to prove to myself that I can do it. And I got through everything. You can give me as much trouble about the teaching aspects as you want; I no longer need to make a point for my mother or for myself. I could be a gumbie, but I don't want to."
"You're like Jellylorum."
Etcetera frowned. Mathilda had never before used her mother's name, in fact she'd never referred to Jelly or the junkyard in all the time the young queen had been with her, "What are you saying? That Mum's a quitter?"
"I never had the talent Jellylorum had, but she decided, after a relationship gone wrong that she wasn't going to train as a gumbie. Instead, she stayed at the junkyard morosely, hooked up with some Jellicle tom for a nice matehood with kitten. Now she's looking after a dilapidated theatre cat and mourning the good old days. I've seen her here, I know she regrets choosing the easy way. I didn't."
Something froze in Etcetera and her face hardened. She might not get on well with her mother, yet she wouldn't allow anyone to make such careless assumptions.
"You are mistaken. Mum might regret not having had her education, but she didn't make an easy choice. Not once; she has no mate, because my father – some coward tom – left her when she got pregnant. I know, from Gus, that she had choices. Bustopher offered to be her mate and she was also had a chance for abortion. Either of these choices would have made her life a lot easier and still she chose the hard way. She remained alone, helped out at the theatre and later cared for Gus, all while raising me."
Etcetera noticed, with a certain smugness, that Mathilda had paled while she spoke.
"That's not possible."
"Do you think I'd be lying? That Gus would lie to me?"
"She can't have been pregnant from him. He swore he hadn't touched her."
"Who?"
"Glamrig."
It wasn't difficult to make a connection, "I heard you'd quarrelled about a tom, was that him?"
"Glamrig said he only loved me. He wanted to run away with me."
"But then he was suddenly gone?" There was something pitiable in the way Mathilda stared at the wall, tail twitching nervously as she nodded. Etcetera sighed, "Mum never talked about my father. I didn't even know his name."
"I can understand why," An emotion flashed across Mathilda's eyes as she straightened, suddenly, "This has nothing to do with our previous discussion, Etcetera, and I think you should forget I ever spoke of this. So do you or do you not want to finish your education here?"
"I have already finished my studies, M'am. I'm ready to go home."
Mathilda nodded, "I will write to your mother to tell her you've decided to quit. She can send someone to pick you up."
Etcetera shook her head slowly, "That won't be necessary, I can travel on my own. I will check with Betsy if Ms Athena has any more training scheduled. If not, I'll take the next train to London, which leaves tomorrow morning at 8:35."
Finally, Etcetera had something to look forward to. She was going home at last and she felt that she had come a long way. Half a year had taught her that she was no longer a kitten and had to stand up for herself and her actions. Absence had also shown her that her love for Tugger was exactly what she had believed it to be – right and lasting.
Too bad Admetus had been unavailable; he had been for quite a while, actually, or perhaps Munk simply enjoyed tormenting his brother too much to ask someone who could clean up twice as fast and was far more skilful in tracing gang activities in their backyard.
Tugger sighed, finally smoothing the last heavy tangle, patting his mane. Presentable again, if only for his mirror. There was no one to see him – he automatically reached for his sketchpad even as a giant yawn stretched his jaws. There was a knock on the door. Tugger didn't even bother to turn around, probably just Munk trying to buy his forgiveness with dinner, "Come in!"
"Evening Tugs."
He turned like a flash, staring at the last cat he'd thought of seeing. She stood on his threshold, smiling up at him, the last kittenish traces gone from her face, her eyes brighter than he remembered, wide and sparkling.
"I'm home," she said simply, holding out her paw in greeting. He stepped forward without a thought, reaching for her and drawing her into his arms. He pressed her tight against his chest, lifting her paws off the ground as her arms came around to hold him. Her fur was dishevelled and smelled of wind and rain.
"Etcy," no more than a whisper against her ear as she purred against his neck until he set her down again, abruptly stepping back, distancing himself. He had let his guard down, unprepared for seeing her again so soon; he silently cursed his own stupidity. Etcetera moved forward, closing the distance he'd put between them, touching his chin and forcing him to look at her, "I'm home, Tugs, and I'm staying in London – for good."
Tugger cleared his throat, "That's grand. Nice to see you again. Your mum'll be happy." His voice was gruff and he turned away from her touch, her gaze.
Etcetera closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. She knew he cared for her but he didn't yet seem ready to admit it. A slow smile stole onto her face – he himself had told her not to give in and to fight for what she believed in and that was precisely what she would do.
"I'd better go and see Mum then, Tugs, hadn't I?" Another try to draw him out; he only nodded.
"I'll see you, Tugs." She choked back the desperate 'I love you' that had hung unspoken between them ever since their first night together. Now was not the time. He wasn't ready, not yet. Etcetera turned around, closing the door carefully behind her and walking towards her mother's place.
"Why... Etcy! I didn't expect you, you..." and just like this, Etcetera found herself grabbed in a tight hug and only let go when she thought she'd never breathe again. Jelly drew her inside, looking her up and down, "It's wonderful to have you back! And so quickly, I thought you'd be training another month, I'm so proud of you!"
"Mum," there really wasn't a gentle way to break the news, "I quit."
Jelly's mouth opened, but no words came out. Etcetera couldn't remember having ever seen her speechless; she took the opportunity, "I've quit, because I never really wanted to be a gumbie. I told you and I meant it. I've done most of my classes and passed them, though, Mathilda gave me a letter for you," she held it out to Jelly, glad her mother took it without a fuss, "But I've not been lazy or anything. I've learned something, a profession."
"Indeed," Jelly was highly sceptical, her voice lazed with something heavy and darkly foreboding – Etcetera knew she had to get it all out very quickly before her mother erupted in a screaming fit.
"I started training as a healer; I've finished my courses in herb lore and will complete my studies here in London. I've got the address of a certified healer who'll take me on. I know you're disappointed, Mum, and I'm sorry. I just don't want to get up in the morning and feel that I'm doing a job just to please you, I want to please myself."
"I'm not sure I understand your...choice, Etcetera. But I'm glad you at least decided to learn something sensible and if you are sure you want to be a healer I suppose that's fine."
"Thanks, Mum. I... I have something else to tell you. Two things, actually, and I ask you to please listen to me and let me finish."
"I take it I'm not going to like the rest of your news," Jelly looked surprisingly calm. She put the letter she'd already crumpled in her paws on the table and sat down, motioning for Etcetera to do the same.
Their conversation seemed to be strangely formal and it didn't look very promising. Etcetera could only hope she'd be able to stay with someone for the night – her mother was sure to throw her out after she was done. She took a breath to steady herself.
"Firstly, I just want to say that I'm not going to impose on you – I'll be getting a flat straight away. I intend to stay in London, at the junkyard, and I want a home of my own. Secondly, and I know you're going to hate hearing this: I'm working on a relationship."
"I assume it's Tugger," Jelly's voice was icy.
"Yes."
"I know you've been seeing him; Cassandra kindly informed me."
"I see."
"I suppose it won't do any good if you tell you he's all wrong for you."
"Yes. I know Tugger's reputation's against him, but he's shown himself to be considerate and caring. We've been writing to each other in the past months and he's been supportive and kind. I love him and I know he likes me – I want to see if we can build a proper relationship out of that."
"You are old enough to decide for yourself, Etcetera. I don't like this at all, I admit, but I think you're very mature about it. I hope you're not wrong. Having faith in the wrong tom hurts a lot – I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did."
"I can't promise you I won't, but I appreciate you warning me."
The silence between them was strange, as if for the first time it weren't entirely uncomfortable, laden with misunderstandings. Jelly gave Etcetera another long look, "You're all grown up now. I hadn't expected that. I ... I was going to have dinner, you are welcome to join me. Perhaps you want to stay here tonight, too?"
"That would be great."
"You can, of course, stay till you've found a place of your own. Although you might be more comfortable with your friends, I guess."
For the first time in her life, Etcetera saw her mother waver, unsure of how to talk to her. She stood up, settling at Jelly's feet and hugging her waist as she had done when she was little, "I'd love to stay with you for a few days, if you're really ok with it... Mum."
Hesitantly, Jelly's arms curved around Etcetera's shoulders, pulling her close, "This is your home, Etcy, I'm always happy to have you."
And Etcetera knew she meant it and she felt she belonged here, much more than she had anticipated, as if she were only just realising how far she had truly been gone from home. All the time she had quarrelled with her mother, she had never seen that she was leaving Jelly behind, only to return now that her kittenhood was over.
She took up her lessons again happily and, to her amusement, found that all the sewing and embroidery classes back at Alton were very helpful now for decorating her flat. Gus donated bright cushions for furnishing and some old curtains he had hung on to for years – he had planned to use them for a revival of 'Edward II', but, as he put it, there were too few young actors willing to play Gaveston these days.
"He wanted to play the title role himself; he performed in 'Edward' once, as Spencer Jr. or Gaveston I think. He was very young and it wasn't really a success, but Gus just loved the play. He's been dreaming of having another go at it, but with his palsy and his age he's no longer up to the performance and we all know he couldn't remember his text," Jelly had informed Etcetera as they hung up the curtains, covering the walls.
The VW became a cosy little nest and Tugger was the first to be invited to have dinner there, much to Jelly's discomfort.
"We had tea together, and Rumple and Mungo had lunch with me yesterday. It's not as if Tugs were the first I invited, he's just the first to..."
"I don't think you need to elaborate. You want him to be the first to stay overnight."
"Yes, Mum."
Jelly only nodded, very obviously keeping herself from making another comment. She excused herself early and Etcetera took out a letter from Electra which she had received in the morning.
Dear Etcy,
Just got your last letter – congratulations! I'm so
glad you've found the right thing for you (and I
don't just mean your job!). I've done a lot of
thinking about my life, too. I love travelling and
I don't really think I can stay in London for good.
I love being free, meeting new cats, learning new
things. Skimble will understand, I'm sure, but
Jenny might be disappointed. I want to go off
again after Christmas. But there's something else,
someone else. The Jellicle moon did speak to me,
Etcy, and it pointed out someone who is very dear
to me. I don't know if I'll have a chance with him,
but if he'll have me I'll try to make it work. Still,
I don't know if you can have a long-distance
relationship and I'm no longer quiet little Electra
who will be happy to stay at home all her life.
It's still very confusing and also very clear. Quite
strange. I look forward to seeing you.
Take care and my best wishes to Tugger!
It was good to know Electra would be back soon – Etcetera missed her in a way, although she was sure their friendship would need to adjust. They'd both grown up in ways they had never thought about, had made their own discoveries in the world and there were lots of experiences they could never share – emotions, places, moods. Their kittenhood friendship would be something they would have to rediscover as they got to know each other again.
Now she lay curled around him, fast asleep, her warmth still seeping into his every pore. He shouldn't have accepted her invitation – he had told himself he owed to tell her personally that they had no future. All he'd done was let her hope, he'd succumbed to her again, body and soul and there was no way he could excuse himself, or apologize to her.
Disentangling himself from Etcetera's arms and draping the blankets around her gently, he moved to the small window and looked out, facing the cloudy sky. Though he could not see the moon he knew she was there, laughing down at him, happy for having caught him in her silver trap.
"Tugs?"
He didn't know what to say so he kept silent, refusing to acknowledge that he was cold without her near him. She couldn't affect him that way – he didn't deserve her and the sooner he accepted her loss the better for both of them.
"Come back to bed Tugs, it's cold." Soft, pale arms encircled his shoulders, a cool nose nuzzling his cheek and down his neck.
"I should go."
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry, Etcy." She mumbled softly, holding him more tightly. Her body was warm and comforting against his back and he wanted to stay.
"Nothing to be sorry for Tugs..."
"I gotta go."
"Patrolling with Munkus?"
"Home," the word no longer seemed fitting for a place where Etcetera wasn't with him. Yet he tried to put as much coldness into his voice as he could. 'Break it off, break her heart and yours. Push her away, it's the best thing, the kindest thing you can do for her. It's gone on long enough – she came back to you and it can't last, not the way you want it to. So end it. Now.'
"Why? You can stay here, Tugs."
So simple and straightforward; could he give her an explanation? For leaving her, because he loved her? There was no plausible explanation for this, was there?
"I have to."
"Why? Tugs?" She was waking up, her voice had lost that sleepy ring. Slim arms tightened their hold as soft fur shifted against his back, brushing his side briefly before Etcetera snuggled into his lap, putting her head onto his chest, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his arms were hanging limply at his side.
"Please Etcy, let me..."
"Yes?"
"Let me go."
She seemed to ponder his request, but he couldn't quite catch the expression on her face, "No." Her voice was surprisingly firm and the blue eyes that met Tugger's were sparkling silver, as if the moon were glowing inside them. He shifted, trying to put distance between their bodies, but she was in his lap and she had no intention of being moved, her arms circling around his neck.
"Do you care for me, Tugs?"
'Not that question!' Anything, just not this question, not there and then, not when he needed to be firm and cold.
"Etcy, I..." a white paw brushed across his cheek, turning his face to the young queen's, so there was no escaping her gaze, no possibility to lie. Panicking, he got to his feet, pushing her from his lap none too gently, ignoring the slight thud her body made as it hit the ground, repressing the instinctive wish to apologize, help her up, cradle her against him.
"Do I care?" His voice was breaking, "You seduce me with every look, you conquer every doubt I have about myself with a word of yours, you give me safety and comfort by merely being in the same room and I never sleep as well as when I'm with you. I worry about you, I miss you."
He gasped, catching his breath, steadying his resolve. If he had to tell her the truth, then he would do that. He owed her – but he had to make sure she understood that they couldn't be together, ever.
"As much as I want to continue this, it's no good. You're very young and I'm a flirt, you can't trust me," he was lying to her, to himself, but it didn't matter any longer, "I'll hurt you. By flirting with someone, touching them, or by crossing the line. I might sleep with someone else, you know me. You deserve someone better. You'll realize soon enough there are other toms, better choices."
His voice was calm now, level, neutral and hard, "Let's spare us both the disappointment, Etcy. Let me go."
"Tugs." It was neither a command nor a plea, just the nickname she had given him – he stopped himself from speaking, "I listened to you, now you listen to me."
He couldn't refuse her this. Not facing her he leaned against the threshold, arms crossed, eyes closed, and jaws clenched as he nodded. He had to leave, now; and yet he was grounded by her simple request.
"I'm very young. I realize I don't know everything. That you are the only tom I was ever with and lack experiences in many things. I can't predict the future either, but," she paused, "neither can you."
He exhaled slowly, giving her the nod she was waiting for. Etcetera watched the tall figure, drawn into himself, projecting cold aloofness. She did know him, knew him better than he thought, could sense he needed the stability she offered him, the knowledge he was not alone.
"I can't promise you to love you forever, because I know forever's a long time. You might sleep with someone else, if your feelings for me change. I do know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. And I've fallen in love with you, began to truly love you while I was away. I love you now, just the way you are. Flirty or insecure or hurting; I only ask you try. You've been there for me when I needed you, you kept in touch when you could've just ignored me."
She paused again and he heard a rustle; he pressed his eyes shut more tightly in an almost weary gesture just before her paws slipped around his waist and her head rubbed against his shoulder carefully, "Stay with me, Tugs. No commitments, no grand promises. Just us – day by day."
He was about to turn towards her, make one last attempt to tell her they had to stop seeing each other, when she said, very softly, "Trust me, Tugs."
He spun around, pulling her body roughly against his, burying his head against her neck. The moon broke through the clouds just then, sparkling in the window's glass. Tugger looked up for a moment at the milky orb, realizing he was caught for good. He would never leave Etcetera's side again; he had not promised her, not yet, but he had promised himself.
"Electra! It's nice to see you again."
She looked up, slightly startled, then nodded and smiled at Admetus who had appeared beside her. It probably was his turn to guard the 'yard. Looking at him, she couldn't feel that same insane fluttering in her stomach that had prompted her to ask him to stay with her that night. Not that she had thought it would, still, it was like a revelation, seeing her choices before her again – she knew what she wanted now – even if she might never have it. Her paw reached to the small locket she wore, looking for reassurance, an almost unconscious reflex by now.
"Have you had a long journey, Electra? You look tired."
"Yes, it's been a long day, but I'm fine, thank you." She smiled, a little more brightly this time and took the paw Admetus offered her, shaking it gingerly. He grinned, pulling her forward and giving her a nudge in the direction of the tyre.
"Go along, then. I'm sure there's quite a few cats over there who're looking forward to seeing you."
Step by step, one paw before the other, her mind racing with thoughts, she walked towards the assembly area, towards home.
"El!" Etcy's call announced her presence to the assembled cats near the tyre and she looked up to where her friend lay curled up around Tugger, grinning and waving at her. The elder tom blinked lazily and waved slightly as well. She nodded a greeting, bemused at their obvious display of affection – Jelly was sure to be none too pleased by that. Or maybe she was; it had been quite a while and Electra had probably missed a lot of things.
She heard paw-steps just before someone knocked into her from behind, arms coming around her waist while another pair of them grabbed her shoulder and drew her forward into warm, ruffled fur smelling of wind and dust. She sneezed, laughing in spite of herself and the nervousness she was feeling.
"...home..." was the only thing she could make out coming muffled from between her shoulder blades where the face of her younger brother was conveniently snuggled. An enthusiastic patting onto her head made her laugh and she pushed gently to get a chance to look up at the lanky form holding her.
"Billy," she wriggled a little, dislodging the tight hold on her waist and turned, grinning, "Carby."
"You didn't tell us you were coming!"
"Stop pouting, she's back, that's all that matters, kitty!"
"Don't call me that!"
"What? Kitty? Kitty Carby, kitty Carby!"
"You..."
Electra burst out laughing as the two young toms stared each other down, furious, their eyes sparkling. Another squabble between them and she had missed those; Billy teasing Carby and Carby pouting and petulant – it was familiar, part of 'home'.
"Oh stop it you two!" Jenny's voice was warm as she pushed them aside gently and hugged Electra tightly, "So lovely to have you back at last, dear. We missed you so much and I'm quite despairing with the toms – it's so hard to keep them sane without you round to keep an eye on them."
Both Billy and Carby glared at her and huffed, broadening the smile on Electra's face, "I wanted to surprise you."
"Oh dear, you definitely have! Now, there, let me get a good look at you – my, you've lost weight!"
Carby gasped and Billy looked scandalized, "Oh no!"
"It's awful! El's only skin and bones!" Carby tumbled to the ground in a mock faint.
"Mum, you must fatten her up! Please!" Billy turned his eyes pleadingly at Jenny, who shook her head at him.
"Yes, please, Mum, you must save her from starving ... ouch!" Carby held his paws up in surrender before Jenny could swat at him again, grinning.
"Don't you be disrespectful to your mother – I'll have you know that I'm quite aware that it's you who eats the most Carby. But you're right, El needs some flesh on her – Carby, run and find Skimble and tell him to come home straight away."
"But he's got a ride tonight up North tonight!"
"Tell him El's home. That ought to be enough."
"Really Jenny, I don't want Skimble to miss work because of me." Electra didn't want any fuss being made about her, as pleasing as it was, though she knew that as soon as Jenny had decided on something it usually was done.
"Nonsense, he'll want to be with you on your first night home! You've been gone for so long! Billy, I'll need four more mice, be sure to get them in time."
"Yes," the long suffering sigh was accompanied with a wink and a pat to Electra's backside which caused her to swat at his shoulder, laughing.
"Oh, and Billy, ask Misto to join us for dinner, will you?"
Electra blushed, startled, meeting Jenny's open gaze, "You know, dear, secrecy just doesn't suit either of you. I'm old, but not blind. Quaxo's been morose since you left – and you've been glancing around you ever since you got here. It's time you had a good talk, no use postponing. Now, let's take you home first, so you can clean up and get a bit of rest."
Electra was happy to have Skimble, Jenny, Billy and Carby to herself for a while – she answered their questions and basked in the warm glow of companionship that was unique to her family. They cleared the table together and, exactly on the stroke of eight o'clock, there was a knock on the door. Jenny's face turned considering, Billy grinned, and Skimble laughed. Carby just looked around and asked, "What?"
"Come on in, dear!" Moments later, Quaxo's appeared, obviously a little ill at ease. Electra's paw found her locket and she blushed, when she noticed.
"It's so good of you to drop by, dear, but I'm afraid I'm not quite finished with dessert," Carby sighed, "Perhaps you could take Electra for a stroll – she hasn't seen Etcetera's new place yet – I'll be done in half an hour or so."
"I'll come too!" Electra cast a long-suffering glance at her little brother. Billy cuffed his head, "Nope, you're coming with me, I've got to run an errand for Jenny."
"Now?"
"Yes. It's ... it's about dessert." Billy looked a little helpless; Jenny laughed.
"I think this won't do," she smiled at Quaxo and Electra who both looked uncomfortably aware they were being sent off to 'make peace', "I'm really not quite finished, dears, so you run along. Carby, you and Billy will help me, no discussion."
Electra nodded, turning towards Quaxo, "Shall we?"
He smiled, holding the door open for her. Jenny smiled at their retreating backs, Skimble chuckled, and Billy grabbed his brother in a headlock.
"You're not too tired, are you?"
"No, thanks. Does Etcy really have her own place?"
"Yeah, it's the VW Golf over there," Quaxo pointed at it, "She's probably over at Tugger's. They've decided to become an official item."
"Hm. I thought as much."
Quaxo looked sleek as he slipped in and out of shadows. His face was bright in the moonlight and his eyes shone; he smiled at Electra, his gaze caught by the locket she wore.
"I like it a lot, my lucky charm of sorts," the young queen touched the metal softly, "I told you that ... I thought a lot about us, Quaxo and ... before I say anything else, I just think you should know I've changed. I don't think I can stay here, not like Etcy."
"You love travelling," he smiled.
"Yes, it's exciting and I can learn so much. I see why Skimble likes to go off; it's not that I don't like being here, I mean, I missed home a lot. I have feelings for you, Quaxo, but I can't settle down at the junkyard, not yet."
"Do you like me enough to consider a relationship?" Straightforward was probably best.
"I think so."
Quaxo held out his paw, "Then I think we should try."
Electra smiled as their paws touched. Something shifted inside her and she felt as if she were only now truly returning to the place she belonged at. The moon winked down at her and she winked back.
"Morning, Munk."
"Tugger. Tell me again why I put up with that pig-headed old fool who calls himself our father?"
Oh, now that was something other than rare – this was a first. Munkustrap had never uttered such a sentence about Deuteronomy before and there had been plenty of occasions that might have warranted such an outburst as far as Tugger was concerned.
"Well, I honestly don't know. You've always been a saint when it comes to his moods."
"Tug, I really – we had a dreadful quarrel this morning. I don't understand him. I usually know where he's coming from, but this time I just don't get him."
"Care to tell me what happened over a bowl of milk?"
"Warm?"
"If I can persuade my Bunsen burner to start up, yes."
"I'll be eternally grateful. I've been up since five, doing my rounds before going to see father. We had frost tonight."
Tugger smiled, shook his head, and waved the tabby towards his place. Etcetera had already left for her morning classes – she often stayed over, for all that they weren't ready to move in with each other yet. Munkustrap sighed happily as he sank onto Tugger's cushion, assuming a boneless sprawl.
"You're working too much, Munk."
"That's what Demeter keeps telling me; it's not my fault Adme doesn't have the time, is it? George and Victor are dependable, but not that dependable, and Alonzo can't take over night shifts because Cassandra is strictly against it."
"You could ask me."
"Are you offering, Tug?"
He shrugged, "Why not? I don't think Etcy'll mind too much; I'll talk it over with her tonight and get back to you," he cast a glance at his brother, "And wipe that smirk off your face; I've not gone totally soft, you know."
"Of course not – although Demeter's been telling me she thinks she might have chosen the wrong tom; she apparently likes the way you define matehood better than my interpretation."
"Nonsense, she loves you – if she didn't, she wouldn't have stayed with you so long. You're insufferable, after all." Tugger had finally found two small bowls as well as a larger one to warm the milk up in.
"Runs in the family," Munkustrap sighed, "If I ever end up like father, please make sure to hit me over the head."
Tugger laughed, fiddling with the matches and turning the knob on the Burner to release the gas, "You'll regret you said this; so what happened?"
"Tanto and Cori were with me earlier; they've put in a petition to have their matehood publicly acknowledged."
"The twins?" The Bunsen burner jumped to life, as if in response to Tugger's surprise.
"Strange, probably; but then, with mystical, magical cats, it's probably different. They've always been very close. I checked the tribe's records – there's only been one instance like this and the couple in question agreed not to have kittens."
"No inbreeding, hm." The bowl of milk found its way atop the burner. Tugger rummaged in his drawer a little more before drawing out a wooden spoon.
"It's an incestuous relationship, no matter which way you look at it. Still, I talked to both of them and I believe they've considered all possibilities. They were calm, composed, and perfectly serious."
Tugger nodded, stirring slowly, "I take it father refused his permission?"
"He didn't even look at them. They handed in the document a week ago and father just glanced at it, his eyes widened in shock and he waved them out with his paw. He hasn't even acknowledged their visit. Tanto and Cori asked me to talk to him. I did."
"And it didn't go well."
Munkustrap's sigh was self-explanatory, "He told me it hadn't happened. Actually he said: 'We don't have stuff like this here.' Next thing we know he'll forbid Billy to be inclined towards toms...oops."
"I take it you weren't supposed to say that," Tugger turned round with a wink.
"Actually, I came across Billy and George kissing one night – I haven't, you know, spoken to either of them about it. I just, well, know."
"Munk, you just happen to know so much about every cat in this 'yard, it sometimes makes me wonder you have time for your own life."
The milk was close to boiling, so Tugger turned the burner off and poured the milk in the two smaller bowls. He held one out to his brother, cradling the other in his own paws as he sat down.
"I really don't know what to do. It's acceptable for Cori and Tanto to have a relationship, according to tribe records. They're old enough, they're both willing, and all they need is permission from the tribe's eldest. Which they aren't getting, because father is a stubborn fool."
"You're worrying about them."
"They want to be together, Tug, and there's really no reason why they should be. What father is doing is discrimination and I hazard to guess it'll be the same way if Billy decides to pursue his relationship with George."
Tugger could see the problem, of course, although he also saw a solution, one that Munkustrap probably hadn't considered, "Munk, I think it's time you talked to father about his retirement."
"You're joking," Munkustrap looked more panicked than scandalized, which was a good thing, "I couldn't possibly...and you don't want to, do you? And if not one of us, then who...?"
"I think you're the one best qualified, and I'm willing to stand by you for as long as you want me. I would be prepared to take on any duties you assign me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. But the really important thing right now is that you tell father, that we tell father."
"Tell him what?" Tugger had seldom seen the tabby look so frighteningly insecure.
"Tell him he's not the Everlasting Cat; we need to tell him that he's going against the welfare of the tribe by letting his personal prejudices influence him. And he needs to know we're not willing to stand idly by."
Munkustrap sipped his milk, a look of intense concentration on his face, "You're talking about blackmailing father."
Tugger nodded, grimly, "If you want to call it that, yes."
"Fine. This has to be resolved as soon as possible; I don't want a scandal of any kind."
"Then we mustn't let the situation escalate."
"Will you come with me this afternoon?"
"Yeah, I told you I'm your tom," Tugger raised his bowl in salute, "Now drink up, Munk. And you'd better remember that we have an agreement."
A black eyebrow raised sceptically, "Agreement?"
"Yeah. We agreed you're best suited to follow in father's footsteps and that I'm best suited to guard your back while you do it."
Munkustrap smiled, raising his bowl, "Well, then here's to our conspiracy, Tug."
"Agreement, Munk. Cheers!"
They clinked bowls, grinning at each other. Dealing with their father might not be an all-out war, but it was going to be a dire fight. They both knew that the future of the tribe was at stake – unless prejudices were worked against, their community would break apart.
"Not quite, Gus, it's Tugger."
"Oh dear, I'm sorry, it's the eyes, you see. Tugger, hm. You're one of Deuteronomy's toms, aren't you?"
"Yes."
"Right, but you're not the tabby, your fur's dark...oh, the playboy then. Why, Etcetera, don't tell me you seduced the ladies' tom!"
The young queen laughed lightly, "Perhaps it was the other way round, Gus."
"No, it wasn't at all. Etcy's seduced me, wrapped me round her dainty little paw, and is now parading me about as her tom-friend."
There was a twinkle in Gus' eyes as he held out a shaking paw, "That's good, son. Just be careful you don't hurt our little princess – I might not be much of a threat, but Jelly's quite vicious, you know."
"I know." Tugger smiled as he sat down beside Gus, pulling the blanket snugly around the elder tom and winked at Etcetera, patting the empty spot beside him. She came over, curling against his side, "I wanted to let you know Tugger and I are seeing each other, Gus. It's not a secret, but we're not running around telling everyone either."
"I hope you have told Jelly, my dear."
"I have, yes. I think she's ok with it, sort of."
Gus chuckled, "She'll come round, I'm sure. And, since you told me your not-quite-secret, I'll share something with you – but you must promise not to split on me."
"We won't, of course not!" Tugger nodded his assent as well and Etcetera touched Gus' paw lightly, "Is it something good?"
"Well, yes, I would say it's good. You see, I think Jelly needs someone to look after her. She's been here often while you were gone, Etcetera, and I believe she's lonely. I'm not very good company any more and I won't be around all that much longer."
Etcetera made a soft noise, taking the old tom's paw tightly in her own. He smiled, gently patting her arm.
"It's the way of the world, my dear. But, you see, Jelly's spent so much time caring for me and I can't go without knowing she's well taken care of. I think Bustopher is a suitable tom for her; he is steady – if fat – and cultured. Their friendship's not as close as it used to be, although that might be a good thing."
"Good in what way, Gus?"
"You see, Tugger, they've both changed a lot, grown apart. And because of that, if they get to know each other again, there's the chance they might find more than friendship."
"You want to set Mum and Bustopher up? I don't know if that's such a good idea, I mean, aren't they a bit too different?"
Gus laughed softly, "Yes, of course, much like you and Tugger, Etcetera, much like you and Tugger."
Talking to Deuteronomy had been less troublesome than Tugger had thought; perhaps due to the fact that Tugger had talked, Munkustrap had placed a restraining paw on his arm, and their father had simply stared at the two of them.
As they had supposed, Deuteronomy was severely insulted by their "unforgivable rudeness", although he had grudgingly agreed to grant Tantomile's and Coricopat's petition. However, he refused to perform the ceremony. Munkustrap calmly informed him that he would gladly take over the task. A brief, uncomfortable silence followed, then Deuteronomy gave his verdict, "I will be there."
So he stood on the tyre, facing the assembled tribe, one early evening. The mists were already beginning to swirl around their paws and the air was heavy with cold dampness. It had been Tantomile's and Coricopat's express wish to have their ceremony at this particular time, the weather suiting them.
Deuteronomy let his gaze wander over the assembled tribe, coming to rest on the twins. He sighed, opening his arms wide in greeting, "I wish you all a good evening. We have come together on a joyous occasion tonight. However, before we begin, there are some words I would like to address to you all."
Munkustrap's eyes hardened and Tugger winced; this probably wasn't a good thing – there was no telling what their father had to say; it was entirely possible he would offend Coricopat and Tantomile to such an extent that they would break with the tribe. And once a rift had been created, once the leader had shown his overpowering judgement, there would be a breach between those who agreed with him and those who didn't.
There was complete silence around the tyre when Deuteronomy began to speak, "I have been elected to govern this tribe many years ago. I have never had to question my own beliefs or my judgement. However, when Coricopat and Tantomile, whom I deeply respect and admire, came to me with their request, I turned them down.
"You will ask me why I did so. I did not consider it wise to allow such a relationship. Munkustrap and Tugger both came to me and pointed out I was wrong to pass my personal judgement on two cats who deeply care for each other. In fact, there has been a case in the history of our tribe where a couple such as Tantomile and Coricopat were granted matehood."
The twins inclined their heads with slight smiles as Deuteronomy continued, "I was surprised and pleased by my sons' involvement in this matter, although I do not share their opinions. I am proud to see them engaging themselves for the good of the tribe, which is why I will consider their advice more carefully from now on. Today, however, I am sure Munkustrap will perform my duties with joy and good-will."
Admittedly, this wasn't what either Tugger or his brother had anticipated. Munkustrap helped Deuteronomy when he stepped off the tyre and waved the tabby on.
"It must've cost your father a lot to own up he was wrong," Etcetera whispered and Tugger nodded. He caught Deuteronomy's eye, inclining his head in wordless acknowledgement. The old tom smiled at him.
"Thanks for the invitation. Your place is lovely," Electra looked around. It was a comfortable, practical dwelling and it suited its owner perfectly.
"It's been ages since we've had the chance to talk alone, hasn't it?"
"Yes."
They sat down comfortably and Etcetera poured the milk, "It's strange, isn't it? We always stuck together and now there's so much to do we can hardly find time for a chat."
"I hadn't thought things would change so quickly."
"Me neither – and quite frankly, it never stops amazing me! Did you hear Adme's off to France?"
"Yes, he told me a few days ago. Apparently Bomba proposed to him and now she's dragging him off to meet her mother in Brittany."
"You knew; good, Tugger said I had to break it gently to you."
"You didn't tell Tugger that Adme and I had a thing, did you?"
Etcetera grimaced, "No need – Munkus did; Tugger swears the tom has eyes and ears everywhere. I begin to think so too; would you imagine that Munkus knew about Tugger and me before anyone else did?"
"Hm. That's really strange. So how are your classes going?"
"Great! My teacher said I might get my healer's certificate in January or February. I'm making good progress and I love doing it." The young queen laughed, "Of course, once I'm finished with my studies, I'll need to find a job."
"You could set up shop here."
"I've been thinking about dividing my time between Alton and London. Tugger doesn't know yet – I don't want to discuss this with him until I've considered my options. He can't leave here, what with helping Munkus, so I've got to think about it carefully."
Electra smiled, "I bet Tugger wouldn't mind as long as you came back to him. He seems to have become quite patient and domesticated."
"Oh, Gus thinks so too, he's always teasing Tugs about it. And Mum has decided that Tugs isn't going to break my heart and trample on it, so she's invited us to dinner next week."
"That's promising. Jenny's thrilled with me and Quaxo – she's offered to put some extra blankets with mine so he can stay over."
"Ah, right; I see how he'd be wild to do so when the two of you can have quality time at his place."
"You know Jenny," Electra chuckled, "Quaxo told me he'd rather I move in with him than sleep where Carby and Billy are always poking their heads in."
"So will you? Move in with Misto, I mean."
"Not now, no. We're going to Yorkshire together after Christmas though, visiting a friend of mine. He's got his first performance – as Benedick, in 'Much Ado About Nothing' – I asked Quaxo if he wanted to come and he said yes."
"So, is he the one?"
There was a short pause before Electra answered, "The Jellicle Moon is convinced he is. And I think I agree with her."
The End.
(1) Myosotis scorpioides (aka Forget-me-not): small bright blue flower. Origin: French "ne m'oubliez mye", said to ensure that the wearer of the flower would never be forgotten by a lover (Concise Oxford Dictionary, 20th edition).
