Hyperactive Forever: If there was one thing Peter Jackson did right, it was excluding Bombadil and Goldberry. They're married, you know... sad but true. :defenestrates self at thought:

Baileymag: Microsoft Sam is seriously the coolest feature on Windows XP. I just love when he says yoooooo. Anyway, at least I didn't include male pregnancy; I don't know about you, but I'd rather have Bombadil any day.

MorphManiac: Thank you, you half-eaten boy scout carcass:D

Adelaide E: There's somewhat of a method, actually... eat sugar at lunch, go to science and scribble down the weirdest things that come to mind, then finish the chapter at home. I get some randomness from when I misunderstand my classmates' conversations... so it's not totally random, yes.

Upset-Lil-Penguin: School is eviler than speedos and it should be outlawed. Haha, I'll be out in two months and poor Elli will have to sit in school cos it's winter in NZ. Muahaha.

Chapter Ten - Hobbits Angst Then Act Slashy Together
Alas, I am killing two stones with one bird.

Sobs could be heard throughout the Tooks' humble abode, echoing off the walls and annoying the bloody heck out of all who tried to sleep. Pippin lay on his bed, weeping like there was no tomorrow. And Merry, his much cuter cousin, entered the room with a bouquet of venus fly traps, intent on cheering him up.

"What's wrong, my little oogleboogle bunch of orangutan love?" Merry cooed. "Is the Pippy-pooh upset?"

"What does it look like, you oversized lump of intermediate-level gymnastics?" Pippin spat, glaring at his cousin with a fiery passion in his eyes that only a bunion could possess. "Of course I'm upset!"

Merry sat down on the side of Pippin's bed. "Well, what's wrong?"

Pippin sniffled and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his flowery peasant top from K-Mart. "Sam's gaffer doesn't love me!"

"Why the heck would he?" Merry asked, disgusted by this comment.

"Because it's meant to be," Pippin said dreamily. "When I stare into his deep green eyes, I know that we are forever. Just seeing him makes me think that life is good and that all the sorrows in the world have disappeared. The Gaffer is hotness on a bun, and I strive to cuddle with him under the stars in only our underpants, completely lost to..."

"Just... shut... up!" Merry hissed. He could not hear any more disgusting things about the Gaffer, otherwise he'd retch... and really, I don't blame him.

At this, Pippin's eyes filled with tears, and he began to weep again, beating his fists on the bed like some sort of oompa loompa on illegal substances. "You're so hurtful, Meriadoc! How dare you smash my dreams with your gigantic hammer of lust and a heart full of rednecks! I want to curl up in a corner and die because of you, you eye-offending lizard hoagie!"

Merry blinked. "You don't make any sense, Pip."

"I know," he moaned. "All I need is love and advice."

"Then advice you shall get. You know, Pip, life's brief and you can't waste it by moping around and wishing some old fart would love you. Life is short; eat, drink, and do Merry." he paused. "Oh, shit, that's me. Never you mind."

"How can I ignore what you just said, oh snogalicious one?" Pippin said seductively. "I positively fancy you!"

"But I thought you loved the Gaffer."

"This fanfiction isn't supposed to make sense, Merry-Werry Furry Fiesta-Dip," he giggled and licked Merry's cheek and was surprised to find out that he tasted like the English Bill of Rights. "You're such a fetus."

"Satanist park benches!" Merry shrieked, a spasm of liverwurst running through his veins. "I am one!"

Pippin chuckled and buried his face in his cousin's hot pink tunic. "Merry, you remind me of Numenor."

"Right you are," he sighed and kissed Pippin's brow, and then he kissed him passionately on the lips. It reminded all in the vicinity of aardvarks.

Pippin squealed with delight. "I love you bunches!"

"Love, love, what a beautiful thing... it makes me want to dance and sing... of flowers and things of that sort... on my buttocks I have a big wart," he sighed and kissed his cousin again. "Pippin, will you be my wife?"

DUN DUN DUN!

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Any ideas for chapters? If I know what kinds of stories my readers like, it'd be much easier to decide what to do next. Until then, I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball!